


A Paper Mario Mishap

by MnMJax



Series: Winters Family Adventures [1]
Category: Mario Story | Paper Mario, Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
Genre: Alternate Universe, Characters named after characters from other fandoms, Dimension Travel, F/F, F/M, Magic TV because why the fuck not?, Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door - Freeform, Year: 2030, also because I adore Paper Mario TTYD, sort of time travel
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-14
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 18:03:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 28
Words: 91,017
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4574442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MnMJax/pseuds/MnMJax
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ani Winters and her younger sister are taken on the ride of their lives when they find themselves in the world of Paper Mario. Only something’s gone terribly wrong, and it’s up to Ani to save her sister from the X-Nauts. Can she get to her in time to stop the Shadow Queen from rising?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue Episode I - Cursed GameCube?

**Author's Note:**

> Up-front - I love siblings and the dynamics that go with that. Protective older siblings, annoying younger siblings, dysfunctional co-dependent siblings. What brought this story to life was this idea: What if, instead of "Princess Peach is kidnapped and this useless plumber must save her for the bajillionth time", it was "my sister's been kidnapped and I have to save her"?
> 
> (It also stemmed up from a drunk conversation with my brother after we watched Taken, but that's besides the point. That, and it also annoys me that none of my sarcastic remarks to the characters can actually be heard).
> 
> I don't own any nintendo characters, and I'm not going to put in a gigantic paragraph explaining how or why this is all happening - you'll have to read on and find out.

“Josie, you know what mom said about snooping in the basement. Come on back upstairs.” No answer. “ _ Josephine Michael-Marie _ , I know you’re down here. Come back upstairs, and at least  _ help _ me clean up your mess.”

Nothing still. With an exasperated sigh, the teen inched further into the basement. The light in the back room was burnt out again, she couldn’t see anything beyond what the light from the laundry room lit up. Ani sighed, turning to look for the emergency flashlight. 

_ There’s a lot of things I’d rather be doing than playing Hide-and-seek with my thirteen year old sister…  _

When she finally found one, she began her search of the basement storage room. Boxes and plastic totes littered the floor, stacked on top of one another to make a precarious maze. The washer and dryer were against the nearest wall, and that was the only reason Ani ever really came downstairs, so she never went far into the storage unless she was going through the scrap box for anything useful. There was just no need.

“Aw, I guess there’s no one down here. I’ll just have to eat  _ all  _ the cookie dough ice cream by my-  _ eep _ !” Ani’s exclamation turned into a yelp as she tripped over a box she hadn’t seen. The flashlight beam didn’t illuminate much of the room it wasn’t pointing at.  _ Ouch _ . 

“Ani, you okay?” Josephine called out, appearing from behind a shelf a moment later.

“Just some bruised pride. I’m fine.” Ani rolled her eyes as she got to her feet. 

“What’d you trip on?” the younger asked, grabbing the light and directing it to her sister’s feet. The beam illuminated the side of the box, shiny black beneath a layer of dust. “Nintendo...GameCube?”

Ani grabbed the flashlight and the box, examining it closer. Her eyebrows shot up upon seeing the year printed on the back. “Dude. Josie, this thing is from  _ 2001 _ .”

“ _ Whoa _ . That’s older than you, Ani!” Josephine exclaimed, going wide-eyed.

“No kidding. This thing would’ve had to be something like thirteen years old when I was born. Dad must’ve bought it, I don’t see mom getting something like this. I wonder if it even works…” She wasn’t going to think about it, she  _ definitely _ wasn’t going to let her curiosity get the better of her... _ Aw hell _ . “Want to see if it still works?” 

_ Damn it. _

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Does this thing even hook up to the TV?” Josephine asked skeptically. The two had been puzzling over the box’s contents for the better part of half an hour, mainly due to the tangled state of the cords. Ani was nearly giddy, getting to play with a system from  _ thirty freakin’ years ago _ ! She’d have to open it up later, see what it looked like inside.

Ani scoffed at Josephine’s question, but stuck a thumbs-up behind her to her sister. 

“It has the ports, this is an older model, but I just can’t see which cord is supposed to go where. It’s too damn dark back here. Wait – I think I got it. Turn it on, see if it works.” she vaguely gestured in the direction of the purple box.

_ Click – Fzzt _ – “Ouch!”

“Josie? You okay?” Ani asked as she poked her head out from behind the TV.

“It shocked me when I turned it on!” the younger girl whined, glaring at the box. Considering its age, Ani wasn’t too surprised. However, it seemed the ancient gaming console still worked, the start-up Animation rolling around on the TV screen. 

“It’s working!” Ani grinned, though Josephine looked a little disappointed.

“But… we don’t have any games to put in it.” She said, but Ani continued to grin.

“You didn’t look any further into the box than the GameCube itself, did you? There was a whole stack of games underneath the cords.” The teen said. There were also the primitive, oversized memory cards, but she’d already stuck one of those into ‘Slot A’. “You look through those and pick one to try out.” It didn’t really matter to Ani what they played, she didn’t know what most of the games even were anyways. If they weren’t good, they could always try a different one, or just put it all back and forget about it. 

“Right... Resident Evil,  _ no _ … Metroid… Pikmin… how about... Paper Mario?” Josephine suggested, lifting the tiny disc from the pile. “Correction –  _ Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door _ .” she amended in a pompous voice. Ani laughed, taking the game and putting it in the GameCube. It wasn’t rocket science – the game went in the top, and then the lid went down and you turned it on. Then the game took it from there.

Simple, right?

Apparently the GameCube didn’t get the memo. The start-up went the same as the test run, and the game got as far as letting them choose a file. It was when they actually  _ started to play _ that it quickly went awry. The TV began to fritz, static blinking into the screen – Ani reached up to smack the top of the TV, then the GameCube hoping that it would fix itself. If anything, the static got worse with her actions.

“Ani… I think we should turn it off…” Josephine suggested nervously, shifting back on the carpet away from the empty fireplace the TV was stood on.

“Sure thing. I’ll see if I can take it apart later, see what’s wrong with it.” Ani agreed, reaching for the GameCube’s power button. And… absolutely nothing happened. Pressing the circular button down and releasing it again, the teen frowned. “The hell? That  _ should _ work.”

In the corner of her eye, Ani saw the static on the TV growing brighter – almost glowing. Something was  _ very  _ wrong…

“Just unplug it!” Josephine shrilled, anxiety lacing her voice. 

“Alright already!” Ani waved her hands, as though batting her sister’s words away, but she didn’t get halfway to the power cords before the glow became blinding white light everywhere she could see. “Josephine, get down!”

“Ani!!”


	2. Prologue Episode II – Adventures in Rogueport

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani wakes up, and we see what Josie got up to. Also, Supervillain Rejects and Nintendo logic that makes Ani's brain hurt.

“Um...Ma’am?”

_ Ugh... Go away. _

“I’m sorry to wake you, but... we’ve docked in Rogueport, Ma’am. I’m afraid I have to let you off.” Wait...what?  _ Rogueport _ ? What the hell was Rogueport, Ani wondered, forcing one eye half-open. “I’ll give you a moment, Ma’am.” she heard the sound of a door closing, drawing her further away from sleep.

Something was off, aside from the fact that she was clearly  _ not _ in her home, and her sister was clearly  _ not _ with her. Everything looked wrong. Too smooth. Almost…  _ cartoony _ . 

_ Where the hell am I _ ? She wondered, sitting up and rubbing her eyes – and that was  _ not _ supposed to sound like paper scraping paper. Freezing mid-motion, she opened her eyes and looked down at her hands. They did not look right at all. Everything moved the way it was supposed to, but it looked fake, like a cartoon, like everything around her.

_ I need to find a mirror, or something. Something is very wrong here _ .

It wasn’t exactly a challenge, there was a mirror hung on the wall opposite the bed she’d awoken in. No, the challenge was in keeping calm because  _ what in the holy hell was wrong with her head? _ Everything was right where it should be, but…

“I look like a paper sculpture!” she squeaked, eyes blowing wide. She edged closer to the mirror slowly, until she was standing directly in front of it. Bright blonde hair still hung around her shoulders, though the individual strands were now more of a whole. Blue eyes still stared back, they could still blink. Her nose still pointed outwards, she could still breathe from it. Her mouth still opened and closed, her tongue could still move. If it weren’t for the fact that everything was made of  _ paper _ , everything would seem perfectly normal. 

“Wait a second…  _ Paper  _ Mario.” Of freaking course. So what, this was all the GameCube’s fault?? Was she going to run into  _ Mario  _ next?

It still begged the question – where was her sister?

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

_ Earlier in Rogueport… _

“Oh, missy… missy!” Josephine startled at the call, surprisingly loud for the frail-looking being that accompanied it. An old hooded woman not too far away was beckoning her forward.

“M-me?” she asked softly, hesitantly approaching. 

“Yes, you, missy!” the old woman responded when Josephine reached her small shop, if it could really be called that. “Won’t you buy something? I’ve got quite an assortment of knickknacks and doodads!” 

It was an impressive little collection, she thought; shining little crystals and jewels, old urns and boxes, and dozens of baubles. 

_ Mom would love these little trinkets… _

“I- I don’t have any money, ma’am, I’m sorry. And I need to find my sister.” The girl apologized, shaking her head to clear it. She had to find Ani and get home. With that in mind, she made to leave the little shop, before the old woman called out again.

“Oh please, dearie. At least take a look, and perhaps you can bring your sister with you next time you come!” She  _ really _ needed to find Ani… but the little trinkets were so… cute. 

...She could stand to look for a few minutes, couldn’t she?

“I… I suppose…” Of all the items that caught her eye, the one that really called to her was a small, gold-banded wooden box. “That’s a nice box…what’s inside it?” 

The old woman lifted up the box, answering “It is said that this box holds a map to the place where a legendary treasure sleeps…” she began mystically. “But the box has a magical lock on it that will only open for a pure and noble heart.” To prove her point, the old woman tugged at the lid, but it didn’t budge a millimeter.

“You see? If one such as myself touches it, well…” the woman trailed off, before holding the box out to Josephine. “If the box opens for you, you may keep whatever is inside, free of charge. I’m sure whatever’s inside would be of no use to an old lady like me…”

_ What’s the worst it could do? _ Josephine thought, before reaching towards the box in the old woman’s outstretched hand. Moment of truth, right? And if it didn’t work, that was fine. It was probably some trick, anyways. 

With that in mind, she lifted the lid of the box.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Ma’am, are you quite sure you want to disembark here? Rogueport is… well, simply put, it’s no place for a lady. I’ve heard many sordid tales about the town.” The helmsman who’d woken Ani tried to persuade her to dock in a different port for a third time since she’d exited the room.

It took everything Ani had not to snort at the word ‘lady’. 

“I’m sure. I’ve got someone to track down.” she instead replied, shaking her head. If she’d appeared just outside of Rogueport, who was to say Josephine wasn’t  _ in _ Rogueport? The helmsman just sighed, shaking his head. She must have seemed like a mad woman to him, she thought as she walked down the ramp to the dock.

“You be careful, ma’am! Don’t say I didn’t warn you!” he called as the little paddle-wheel boat turned itself around, sailing away from the harbour.

“I’m sure I’ll be fine…”Ani muttered to herself as the boat disappeared. If she ran into trouble, she could just use the  _ freaking hammer _ she’d found in the backpack that had been in the room with her when she woke up. Yes, that certainly promised good things – whatever vengeful god had thrown her into this damn cartoon world was giving her a weapon. The bag wasn’t so bad, it was a nice shade of green, but a  _ hammer _ . 

Either way, objective one – find Josie. She couldn’t very well do that standing on the dock. It was just a simple matter of asking the locals. Locals being literal walking, talking bombs and little people with mushrooms on their heads at the moment.

When the surely unavoidable freakout happened, Ani pitied anybody in the vicinity. Because this? This was crazy in a box with a side order of fries, and it was only a matter of time before she snapped.

The questioning of said locals was utterly pointless; nobody on the dock had seen her sister. At all.  _ Great _ . Now there was just the rest of the town to ask around. If she wasn’t in the town, maybe she wasn’t here at all? No, she’d been in the room with Ani when the TV exploded… That had to mean  _ something _ , right?

“Hey! What do you want?!? Get away from me, you freak!!” a shout split the quiet atmosphere on the dock, and Ani saw a different kind of mushroom person, with what looked like a hard hat with a headlamp, a tie, and a… ponytail? She could contemplate that later, she imagined. The little thing looked like she was being harassed.

“Oh, come off it, you airhead! I know it’s tough for you, but don’t play dumb with me!” the aggressor – gods, what even  _ was _ that guy? He looked like some kind of wannabe supervillain – growled. “I’ve seen you around town asking about the Crystal Stars. Well, now I’m doing the asking, so be a good girl and tell us what you know. Right --  _ Now! _ ”  _ He must be such a pleasure to be around. _

Ani was ready to step in, but wasn’t sure if she should. If the mushroom girl was attacked,  _ then _ she’d show those jerks who was boss.

“I don’t have anything to say to you creeps! Euck!” the little mushroom girl retorted, taking another few steps away. “Stay back!”

_ Snarky little thing, isn’t she? _

Just as Ani thought the little mushroom girl had this under control, and that it’d be safe for her to pass, Mr. Supervillain Reject stepped forward threateningly. “I suppose it wouldn’t be right if a sassy little lass like you met with an untimely demise…” He cackled, then, pointing an arm at his lackeys behind him. “Boys, we’re taking this little firebrand back to the fortress!”

“As you command, Lord Crump! We’re on it!”  _ Oh  _ **_hell no_ ** _.  _

The girl stepped back as the lackeys moved forward, right until she bumped into Ani. Seeing she wasn’t one of those guys, the mushroom girl skirted behind the teen, and now she was right where she needed to be. 

“Like I’d go anywhere with a bunch of creepy lunatics like you! Hmph! Not likely!” 

The X guys – as Ani was opting to call them, given the giant X on their chests – looked surprised at the teen’s sudden appearance, and not for the reason she expected; you know, ‘random pedestrian interfering in your business’ surprise. Nope, not that kind of surprise at all.

“Uh… boss, isn’t that the gal we grabbed a little while ago?” one of the lackeys mumbled, Ani barely heard it.

“W-whuh?! How did you escape?!” ‘Lord Crump’ demanded. 

“The hell are you talking about? I just got here.” She retorted, but a sinking pit in her stomach was beginning to form at the implications. _People always did say Josephine and I were practically identical…_ _No,_ ** _no_** _, let’s not jump to conclusions here…_

“Wait, boss, the other gal was smaller, wasn’t she?”  _ Strike two… _

“Shut it!” Crump snapped at the lackeys, before looking back to the teen. “You think you can mess with  _ our  _ plans, huh?” This looked like trouble. Well, more trouble than she had expected. Ani was screwed if this guy didn’t back off, and she had to find Josephine before something happened to her! That is, if she was even  _ in _ Rogueport!

“If you don’t back off  _ right now _ , you’ll be sorry you ever saw me.” Ani threatened, probably looking more confident in her abilities than she felt. Yeah, she’d been in a few fights at school, and yeah she had a hammer, but this guy was  _ huge _ . What could she even do against him?

Only one way to find out, since it seemed he was itching to fight.  _ Awesome _ .

Before anything could happen, a red curtain dropped in front of them, effectively blocking Ani’s view of everything around her. What the hell was this now?? When the curtain raised, it looked like she hadn’t gone anywhere, except that the dock to her right had disappeared, replaced with what looked like a theater. A theater devoid of an audience, but still!

_ No. What the actual hell. This is messed up on so many levels. Do none of these other people find that weird at all???  _

“Battle time, lady! Just find a way to beat this freak of the week, okay?” the mushroom girl piped up behind Ani. She looked back at her, wide-eyed.

“What am I supposed to do??” she demanded. Weapons had never been involved in the aforementioned school fights. Neither were supervillain rejects.

“Don’t sweat the details, just jump on him and hit him with your hammer!” she responded, nudging the teen forward. “You look like a fighter, you’ve totally got this!”

_ Crap, I didn’t think this through  _ **_at all_ ** _. _

This looked like it would be a lot different than putting some jock in his place.

But, why not? Clearly something wanted her to be here. Whatever that something was wouldn’t leave her ill-equipped to survive this place. Mustering a little more courage, Ani ran towards Crump with her hammer raised. At the last second, she swung it down squarely on the top of his head, jumping back towards the little mushroom girl before he could recover and attack her.

“Sweet! You  _ know _ that had to hurt! I told you, you’ve got this!” she cheered. It was a welcome confidence boost, but Ani was pretty sure a confidence boost wouldn’t help if this guy decided to squish her. Speak of the devil, here he was coming. Literally a shadow blocking out the stage lights –  _ Seriously, how did we end up on a stage? _ – She barely had time to dodge a body slam that would have completely crushed her new, papery body.

Then he backed off to the other side of the stage, like Ani had earlier. 

_ Oh, I get it now! _

This was probably how an actual fight in the game worked – she attacks, he attacks. That would explain the stage. If she was  _ in _ the videogame, that meant she followed the game’s rules, to an extent. She had a feeling this was going to be more complicated than the actual storyline, however. Especially since she  _ also _ had a feeling that she was doing what Mario was supposed to be doing in this game…?

If she tried to make sense of it, she’d just give herself a headache. She had to deal with Crump over there before she could figure that out. So, time to stomp on his head! Yeah, turned out she actually could do that. She also managed to jump higher than she was pretty sure was humanly possible.

“You’ve got him on the ropes! Come on, keep whaling on him!” First she had to dodge another body slam, which she kind of failed at doing. 

_ Ow _ . _ Pain seems to work a little differently here, that’s probably a good thing… _

The good thing was that she wasn’t completely squished, it just hurt to get knocked on her ass. Now, at that point she was  _ really _ annoyed, and all of that went into her next hammer swing, which knocked Crump clear off the stage and behind the curtain. 

“You did it! YES!!”

In the blink of an eye, the curtain dropped again and they were back on the dock. Ani couldn’t wait to get out of this mess, that was really gonna throw her off… 

_ If I end up having to go through this entire story – a story I know nothing about – I’m going to actually throw a fit. Or my brain’ll explode… _

“Buh huh huh! Alright, you got a few decent shots in, I’ll give you that. But you’re still comin’ with us, and that means…” Crump trailed off, taking a deep breath before bellowing “ _ IT’S GO TIME! _ ” 

Out of nowhere, a bunch more of his goons poured onto the dock from absolutely everywhere, and Ani and the mushroom girl were surrounded. 

“Get them!”

The X guys leaped into action, literally. Unfortunately for all of them, they missed their target. Somehow, Ani was able to force her way out of the distracted crowd with the mushroom girl, who led her up a set of stairs and further into Rogueport. 

“This way! We’d better hide somewhere in case they notice we’re gone!” she whispered, leading the teen towards a building with a sign with a bed on it.  _ Obvious sign is obvious. _ A motel, she guessed. She didn’t fail to miss the gallows they walked passed, either, and shuddered. This town was already looking to be a real  _ pleasant _ experience.

The girl spoke up once they were inside the building.  

“Wow! You totally saved me back there! Thanks!” she gushed, and Ani followed her towards one of the tables. “We should be safe in here for a little while. I’m Goombella, a student at the University of Goom. Nice to meet ya!”

Goomba.  _ That _ ’s what the word was. It had been a long time since she’d played any of the Mario games, given her mother’s aversion to anything involving the TV. The other mushroom people were Toads, then. Right, she remembered now. 

She also realized that a  _ literal mushroom person _ had a higher level education than she did. Well, a little. She’d been  _ going _ to start working on Uni applications, but then all of this crap happened.

“I’m Ani Winters. It’s nice to meet you too. Look, uh, Goombella. I really need to find my sister Josephine. She looks just like me, just a lot smaller. Have you seen her?” 

With what those creepy guys had said earlier, about a girl they’d grabbed, Ani was more than a little worried. Sure, it could have been any girl – hell, it could have been that Princess Peach for all she knew, but given the lack of human population in this town, and a lack of Mario, she doubted it. 

Goombella gave her a weird look, before nodding. 

“Yeah, actually, I did. She  _ was _ looking for someone named Ani, too. Just a few hours ago, I think… I thought she was crazy, honestly. I mean, there’s so many freaks and weirdoes  _ everywhere _ around here.  She was over by the Trouble Center last time I saw her. You wanna go check and see if she’s there?”

“I don’ think you’ll find your sister o’er there, lass.” Someone spoke up – the bartender? “Li’l lass ran in here some time ago, sayin’ I should give this to a lady named Ani If she showed up, ‘n she was gone like the wind.”

A little brown envelope, with her name on it. Tearing off the cheap seal, the first thing that fell out of the envelope was a message from Josephine. It was messier than usual; she’d written it in a hurry.

_ Ani I need help! I don’t know if you’re even here, but if you are – I’m being chased. Some old merchant lady gave me a box, it had a treasure map in it. Now there’s alien-looking guys after me. I don’t know how long I can hide out before they find me. _

_ I put the map in here with the letter – you can’t let those weird X-guys get it!  _

  1. _In case you didn’t notice,_ ** _everything is paper!!_**



_ Josie _

Ani slumped into her chair as she read the hasty, panicked message. Her little sister had been kidnapped by those X guys she’d fought off earlier. Because of a map? Looking back to the envelope, she unfolded the square of paper inside. 

It was definitely a map of some kind. Not very informative, though.

“Whoa, this is intense! Where do you think they took her?” Goombella piped up. Ani hadn’t even noticed her grabbing the note Josephine had written.

Slipping the map into one of the pockets in her pack, she stood up. 

“One way to find out, let’s go see if our  _ friends _ are still by the docks.” she was going to find out where her sister was. And if she couldn’t do that, then she was gonna raise all hell until she could.

So, back outside, across the dirt roads and down the staircase, the two returned to the docks.

They weren’t there. Aside from innumerable footprints, it was like they’d never been here at all. 

“Well, where the hell did they go?” the teen demanded. “It was bad enough that they practically crawled out of the ground when Crump called them, but that many people can’t just  _ disappear _ !”

“I dunno, but this map must be pretty important to them if they took you sister when she got it.” Goombella commented behind her. A few seconds of quiet passed. “Ooh! I know! One of my professors lives nearby, he’s researching the legendary treasure supposedly underneath Rogueport! Maybe he knows something! C’mon, let’s show him your map!”

Ani gave the goomba a blank look for several seconds. “How is going on a treasure hunt going to help me get my sister back?” 

“If they’re after the treasure too, you’ll catch up to them at some point and you can find your sister.” The goomba reasoned. 

It wasn’t a bad idea. But she just wanted to get her sister back, not go on some treasure hunt that would surely end in somehow having to save the world. Wasn’t that how Mario games were supposed to work? Or was it just saving his Princess? Why couldn’t  _ Mario _ do it then, why did it have to be her and Josephine?

“…Alright.”

“Great! We’re on the same page, then! Let’s go find my professor!” 


	3. Prologue Episode III – Magic Maps and Special Powers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani complains about paper physics that make no sense, and why a magical treasure map can give her special powers. Also, clumsiness galore. Kind of.

Professor Frankly was an interesting character to say the least, literally and figuratively. After a few minutes of feeling extremely out of place while Goombella and the professor chatted, and doing her best to  _ not _ come off as impatient as she was, Ani got down to the business of asking him about the legendary treasure.

That was how she learned about the Crystal Stars, and how you needed all seven to open the Thousand Year Door. She practically cried right then and there – this was going to turn into a lengthy adventure, and she  _ just wanted to save her sister _ , damnit!

After the professor almost literally flipped upon seeing that she had the map, it was just a matter of going to the Thousand Year Door. So, unfortunately, that meant going down into the sewer beneath the town. Joy. 

It’s worth mentioning that Ani made a few discoveries during their trip through the sewer – the first of which was a whole new level of harassment from a trio of goombas, who decided to throw a fit and attack the three when Goombella didn’t want to ditch Ani and Frankly to go with them instead. They met the business end of her hammer and boots, because she just really wasn’t in the mood. 

Not to mention, she had a feeling that her previously mentioned spectacular freak-out was going to make an appearance soon.  She still felt relatively calm, but she could feel it building up as more weird crap happened. Her brain just wasn’t wired to accept that kind of crazy, and the harder it tried to make sense of it, the harder it was to keep her cool.

The second thing she learned was that her hammer was a lot stronger than she thought it was – during their traversing the sewers there were a pair of large blocks in the way, the hammer smashed through them like they were nothing. Sure, that could be equated to the fact that mostly everything seemed to be made out of paper, but still.

The third? Never, ever,  _ ever _ trust weird talking treasure chests. They’ll curse you into turning into paper airplanes.

It started out innocently enough; after a fight with three creatures Goombella told Ani were called Spinias, they’d revealed a set of stairs to a second level of the room. There was a weird panel off to one side with a paper airplane stamped onto it, and only one mostly-empty stone room. That room had the treasure chest in it. 

“ _ Whoa! _ Hey! You! Can you hear me??” a muffled voice shouted from inside.

“Um... yes?”

“You can?!? That must mean you’re the hero of legend!” the voice sounded elated and relieved, and… very artificial. “Only the great hero of legend can hear my voice! Everyone else… nothing.” Ani rolled her eyes, especially when she saw that her companions were shaking their heads. Good, now she could confirm that this thing was spewing a load of bullcrap.

The thing spun a story about how it was cursed into that box long ago. It wasn’t particularly convincing, especially when it finished that thought with “I was bummed.” 

_ Really? That’s your reaction to being cursed into a treasure chest? Not likely.  _

It definitely didn’t seem too particularly upset, changing the subject to find out why  _ they _ were there. And of course, Frankly blurted it out as he was saying that they shouldn’t trust the talking box, that it would be better to not mention they were looking for the Crystal Stars. Out loud, where the box could hear it.

The talking box pretty much begged Ani to go find the black key to unlock it, but she had a sinking feeling that something was both going to go terribly wrong and somehow further the plot of this ridiculous story. 

And wouldn’t you know it, she was right. She found the key easily enough, it was on a ledge just below the second floor. She realized her mistake after she’d already unlocked the chest, as the top of the box blew open and the room was enveloped in darkness. 

Well, it was more like purple than black, but the glowing yellow eyes and pointy mouth were a dead giveaway that she’d made a big mistake.

_ Stupid, stupid, stupid Ani! This is why we can’t have nice things _ !

_ “Whee hee hee! Fooooools!” _ the spirit within the box cackled. “Oh  _ boy _ did you fall for it! What, did you think I was gonna help you?!?  _ Hah _ ! No, I’m gonna spread a little of the suffering I dealt with stuck in that stupid box!” it cackled again, and with a blinding flash of light, the little bastard cursed her. “Whee hee hee, enjoy that curse, sucker!” With that, the purple darkness that covered the room receded back into the now-open chest and… simply ceased to exist?

“…What the hell just happened?”

“What was  _ that guy’s _ problem? Are you okay?”

Ani didn’t  _ feel _ any different. She probably wouldn’t have even known the bugger had done anything to her if it hadn’t dropped the word  _ curse _ . 

“Apparently it cursed me. I don’t feel any different,” aside from spontaneously waking up as a three-dimensional paper figure, of course. “But who knows? Right now, I… think I’m okay?”

“Good. Then I dare say we continue forward to the Thousand Year Door. It should be right ahead of us.” Professor Frankly piped up as they exited the curse room.

The problem was that there was a particularly large gap between their floor and the door that led to where they were going. Too far to jump, and the other floor was too high to climb up. 

One thing stood out, however, on the ledge in the gap; a large rectangular panel with a paper airplane symbol on it. Ani quickly got a fairly good idea of what exactly that stupid curse entailed now. Why else would that panel be just outside of the room where she was cursed?

The question was, how exactly was she supposed to turn into a paper airplane?

The teen got the answer as soon as she stepped foot on the platform – she wasn’t the one turning herself into a paper airplane, the panel practically did it for her. It wasn’t exactly a fun process, and she understood why this could be called a curse. A helpful one, but a curse all the same. Goombella and Frankly didn’t see anything wrong with it, it seemed, they just hopped into the airplane and began to glide down to the opposite doorway.

The really weird thing for Ani was that it felt completely normal. The only real uncomfortable part was folding or unfolding, the latter of which happened the second she touched the ground.

She was going to need some serious therapy when she and Josephine got home…

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Oh! Ani, Goombella! Look… at…  _ that _ !” Frankly practically swooned as the three stepped into the next room, significantly more ornate and ancient-looking than the one they’d come from. “It’s the Thousand Year Door spoken of in the legends! I can’t believe it actually exists! The legends are true!”

The Thousand Year Door dominated the wall to their right, the curving patterns along the outside making it appear larger than it already was. The door itself already appeared to be taller than Ani’s house, the decorations made it look even bigger. The rest of the room was rather empty – a crumbling support column here, a barely-standing one there, and a few more that had fallen over completely. It was an incredible sight, but she’d have been more excited by it if she knew anything about it, whereas Frankly had studied this thing for who knows how long.

What caught her attention next was the elevated, circular portion of the floor. There was a pedestal in the middle of it, and she had a feeling that that was where she was supposed to go. Nothing else particularly screamed  _ ‘this is where you’re supposed to hold the map up!’ _

Even in fictional cartoon worlds, intuition turned out to be reliable! Standing on the pedestal and raising the map towards the door seemed to trigger whatever was supposed to happen. A brilliant blue glow began to outline the pedestal, and the circle it stood on, and a beautifully intricate pattern emerged, with seven circles left bare. Ani was sure that those were the places the Crystal Stars were meant to go.

“Professor, what’s going on???”

The map shone with a white light as it left her hands, hovering just slightly above them. The light receded after several seconds, the weathered paper returning to her hands. However, there was still an odd shimmering on one particular spot on the map. Then, before Ani’s very eyes, something began appearing on the shimmering section of the map. As she watched, a castle bloomed into existence, surrounded by small hills, and a diamond star appeared before it. That was the location of the first Crystal Star. Now the only thing left was to find where that castle was, and how to get there, and Ani would be one step closer to getting her sister back.

“Professor, the map!” Goombella exclaimed, hopping up onto the pedestal beside Ani as she sat down. “And what was with the crazy light show?”

The old professor hummed, peering at the map. “It seems information pertaining to the Crystal Star’s location has appeared on the map… And the shining light, it looked as though a mysterious power was given to Ani…” 

_ Oh great, as if being cursed to turn into a paper airplane wasn’t bad enough. _

“Well, one way or another, we should return to my place to study this map closer, and perhaps discover where it is trying to lead us.”

“Definitely.” Ani agreed, carefully re-folding the map and returning it to its place in her bag.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Hrmmm…. Aha! I’ve got it!” Frankly proclaimed. When Goombella and Ani looked up from their own books, he continued. “Firstly, regarding that light that surrounded our new friend… By my reckoning, Ani can now perform what is known as a special move. In this case, a restorative one.”

Goombella seemed to understand, but Ani felt very much in the dark, out of the loop. A restorative special move? What did that even mean? ‘Restorative’ was simple enough, but what did that  _ entail _ in this world? 

_ Gods, I’m hopeless. And if this Crystal Star thing does end up being a save-the-world situation,  _ **_I’m_ ** _ the person with the fate of the entire world in her hands? _

The professor must have seen the confusion on Ani’s face, as he continued to explain, “Simply put, the special move rejuvenates your energy supply, and that of your partners. If you’re nearing collapse in the middle of a battle, this ability could be as much a life saver as a life-shroom or any other health-restoring item. However, you can only use a special move once you’ve built up enough star power. That highly depends on the audience of your battle.”

That sounded promising, although Ani  _ really _ didn’t like the idea of any situation where that would be necessary.

_ I’ll just have to deal with it if I want Josephine back. _

“And pertaining to the castle that appeared on the map?” the teen piped up, gesturing to the map once again laid flat on the professor’s desk and leaning against the full bookshelf to her left. The diamond star still shimmered in front of the castle that had appeared.

“Well, judging from the positioning, it would seem the first Crystal Star, the diamond star, is to be found within the Petal Meadows. It’s found east of Rogueport. It does make sense, the name came up from time to time in my research.” the old professor responded, nodding to the other two upon glancing at the map again.

“Do we have a way of getting there, or what?” Goombella asked.

“I’m fairly certain that there’s a pipe somewhere beneath Rogueport that leads to the Petal Meadows, yes. If you could just find that, you’ll be there in an instant. Pipe travel is fairly efficient.”

_ Yes, because that  _ **_totally_ ** _ makes sense. _

Ani was about ready to set out, but Frankly stopped her at the door. 

“Miss Ani, might I ask how you came across this treasure map?” he asked. 

“My sister left it for me, along with a letter telling me she was being kidnapped, which is just  _ friggin’ awesome… _ ” the teen grumbled, rubbing her temples with her fingertips.

“Hmm… I see. I’ll have to look into that more. Should I find anything, I’ll let you know.” The professor hummed. “However, before you set out for Petal Meadows, might I suggest resting up at the inn? This has been a rather long day, and if your aim is to rescue your sister, you’d be no good to her collapsing in the middle of a battle.”

With that, Frankly gave her an inn coupon and stepped out of the doorway. 

“ _ Wait just a moment!” _ The two were barely out the door before the old goomba’s shout followed them, and Frankly appeared outside of the door moments later, holding what looked like a small silver coin with a spiked hammer emblazoned on one side. “This is a badge. You can equip this one to your hammer, and it’ll boost its attack power. There’s many different kinds of badges, I’m afraid you’ll have to learn as you go along, but I thought this would help. You’ll be able to equip more badges the more you fight.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.” Ani nodded, putting the badge in another pocket of her bag. With that, Frankly returned to his house.

Not a word was said until Ani and Goombella were in the motel room, and Ani fell heavily onto the bed. She dropped her head into her hands, and the rustling paper sound that accompanied the action only reminded her of just how messed up her life had become in the last twelve hours. 

“What’s wrong, Ani?” Goombella asked.

“I just… want my sister back. I know it sounds terrible, but I couldn’t care less about the Crystal Stars, or the Thousand Year Door, or Petal Meadows. I just want to find my sister and go home.” The teen confessed. Goombella was quiet for a few seconds. 

“If it helps, think of it like this – getting the Crystal Stars is a means to an end, and the end is your sister.” The goomba suggested. Ani thought on that, and nodded her head. 

“I don’t have to like it, but it makes sense.” She sighed, laying back on the bed. As she drifted off into a fitful rest, thoughts of her sister scared and alone in some locked room somewhere tormented her.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Before Ani and Goombella left Rogueport, the goomba suggested they stock up on supplies – heath-restoring items, badges, and a few items for battle. Goombella paid for most of it, given that the only money Ani had on her was what she was able to scrounge up from their battles in the sewer the day previous. 

Once all was said and done, and Ani felt prepared enough to start for the pipe that would lead to Petal Meadows, trouble popped up. More specifically in the form of a chef who had lost one of her contact lenses, that Ani just happened to accidentally step on. After being screeched at by the angry toadette chef Zess T. for several minutes, it was one more trip to the item shop to place an order for a new contact lens. The shopkeeper toad informed her that it would take a little while for the order to come in, so it’d be better to come back later. 

Perfect, they could go to Petal Meadows, and pick it up when – _ if _ – they got back. Frankly, the cranky old bat could go get it herself before they got back. Either way, they were off. Back into the sewers…

“I don’t think I’ll ever get used to this…” the teen grumbled as they were pulled down the warp pipe, exiting in the underground once again. “So… which way are we supposed to go?” she wondered aloud, glancing around the ruinous corridor. To her right, some kind of wide atrium, most of which was blocked off by more crumbled support columns. According to Goombella, it was something of trading area. To the left, a lot of the same stuff she’d seen yesterday. Only… wait a second…

_ Another paper airplane panel! _

Yes, just past the moving platform and set of stairs they’d taken to go deeper underground, a paper airplane panel sat nestled against the far wall. It seemed like that was the only way to cross another wide gap too big to jump.

With another uncomfortable contortion from three-dimensional paper human being to paper airplane, Ani glided across the gap with Goombella as her passenger.

Passing through another archway, the two girls found themselves standing before even more sewer, with a slimy…  _ something  _ poking out of the water. Beyond that, way off at the far end of the room was a grey warp-pipe. Between Ani and said warp pipe was a  _ lot _ of water. And while a lot of things in this cartoony world were strange and different, she had a distinct feeling that paper still got  _ soggy _ when it was dunked in water. So swimming was out of the question. Aside from the aquatic creatures, which were  _ apparently _ at least somewhat waterproof. And very spiky.

Speaking of aquatic creatures, and a nod to Ani’s accident with Zess T., today really wasn’t the best where clumsiness was concerned. That soggy appendage sitting outside of the water? Ani accidentally stepped on  _ it _ , too.

_ For a girl that handles delicate equipment on a daily basis, I’m  _ **_freaking clumsy_ ** _. _

And so a rather large –and furious– squid popped out of the water, gurgling angrily. The curtain dropped, and there was the stage again. The giant squid was hanging from some kind of support on the ceiling save for two of its tentacles, still gurgling while glaring at Ani with narrowed eyes.

“’Bella, um… I could use a little help here!” Ani squeaked with wide eyes. “What is this thing??”

“Um…. Gimme one... second… aha! I’ve got it right here. That’s a Blooper, and a super humongous one at that.  _ Eww,  _ it’s all slimy!” Goombella shuddered, flipping through her notebook. “I can’t  _ stand  _ slimy, icky things! G-R-O-S-S!”

“Get on with it!” Ani snipped, waving her hand in a hurry-up gesture and not taking her eyes away from the Blooper.

“Well, it doesn’t have much in the way of defense or attack power, so… just keep hitting it?”  _ Oh, such helpful advice _ . Ani rolled her eyes. “But if you take out those two tentacles, he should fall down, make it easier to take him out.”

“ _ That _ ’s at least a little helpful…” the teen muttered, reaching into her pack for her hammer. She had a feeling this thing was going to become her new best friend as time went on with this  _ stupid _ adventure.  _ Means to an end, means to an end, and the end is Josephine _ , she reminded herself. 

She didn’t have time to go in for her first attack before her entire right side met with a sharp sting. That giant bugger had  _ smacked her with his tentacles _ ! With a growl under her breath, Ani jumped forward, feet kicking down solidly on the offending tentacle. Goombella followed up with a head-bonk, and that was already one tentacle down. Thankfully, she was able to block the attack from the second tentacle. The second one was also lower to the ground, making it far easier to reach with her hammer when her time for attack came. 

She’d stuck the badge Professor Frankly gave her onto the head of the hammer before they’d left the inn that morning, and the old goomba wasn’t lying when he said it boosted attack power. She could practically see it, and the tentacle recoiled with a single hit. With that out of the way, the giant blooper dropped down from the ceiling and landed squarely on its head.

Another hammer swing and a head-bonk later, though, and it was right side up and attacking them with ink. Still, it was hardly a fight, and over in one last attack. The curtain dropped again, and they were back in the underground. The giant blooper gurgled once more, before… jumping… through the ceiling…?  _ Where did it go? _

Whatever the case, it was gone, and in the giant creature’s absence a pair of moving platforms floated to the surface. Those were the girls’ tickets to the warp pipe.

Hopefully, they were on their way to the Petal Meadows.


	4. Chapter 1 Episode I – To the Fortress

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Can you believe we've been in the prologue this whole time? Anyways, Petal meadows! Dragons! Castles! Sarcasm! Senile Koopas that can't get peoples' names right! Talking stones!

If the place the warp pipe spat Ani and Goombella wasn’t the Petal Meadows, Ani would eat her hat. Well, if she had it to begin with. The first glance matched the description of the place Frankly had given them to a tee. Grass and trees and flowers everywhere. This  _ had _ to be the meadow, right?

Goombella confirmed it moments later. “Well, here we are! Petal Meadows. And there’s the castle that appeared on the map, look!” the goomba then nodded to something behind Ani.  _ If I were a Crystal Star in Petal Meadows, where would I be? …Probably in that castle that matches the one on the map. _

“I suppose we’ll have to find a way to get over there… Perfect.” Ani sighed. This promised to take a long while, she could feel it. And her feelings also said that it was going to involve fighting a lot of things. “For now, let’s just head… that way.” She pointed to the right, and they started off. However, not ten feet away from the warp pipe, and just a few steps off the short plateau the pipe was perched on, they were cut off by a deafening roar.

Looking up, Ani saw the sun was briefly blocked out, by the silhouette of an absolutely  _ huge _ red… thing. Ani refused to believe what she was seeing.

“Whoa!”

It passed them by without notice, and Ani watched it fly away to the north –  _ of course it would fly into the castle they had to go to, where  _ **_else_ ** _ would it go? _

“That… that’s a dragon…” She held no illusions of what that meant– she was going to have to fight it. “Oh,  _ wonderful _ .” The teen groaned.

“That’s weird, the professor said this place was supposed to be peaceful…” Goombella murmured, more to herself. “This is crazy! We just started, and already there’s intrigue! Let’s get going!” Ani had this feeling, call it gut instinct, that Goombella was enjoying this more than she was.

On their path to the east, the pair saw a formation of rocks. It didn’t look natural. It looked too organized for that, kind of like a mini-Stonehenge. On one side, there was a stone with the shape of a crescent moon carved out of it. The rock on the opposite side had a sun carved out of it. Between them was a much larger stone that  _ definitely _ didn’t resemble a warp pipe, what could  _ possibly _ give you that idea? There wasn’t anything they could do about it now, the only option was to move forward and hope they found whatever was supposed to help them get into that castle.

_ Get into the castle to fight the dragon, I imagine. How clichéd. _

Aside from the appearance of the aforementioned dragon and the occasional goomba, the meadow was actually rather peaceful. Were it not for said assailants, this was the kind of place Ani could picture herself just lying down in and sleeping, or reading, for hours in the sun. Everything was well and good until they came to the river. There was probably supposed to be a bridge here, but there wasn’t, and the two couldn’t make the jump across. 

“Well…what do we do now?” Goombella wondered aloud.

However, Ani saw a yellow panel on the ground behind a pair of bushes. When she pushed them aside, a warp pipe sprung up. Well, that was easy.

“Don’t call me on it just yet, but I  _ think _ the answer’s through this thing. Wait here.” Ani said, sliding into the pipe. When she resurfaced, she found herself standing upon the hills that had previously been in the background, along with a peculiar blue switch-button not unlike the one that had revealed the hidden staircase in the sewer.

_ The answer here is obvious. _

One sharp smack of the hammer slammed the switch down, and after a total of three seconds, she could see something forming in the distance, over the river. A red bridge. A bridge actually just folded itself into existence like a flip-book way over there because she hit a switch.  _ … _ See,  _ this _ kind of thing was the reason why video games made Ani’s brain hurt, which was one reason she didn’t play them all too often.

“Ani! It worked!” Goombella hollered, and the teen just waved as she hopped back into the warp pipe. “That was clever, whoever hid that bridge. C’mon, let’s head on over!”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

It wasn’t far past the bridge before the gates of what appeared to be a village came into view. Along with this little village came Ani’s first meeting with the turtle creatures known as Koopas.

“Welcome, travelers! Welcome to Petalburg!” the first koopa chirped at the two as they passed the arching wooden gate. Ani barely even saw the little village, her logic processing abilities were going into trying to make sense of the bipedal talking  _ turtle _ .  _ That snap’s getting closer now… This isn’t Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles!! _

“It’s been a long time since we’ve had any visitors, we’re kind of remote. People just stopped coming, especially after that nasty dragon Hooktail came along.” The koopa continued. “So, what brings the two of you out here?”

“I’m guessing Hooktail is big, red, and generally hangs out in that castle back there? Just a… wild guess?” Ani jerked her thumb back towards where they’d come from, and the koopa nodded vigorously. “Right. Perfect…” she muttered. “Anyways, have you heard ever of these things called the Crystal Stars? My friend and I are looking for them. It’s very important.” 

The koopa ‘hmm’d as it thought, before shaking its head. “Mmm… Nope. Can’t say I have. Sorry, ma’am.” He said apologetically. “You  _ could _ speak with the mayor. He’s... old. Like,  _ really _ old. He knows a lot of stuff about this place that we don’t. Koopas of his age are… um… really smart.” The way he said that suggested that he was trying to not talk badly of the old koopa. Ani snorted.

“Right, where can we find him?” Goombella asked. The Koopa turned and pointed back towards the village.

“Further in, you’ll find him in that pink house up ahead. You go ahead and check it out.”  _ Pink house? That sounds hideous. _

There wasn’t much to say about the locals – more toads and koopas, a depressed bob-omb veteran named General White.  _ Then _ there was Mr. Disco Frenchman, who tried to  _ hit on her _ . Both of them.

“Gosh, what a sleaze…” Goombella muttered. “Well, there’s the pink house.” She pointed out. It certainly wasn’t hard to find, the rest of the houses all looked the same in terms of colour  _ except _ for the pink one. 

“So… what? Do we knock, or just go in, or what?” Well, they tried knocking first, and nothing happened. So naturally they walked in anyways.  _ Because apparently that’s socially acceptable here. _

“Hmmmm? Whuzzat? Is someone there?” the brittle voice of the aged koopa mayor greeted them.  _ Nice eyebrows. _

“Who is it?  _ Who _ ?!? What do you want from me? Y’er thieves, aren’t you? Here to rob a defenseless old koopa! Despicable!” he rasped, waving his cane about until he nearly teetered over without it.

“No, no! We’re not here to–“ Ani tried to explain, but the mayor continued his speal.

“Go on, now! Do what you will, but there’s nothing here to steal! …I guess I have a little money… Take it, you fiend! Just leave the photos of me and the missus.”

“Easy, gramps! We’re not here to rob you!” Ani finally managed to cut in. “My friend and I were hoping you could help us find the Crystal Star somewhere here in Petal Meadows.”  _ Assuming this old coot even remembers anything about it. _

“Hunh?? You’re not thieves? Well, why didn’t you pipe up before, ya idjit! We’re just wasting time, here!” the mayor ‘shouted’ – which sounded nearer to a whisper – and Ani rolled her eyes. “So you’re hunting the Crystal Stars… ermmmm…. Wait…. What did I hear about those darned things again?” the koopa mumbled to himself.

_ If you could tell us at some point in this century, that would be nice. _

“Aha! I got it! Hooktail! Hooktail’s got what you’re lookin’ for! She’s this enormous dragon, the people say she eats people! You know about Hooktail, right?”

“We may have heard the name, yeah.” Ani mentally groaned. Why did  _ she _ have to do all of this crap?  

“Well, this Hooktail’s brutal fly-by snackings have the whole village on pins and needles – never know when she’s gonna show up and snatch someone away!”

“Sounds like a pretty nasty problem.” Goombella commented with a grimace.

“Sure is, little miss. So, are you two reckless fools – er, gallant heroes off to rough ‘er up?” the mayor asked. Well, if they were getting the Crystal Stars – which they definitely were – they didn’t have much choice, did they? “This  _ does _ sound promising! Now… what did you say your name was?”

_ I didn’t _ . “Ani.”

“Hmm? Evie? What a fine name for a nice young lady! A fine name indeed!” Oh, no… she hoped this wasn’t going to be a recurring theme, she might just pull her hair out before this ridiculous adventure was finished.

“It’s  _ Ani _ . Ann – ee.” She corrected the old koopa, enunciating both syllables. 

“I appreciate that, Evie! They  _ are _ nice eyebrows!”  _ Do his eyebrows cover his  _ **_ears_ ** _ , too? _ Goombella looked like she was trying not to laugh, her face was twitching as she tried to keep it composed.  _ Oh, shut up _ . “Now, listen up. If you’re intent on going to Hooktail’s castle, you’ve got to find the secret warp pipe just outside the village. I don’t know where the old thing’s at, but I  _ do _ know you need the stone keys to use it.”

Ani had a hunch that those stone keys fit perfectly into the sun-and-moon shaped holes in the rocks at the mini-Stonehenge they’d passed upon their arrival. And going off of how everything else had gone, getting those stone keys would be an adventure and a half in itself.

“And I don’t suppose you’d know where the keys are?” Luckily for her the mayor had an answer.

“Both of them keys are somewhere in Shhwonk Fortress, just past the village. Now then, Evie! Once you’ve got them keys, you’ll be able to get to Hooktail’s castle, so get on going!”

_ Pushy, much? _

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Ani convinced the koopa standing at the East Petalburg gate to let her and Goombella through – when, really, she could have just gone over the gate – but he also passed on a warning of monsters and living stones within the fortress. That promised more fighting.

_ Guess video games aren’t in the business of giving the hero a break, huh. _

Before they could leave the village, they were quickly called out by a timid koopa with a light blue hoodie and a Band-Aid on his nose. He introduced himself as Koops, and said he had a favour to ask of the two once he heard they were going to Hooktail’s castle. Whatever he’d set out to ask, he’d quickly lost his nerve, apologizing and telling them to forget it, before running off.

With that, it was time to return to the open meadow, or at least towards Shhwonk Fortress.

“Shhwonk Fortress… who comes up with these names?” the teen had muttered as they walked, before they were attacked by a Paragoomba, and had their first fight with a Koopa Troopa. 

And then something  _ weird _ happened on the fight stage, before the curtain could drop and put them back in the meadow. The stage lights dimmed, and suddenly confetti was flying everywhere, and the audience that had gradually grown the more Ani and Goombella fought was cheering.

“What’s going on???” the girl questioned, bewildered.  _ This _ was new.

“You levelled up!” Goombella explained with a grin, before going on to explain the choice Ani was being presented with. She could raise her ‘hit points’, which simply made Ani’s paper form harder to damage. She could raise her ‘Flower points’ which would let her perform stronger attacks more often. Or, she could raise her ‘Badge Points’, which would let her gear equip more than one or two badges at a time. 

_ Well, I’d rather not die quite yet, so... _

When the curtains were drawn and they were returned to the meadow, they were off once again, and they were entering a giant, dark stone room. The entrance to Shhwonk Fortress? There was nothing in the room, except for two odd-looking stones upon a pair of pillars. The door on the opposite wall was blocked by something like a portcullis. Without warning a second gate dropped in front of the door they’d entered from, and the room began to rumble. When it stopped, the two formerly-stationary rocks hopped down from their pedestal and charged at the girls.

_ Can you say ‘the hills have eyes’? I mean, they’re not  _ **_hills_ ** _ , but they’re  _ **_walking rocks with eyes_ ** _. _

“Those are Bald Clefts – basically a rock monster with a swarthy-looking face.” Goombella filled Ani in when the battle started. “They aren’t too hot with attacking, but their defense is solid. The only way to damage them is on their underside, like how we knocked the Koopa Troopas on their backs before.”

_ How lucky are we, then, that one of the Paratroopas dropped a POW block? _

It was just a simple matter of tossing the block to the ground, and the rock monsters were knocked completely upside-down. Just like that, they were defeated, and the stage returned them to the creepy room. Both portcullis gates raised, and Ani was left stunned for a moment or two.

“Well,  _ that _ was difficult.” she commented sarcastically, getting a laugh out of Goombella as they left through the newly-opened door. Of course, there was another room just like that one dead ahead.  _ Great _ , Ani wondered what the game was pitting them up against next. Well, before that it was pitting them against a few more koopas and goombas, the latter of which spat out another POW block when it was defeated. 

_ Oh, that’s  _ **_promising_ ** _. _

The second creepy red-stoned room had a pair of Bristles. Ani groaned the second they entered, seeing the spiked monstrosities. Cracked and chipped shark-teeth, completely covered in spikes, she was  _ definitely _ going to need that POW block. At least the cruelty of whatever god had tossed Ani and her sister into this video game world had the good graces to make sure she’d survive it.

“Those are called Bristles. Completely covered in spikes, super-strong defense, and totally fireproof. Now would be a really good time to use that POW block, otherwise you’ll never get close enough to hit ‘em.”

And so the battle ended fairly similarly to the fight with the Bald Clefts. Easier than Ani had expected, but certainly not unwelcome. What  _ was _ unwelcome was a third stone fortress ahead of them. 

“Oh  _ come on _ !”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

_ Well, there was no POW block this time. Is that a good thing, or has my luck just run out? _

Ani’s thoughts were leaning towards the latter as they entered the third –and hopefully final– fortress, seeing a giant spiked cube that appeared to have a scowling face carved into it. She didn’t have a way to fight that, she was sure. Hopefully it was just for show.

She was proven wrong when the two of them approached it, and  _ it opened its eyes _ .

“You’re the first contestants I’ve seen in a while!” the stone creature observed, only furthering Ani’s confusion. Why was it  _ talking _ ? “If you’ve come all the way out here to Shhwonk Fortress, you must want stone keys! And if  _ that’s _ the case, you’re going to have to compete against  _ me _ .”

_ Please don’t tell me we’ve got to fight him… _

“If you win, I’ll let you through to where the stone keys rest. However, if you lose, you will suffer a  _ terrible fate _ .” A terrible fate was something Ani really didn’t have time for. “So? What do you want to do?”

“We need the stone keys. What do  _ you _ think?” Ani snarked. The stone creature chuckled darkly. 

“Well then, let the games begin!”


	5. Chapter 1 Episode II – Fight for the Stone Keys

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's easy to make a baby cry, but you know you've got it in the bag when you make a STONE weep. Ani is unimpressed by the Quiz Show questions, and fuzzies are worse than scratchy Velcro. Also, even turtles have relationship issues.

“You’re in for it now!” the stone cackled, and the fortress walls began to crumble away around them in the shapes of puzzle pieces. Behind the gloomy stone walls laid bright, flashing neon lights, and a stand right out of a game show. Considering this was looking less like a fight and more like a game show by the second, it probably **was** right out of a game show.

“Hey, _hey_ , ladies and germs! Welcome, everybody, to the 65th Super Fun Quirk Quiz!” the stone announced enthusiastically to a non-existent audience.

_Over-theatrical, much? Also, what happened to the other 64 contestants?_

“Perk up your ears, little ladies! If you answer five of the following questions correctly, you win! But! Answer three of them wrong, and suffer cruel and unusual punishment!”

_At least he’s up-front and honest about it. I’m probably screwed, though. I know jack squat about this world._

“Right, question one! What… is hidden in this fortress? Stone Keys, a Crystal Star, Princess Peach, or Pickle Stone?” Maybe Ani wasn’t so screwed, after all. It was the stone keys, of course. And the stone ‘guardian’ was _surprised_ she’d gotten that right? _Really_? (Also, _Pickle Stone?_ )

“Ack! That’s…. correct…” the stone grumbled. “But bah! That question was too easy, and they’re only gonna get harder! Next question: What do one Mr. Softener and one Fire Flower cost at the Petalburg item shop? Total! 10, 12, 16, or 20 coins?”

_Son of a…_

That one she definitely got wrong. She and Goombella didn’t even _stop_ in the Petalburg item shop, they hadn’t used any of the items they’d bought in Rogueport yet!

The next question was fairly simple enough: what was the Mayor of Petalburg’s name? That just came down to the process of elimination – it definitely wasn’t Kooskoos, or Moopa. Burtle just didn’t sound… right, so Ani chose Kroop. And wouldn’t you know it, she got it right, and now she knew the senile mayor’s name.

_Now, if he could just get **my** name right…_

“We’re not done yet, folks! Question four: Where is the Crystal Star? Rogueport, Hooktail’s Castle, Mushville, or Petalburg?” the stone pressed on, but Ani got the feeling it was becoming progressively annoyed as she answered more questions correctly.

“Hooktail’s Castle.” That matched up with the mayor specifically saying that Hooktail had their Crystal Star, and if there was one in Rogueport than it was pretty freaking well hidden, even from the magic map. But, since that was impossible…

_Oh great, I’m applying logic to magic and expecting it to make sense. There **might** be a Crystal Star in Rogueport, and the damn map just wanted me to get this one first._

The stone guardian only scoffed, and now the teen was especially sure that if this thing had been human, it would be red in the face. It looked steaming mad.

“You’re not supposed to _show_ your contestant that you’re unhappy when they’re winning! Haven’t you ever heard of a poker face?” Ani mocked, merely earning a glare.

“Grah! Next question! How can one get from Rogueport to the Petal Meadows? Boat across the sea, only by air, go through a warp pipe, or race in a kart?” the stone snapped. That was definitely warp pipe, which was how she and Goombella had come here.

Their host _really_ didn’t like that.

“Are you kidding me?!? Tell me you didn’t just get your fourth right answer! Argh! From now on, I’m making the questions _extra_ hard! Nearly impossible! Now – which one of the following creatures has… hands? Koopa Troopas, Goombas, Fuzzies, or Clefts?”

 _Wait, what the hell is a fuzzy? Crap, that’s not fair!_ It definitely wasn’t goombas or clefts, but koopas definitely had hands. What about fuzzies, though?

“Fuzzies don’t have hands, Ani…” Goombella whispered, probably figured out where her thoughts had gone.

“Awesome. I’m going with Koopas.” _Ding!_ The little bell above their stand chimed – that was correct!

“ _Noo_! That’s… that’s correct! You answered five questions correctly, I don’t believe it! You win!” the stone creature whined, and the room returned to its dark and gloomy stone self.

“Careful, one might start to think you _wanted_ us to lose. But of course that couldn’t _possibly_ be true, right?” Ani snickered.

“Ugh! I can’t believe I lost! I guess I have to let you through! Stupid rules…” the stone grumbled as its pedestal slid back to rest against the wall, revealing a warp pipe. “ _Hmph_!” it huffed as its eyes closed once again.

“Well… I guess that wasn’t so bad. Let’s go and get those keys, Ani!” And down the pipe they went. Unfortunately, it wasn’t as simple as just walking down the hall and grabbing the darn things. _No_ , there were _fuzzies_. Little spiky twitch-balls of doom. _So that’s what fuzzies look like…_

“Hyper little guys, aren’t they? Cut back on the caffeine!”

The worst part about the little buggers was that they were basically giant mosquitos on crack – health suckers. So she and Goombella had to take them out quick before they could use them to regenerate their own health. There were a grand total of six fuzzies in the hallway to their right, and then there was the gloomy room with the first stone key – the moon stone. Of course, it couldn’t just give them a break and end there, definitely not! No, just after Ani grabbed the key, four more fuzzies dropped down from the _ceiling_ and ambushed them.

“That is _so_ not fair!” Goombella exclaimed.

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

One level up later, Ani had had it up to _here_ with the Shhwonk Fortress.

“I hope I never see a fuzzy again…” Ani grumbled, stomping through the watery tunnel with the Moon Key in her hand. “Of course, I wouldn’t bet on that. _Nooo_ , that would be _too damn easy_ …”

Sure enough, there were six more fuzzies in the hall leading to the Sun Key, four more in the ceiling above it, but that was when things got weirder. In the room with the warp pipe back up to Shhwonk Fortress, there was a _Golden fuzzy_.

“ _Meeeork!_ ” What the hell kind of noise was _that_? “Hey, you suspicious types! This is _our_ place. And coming in here is rude, rude, _rude_!” it shrilled, and Ani winced – the sound grated like nails on a chalkboard. “Sorry, suckers! If you wanted a warm welcome, too bad! Now I lunch on your head!” The little creature scuttled – which was weird, how did something without legs _scuttle_ – towards them, and the fight began.

“Goombella! Little help?”

“It’s a Gold Fuzzy. Like, _super_ rare, I’m serious. It’s not very strong though, so if it does attack you it won’t be too bad. Oh, but hey! Good thing is even though it’s a fuzzy, it won’t suck up your health! That’s good, right? Have to wonder, though… how does this thing hide? Look at it!”

_Well, she’s got a point there. It kind of sticks out against the dark sewer backdrop…_

It was, however, _very receptive_ to hammer strikes and the soles of Ani’s boots.

“Mee- _oof_! Hey! Ow! You chumps are tougher than you look… but I’m not through yet!! Everyone! _Get ‘em!!_ ”And then the stage was flooded with fuzzies, and contrary to the name, they are _not_ fuzzy. They were scratchy, like burrs in a Velcro strip. The Gold Fuzzy was impossible to differentiate from the horde, and their mob attack was hard to block. While neither Ani nor Goombella took any real damage, the aforementioned scratchy burrs, well, scratched.

“Okay, you know what? Screw this.” Ani had been trying to conserve her items for stronger enemies, but she could safely say that this was an extenuating circumstance that most definitely called for a fire flower. Half of the fuzzy horde was incinerated by the burning orbs, and now they could see Goldie. He was looking a little singed, and now that he was in view she could attack him again.

When the Gold Fuzzy fell, the horde ran away, disappearing into the… walls?

“Thank _God_ for that Fire Flower.” Ani muttered, relieved, even though another part of her was still wondering how in the hell the fuzzies just _disappeared_.

“Who knows how long it would have taken to find Goldie if we hadn’t bought that.” Goombella agreed. “Hey, we’ve got the stone keys now. Ready to head to that castle?”

“Ready as I’ll ever be…” the teen sighed.  “Let’s go.”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

A much more peaceful trip back to Petalburg, one night at the inn, and a stop at the item shop later, Ani and Goombella were on their way to Hooktail’s castle. Well, they _were_ until they were stopped. Mr. Timid Blue-Hoodie Koopa was back. _What was his name again…? Koops? Yeah, I think that was it_.

“Ummm… Excuse me… It’s… Ani, right?” the Koopa spoke up as the two approached. He continued at the teen’s nod. “Look, I, ummm… See, the thing is, I’ve been waiting here for a while. I was hoping you’d come by, so I could talk to you.” _Oh no, he’s not going to start flirting with me, is he?_

“I need to ask something of you. Of course you can say know, but I _have_ to get this out. Umm… see, I was wondering… would you…” Just as Ani was about to tell him to get on with it, he practically exploded. “Oh _please_ take me with you to fight Hooktail! Please!! I’m begging you!”

Ani startled back a step. “Woah, easy there!” she exclaimed.

“S-Sorry. About that. See, my dad, he went off to fight Hooktail a long time ago, and he never came back.” Ani opened her mouth to speak again, but he cut her off. “Before you say anything, this isn’t just about avenging – or finding – my dad. I – I want to finish what he started. For everyone’s sake. I’ve... got a girlfriend in Petalburg, I can’t stand the thought of that dragon snatching her away forever, and not being able to do anything.”

Ani couldn’t even imagine. Though, she wasn’t quite so against his reasoning now that he explained it.

“Everyone’s always said that I’m weak, or a crybaby. I don’t want that, and… if I can defeat Hooktail, I won’t be either of those things anymore. I’ll be strong, like my dad.” He admitted. “I know it’ll be dangerous, but I _have_ to do this. Please let me come along!” Game-wise, it would probably be best for Ani to say yes. Weighing her options, the potential Pros outweighed the Cons. Who even knew what he could do in a fight, as well. So, why not? She wasn’t gonna deny the kid his chance to protect his village.

But if the kid died, his blood was on her hands, if Nintendo did that kind of thing. Kind of dark, but true.

“...Alright. But we’re gonna make an agreement right now: If things start looking ugly – by that, I mean it’s looking like we’re going to lose and die, you _get out_. No heroics, especially not the kind that would get you killed. You’re coming back to that girlfriend of yours alive, and in one piece. Got it?”

Koops was quiet for a long few seconds, before nodding his head. “Got it.” They shook on the deal, and Koops was officially a member of their little party. Goombella relegated herself to a pocket in the green backpack, and _wasn’t that trippy_. She just folded herself up and hopped into the bag. _Is that normal here?_

“Well, let’s get going.” But before that could happen, a shout came from behind them.

“Koops!” A moment later, the pink-clothed ponytail Koopa that Ani had seen earlier appeared at the gate to Petalburg, and she didn’t look happy.

“Oh… Golly… Uh… Hi, Koopie Koo…” Koops muttered, looking abashed. “Did you overhear all of that?” Ani had a feeling she was about to be caught in the middle of a lovers’ spat.

“Well, part of it. I _thought_ I heard you say you’re off to fight Hooktail… You’re joking, right? I mean, you’re not exactly a powerhouse… She’ll eat you up! Or burn you to a crisp!” _Wow, so much confidence in your boyfriend…_

“I have to do this, Koopie. I can’t watch people get snatched up and eaten anymore.”

“No, you _don’t_!” Koopie Koo insisted. “Going off to some dangerous place like that… it’s stupid. So what if you’re timid, and sort of a crybaby? I don’t care about all of that. I just want you to be you. Don’t go…” Koops didn’t budge, though. He’d made up his mind, and he was sticking with it. Koopie Koo huffed.

“ _Fine!_ Ignore me!” she screeched, snapping forward in her shell and sending Koops and Ani spinning. A moment later, she was coming back the other way. “ _Stubborn koopa!!_ ” Then she was gone. Koops sighed, muttering to himself. It was too low for Ani to hear.

“Well, no turning back now. Hooktail’s castle awaits!”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

Another level up, twelve Goombas, and fifteen minutes later, Ani and Koops were back at the mini-Stonehenge of Petal Meadows.

“After all that trouble we went through to get these keys… _finally_.” Ani muttered as she stuck the Sun and Moon stones in their corresponding places in the mini-Stonehenge.

When both were inserted, the ground shook beneath them, and the stones that held the keys spun inwards, revealing a pair of blue switches and bright, glowing text on the stone-that-definitely-didn’t-look-like-a-warp-pipe.

‘ _Here beginneth the path to dread Hooktail Castle. Weaklings, retreateth! Ye who seeketh to proceed: the power of two must hitteth both switches simultaneously._

_***Addendum***_

_If ye are a Petalburg Koopa, huzzah! Your **hold** ability maketh this chore a snap!_ ’

“Oh geeze…” Ani snorted reading the text. “C’mon, let’s crack this pipe open.”

 _Kind of a no-brainer what has to be done here…_ Given her new partner’s shell-snapping ability, it _was_ rather obvious. With Koops poised and spinning near one switch, Ani on the other, the only real challenge was getting the two switches down at the same time. Then again, that wasn’t even really a snag. Just making sure they both understood to hit the switches on ‘3’. The ground shook again, and the warp-pipe-stone crumbled away to reveal – surprise, surprise – an _actual_ warp pipe!

“Never saw that coming.” Ani said sarcastically. A corresponding warp pipe came out of the ground in the distance, near Hooktail’s castle.

“Well, what are we waiting for? We’ve got a dragon to take down.”


	6. Chapter 1 Episode III – Skeletons in the Closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Creepy medieval castles are creepy, especially when the skeletons come to life and try to eat you. Ani is still unimpressed with Nintendo logic and paper physics, and with little sneaky mouse thieves that try and flirt with her.

Hooktail’s Castle was a sight to behold, that was for sure. High towers and spiked rooftops, a few crumbling and decayed, it really looked like it had been taken right out of a horror movie.  _ If it wasn’t so creepy-looking, I’m sure Josephine would love to see this place. _

“Oh man… Hooktail’s castle… The stories were all true, this place is  _ terrifying _ …” Koops whispered, Ani couldn’t help but agree. Even the air surrounding the gloomy slate-grey walls seemed to just  _ ooze _ ‘evil’. Either way, it didn’t look like they’d be able to reach the door to the castle.

“The bridge is out.” Ani sighed. “Come, on, there’s got to be another way to cross…”

This exploration brought the two down a ledge, and to a few patches of land in the moat, leading right to what looked like another badge. Lucky for her, Koops was able to grab it and explain what the badge did. Basically, it lowered her chances of collapsing in battle, and that was a  _ very good thing _ . Of course while the badge was nice, their little expedition didn’t help them find a way into the castle. However, Koops pointing out the odd-looking spring in the room in the castle’s wall  _ did _ . 

“Not sure if I completely trust this spring, but good job.” Ani praised, approaching the bright yellow spring. She’d seen a few of these in the sewers on the way to the Thousand Year Door, they almost seemed… too convenient. It looked like she’d have to put her trust in this one now. One second she was jumping, another she was flying right up towards the ceiling. She couldn’t help the reflexive flinch as it grew closer, but then her feet were on solid ground again a second later. 

_ Oh, thank God… _

Koops followed her quickly after, unable to contain a ‘Whoop!’ as he flew into the air, landing safely beside her. The open archway to one side led them to a higher vantage point in the same area they’d been in before, and  _ wouldn’t you know it, _ there was a paper airplane panel up here.

“The number of conveniences is becoming questionable, now.” Ani muttered aloud, before folding herself into the little plane, waiting for Koops to hop in, and gliding across the opening the broken bridge provided. 

“How did you  _ do _ that?” Koops asked, bug-eyed, when they landed.

“A magical talking treasure chest cursed me.” Ani shrugged, pushing open the large purple doors on the new side of the bridge. All conversation stuttered to a halt as they entered the castle, and their first sight was a  _ skeleton, _ on the red-gold-star-patterned floor.  _ Oh geeze… _

“That… that’s a skeleton…”

“Yep.”

“That used to be a koopa.”

“Yep.”

Unfortunately, there were also a few living koopas that had the bright idea to attack them. But hey, on the very small bright side, she got to see Koops in action. He was a pretty good fighter, for a self-proclaimed crybaby. Once the koopas were gone, there wasn’t much yet to see in this room, besides more skeletons, a ‘Power Bounce’ badge, and another heavy purple door at the other end. There was nothing to be done about the stairwell by the door they’d entered through, but Ani was sure that would come about later. The next room looked more like a dungeon with a fancy floor, littered with even more skeletons. 

There was one in particular that seemed to draw Koops’ eye, crumbled on the ground beside the ‘cells’.

“Oh…  _ Oh no! _ ”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

_ ‘I came to this castle to destroy Hooktail, but I am stuck and can go no further. So, in this letter, I shall note Hooktail’s weaknesses for those who follow. The dreaded Hooktail cannot tolerate creatures that begin with ‘Cr’ and end with ‘icket’. Hidden somewhere in this castle is an item related to Hooktail’s weakness. If one is to have any hope of defeating Hooktail, one must first find that item. _

_ One last thing: if faced with ultimate doom, the fiend will use any trick to save itself. If you hope to defeat it, do not give into your kinder nature and fall for its tricks. _

_ Alas, I do not have the strength to continue writing... Already, mist veils my eyes… My last words go to my son, Kolorado: I love you, and I’m proud of who you’ve become.’ _

_ “Kolorado?! _ Not Koops?” 

“So… those are  _ not _ your father’s bones?”

“Heh heh, ummm… no, they’re not.” Koops rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, and Ani rolled her eyes. “But, if this isn’t my father… I wonder if one of these piles of bones is him…”

“We can’t dwell on that right now, we’ve got a job to do. We also just got a pretty big clue. Maybe it wasn’t your dad, but that letter gave us what we need to take down Hooktail. If it wasn’t obvious, something to do with a Cricket.” They walked for all of three seconds before Ani noticed something on the other side of the bars. “That’s a key.” She pointed out, reaching through the bars to try and grab it, to no avail.

“It looks like this opens into the next room, if we can get over there. Maybe we can get in from that side.” Koops offered. However, there was a pile of bones in front of the door, looking different than the others in that it was pink for starters. Another way that it was different was that Ani was pretty sure the other skeletons hadn’t come alive when they approached them.

A chilling cackle echoed through the room, and then the skeleton  _ spoke _ .

_ “You clearly don’t value your lives much if you’ve come to this castle to disturb us…”  _ it hissed. “ _ You will go no farther, and from this moment on… you’ll be nothing but  _ **_bones!_ ** ” The pinkish skeleton hopped to its feet, and hundreds more dropped from the ceiling moments later.  _ What is it with monsters and dropping from the ceiling??? _

And then Koops and Ani were being pushed away from the pink bones by all of the grey ones that had appeared. Both struggled to no avail. 

“It’s no use, Ani! They’re all over me! Ugh!”

Having dead hands clawing and pushing at you would be enough to give anyone eternal nightmares. Those could come later, right now Ani just  _ wanted them off _ . So, she did what any normal person would do, and started swinging her hammer. The skeletons crumbled and flew away, slowly-but-surely clearing a path back towards the new door and the pink skeleton. One hammer strike later, the curtain dropped, and there was the stage.

Briefly swapping Goombella in, the little goomba filled in Ani on what she needed to know about the ‘Red Bones’ – Bare minimum defense, higher attack power than most other things they’d fought, and it could create more ‘Dull Bones’ if it so pleased. It already had four Dull Bones with it on stage, so Ani didn’t think it would make more just yet.

Thankfully, it didn’t get the opportunity to do so, one power shell, fire flower, and hammer swing later. Bye bye, Red Bones. 

“That was… surprisingly easy. You okay, Koops?” Ani asked when the curtains were drawn. She’d seen the Red Bones’ attack get Koops squarely on his face, and she didn’t really know how injuries worked in the Paper Mario world yet.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just…  _ man _ , did those skeletons freak me out!” the koopa shivered. Ani nodded her agreement with a grimace.

“Yeah, that was my first run-in with the undead… We should continue on, we’re losing daylight. I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not spend the night here…” with a shiver of her own, Ani creaked the door open.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Dull bones, dull bones, and even more dull bones. The only really interesting thing in the room at first glance was a Shine Sprite. Goombella told Ani that the wizard beside Professor Frankly’s place used those as currency for something. The goomba couldn’t say what, since she hadn’t actually looked into it herself.

At the end of the room, however, was a block puzzle and a locked door. And it was one of the most frustrating things Ani had ever attempted. She’d been going at it wrong the whole time, and didn’t even know it. She thought there was something important on the second level of the room, but there wasn’t. Sure, star pieces had some use, but she thought those were intended to further her way through the castle. Like maybe the key they needed. 

In the end, it all came down to the red flipswitch, which changed the way the stairs were facing.

_ Freakin’ weird paper physics… It makes sense, but it also  _ **_really doesn’t._ ** _ It shouldn’t be able to go from three-dimensional to two-dimensional and back by hitting a switch. _

After climbing the newly flipped stairs, the two came to a pair of platforms – one just out of jumping range, and holding a key. One shell toss… thing, later, the red key to unlock the door at the end of the room was theirs. The room that opened to them, was…. Putting it nicely, it made absolutely no sense.

“Okay, my mom’s an architect, I’m pretty sure this kind of thing just… doesn’t work.” There was a giant green block, with a smaller block trigger a little ways away. As far as Ani could tell, it was supposed to just float up to wherever.

_ I’m not even gonna try to make sense of it. Let’s see what’s behind door number one here! _

Well, a Goomba and two Paratroopas, for starters. More skeletons, and a few more dungeon cells. One of them had a tiny badge sitting in the middle of the cell. The little red badge had a white music note stamped on it…

“How much do you want to bet that that badge has something to do with Crickets?” Ani mused.

“I’ve seen sound badges like that, never heard of one that makes cricket sounds.” Koops admitted. “Most of them are one of a kind, though. So if this one’s been in here the whole time, it makes sense.”

“Only thing is, how are we supposed to get it?” They’d already seen that not even Ani’s long arms could reach to the middle of the cell. They did find one of the strange gel-like switches though, on the other side of a fence. 

_ Oh no, whatever will we do to hit this switch? _

Unfortunately, it didn’t open the gate that they’d expected. The badge was in the first cell on the far left, the gate that opened was on the far right. That one led to a whole other room, with something very familiar sitting in the middle of the room. A black, spiky chest.

“Oh wonderful…” Ani groaned as they approached the chest. There was nothing to be done for it – as much as it was annoying, whatever curse this thing ‘bestowed’ upon her would probably be necessary to getting through the castle.

“Whoa, guests! It’s been a long time since anyone came here. Really, it’s been  _ ages _ !” the muffled voice inside the box called, sounding delighted.

“Yeah, I’m so happy for you…” Ani muttered. 

“Wait, you heard me? Cool! …Wait a sec… if you can hear my voice, you must me some legendary hero or something…” _Oh, not this crap again…_ _“_ Or not! To be honest, I’m pretty sure anyone with ears can hear me. It sure is fun zinging people with that whole ‘legendary hero’ shtick. But what do I know? I’ve been stuck here by myself for a long time now. Seriously folks, do you think you could let me out? Of this chest? I’m cramping up like you wouldn’t believe. All you’ve got to do is find the key and unlock the chest. Easy, right?” Koops looked confused, and the teen answered him before he asked, also speaking up against the black chest. 

“I’m not sure I trust you, Mr…. Talking Box, considering the last time I saw one of these things I got cursed into turning into a paper airplane.” Ani pointed out suspiciously.

“Huh?? You think I’ll  _ curse you _ if you open the box? Pshaw! That’s ridiculous! What kind of creep would hang around in boxes, hoping a pretty girl will open it up just to curse her? A real slimeball, that’s who! But  _ I _ am  _ not _ a real slimeball, and I’d do no such thing. Obviously.”  _ You can’t see me, it’s not like you  _ **_know_ ** _ I’m pretty. _

Ani said nothing, and Koops was just watching it all unfold. The talking box seemed unnerved by the silence, and so continued pleading its case.

“Look, if you help me out, maybe I’ll help you out. You know, scratch for scratch. Of course, you don’t  _ have _ to if you really don’t want to. Like finding a key is  _ so _ hard…”

“Oh, quit sulking!” Ani snapped, smacking the top of the box. “I’ll find your damn key.” She grumbled. “I’m guessing the key is… that-a-way.” She pointed to the door to their right. It was the only accessible place right then. And hey, video game logic dictated that kind of crap, didn’t it? The only thing was she didn’t entirely trust that room. The key was there, but there were also a lot of holes in the ground. Not just scattered about randomly, but if she didn’t know better, she’d say it was a maze.

It took all of a few seconds to calculate the hole-free route from the door to the black key. Better safe than sorry, right? And sure enough, that route was a lifesaver. The second Ani picked up the key, hundreds upon hundreds of meter-long spikes rose up from the holes in the floor, forming – wouldn’t you know it, a  _ maze. _ Not to mention thousands more spikes had sprung out of the ceiling. Wanna know what the ceiling was doing?  _ Falling _ . 

“From how fast the ceiling’s moving, I’d say we’ve got less than a minute to haul ass out of here, or we’re gonna be perforated. C’mon.” Ani led Koops out of the spike room through the route she’d figured out earlier, slouching against the wall tiredly when they were in the clear.

“That was crazy!” Koops exclaimed. “Imagine what could’ve happened if you hadn’t checked the room out before we grabbed the key!”

“Nah, I think I’m good. C’mon, let’s let Spooky over there out of his chest.”

“Are you  _ sure _ that’s a good idea?”

“Not really, but we’re stuck otherwise.” Ani grimaced, absently tossing the key from hand-to-hand as they approached the box. “Oi, we’ve got the key.” She called, rapping on the top of the box.

“Whoa, hey! You’re back?” The little talking box sounded elated. “I am  _ so _ glad you found that key! Unbelievable!” 

“Believe it, you little bugger.” Ani muttered, unlocking the large chest. “Alright, let’s get this over with...” The talking box cackled, and the lid blew open, surrounding Ani with the same purple-black darkness as before.

“I can’t believe you fell for that! Only the most idiotic, pudding-brained ditz would fall for a scheme like that!” it sneered, and the teen rolled her eyes.  _ I didn’t fall for it, moron.  _ “The castle’s traps prevent anyone who’s entered this place from ever leaving it! No matter which path you take, you’re fated to waste away to a slow, painful end!”

“Dude, can we get this show on the road? I’ve kind of got plans. You know, lunch at 2:00, killing a dragon at 5:00, that kind of thing. So, if we could just… hurry this up.” Ani waved her hands impatiently at the glowing yellow eyes and mouth in a ‘hurry up’ gesture.

“But wait~ there’s more to this great deal! I’ll even throw in a  _ curse _ ! Free of charge!” Several flashing lights and an uncomfortable snapping feeling later, Ani’s three-dimensional self was completely flattened, thin as a slip of paper.  _ Thank God _ she could control it, at least. The box-spirit cackled again. “You look  _ pitiful _ ! Farewell, dumbbell! Whee hee hee hee!” Just like that, it folded itself up and disappeared again.

“Um… what just happened?”

“Meh, just your run-of-the-mill spooky prankster. At least, I’m assuming that much.” Ani shrugged nonchalantly. After a few moments’ silence, she sighed at herself. “I really shouldn’t be so casually talking about paper curses. That’ll be hard to explain when I get home.” What would be harder to explain was her coming home without Josephine, so she needed to move her paper butt and rescue her. Heading back through the cutaway-style doorway they’d come from earlier, Ani and Koops were in one of the cells, and it wasn’t like they could hit the button from ten feet away.

“Oh no, what _ ever _ will we do to get out of here?” Ani snickered, using her newfound and  _ severely disorienting _ ability to slip through the bars. “Oh hey! We can get that badge now!” she remembered when they passed the cell. And so there they had it, the supposed key to defeating Hooktail. According to the letter in a dead  _ talking turtle’s hand _ . Curious as to what the ‘Attack FX R’ badge did, Ani stuck it onto her hammer and swung it into the ground. That was  _ definitely _ a cricket noise.

“Ew. Okay, this is good. If that letter was right, this should give us an edge.” The teen grimaced. The cricket noise sent a shiver down her spine – she did  _ not _ like bugs. “So, should we try out that green block in the other room, see where it takes us?”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

As it turned out, that giant green block took them up three floors, and then to a staircase that led to a currently completely useless area. So they backtracked all the way to the room where they’d fought the Red Bones, and that was when Ani remembered something in the back of the room, where they hadn’t been able to get it earlier. Now because of the curse she’d just been hit with, they totally could. 

So there was a castle key, also known as their way back to the useless area with the locked door. Not so useless now.  _ Thank you, Spooky the Haunted Chest. _ The newly unlocked door on the third level led to a very broken indoor balcony, with a blue switch. Oh, wait, what did that blue switch do? Only something that gave Ani even more of a headache: sections of a wall started peeling away, revealing a very three-dimensional balcony piece that wasn’t there in any way a few moments before.

“Friggin’ paper physics…” 

There were another switch and two more broken bridges, but one of them didn’t have a button to hit. However, there  _ was  _ an open window they could hop through to get across to the other side, and wasn’t  _ that _ just convenient. The other side of the door led to  _ another _ block puzzle. Or at least a block they needed to use to get even higher up in the castle.

“The structure of this place is freaking weird. Again, architect mother. I feel like most of this wouldn’t work. No support underneath or in the middle, just this friggin’ magical floating block. Don’t even get me started on  _ that _ .”

The door on their right had something of an interesting surprise in it – for one, a little talking mouse with high heels and a mask. That was pretty surprising.

“Ooh! I didn’t know there were other thieves here!” she squeaked.

“We’re not thieves. Besides, it’s not like the dragon will miss any of this stuff.” Ani said, raising an eyebrow. “And you are…?”

“Me? Why, I’m Ms. Mowz, the globe-trotting thief! Heard of me, sweetie?” 

“Nope, I’m kind of… new. So what brings you to this dreary old castle anyways?”

“Well, I heard there were rare and valuable badges here. But I think the real question is… why is such a young thing like you roaming about such a run-down place?” the mouse shot back. 

“We’re here to get rid of Hooktail and find the Crystal Star.”

“Crystal Star, you say?” the mouse hummed. “I didn’t know a treasure like  _ that  _ was hidden in this castle… Sounds intriguing!”  _ Oh  _ **_hell_ ** _ no. _

“Don’t think you’re getting to it before we do, mouse. Bat your eyelashes all you want, it’s  _ ours _ .” Ms. Mowz seemed surprised by the sudden aggression.

“Oh? Perhaps I just heard something I shouldn’t have, hmm?” she cooed. Ani glared at her. “Oh, no need to be so hostile with me! I mean, you were looking for this Crystal Star first, and I already found the badge I was after, so I’ll let you get your Crystal Star. Thief’s honor.” She swore, winking at the pair before hopping to the nearby window ledge.  _ Thieves have honour?  _ “Alas, it’s time to say goodbye.  A thief’s work is never done, you know. Bye-bye, cuties, take care of yourselves.” With another wink, the little mouse thief was gone.

“Well, that was… bold. Is that even legal?” Koops said, sounding startled. Ani snorted. 

“Nothing wrong with a bit of flirting. Not my type, though.” She shrugged. “Let’s see what we can find, hm? It’s not like Hooktail’s gonna miss any of this junk.” The spears and cannon balls had to have been used by the former inhabitants, she guessed. Same as whatever was in those chests – which turned out to be Honey Syrup, a Mushroom, and a key for the castle-  _ somewhere _ in the castle.

_ Shouldn’t be too hard to find. How many locked doors could there be at this point? _


	7. Chapter 1 Episode IV – Seeing Red

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there be dragons and trickery. (Also Ani definitely doesn't envy Koops for reuniting with his not-so-dead dad, not at all.)

Two guesses to where the two used the key? Directly across the bridge from the little treasure room, on the other side of the green floating block, there was a locked, wooden purple door that opened into a wide hallway. At the other end of the hall filled with several Dull Bones was a platform, a very much unreachable platform.

“ _ Really? _ ”

Ani had lost count of all of the Dull Bones she’d fought in the last ten minutes, but she was fairly sure that there were  _ a lot _ . 

To add to the impossibility of the unreachable platform, the floor suddenly dropped down a meter or two, so there went the possibility of jumping for it.

Another level up and a little more attack power later, Ani was figuring out another block puzzle, with Koops’ help. First hit, a yellow block came down from the ceiling. The second hit was up to Koops, ‘cause Ani had to stand on the yellow block to see where it went when it came up. Turned out there wasn’t much up there, just a few ‘support’ beams barely wide enough to walk along on, a paper airplane panel, and another star piece. The airplane panel was perfectly positioned for Ani to glide to the impossible-to-reach platform with the door at the end.

More stairs, more blocks. The downward stairs ended with a gigantic yellow block and a castle key. The way the block dropped down to the formerly-useless area led them to a badge, this one for her partners. More ways for them to not collapse in battle, awesome.

The upper stairways led higher up than Ani had ever actually been, except for carnival rides – this castle was  _ really freaking big. _

The castle key opened the door two more flights of stairs above them, which opened to a giant stone bridge between their tower and the central tower of the castle. It wasn’t hard to figure out what was at the top of the central tower with  _ even more stairs to climb _ , but that meant the first step of their adventure was nearly over. 

“Remember our deal, Koops. If this goes south and we lose, you get out of here and hightail it back to Petalburg.” Ani reminded him, staring at the top of the blue-grey stone tower. Koops didn’t say anything, but he didn’t look happy about it. “Well, looks like we’ve got a crapton of stairs to climb, we should get started.” 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

The dome at the top of the tower looked empty on Ani’s first glance, peeking into one of the windows at the top of the stairs, but it was so dark, she couldn’t say for sure. Hooktail  _ had _ to be up there, though. She hesitated, hand on the golden doorknob.  _ It’s not hard, just push it open. Come on, it’s just a door. It’s not gonna bite your hand off… But  _ **_Hooktail_ ** _ might. _

Yeah, not really reassuring. 

_ Means to an end. The end is Josephine, _ she reminded herself, pushing against the large wooden doors as hard as she could before she lost her nerve. They creaked open noisily, the heavy doors swinging inwards.

“Ready, Koops?”

“Uh… y-yeah, let’s get that Crystal Star.”

Ani could honestly say she felt very much unprepared to step into the dome. She was about to fight a freakin’  _ dragon _ . Considering how big it looked when it was flying overhead when they first reached Petal Meadows, the idea of fighting a dragon was a frightening thought. The door closed behind them the second the two stepped into the room, and a chilling voice spoke up from the shadows in the room. 

“Who  _ dares _ approach me?”

A moment later the shadows faded from the room to reveal a  _ humongous _ dragon. She reared her head back and roared. The ear-shattering noise reverberated off the stone walls and back at them, and it sent a chill down Ani’s spine. She had to fight this thing, and she had to win.  _ How am I supposed to do this?? _ The dragon leaned her long neck down after the deafening roar, seeming to sniff at Ani and Koops. 

“Hmm… so, you are friends of the strange-garbed one who came earlier? I didn’t expect more to come to steal the the treasure I protect. Hmm… such rashness… brave, but also very,  _ very _ foolish.” The dragon almost sounded like she was scolding them. ”Do you really think you can beat  _ me _ ?” The dragon ‘hmm’d, sizing them up once again. “You’re so tiny, not nearly big enough for a meal. You don’t appear very tasty. Though… I suppose you might make a good snack, and the bottoms of your feet smell like they might make a good sauce with some spices....”

_ Oh  _ **_hell_ ** _ no. _

“Dude, we’re not your dinner.” Ani retorted. “I’m getting that Crystal Star, and I  _ can _ and  _ will  _ go through you to get it.” The teen nearly shuddered at the mental images provoked by the dragon’s muttering about how she was going to eat them.

“Well, we’ll just have to see about that. I’ll delight in proving you wrong and gobbling you down headfirst!” The dragon laughed incredulously. The curtain dropped, and the battle begun. Ani took a moment to notice that her audience had grown, as Prof. Frankly had said it would. So… did that mean she had  _ fans _ ? “Snack time, littler appetizers!” Hooktail sang, her head taking up nearly half the stage. “But which of you little morsels should I taste first? Decisions, decisions~”

“Well, I’ve got no intentions of being your dinner. Let’s get this show on the road!”

Ani got first attack, and swung her hammer on the dragon’s maw with all she had. She’d forgotten the Cricket Sound badge until Hooktail suddenly almost gagged, eyes twisting with disgust.

“Bleck! Ugh, that… that awful sound! It sounds like a cricket!! How did you know?! Stop that  _ this instant _ ! Urp… I got really bad… ugh… food poisoning from a cricket. I  _ hate _ them! Ugh… Fight it, Hooky. C’mon girl, what would Gloomtail say?”  _ Gloomtail?  _ Before Hooktail could recover from the impromptu nausea, Koops launched himself at her with a Power Shell, but after that she seemed ready to attack, and lifted one giant foot to stomp on the two of them.  _ Ow…. Note to self, try to not get stepped on too often… _

Ani weighed her options, and jumped on Hooktail next, as many times as she could before she was flicked away by the dragon’s foot. She wasn’t looking too good, which was  _ very _ good for Ani.

The dragon groaned, “Must… not…gag…. Ooooog…. So woozy…”

“C’mon Ani, she’s got to be nearly done for!” Koops cheered, and shell-tossed his way over again. Unfortunately she wasn’t done soon enough to stop her from breathing fire at the two of them.  _ Again,  _ **_ow_ ** _.  _

Ani went for her hammer again, and that  _ should _ have been it, if it weren’t for what happened next.

“I give up! Please! I won’t be so bad anymore, I swear! In fact, I’m sorry! For everything! Er… yeah! To prove it, I’ll give you 1000 coins! What do you say? Can you forgive me?” The letter had said Hooktail would try to do anything to avoid her own demise, this had to be what it was referring to. 

“Screw that. No  _ way _ . Keep your coins.” Ani scoffed.

“What? You must be joking! You don’t need any coins? Well… how about this lovely, rare, extra-special badge I have? I’ll give you that. It’s one of a kind, and it’s yours! Will you take it?”

“Uh, slight problem there. It was stolen by a mouse.” Koops piped up, and Ani had to try very hard not to burst out laughing right then and there at the outrage that appeared on Hooktail’s nauseous face. 

_ “What?! _ Are you kidding me?!” The dragon seemed stumped for several seconds before she spoke again. “I… I suppose I could apologize by letting you smell the bottoms of my feet! Seriously, people pay good money to do it, I’m being completely honest right now. Really. So? Care to take a whiff?”

“Uh. No. I’ve been tricked by that enough times by my dad. Hell no. Also,  _ ew _ .”

Hooktail glared at her. “You’re not a very trusting girl, are you, brat? It’s very important to be able to trust someone, you know. Maybe you should see someone about that.” The dragon sneered. “Well… I guess it’d be better to…” Her sentence trailed off, and she stepped back so her head was no longer visible on the stage. Then she did something terrible. Her head smashed through the theater wall, and she  _ devoured the audience _ . Ani stared, wide-eyed at what she’d just seen. 

“Ho ho, now my strength has returned to me!” Hooktail cackled gleefully.  _ I’ve had enough of this… _

“Time to finish this, Ani! Come on!” Koops called, and the two hopped form the stage to the empty stands.

If she’d thought she’d swung her hammer as hard as she could earlier, it seemed like anger did weird things to a person’s strength, because that  _ had _ to hurt. And she was angry,  _ very  _ angry. 

Plus, nasty cricket noises didn’t agree with Hooktail’s stomach. Not really with Ani’s, either, but what did that matter? 

“Erk! Why do I always feel so  _ gross _ when I hear… urp… crickets?!” the dragon choked, before stomping on Koops heavily. He wasn’t looking too good, pretty drained actually. Ani wasn’t at her top game either, exactly, but she felt better than he looked. One more jump was all it took, and Hooktail’s eyes were spinning dizzily.

“B-But… I… I… Gurk! How? Why? There’s… still so much I wanted to do with my life… so many meals…” With that, Hooktail’s head reared back, and she landed belly-up on the stage. The curtain dropped again, and the three of them were returned to the castle dome.

“Whoa, we actually pulled it off, Ani!” Koops shouted ecstatically. “We did it, we beat Hooktail!”

“I know,” Ani grinned. “Now we just need to find that Crystal Star and be on our merry way. You can go back to Petalburg as a hero, and I continue on this nutty adventure.” The second sentence seemed to subdue Koop’s excitement a bit, but he still agreed.

“Sure thing. If I were a Crystal Star, where would I be?” Before they could even begin their search, Hooktail gurgled dazedly, and they could see something moving up her throat. Hooktail spat up what looked like a blue koopa shell a moment later.  _ Oh ew. _ Five seconds of quiet staring passed, before a bearded koopa popped out of the shell and stood up with a whoop. 

“I’m out, I’m finally out!” the koopa cheered, and Koops looked more than a little surprised. Or, at least more than Ani did. The reason became apparent to the teen after another moment. 

“Dad?!  _ Dad!”  _ The new koopa looked just as surprised as Koops, now. 

“Whoa, hey! You’re… you’re Koops!” he exclaimed. “Son! You’ve gotten so big since I saw you last!”

“I mean… yeah, I guess, but who  _ cares _ , dad? I mean, golly! What happened to you? Where’ve you been all this time?” Koops asked, looking more dazed than even before.  _ I mean, it’s pretty apparent where he’s been all this time, Koops… _ Ani thought, but didn’t say anything just yet.

“I came here I while back to deal with Hooktail, and it was all well and good… But just before I could finish ‘er off, she tricked me, and gobbled me down whole. Been hidin’ in my shell these past ten years since then, inside Hooktail’s belly!”  _ Ten years? Holy crap, he was in a dragon’s stomach for ten years. …Ew. _

“Boy, was it  _ nasty! _ Yuck! I’m so glad to finally be out!” the koopa laughed heartily. Koops was frowning, though. 

“Honestly, Dad… don’t you know how worried about you we all were? Even the  _ mayor _ ! For ten years, everyone thought… well… we thought your game was over!”  _ Ha ha, video game jokes. _

“’M sorry, son. But, I’m okay, and we’re together now. That’s the important part, right?” the koopa really did look apologetic, before a thought occurred to him. “Speakin’ of that… what on earth are you doing all the way out here, anyways?” Right then was when Ani spoke up. 

“I brought him here, sir. Well, he asked to come with me, but…” 

“Only ‘cause I wanted to defeat Hooktail. She’s been making a real mess of the town, and I wanted to put a stop to it.” Koops piped up. “Ani’s looking for something called a Crystal Star, and she’s got a map that led her here… it made sense to me.” Understanding lit up Koops’ father’s face at the mention of a Crystal Star.

“Crystal Star, hm? This wouldn’t happen to be what you’re looking for, would it?”

With that, the koopa pulled out a large diamond star, just a little smaller than his shell, and set it on the ground in front of Koops and Ani. The teen quickly pulled out the map, glancing to the spot that marked Petal Meadows. The star was still glittering in front of it, and it looked exactly like the one on front of them.

“That’s it!” she exclaimed. “Where did you  _ find _ that?”  _ Hooktail didn’t eat it… did she? _

“I found it down in Hooktail’s belly, little lady. I kept it as a souvenir. Good thing too, from the looks of it.” Ani wrinkled her nose – this thing had been in Hooktail’s stomach with who-knows-what-else. Ew. “Well, if this is it, perfect! Just perfect! You can keep it!” Ani’s sighed in relief as she picked up the Crystal Star, stowing it securely in her pack and nearly sinking to her knees with exhaustion. That whole adventure had taken the better part of the entire day, and it looked like the sun was preparing to set. 

“One step closer to Josephine…" she whispered to herself, letting her head hang just a little bit. 

_ Means to an end, and the end is my sister. _

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

_ Ani and her new friends finally got their first Crystal Star after defeating Hooktail in her castle. Koops even reunited with his long-lost father, whom he’d thought was dead years ago. Unfortunately, they were unable to learn anything about the whereabouts of Ani’s little sister, Josephine. Where could she be? Yes, Ani’s adventure has only just begun. Where will it take her next? _


	8. Chapter 1 Episode V – Interlude I: Cabin Fever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which we finally see what Josie has been up to, and Bowser misunderstands the entire situation because Ani and Josephine share an unfortunate resemblance to Princess Peach.

Two X-Nauts stepped through the metal door, their prisoner between the two of them. They crossed their arms over their chests as they approached the command station at the front of the room. They stopped at the base of the stairs that led to the station, stepping back from the prisoner before greeting their master. 

“O great, exalted Grodus! We brought the Princess Peach you ordered, sir!”

“How many times do I have to tell you, I’m  _ not _ Princess Peach!” a small, feminine voice exclaimed – a tiny blonde, who certainly  _ looked _ like Princess Peach, if a little younger. “My name is Josephine, not Peach!”

“Well, well, well, my pet. You may not be the Princess, but you’re of a pure heart. How else would you have opened that box? Speaking of that… isn’t it about time you told us where the map is?”

_ Like hell I will, creep. _

Josephine stayed stubbornly silent, her hands clenched into fists to hide their shaking. The X-Naut leader, Grodus, turned to face her. She couldn’t see his face, and really doubted he even had one, but it was more than a little intimidating anyways. 

“Miss  _ Winters _ . You will speak when spoken to.” He didn’t raise his voice, or even change his tone. It sounded terse nonetheless.

“I’m telling you, I don’t know! I dropped it when your goons  _ abducted me _ , who knows who could have picked it up in the last five days.” The thirteen-year-old insisted. It wasn’t a lie – she didn’t know if Ani was even in this world with her, let alone if she’d gotten her letter and the map.

“There’s no point in lying, silly girl. Trust me, it’s very much in your best interest to be absolutely honest with us. We X-Nauts are not all rainbows and lollipops, I assure you. We’re quite nasty.” That promised bad things – Josephine was in  _ serious _ trouble.

“I  _ am _ being honest!” the girl exclaimed fearfully. “I don’t know where the map is!”

At that moment, she had a saved-by-the-bell feeling when a holographic communicator opened up above her. Another X-Naut greeted Grodus on the screen.

“Grodus, sir! I have news!” it said.

“Report at once.”

“You know that Crystal Star we thought maybe Hooktail had? Well, someone nabbed it.” There was total silence, and Josephine could feel the anger radiating off of Grodus.

“… _ What _ was that,  _ again _ ?” he asked, dangerously quiet. “…Someone else is after the Crystal Stars. And he defeated Hooktail, you say?  _ Speak _ , soldier!” Well, there went the dangerous quiet.

“Yes sir! Sorry, sir! There’s more, too. See, according to the report… It was a young woman who pulled the job. Blonde hair, red sweater. Those are the only details we have, sir!”

“Ani…” Josephine whispered to herself, barely holding back a smile. Her sister was here, her sister had beaten whoever Hooktail was, and she was coming for her.

“Excuse me?  _ Ani _ ?” Josephine clapped a hand over her mouth, horrified. Crap, now Grodus  _ knew _ ! No, he was gonna go after her now! This was bad, bad,  _ bad _ . The X-Naut leader cackled.

“I see, so you know of this… Ani, do you? Hmm… This woman matters not at all. I’ll know all about her before long, that I promise. I grow bored of talking. Take  _ Josephine _ back to the holding room. And listen to this very carefully, men. Miss Winters is  _ not _ to be harmed, under any circumstances. Understand?”

“Yessir!”

Feeling a burst of courage with the knowledge her sister was coming for her, Josephine couldn’t hold back a shout as she was led away by the X-Naut minions. 

“You won’t be able to keep me here! Ani will come for me, and she’s gonna kick your evil ass!” She couldn’t imagine how red her mother’s face would go if she’d heard her swear, but this was an extenuating circumstance. The door slid closed behind the X-Naut guards, and Grodus spoke up to Lord Crump. 

“Well, Lord Crump. If this ‘Ani’ has the map, then it’s highly likely she’ll find the Crystal Star we’re hunting in the Boggly Woods. Go there immediately and hasten the excavation of the Great Tree. It must not fail.”

“Uh, yeah, sure! Roger that, Grodus. And with that… Pow! I’m gone!” the purple-headed cape-wearing X-Naut made his leave of Grodus’ command center. Grodus turned back to his computer screens, musing to himself. 

“I wonder if sending Lord Crump there alone is wise… he is a bit…  _ out there _ …” With that last thought in mind, Grodus summoned one of his X-Nauts.

“You rang, dude? I mean, sir? You rang, sir, Grodus, dude? Grodus? Sir Grodus, sir?”

“Shut up!” Grodus snapped. “Summon the Shadow Sirens.” He ordered. The X-Naut startled back a step.

“The S-Shadow Sirens, sir? But they –”

“I don’t care how you planned to end that sentence, fool. Go get them.  _ Now _ .” The X-Naut practically scrambled from the room to do as Grodus ordered. Only a few seconds passed, before an oozing voice permeated the large room.

“ _ The honourable Grodus has need of us? Then we arrive without delay~ _ ” Moments after, three shadows appeared on the floor in front of the steps, and the shadow sirens rose from the floor, purple phantoms with pointed, witch-like hats of different colours. The smallest of the trio, with the blue hat, cackled. 

“Pray tell, did the brat tell you where the map is?” she asked. 

“Hold your tongue, Beldam. We would already have it if you’d snatched her earlier, rather than letting her run and sending my men on a wild goose chase throughout that filthy town.” Grodus snapped. “But now, since you missed your chance, some  _ woman  _ named Ani has the map.

“It wasn’t my fault, truly! There were too many prying eyes there. Too many… After all, your men were only able to snatch her when she was far out of sight.” Beldam defended herself. “Besides, a strange old man showed up at the moment of truth. I had to retreat, and that’s when I sent  _ your  _ men in. But why worry? All we need to do now is find this Ani and steal the map, yesss?”

“Indeed, that is  _ your _ duty. Must I remind you? That map is vital to the X-Naut plan.” Grodus huffed. “I will have my men prepare all available information on this Ani. For now – Hear me, Beldam! You Shadow Sirens must take care of this troublemaker!”

Beldam cackled again, “Fear not, sire. I will return with what you seek.” Beldam turned to the other two Shadow Sirens. “Let’s go, my lovelies! Marilyn! Vivian! Come! We’ve got a job to do!” Their meeting concluded, Shadow Sirens disappeared into the floor once again. Meanwhile, an observer closed the camera feed into Grodus’ room, switching from corridor to corridor, finally settling on the prisoner’s room.

Josephine was pacing on the metal floor of her room, hands twisted in the hair on either side of her head.

“I can’t believe this is happening… I’m in a  _ video game _ … I wonder if Ani’s okay… She defeated Hooktail, whatever that means. I’m sure she’s fine, but… what about mom? She must be worried sick, it’s been  _ days _ …” The young girl fell back against the lockers lining the wall, sinking to the ground and resting her head on her knees. 

“I wish I could let Ani know that I’m okay, wherever I am…”

With nothing else to do, Josephine was again resigned to pacing. That is, until the automatic door slid open, with no one on the other side. She stopped pacing to stare for a second or two. 

“I thought that was locked…” she mumbled to herself, edging towards the door hesitantly. When she reached the doorway, she poked her head out, seeing no one in the corridor. “…Weird. No one’s around.” Making her way further down the almost military-fortress-looking hall, she came to the only other door on this floor, and it opened for her before she was anywhere near it’s sensory range.

_ Should I go in, or go back to my room and pretend this never happened before I get caught? _ Curiosity won over, and she found herself standing inside a large computer room. 

“Oh man, Ani would love this room…” she thought aloud, stepping further into it. There wasn’t anyone in it, so that didn’t explain anything that was going on. The lights flicked on a moment later, and still she saw no one. “What in the world is going on…?”

**_[[_ ** _ Hello, Josephine Winters. _ **_]]_ **

“Wha- Who? Who said that? Where are you?” Josephine turned every which way, but there was no one. If she didn’t know better, that voice sounded like…

**_[[_ ** _ How amusing. I am right here, before your eyes. I am this laboratory’s main computer. I am the TEC-XX. Many call me TEC. You may as well. _ **_]]_ **

…a computer.

**_[[_ ** _ Sir Grodus created me to be the perfect computer, one that is flawless in its reason. _ **_]]_ **

“Grodus, meaning that creepy dome-headed thing that interrogated me?” Josephine raised her eyebrows. “I wasn’t sure if he even knew how a computer works.”

**_[[_** _Sir Grodus is not creepy, nor unintelligent. He is a very great person. He is marvelous._ ** _]]_** TEC corrected her. 

“You know what you are? Biased.” Josephine rolled her eyes. “However, I don’t think I’ll be able to convince you – my sister’s SI bot JESA is pretty stubborn too. So, TEC… Why did you bring me in here?” the girl asked with a curious frown.

**_[[_ ** _ I am unsure. An unusual program deviation occurred when I observed you earlier. My higher-brain circuitry malfunctioned and nearly overheated at your image. Also, an unidentified impulse surged through my processors. These events are new to me. _ **_]]_ **

_ Oh god… If he freaking falls in love with me I swear to every god on Earth… _

“You were  _ watching _ me? Dude. That is like… seven kinds of creepy.”

**_[[_ ** _ I am not ‘Dude’, I am TEC-XX. There is more to this phenomenon. I ran several diagnostic programs… and their solution was… I want to know more about you. I want to observe you. Such a compulsion has no precedence. Cause unknown. I, the perfect computer… I must diagnose this unusual situation. I will not fail. That is why I led you here. _ **_]]_ **

“You… want to  _ observe _ me.” Josephine responded. What else was she  _ supposed _ to say? “Also,  _ dude _ is slang where I come from, TEC. I don’t know how to help you with your problem, so could I go back to my room, maybe stare at the ceiling for another six hours?”

**_[[_** _You were not staring at the ceiling when I was observing you. You were pacing, and talking to yourself._ ** _]]_** TEC corrected. 

**_[[_ ** _ As for how you can assist me, I believe to eliminate the problem, I must satisfy this odd curiosity by finding out this problem. To this end, I ask that you tell me more about yourself. If you have any wishes I can grant you in exchange, I will grant them. But of course, I am unable to grant such a wish as letting you escape… _ **_]]_ **

“This… is freaking weird. Won’t you get in trouble or something like that for letting me out of my room?”

**_[[_ ** _ To quote a phrase I have heard the X-Nauts use, ‘What Grodus doesn’t know won’t hurt us.’ _ **_]]_ **

Josephine couldn’t help but giggle. Seemed slacking off in the workplace was a universal thing.

“…Alright. My first ‘wish’… I would like to contact my sister. Somehow.”

**_[[_ ** _ Yes, of course you may. Use my communicator to send wireless mail to anywhere you want. You may use it right now if you wish, it is no trouble. Use the keyboard in front of you. Enter the recipient, address, and message. _ **_]]_ **

“Hm… what address…” She didn’t know if Ani had any way to access her email here, or if it would be a valid address here. “Well, it’s my only shot at contacting her… Ani-_w…?” she spoke the address out loud as she typed. Then she thought carefully about what she wanted to say. When she finished, she spoke to TEC again.

“It’s ready. Send it please?” she asked. A flashing mail icon appeared on the screen, followed by a series of suspicious beeps.

**_[[_ ** _ The message has been sent. For the time being, you may return to your room. I will call you again when I want to ask you something. _ **_]]_ **

“Um… okay. It’s not like I have anything else to do.  Speaking of that… I have one more wish.” Josephine had been on her way back to the door, but whirled to face the computer as the thought occurred to her.

**_[[_ ** _ If it is within my power to give it to you, I will do so. _ **_]]_ **

“Could you ask, uh… Grodus, for some books for me, or something? I won’t be able to hang out with you all the time, and I already talked about how I was staring at the ceiling for six hours. I’m getting Cabin Fever already.”

**_[[_ ** _ Cabin Fever: an idiomatic term for a claustrophobic reaction that takes place when a person is isolated with nothing to do for an extended period of time. _ **_]]_ **

“Exactly. And I’m not as technologically gifted as my sister, but I can still be just as much of a troublemaker as she is. It might get me in trouble, but it’ll just make Grodus’ job harder.” Josephine warned as the door slid open. 

**_[[_ ** _ … I will see if I can speak with Sir Grodus about your request. _ **_]]_ **

“Thanks. Goodnight, TEC.” Josephine waved at the computer’s camera as she left. TEC responded only after the door was closed.

**_[[_ ** _ Goodnight, Josephine Winters. _ **_]]_ **

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

_ Meanwhile… _

Bowser, king of the Koopas, stalked into his throne room.

“Gra ha ha! Bowser, the mighty Koopa King, has arrived! Hold your applause, minions! But now that I’m here… Kammy! You crusty old hag! Why did you summon me?” Bowser demanded as two of his armored minions pushed the massive doors closed behind him.

One of said minions spoke up seconds later. 

“Uh, Great Lord Bowser… the, uh, crusty hag Kammy Koopa will arrive momentarily. I’m really sorry for the inconvenience, but please wait at the rear of the room.”

As the giant koopa stomped down the bright red carpet to the other end of the room, Bowser listened in to what a few of his minions were saying. Namely a pair of Hammer Bros. Let’s call them Dummy and Smart Guy.

“So the other day I saw Lord Bowser gazing longingly at a photo of Princess Peach.” Dummy was speaking first, completely unaware that Bowser was behind him.

“Uh, you may want to put a cork in it, man…” Smart Guy muttered, looking panicked.

“Hoo! I tell you, the look on his face when he was mooning over that thing…” Dummy giggled, before recognizing Smart Guy’s panic. “Huh?” With that, he turned around to see what Smart Guy was looking at, only to yelp and flail when he realized his mistake. “ _ Ack! _ L-Lord Bowser!” he choked out.

“Well, I’m  _ dying _ to hear the rest of your  _ hilarious _ story, Mr. Comedian! Do share!” Bowser challenged, and Dummy’s shaking in his boots. Bowser didn’t listen to whatever Smart Guy was saying to defend Dummy, just continued down the carpet with an exasperated huff and roll of his eyes.

Kammy Koopa didn’t arrive until he’d walked all the way to the wall opposite the door, and the Koopa King took some kind of satisfaction from the fact that the old hag forgot her broom, and had to toddle all the way over to where he was – she summoned him, she could walk  _ to _ him.

“Huff… hoo… I’ve just now returned. I’m terribly sorry to keep you waiting, my lord.” Kammy panted, out of breath from the walk from door to wall.

“I bet you are, Kammy. Now, out with it! Why did you call me here?” Bowser bellowed.

“Please, Your Grumpiness! Don’t be so impatient with your poor servant.” Kammy chided, waving her wand at him. Not that she’d ever use it to harm him, but wasn’t that what old people did? Waved their canes at people? “Ahem… It’s my pleasure to report that Princess Peach appears to have been sighted in a town called Rogueport, my lord. That scum, Mario, also appears to be off on an adventure elsewhere. If one were to attempt to capture the princess, this would be an opportune time to do so.”

“Rogueport? What would Princess Peach be doing in a place like  _ that? _ ” Bowser wondered.

“Yes, well, you see, my Lord… Our spies have said she appears to be looking for an amazing treasure.” It took a few moments for that to sink in. 

“Princess Peach is looking for  _ treasure _ ?”

“Yes, she’s gone in search of star-shaped jewels known as the Crystal Stars. I’m doing research on what exactly they are, but there’s no question of their high value.” Kammy informed him. “The Princess has been wearing a clever disguise, she looks like a  _ commoner,  _ but after all this time? We’d know her face anywhere.”

“Hmm… The Crystal Stars, you say? They sound like good world-conquering tools. I want ‘em! And taking Princess Peach along with them will just sweeten the prize! Yes, continue researching this for me, you brainy hag, you.” Bowser praised. Or, at least as close as he could ever get to praising a minion.

“Yes sir, thank you sir. By the way… do you like fried eggs, sir?”

Well, that was rather out of the blue. 

“Do I… I  _ love _ fried eggs! Love ‘em! But… kind of a weird question. Why do you ask?” the Koopa King was confused. What, did she find some fried eggs somewhere and just didn’t want them?

“Well, during my Princess recon, I stopped in a lovely place called Petal Meadows. I was planning on taking everyone there for a picnic, having some eggs and toast… But of course, I couldn’t think of sending invitations without asking you first, Lord Bowser.”

Was she  _ kidding _ ?

_ “AIRHEAD!!!” _ Bowser shouted. “A  _ picnic _ ?!? This is no time for fun! This is our golden opportunity to capture Princess Peach and conquer the world! See,  _ this _ is why my evil plans always derail! Because you clods are always goofing off!” With that, Bowser began stomping his foot, not unlike a child throwing a tantrum.

“O-Oh dear, Lord Bowser… Please calm down… Remember your blood pressure…” Kammy’s voice shook as the castle’s stone floor did. A minor Magikoopa approached, whispering something in her ear. 

“Hm? What’s that? …Whaaaat??? Is this  _ true?!? _ ” Turning back to the tantrum-throwing Koopa King, Kammy tried to get his attention. “Lord Bowser! Terrible news! Some bold fool abducted Princess Peach in Rogueport!” she exclaimed, before muttering to herself. “Though, I can’t see how she could have been in Petal Meadows  _ and _ Rogueport at the same time…”

Bowser stopped his fit when he heard her.

“Huh –  _ WHAT?! _ Tell me you’re lying, Kammy! How? When? Who’d do such a thing?” he demanded. “Well – besides me!” he amended. 

“We don’t know yet, sire. The investigation’s ongoing.” Kammy replied apologetically. That didn’t help Bowser’s temper. 

“Under  _ no _ circumstances is  _ anyone _ allowed to kidnap her without  _ my _ say-so!!!” he bellowed. “I will  _ not _ stand for this! I’m going to Rogueport,  _ now _ ! I’ve gotta kidnap her back!” He stomped down the steps and back down towards the door, nearly bowling Kammy Koopa over without a thought. Summoning the Koopa Clown Car, Bowser busted through one of the walls of his castle. Kammy followed, having summoned her own flying transport, and followed after him. 

“Your Grunginess! Wait up!”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Returning to Ani, Goombella and Koops, they were in the process of their farewells to Petalburg. Koops had opted to stick with Ani, especially after hearing about her sister. It wasn’t  _ totally _ surprising, but more than she had expected. 

“Koops, my lad… are you telling me that you’re going to continue traveling with this little lady to save her sister?” his father asked, as though he was expecting Koops to change his mind. 

“Um, yeah. I’m gonna help as much as I can.” Koops nodded. “And when it’s over, hopefully I’ll come back a strong Koopa, like you dad.” 

“Nicely said, son! That’s my boy!” he chuckled. “But always remember this: you got nothin’ to prove to me – you’re my son, and I love you. You can come home any time.”

“I know, dad. This is more to prove myself  _ to _ myself. And to help a friend.” The young koopa admitted, turning his attention to his girlfriend when she stepped forward. 

“I’ll be right here waiting, Koops. I promise.” She vowed, kissing Koops’s cheek. His face flushed red, and Ani tried very hard not to smile. It made her think of her honorary little brother Trenton, one of Josephine’s friends.

“Ahem… May I just add…?” The mayor rasped his call for attention, and it  _ kind of _ worked. Not very well. “If anything happens, you can always come home, Koops.” As though Koops’ dad hadn’t said the same thing less than ten seconds ago. “Don’t ever forget that. This village will always be your home.” Koops nodded again, the anticipation of adventure clear on his face. 

“Okay! Thank you everyone. Well, I’m off!” With a wave, he turned in the other direction and approached Ani. “Sorry to keep you waiting. You know… farewells.” He shrugged. She shook her head. 

“Don’t apologize. Family is one of the most important things you’ll ever have. Also, I’m rescinding our earlier agreement. You seem like you can handle yourself, so… I’ll leave it up to you. Win or lose, stay or go.” It was his choice now, and he had the blessings of those he cared about to go off on this adventure. And she’d seen him fight, he had a place here. 

“Thanks, Ani. So, where are we headed?” he asked. She shrugged, and now was Goombella’s time to step in. 

“Let’s go back to Rogueport, see if the Professor can tell us anything about the Crystal Star.” She suggested. “We’ll have to take it to the Thousand Year Door anyways, since ‘Each Crystal Star shall point to the next,’ so that’s as good a place to start as any.”

“Good point. Plus, it’ll probably be funny to see Koops’ face when we get there.” Ani laughed, remembering her own slack-jawed expression when she saw the gigantic door. Koops laughed along with her, and Goombella hopped back into the ‘Partner pouch’ of Ani’s backpack. Ani  _ still  _ couldn’t get Goombella to explain that to her. She didn’t understand what there was to even explain, which made it all the more frustrating. 

They made it all the way to the red flip-book bridge before anything weird happened. In this case, ‘anything weird’ happened to be a ringtone blaring out of her backpack. It ended up being from a weird-looking phone in one of the pockets.  _ What the hell else do I have in this thing? _

“…This thing looks older than my dad. Like… age of the dinosaurs old.” Ani muttered, flipping the device open.

“That’s a Mailbox SP, it’s the newest thing! What do you mean  _ dinosaur age _ ?” Koops demanded, sounding scandalized, and Ani rolled her eyes. 

“Trust me, technology becomes  _ way _ more advanced in the future. Looks like... this is an email. ‘Unknown Sender’, oh  _ that’s _ trustworthy.” The teen muttered, opening it anyways. Any suspicions she may have had completely disappeared when she saw the letter. “Oh, thank  _ God _ , she’s okay…” Ani sighed, shoulders dropping as the relief hit her like a freight train.

“It’s Josephine?”

“Yeah… ‘ _ Ani, I’m okay. At the moment, the only danger I face is death by boredom. I don’t know where I am, but right now I think you’re the one that’s in trouble. These guys, the X-Nauts, they’re after the map, and they know you have it. You can’t let them get it. Grodus, the X-Naut leader, is planning to do something terrible with what the map leads to – something called the Crystal Stars. The clear answer here is to get the Crystal Stars before they can. I know you can do it. _

_ Be careful, be safe. I don’t know what lengths these things will go to to get what they want. Love you, sis. Come get me whenever you can, ‘kay? _

_ Josephine.’ _

I’m just… glad she’s not hurt.” Ani sighed, closing her eyes as she tried to enforce that idea into her brain. Josephine wasn’t hurt,  _ Ani _ was the one in more danger at the moment. Josephine  _ was okay. _

“You got mail from your sister. That’s good, right?”

“Yeah. Aside from giving me some peace of mind, I know at least a little bit about what we’re up against – X-Nauts.” The teen wrinkled her nose at the memory of Lord Crump, AKA Mr. Supervillain Reject. She could only imagine this Grodus character was even worse in that department. But from the sounds of it, he wasn’t so much ‘reject’ as he was ‘supervillain’.

“I don’t like the idea that these kidnappers are looking for the Crystal Stars,” Koops admitted. “That just sounds like it makes this whole thing more dangerous. Well… More dangerous than fighting a dragon.”

Ani snorted. “Not much that could get worse than that, where I’m from. Dragons don’t even exist up there. Except for Bearded Dragons, but those are just lizards.” She shrugged. “So, time to get to the Thousand Year Door, right?”

Neither of them said much after that, right up until they were at the warp pipe that would bring them back to the Rogueport sewers.

“You really love your sister, huh?” Koops asked, just before they descended. When they reached the sewers, Ani gave him an odd look. 

“Of course I do. Why wouldn’t I?” Koops shook his head. 

“It’s not like that, I was just thinking… I don’t know that many people that would go up against a  _ dragon _ to save their little sister, let alone whatever else we come up against on this crazy quest.” He shrugged. Ani sighed, hopping across the floating platforms over the water, to the other side where she and Goombella had fought the Blooper. 

“Honestly, I’d go to hell and back to keep her safe. She’s one of the only people I’ve got back home. Mom’s distant, dad died when I was six, and I don't really have... friends. I usually don't get along well with people, so... I take care of the people I've got."  



	9. Chapter 2 Prologue – It’s the Little Things That Matter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you don't get the joke in the chapter title, I'm going to be very sad.

“One down, only six more to go…” Ani murmured, holding up the diamond star to the Thousand Year Door. It hovered to its place at the top of the circle as the blue glowing patterns bloomed into existence on the pedestal. The map pulled itself out of her bag, unfolding in front of her and the door.  When the bright lights faded, the Crystal Star returned itself to her bag, the map settling in her hands. 

“Let’s see where you’re dragging us off next, hm?” Ani mumbled, watching as a snowy white tree bloomed into existence just above Rogueport on the map. After a moment, an emerald star appeared in front of the tree. 

“Well… from the looks of it, I’ll be wishing I’d shown up here in something warmer. Any idea where this is? I’m a bit lost.” Ani admitted. Koops looked at the map for a few more seconds, but shook his head no. 

“Sorry, I don’t have a clue where that could be. How about that professor you mentioned earlier?”

“That… is a good point. He’s spent his life researching these things, he’s bound to know something.” The teen agreed. “Shall we?”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Hrmm….  _ Hrrrrmmmm… _ I see, I see. Crystal clear!” Professor Frankly harrumphed as he closed the book on his desk and stepped away from it.  _ Ha, Crystal clear. Nice one, Nintendo _ . 

“So, can you tell us where the next Crystal Star is or not?” Koops piped up awkwardly. 

“Yes, yes, I was getting to that part. The emerald star is in the Boggly Woods. The second Crystal Star is inside a great tree there. About those woods… I think some rather odd creatures live there. They’re called Punies, I believe. If memory serves, there’s a pipe beneath town that leads to those woods.” Frankly explained, though he frowned as he tried to remember. That didn’t really inspire confidence…

“When is there  _ not _ a pipe…” Ani muttered. “So, what? Find the pipe, find the tree, find the Punies, and get the star?” she recounted.

“Well, if you’re going to _oversimplify it_ _like that_ , yes. However, considering what you told me about your adventure in Petal Meadows, I highly doubt it will be anything remotely _close_ to easy.” The professor huffed. 

“… Alright you have a point there. But hey, one more thing – I got an email from my sister, gave us some new information. While we’re off in these Boggly Woods, can you find everything you can on something called X-Nauts? They’re the ones who kidnapped her, and she said they’re looking for the Crystal Stars as well.”

“Hmm… this isn’t good. If the kidnappers are looking for them too… but what could they hope to achieve? Could the treasure be…” the professor trailed off with a frustrated noise. “Bah! Too many unknowns! Unfortunately, the only  _ reliable _ clues are the Crystal Stars and that map!”

“So all we can do right now is head to the woods and get the second star?” Ani sighed. She didn’t like going into something with so little information to go off of. 

“Yes, as soon as you’re able. We cannot allow your sister’s captors to reach it first.” Frankly said grimly. “But don’t be too hasty – running yourself into the ground helps nobody. Stop by the inn or the item shop, I’ll stay here and continue my research on the stars and the ancient treasure. If I find anything about the X-Nauts, I’ll send it to you.” Nothing left to do in the Professor’s place, Ani opted to take his advice and  _ sleep _ . She really, really needed it. Before that could happen, though, she saw someone she didn’t expect to see when she stepped out of Professor Frankly’s house. 

_ Mario and Luigi _ .

The actual main character of this story and his brother, who was… what,  _ finally _ invited along? Ani didn’t play video games, but even  _ she _ knew Luigi was… how did the saying go, ‘Always the bridesmaid, never the bride,’ not brought on adventures very often. Ani wasn’t the only one to notice the two, either; Koops looked completely blown out of his mind. 

“Whoa! Ani, it’s the Mario Bros!” he exclaimed, not exactly being quiet about it. That, of course, drew _their_ attention. _Think fast, Ani…_ _Hey, wait a second, maybe I can find out what Mario is doing, since I apparently took his job._

“Koops, I’m not sure we have time for… fanboying.” Ani grimaced at the word, but Koops just looked so  _ excited,  _ and he was giving her  _ freaking puppy eyes. _ “…Fine.” 

“How are you not excited?” Koops demanded incredulously, and the teen shrugged.

“Not my style. Whatever, let’s go say hello, hm?”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

The conversation had started with her being mistaken for their princess, but that had been cleared up quickly. 

Mario didn’t talk much. Luigi, on the other hand,  _ well _ … But then again, considering they’d fought a dragon rather very recently, it couldn’t have taken much to talk Ani to sleep. What she gathered before she dozed off on her feet was that they were rescuing a princess  _ besides _ Peach. Miss Éclair had been taken by the evil Chestnut King, so they were going to the Waffle Kingdom to save her.

“You’re welcome to join us, we could probably use all the help we can get.” The younger Mario Brother offered.

“Thanks, but no thanks. I’ve sort of got my own adventure to go on, otherwise I would. Who wouldn’t want to get the chance to save a princess with the Mario Bros?” Ani grinned, even while she shook her head. 

“Everyone’s got their own road.” Luigi shrugged. “Ours is headed for the Waffle Kingdom, yours is… wherever yours is.” … _ Huh _ .  _ Surprisingly philosophical for a character in a game for children. _

“Speaking of that, my friends and I are just heading to rest up before we get on our way. It was… actually pretty cool to meet you, but we’ve got to get going.” She said apologetically, which was more her polite way of leaving so she could sleep; she’d fought a damn dragon, she deserved a night’s rest. Or maybe a week’s rest. So Koops said goodbye to his heroic idols, Ani said goodbye to the person whose job she sort of stole, and the Mario Bros said goodbye to what they assumed were just some fans. Ani spoke up when they were out of earshot and approaching the inn. 

“You know, you could have joined up with them if you wanted to.” Granted, she wouldn’t have like to lose her new friend and her heavy-hitter so soon, but it was his choice. 

“Nah. They seemed cool, but… I mean for one, I already committed to this. For two, they’re saving some princess they don’t even know, you’re saving your sister. Plus… I dunno. This whole deal with the Crystal Seems… bigger. More important than the princess of some  _ Waffle Kingdom _ .” Koops raised an eyebrow as he finished, practically saying ‘ _ The Waffle Kingdom, really?’ _

Ani snorted. “I think you’re right. And... Thanks for not ditching me to go off with your hero.”

“No problem. Now, we’re going to go to the inn. Don’t think I didn’t see you falling asleep while Luigi was talking.”

“Yes  _ mother _ .” 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Ani was  _ not _ having a good morning. When confronting her curiosity about what the Trouble Center was, she got in a fight with some bird-looking guy – apparently a Craw – named Gus because he was charging her money to cross into the side of town where the Trouble Center was, and that was another big ‘hell no’. But on the plus, she got another level up. Then she was pickpocketed, and had to kick the bandit’s butt, which wasted even more of her morning. After that, she had to go buy Zess T.’s new contact lens and confront the cranky toad chef with it, who didn’t seem anywhere close to ready to let her live it down. 

When the West side of town became available, Ani wanted to explore. What’s the first thing she does? Accidentally uses her Paper Sheet ability and falls down a sewer grate.

“See,  _ this _ is what happens when I don’t get coffee in the morning!” the teen grumbled, letting her head thud back onto the floor where she’d unfolded when she fell. Six Spinias and Spanias later, they were back topside, only to retrace their steps into the sewers when Goombella reminded her that the creature Professor Frankly had shown them looked like something they’d seen near the Thousand Year Door. 

Well, she wasn’t wrong. There was a Puni peeking out of some kind of mouse hole in the wall. It darted away when it saw them, but two guesses as to what was right next to the mouse hole? A barred doorway, one that they could slip through with the Paper Sheet ability. The Puni scuttled away again upon sighting them, but it wasn’t like it could go far. It managed to get itself cornered in a scarce few seconds. 

“Eek! D-Don’t eat me!” the little thing squeaked, quaking on its little legs when Ani and Koops approached it.

“Hey, hey, we’re not gonna eat you. You don’t look like you’ve got much meat on you anyways.” Ani tried to joke, kneeling down closer to the Puni’s level.

“You… you’re not here to eat me?” it whimpered, and Ani shook her head. “And you’re not bullies?”

“Nah, we bully the bullies.”

The Puni sighed in relief, sinking down onto its belly as its legs gave out briefly. “Phew! That’s good, I thought for a second I was done for!” 

“Not so long as we’re here. But hey, I’ve got a question – you’re one of those creatures from Boggly Woods, right? What on Earth are you doing in the Rogueport sewers?” Koops piped up, and the Puni jolted like they’d reminded it of something important. Jumping onto its little feet, the Puni skittered backwards, pressed into the wall as far back as it could go.

“Wh-What? You  _ know _ about me?!  _ No! _ Y-You’re working for those nasty X-Nauts, aren’t you?! You followed me here!  _ NOOoo _ ooo…” the wail trailed off to a pitiful whine.

“The  _ X-Nauts _ ? Hell no!” Ani exclaimed. “We’re their ‘Public Enemy #1’ right now, no way would we be working with them. So… just tell us what’s going on, and we’ll try to help you out. Certainly sounds like you need it if they’re involved.” She persuaded. The Puni’s trembling stopped, as it considered her. With a little suspicious nod, it started to talk.

“…Okay... This gang of bad guys, the X-Nauts, came to where I live. They started tearing the Great Tree apart and causing trouble. They captured all of the other Punies, so… I came all the way here to look for help.” The little thing explained. 

“Looks like help is what you got.” Koops reassured the Puni, before looking to Ani. “Sounds like they’re after the Crystal Star in the Boggly Woods too. Good thing we didn’t decide to stick around town any longer.”

“Now that you mention it… They  _ did _ say something about some Crystal Star thingy…” the Puni mumbled, more to itself. “Put we Punies don’t know anything about crystals or stars…” It trailed off for a moment, before seeming to twitch again. “Wait… did you say ‘looks like help is what you got’?”

“That’s exactly right.” Ani nodded. “I’ve got a beef with the X-Nauts, and we meant to head out to Boggly Woods anyways.”  _ Well, if being righteously pissed that they kidnapped my sister counts as ‘a beef with the X-Nauts’. Understatement, but true enough. _

“You’ll help us chase them off? Really??” The Puni got another nod. “Great! If you can do it, we’ll give you that Crystal Star thingy! If it helps us reclaim our tree, I’m sure the elder will say yes! Anyways, my name’s Punio! It’s nice to meet you guys!”

“I’m Ani Winters, this is Koops, and we’ve got another friend named Goombella. She’ll probably be out later.” Ani introduced them. Punio nodded. 

“Great, I’ll take you too where I live. Follow me, okay?” he skittered past them towards a set of stairs. It didn’t  _ look _ like there was anything up there, but again – paper physics made this world kind of unpredictable. 

“Well, what are we waiting for? It looks like we’ve got some Pest Control ahead of us, Koops.”


	10. Chapter 2 Episode I – Boggling Woods

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Boggly Woods freaks Ani out, Beldam is an idiot, and Ani takes it upon herself to scold her for being a bad big sister.

One secret entrance, a Damage Dodge badge and a warp pipe later, Ani was in some kind of LSD wonderland – she had to be. The plants were all black and white – black stems and trunks, white leaves for the most part, and underneath that, the ground was covered in bright vines, ranging in colour from blue, to orange, to purple, to green, and all the shades in between. It was, putting lit lightly, incredible.

“Wow… So this is Boggly Woods, huh?” she murmured. “…I expected snow, the way the map made this place look.”

“Sure looks mysterious all right. What do you think we’ll run into here?” Koops asked her as he hopped off the warp pipe. 

“Besides X-Nauts and Punies? Who knows? Frankly didn’t give us much to go off of yesterday. I’ve got a feeling the enemies here are gonna be a little different than the ones in Petal Meadows, so keep your guard up.” Ani advised, still glancing around. The colours were almost overwhelming, but maybe that was the idea. Some kind of baddie that blended in with the rest of it.  _ Better to keep my eyes open, I imagine. _

“Got it.”

“There’s lots of nasty stuff out here, it was  _ crazy _ trying to get to this pipe from the Great Tree.” Punio admitted. "It’s not actually that far ahead, but there were a lot of monsters trying to eat me. Come on, the elder and the rest of the Puni tribe are waiting for us there… Oh, and my little sister, too! Let’s go!”  

The peaceful atmosphere of the woods didn’t last long beyond the warp pipe. Not five minutes into their trek, the peace was interrupted. Not by your run-of-the-mill monsters, _ no _ . These looked like… shadows, with witch hats.

The one with the blue hat cackled, hissing at the other two, “Time to get to work, lovelies! Vivian! You understand what we’ve got to do, yesss?” 

The one with the pink hat, apparently Vivian, nodded her head. “Sure do, sis! First we find that lady Ani, and then we steal the map to the Crystal Stars, right? We can just do away with her and her friends, can’t we? Or is that bad?”  _ Oh, that’s definitely bad. For me, at any rate. _

The smallest of the three waved her hands, batting the words away. “Oh, bad things happen all the time, Vivian. But you’re right about our goals. If my information is correct, this Ani should be coming down this road quite soon. We ambush her here, and get the map!”  _ Doesn’t it defeat the purpose of the ambush if the target can  _ **_hear you discussing the ambush_ ** _? _

“Hm? Vivian, what’s that you’re fawning over, there?” the blue-headed one demanded, snatching what looked to be a large beaded necklace from the pink one. 

“Beldam, give it back! I found it near that tree a while back!” Vivian demanded. “I just... it was so pretty, I just  _ had _ to pick it up. Give it back… please?” The blue one, Beldam, sniffed prissily. 

“For shame, Vivian! Picking up someone else’s scraps? Greedy, disgusting girl!” the hag scolded. “But  _ enough _ about that. Vivian, my little pack rat… Bring out the sketch of Ani we got from Grodus, would you?”

_ Bipolar much? This Beldam chick seems like a bitch. _

Vivian startled, before cowering back. “Wh-What? I-I don’t have the sketch, sis! You said it was way too important, so you took it back. You should have it…” Vivian’ trailed off in the face of Beldam’s sudden rage. 

“Don’t be ridiculous! I don’t have it,  _ you _ were in charge of it!” she screeched. “You wretched little worm, blaming  _ me _ for something  _ you _ screwed up!”

“Bu-But I…”

The largest of the three, the one with the yellow hat, noticed Ani’s little troupe before the argument could continue. She signalled to Beldam, saying something Ani couldn’t hear.

“What is it, Marilyn? What’s that? A blonde woman? This is no time for such nonsense, you oaf! Save your games for later!” the witch snapped, waving off the large one, Marilyn. 

_ Okay, taking back the ‘seems like’. Beldam is a bitch. _

“Now, where was I? You!  _ Vivian _ ! Don’t tell me you lost our precious sketch!” she went back to yelling at Vivian. Ani almost had half a mind to step in and give the witch a piece of her mind. 

“Beldam, I-It’s not my fault… I  _ never _ had the sketch…” Vivian whimpered. “I already–“

“ _ Silence, you  _ **_ditz_ ** _!  _ How dare you talk back to me like an impudent child?!? It’s clear to me that the only rationale your type understands is force… For your punishment, I’ll be keeping that pretty necklace you found.” Beldam sneered. Vivian sniffled, bringing a gloved hand to wipe her eye. 

“B-But  _ Beldam, _ I didn’t even… Oh, you’re  _ horrid _ !” she said thickly. As much as her conscience wanted to give Beldam a piece of her mind, common sense dictated that it would be a  _ very _ good idea to slip by while they were still arguing, since it was probable that she was going to have to fight them later. 

_ I could river dance past them singing my name, and they still wouldn’t notice. _ The same couldn’t be said for the numerous clefts and pale piranhas that caught them a little way from the shadow witches. God-knows-how-much time later, they came across another warp pipe, and she could see a gigantic tree in the distance. 

“Guessing that’s home sweet home?” she pointed to it, and Punio nodded.

“Yeah, that big tree. It’s not just our home, though. Lots of Jabbies and Piders live in the Great Tree, too. This pipe should take us right to it.” 

The Great Tree was a lot bigger than it had looked on the other end of the Warp Pipe. The trunk itself was at least three times as big as her house, not to mention the branches and the roots. However, one thing on this gigantic tree was not like the rest – a bright red metal door, with a red light above it. 

“Punio, was that there when you left?” Koops asked. The Puni paused. 

“…No, it wasn’t. I can’t open it. I thought I could save everyone…” the little Puni looked disheartened. 

“Don’t take it so hard, it’s not like you knew this would be here. But… what can we do now?” Even with her hammer, Ani doubted she could take out this door. It looked pretty sturdy. And she wasn’t about to try and dig her way inside. Of course, video game logic dictated that there was something – or some _ one _ – somewhere in Boggly Woods that could get them out of this.

“I got it!” and then Punio was scrambling towards one of the roots of the Great Tree. Ani and Koops followed, waiting for the explanation. Punio continued at the top of the root. “The Puni elder told me about a secret entrance somewhere around here… Where to find it… I don’t know, but I know it’s up  _ this _ root.”

“I doubt finding it will be easy. It’s not like it’ll have a flashing sign labelled ‘Secret Entrance’.” Ani pointed out. “What can we do? Do you know anyone that can help us out?”

“Hm… Well, the entrance is hidden by this invisible… thingy. We need to find and remove the thingy. But we don’t know where it is. If there was some wind, though… I’m  _ sure _ it would come off. Wait a second… that’s it! Madame Flurrie can help us out! She’s got some pretty neat powers. The elder says she’s a wind spirit.” Punio explained. 

“That sounds… convenient. Can you take us to her?” Koops asked.

“Yeah. Her house is a lot deeper into the forest than the Great Tree, but I can get you there. There’s  _ lots _ of monsters though,” he warned. 

“Probably nothing we haven’t been up against already – let’s do it.”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Further into the Boggly Woods, a certain wind spirit cooed as she watched the forest from her window.

“Ahhh! These woods are the most wonderful in all the world, yes indeed!” she sighed happily. “Building a house here was just the  _ finest _ idea I’ve ever had. Oh, my, yes it was! So different from the flashbulbs and paparazzi of the world I’m used to… so peaceful… And those squishy, adorable little Punies in that great tree are  _ so _ sweet to me…”

Another sigh, this one almost mournful, as the spirit floated to her vanity.

“I suppose if I stay here too long, I’ll begin to crave the hustle and bustle before long! I can’t imagine leaving, though… Oh no, goodness! It’s happening already! The need for a stage, an adoring audience, adventure! Ooh…. Surely I was born to be an actress for the ages!”

That was all the convincing Madame Flurrie needed.

“It’s settled, then. I shall rise again. But, before I make my comeback, I simply must whip myself into shape.”

Right now, everything was as it should be – her makeup was impeccable, hair as it should be, earrings pinned in her ears. Except for one thing… 

“Wait a moment…” Oh no, oh no, no, no, no, where was it? Where was it, where was it,  _ where was it?! _ “ _ Noo!  _ It’s gone, it’s gone, my… my…  _ gone! _ ” the wind spirit wailed.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

It wasn’t to say that Ani was easily distracted, but the Boggly Woods were  _ incredibly _ distracting. Half the time they weren’t avoiding enemies as Punio led them to Madame Flurrie’s house, Ani was forcing herself to quit staring at the ground. As much as the pretty colours dictated otherwise, she couldn’t get lose track of herself and let an enemy get the jump on them.  _ Enemies such as the Puffs _ , which Ani absolutely hated. They could electrify themselves, and when they attacked?  _ Ow _ . It didn’t make much sense, because Ani was pretty sure that electricity wouldn’t affect paper that way, but when did  _ anything _ here make sense?

However, after a few more fights and a puzzle, Ani found her new favourite badge: Quake Hammer. Cool as it was, though, she only got to try it out once before they saw a house in the distance. 

“That’s Madame Flurrie’s house, like I was telling you about!” Punio chirped, hopping on the spot excitedly as they drew closer. One poorly-hidden warp pipe later, and they were practically at the door. It was even more extravagant up close.

“Mess with the colours a bit, and this kind of reminds me of my Uncle Michael’s house.” The teen observed as they approached the large doors. When Punio made to push the door open, she hesitated. “Seriously, is that just a socially acceptable thing here – walking into peoples’ houses without knocking, or even seeing if they’re home?” she muttered. Her companions didn’t seem phased – she only hoped that didn’t rub off on her when she went home. 

“Madame Flurrie!” Punio called as the entered. “It’s Punio!” he shouted. As close as something as tiny as he was  _ could _ get to shouting, at any rate. It didn’t really carry all that far “…Maybe she isn’t here? She could have gone for a walk in the woods….”

“Wouldn’t we have seen her, though?” Koops pointed out.

“He’s right. Maybe she just didn’t hear us.” Luckily for everyone involved, Ani was louder than Punio. “Uh… Madame Flurrie! Are you here? If you are, say something! We need your help!”

There was only one other door in the room, but when Ani knocked on it, she was met with a startled yelp.

“No! Out of the question, you can’t come in here!” a woman’s voice shrilled, and the three startled back at the unexpected voice.

“Uh… Madame Flurrie? What are you doing?” Punio asked, inching closer to the door. At the Puni’s voice, Ani heard muttering from the woman on the other side of the door, but she couldn’t quite place it. 

“…Is that you, Punio? Oh, it’s been an  _ age _ since I saw you last! You poor dear, your friend mentioned you needed help? What do you need, sweetie?” the woman cooed, still muffled by the door.  _ Why don’t you just open it? Are you shy, or something? _

“Well, the thing is… we have a problem that only you can help us with, Ma’am.” Punio squeaked. “The Great Tree’s entry hole is blocked, there’s this stupid door we can’t open, and we could  _ really  _ use the power of a wind spirit to reveal the secret entrance into the tree… My tribe is trapped inside, and my friend Ani needs to find this thing called a Crystal Star… If we don’t find that secret entrance, we’re done.” The Puni finished.

“Is that all, dearie? You came all the way here just for that?” Flurrie remarked nonchalantly.

“I don’t mean to be rude, but it’s kind of a big problem. The Punies are in danger, Madame.” Ani piped up, trying not to sound too testy with her response – if this was what she thought it was, she couldn’t go and make awful first impressions with this wind spirit. There was something close to a sigh from the other room. 

“My adorable little Punio… You know I would do anything in my power to help you. However… I seem to be in something of a bind myself. I simply can’t come out.” The wind spirit insisted, apologies in her voice.

“What’s wrong? Maybe we can help.” Koops offered. Oh, good, a _side_ _quest_. 

“It’s… rather embarrassing… but I never leave the house without my favourite necklace.” Flurrie admitted, that embarrassment in her voice. “I just can’t  _ find _ the blasted thing! I’ve searched every inch of my house, and it’s nowhere to be found!” she mourned. “I now suspect I may have dropped it during my walk this morning.”

_ Wait… didn’t those shadow chicks have a necklace? _ Ani thought with a frown. “Oi, what does this necklace look like?” the teen inquired. 

“Do you have an idea of where my necklace disappeared to??” Flurrie practically squealed.  _ Yeesh, must be some necklace… _

Flurrie’s description was pretty simple – gold chain, lots of large gold beads. Back on Earth, that wouldn’t have been a very helpful explanation. But then again, how many of those could there be lying around the forest? Ani had a feeling it would just be the one, and that would involve fighting the shadow chicks.

“Don’t worry, Madame Flurrie! I’m sure Ani can find your necklace! She’s pretty super!” Punio reassured.

“Yeah, we’ve got this. I’m pretty sure I even know where to look. Well, assuming those shadows are still bickering like they were when we left them.” Ani added. 

“Oh, thank you dearies, I’m so sorry to trouble you so…”  _ Well, looks like we’ve got a necklace to find… _

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Beldam! I  _ told _ you! Blaming me for losing the sketch, and you’ve had it this whole time!” Vivian wailed when the blue-headed shadow produced the sketch of their target.

“Silence, you twit! Now’s not the time to get hung up on stupid details!  We must study the sketch!” Beldam screeched, waving said sketch at Vivian and Marilyn. When it unfolded, however, all three startled. Wasn’t that the same girl Grodus had on his base??? It looked just like her!

“Why, look at this! This Ani person looks just like that brat Grodus took prisoner! They must be related,” Beldam marveled, studying the sketch closer. “You know something… though I’m fairly sure the brat wasn’t dressed in quite as much red, I  _ do _ recall seeing a woman in red somewhere before….” 

**_Wait a moment_ ** **.**

It hit the three at the same time as Beldam’s frustrated shriek. “That’s because we  _ did _ see her before!! I simply cannot  _ believe _ this! Vivian! Why didn’t you tell me before?! Once we catch this character, I’ll be sure to deal out the appropriate punishment!!” After a moment, the shadow calmed. “Oh, and about that necklace… I was thinking of returning it to you, but  _ no more _ !”

Vivian sniffled, wiping at her eyes with a gloved hand. “This is  _ not _ fair…”

_ “And _ , since you caused this problem,  _ you’ll  _ be the one to figure out how to find this  _ Ani _ .” Beldam sneered.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Sure enough, the three shadows were in the same places they had been in when Ani passed them by earlier. Unfortunately, from the looks of it, they’d found that sketch they were looking for. They weren’t bickering, they were looking straight at her.

“ _ Well _ , if it isn’t Ani! You can’t be too bright if you came here looking for us! Mmmwee hee hee hee, and you know why? Because we were waiting for you!” the blue-headed one, Beldam, cackled evilly.

“I figured. You know, it’s probably not the best idea to discuss your plan of attack when the person you’re planning to attack is standing ten feet away.” Ani shot back. “Of course, you wouldn’t know that,  _ you _ lost your sketch of me. Man, watching you guys completely dismiss me  _ while _ you were discussing how to get me was friggin’  _ priceless _ . I wish I’d had a camera.” The teen goaded, and it was worth it to watch the crotchety shadow witch quiver in her anger.

“I… have no quarrel with you, brat, but I simply can’t allow you to continue your hunt for the Crystal Stars. I’ll be taking that map of yours!” the shadow spat. Again, it was funny to see her try to appear calm. Ani just had that way of pushing peoples’ buttons, though. 

_ “ _ I don’t think so, you hag.”

Rather than getting angrier, Beldam cackled again. “Oh, we’re far worse than that, girl!” she sneered. “We are…”

“The Three,” Marilyn continued, and wow. First words Marilyn actually said out loud.

“Shadow Beauties!” Vivian chirped, and that… didn’t sound quite right. Beldam proved that a second later, but in a way that kind of made Ani want to toss her hammer at the wench. 

“Vivian! You  _ twit _ ! What are you babbling about??? It’s Shadow  _ Sirens _ !” Beldam screeched, and Vivian cringed away. “ _ I _ don’t see three beauties! I see two, and then there’s  _ you _ , and you’re  _ repulsive!! _ !”  _ Wow, friggin’ rude. _

“Right… sorry, sis…. It’s just, you always call us ‘lovelies,’ and…” Vivian mumbled shamefully, and if that didn’t just make Ani’s blood boil. 

“It’s just a figure of speech! Ooh, when we’re done here, I  _ swear.. _ .” 

“I’m sorry, did someone pee in your breakfast this morning? Where do you get off treating your sister that way?” Okay, this was a really bad idea, provoking a bunch of shadowy witches, but if they were going to fight anyways, what harm could it do?

“Ack! Vivian, see what you’ve done  _ now _ ?!”  _ Oh, that’s the kind of harm it could do. Crap. _ “Ugh, we’ll discuss this  _ later _ . For now, let’s do it, my lovelies… Or rather, lovely and ugly! Marilyn! Vivian! Let’s show this brat what the Three Shadow Sirens are made of!”  _ Definitely some kind of bipolar… _ No time to dwell on the potential mental disorders of a fictional character right then, the curtain was dropping. Time to fight and get that damn necklace for Flurrie. 

“It’s most unlucky that our sights are set on you. Well, unlucky for  _ you _ , that is. Marilyn! Vivian! Let’s show them precisely what we can do!”

“You got it, sis!” Vivian grumbled, Marilyn only responding with some kind of grunt. The stage was set, Ani’s move first. 

“Hey, Koops? Did we get to try out that thing, the power that the Crystal Star gave us?” Ani asked nonchalantly, pulling it out of her bag.

“I don’t think we did, and this is as good a time as any, I think.”

“Agreed.”

While Ani was sure there was some complex thing one had to do with the controller when  _ playing _ the game, matters were a lot simpler when doing it in real life. The Crystal Star began to grow incrementally, and the larger it became the more nervous the Shadow Sirens began to look. When it stopped growing, almost completely encompassing their half of the stage, then came the  _ Earth Tremor _ . The diamond star slammed into the stage again and again, seeming to shake the very foundations.

“Ooh, that  _ had _ to hurt!” Ani grinned when the stage floor settled. The Shadow Sirens looked more than a little dazed. 

Koops took his turn, and executed his attack with flying colours, shell slamming into all three Sirens. They practically already had this fight in the bag!  _ I was expecting more of a challenge. Then again, this game was made for children. They couldn’t have made it too hard, _ Ani mused. Beldam collapsed a moment later with a pained shriek that Ani might have felt guilty about if she wasn’t such a hag. 

Now it was the enemy’s turn. Vivian disappeared into the shadows, appearing directly in front of Ani. Before she could even startle, the shadow’s fist slammed into her, and  _ oh crap she was on fire!! _ She was so occupied in trying to pat out the flames – which didn’t really work, given that  _ everything was paper _ – she didn’t notice Marilyn’s attack on Koops. He wasn’t really hurt, definitely nowhere close to mid-battle collapse, that was for sure. 

Now Ani was singed, and a bit pissed off, but Koops took the initiative to do anything before she could, once more launching himself at the remaining two sisters. When they were returned to the woods, Ani wasn’t surprised that Beldam started screeching at the two younger sisters, after muttering something about overconfidence.  _ I’m just glad Josephine and I were never this dysfunctional _ .

When Beldam was done yelling, the three shadows scrambled away, Beldam dropping the necklace as they did. Vivian looked like she wanted to go back for it, but followed her sisters just as quickly a moment later. 

“Yeah! We got the necklace! Let’s take it back to Madame Flurrie, then she’ll help us get into the Great Tree!” But what waited  _ inside _ the tree?


	11. Chapter 2 Episode II – The Great Tree

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flurry has a dramatic voice, Ani plays the baby-sister card, and everyone has to watch where they step, because Punies are tiny.

The sheer amount of pink and purple in Flurrie’s home was borderline ridiculous. How did she not notice this last time? Ignoring the fact that the plush couches outside of Flurrie’s room looked  _ really _ comfortable, and the fact that the abundance of dark wood furniture was probably more expensive than everything in Ani’s house, it was still obnoxious. The wallpaper, the carpets, the  _ door _ …

“Madame Flurrie, we got your necklace back,” she called, knocking on the door.  

“Oh, you found it!” Flurrie squealed at the news. “What a delightful lady you must be, I’m absolutely beside myself! But…” as the woman trailed off, her tone became subdued. “You still mustn’t see me. Please, leave the necklace by my door and wait a moment.” A little confused, and a little exasperated, Ani did what Flurrie asked, turning away from the door for good measure.  _ With how much she seems to worship the damn thing, I’m surprised she even lets it touch the floor. _

The sounds of a door opening and closing followed shortly after, and she could hear Flurrie cooing over the necklace in the other room. Before anything else could happen, the ceiling chandelier dimmed. The hell? 

“What’s going-“  _ on _ . Before she could voice the question, a sparkling  _ disco ball _ descended from the ceiling, making the room  _ even more pink _ . “Um… what?”

The doors opened with a squeak, and out floated a very…  _ voluptuous  _ cloud woman, with flippy purple hair and bright pink lips. Really took the whole Wind Spirit thing seriously, with the whole cloud part. The gold bracelet and necklace were admittedly nice-looking, but to refuse to set foot (no pun intended) outside of her room without the necklace seemed like it was a little bit much. The disco ball disappeared – and thank  _ God _ for that – and could they leave now? Apparently not, because it looked like Flurrie was sizing them up. 

“My  _ word _ , you’re such a young little thing, aren’t you? Ani, right? And  _ you _ are my heroic little necklace hunter?” At Ani’s nod, the wind spirit squealed again. “Thank you  _ ever _ so much! How can I ever repay you for finding my treasured necklace?” she asked, and the teen wasn’t quite sure she’d ever heard a voice so dramatic without it being dramatic for the express purpose of being funny. 

“If you could help us out with the whole Great Tree thing, that would be a great place to start.” Ani shrugged.

“Of course, of course. Are you truly looking for the Crystal Stars – the same Crystal Stars spoken of by the lowlifes in Rogueport? Mmm… a danger-filled for beautiful gems… how absolutely  _ marvelous _ ! And here  _ I _ was, thinking of how frightfully bored I was! It’s time for change! Though, I  _ am _ curious.” Oh, that couldn’t spell good things. “What brings such a young thing like you on such a wild adventure?”

“Well, long story short – some weird alien things want the Crystal Stars, for what I have no clue. The other thing is they also have my little sister, Josephine. I kind of really need those stars so I can rescue her.” Well, it could have been worse. Josephine could have picked out Resident Evil, a game Ani had seen in the pile of discs. Zombie apocalypse,  _ no freaking thank you _ .

Flurrie gasped, horrified. “What sort of monsters would abduct such a young girl?” she demanded.  _ More than you could possibly believe _ . “Now I simply  _ must _ join you. A story of this caliber, with such a young and beautiful protagonist, must attract all sorts of danger. I couldn’t live with myself if you were to get hurt and be unable to save your Josephine.” See, Ani wasn’t sure how to feel about stuff like that. She was happy, because Flurrie was going to help and they sorely needed that. But at the same time, it seemed the real tipping point was hearing about the ‘noble story’ of her trying to save her sister. What was she supposed to do with that?

Either way, with Koops and Goombella in the Partner Pouch, Flurrie was officially joining the team. Time to go to the Great Tree.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Flurrie may have been the Mistress of Dramatics, but she was damn helpful in battle. Two Puffs, which would have otherwise electrified themselves and caused more trouble, were blown away with her Gale Force winds. The third, which hadn’t been affected, was crushed – which didn’t make sense, because cloud? – with a stage-shaking body slam.

The same Gale Force could be used outside of battle, which was precisely what Punio led the wind spirit to do upon reaching the Great Tree. Within moments, a gigantic slip of paper – disguised to look exactly like the tree – blew away, revealing the secret entrance. 

“Oh, you’ve  _ got _ to be kidding me.” The charcoal tree bark had a flashing black and white sign that said ‘SECRET ENTRANCE’ printed on it. Just like Ani said it wouldn’t.  _ “’It’s not like it’ll have a flashing sign labelled ‘Secret Entrance’’.  _ Nooo, of course not. Until it  _ does _ .” Ani mocked her earlier words with a roll of her eyes. 

“Uh… I don’t think you guys will be able to fit through the secret entrance.” Punio pointed out, thinking for a moment before jumping with a squeak as an idea came to him. “I’ll open the big red door from the inside, okay? Here I goooooooo!” the Puni squealed, scrambling along the tree branch to the secret entrance and slipping inside without struggle.

“Aren’t Punies just the most  _ precious _ little things?” Flurrie cooed, and Ani shrugged.

“You shoulda seen this cat I had as a kid. Let’s go meet him by the door.” The wind spirit hummed, and the two hopped off the large tree root. After a few moments of quiet, the teen spoke up again. “Flurrie, what brought you out here? No offense, but you don’t really seem like the ‘isolated home in the middle of the woods’ type of woman.” Again, Mistress of Dramatics. Those types were usually not found far from a stage.

“Heavens,  _ no _ . I used to be an actress, known worldwide as Madame Flurrie. I loved the stage, the spotlight on me, but… the filth of the world offstage repulsed me – so much corruption, gossip, crime and scheming.” That sounded an awful lot like the world that Ani had come from. Though given that it was Nintendo, it was probably relatively tame in comparison.

“I felt… tainted, so I left the spotlight and made my home here. I met the Punies, saw their beauty and their pure little hearts… It reminded me of my innocence as an actress, made me realize my love of the stage. The Punies… helped me find myself again. That’s why I must help them however I can before I go on my own adventures.” That was actually incredibly sweet. Before the story could continue, a small blip sounded from the metal door, and the red light above it flashed to green.  _ Green means go, red means stop, so does that mean it’s unlocked? _

“Ani, Flurrie! Can you guys hear me?” Punio was barely heard from the other side, before the door slid back and to the side, opening the way into the tree. “Check it out! I was able to open it from inside!” The Puni sounded pleased with himself as they  _ finally _ were able to enter the tree. 

“What are we waiting for, then?”

The inside of the Great Tree wasn’t quite what Ani expected – the wood was all black and white, with bright blue veins of water running about, and there were little pale bushes scattered about. The twisting vines that made up the forest floor had made their way into here as well, though with a far less array of colours. 

What Ani was  _ really _ interested in was the patterned almost Puni-shaped statues, on either side of a pillar with a giant Puni on it. Or rather, what was behind them – the little puffed antennae that stuck out of the top of a Puni’s head. Multiple puffs, actually. 

“Hmmm…. Weird. Normally, everyone’s right here. What the heck?” Punio hadn’t seen the little puffs behind the statues, clearly. “Everyone! Elder! Come on out! Uh… It’s me, Punio! I brought help! Hellooooo?” Okay, that was probably not a very good idea. If the X-Nauts were also in the Great Tree, there was a good possibility that at least a few were nearby. Another door beeped after a few seconds, sliding open to reveal – **_well_** _,_ _what do you know_. Two X-Nauts.

“Ack! Who are  _ you guys _ ? How’d you get in here?” the first one demanded as they darted up. Like they were gonna block the way into the tree. Hmph. The second one startled, looking at Ani closer. 

“Whoa!  _ Dude _ , wait a second, Is that – isn’t she that Ani chick?” the second demanded. Ani rolled her eyes. 

“Well, you at least recognized me quicker than the Shadow Sirens did. Good job.” The teen deadpanned. Though, it had been funny to hear them bickering. Marilyn had even pointed her out to Beldam, but the crone just completely dismissed her. 

“If this is Ani… we’d better get her, then!” the first one pointed out. 

“But dude, Lord Crump told us to tell him  _ immediately _ if we found her, remember?” Ani wondered how long these two would go on before the fight started. Also, what would be the point of telling Crump she was there,  _ leaving her _ to do as she pleased in the Great Tree. She could probably get the Crystal Star before that idiot found her. 

“You moron! Use your head! If  _ we _ capture her,  _ we’ll _ get all the credit!” The first X-Naut looked fairly close to clocking the other one on his tiny head. 

“Ah… that’s right. Good point. Let’s rock! One, two, three  _ break _ !” Oh,  _ now _ the fight started. 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“C-Crud! That stung, man!”

“Dude, maybe reporting back to Lord Crump isn’t such a bad idea after all! Let’s get out of here!”  _ That’s right, you’d better run _ . That fight was probably the easiest thing since goombas, and she’d only gotten hit once out of the deal. And then the X-Nauts re-locked the door. Well, that made things a little less fun. 

“Nice work handling those guys like that, Ani. Seriously, way to go!” Punio cheered. “But still… where did everyone go?” he wondered.

“Well, if you’re looking for your friends, I figure this is a pretty good place to start.” the teen pointed Punio towards the vaguely Puni-shaped statues. And guess who was right?

“Finally,  _ somebody _ shows up. What are you doing hiding back there?” the Puni sighed in relief as one peeked out. “Come out here, for Pete’s sake! I found us a powerful ally!” Punio practically dragged the other one out into the open – well, as much as something can drag something else when it doesn’t have hands.

“Sh-she’s huge!” the other Puni gaped, and a second one poked itself out. “Uh… are you  _ sure _ she won’t try to eat us?”

Punio whirled back to the statues. “Huh? Hey! Who’s that? Who else is back there???” 

The answer came in the form of one…. Two three four… ten Punies that she could see. Various mutterings sounded off, mostly distrustful. 

“Don’t worry, guys! Ani’s our friend, and she’s gonna help us take back our tree from those X-guys!” Punio insisted, hopping on the spot as though it helped get his point across. The Puni’s ducked back behind the statues.  _ Did we not convince them I’m not here to squish them?  _ A moment later, all ten skittered out, clustered in front of the teen. Considering the numbers that the size of the tree suggested, those ten identical Punies were a little… underwhelming. Ani was formally introduced, but that was about as far as the conversation went before another Puni interrupted. 

“ _ Wait _ !” This one… well, Ani wasn’t sure  _ puny _ was anything close to what this guy was, for his species. “How do we know Miss Blondie here is actually our ally?” he asked, narrowing his eyes at her. Oh, this was something they really didn’t need – suspicion on her  _ just _ after they convinced the other Punies she was okay. “She might be one of them!” he accused. Well, she wasn’t going to stand for that. 

“I can hear you, you know. Also, I would rather be burned alive and have my charred body given to the vultures before I would work with the X-Nauts.” Ani defended herself, glaring at the Puni.

“Come  _ on _ , Puniper! With Ani’s help, we can chase those bad guys out of our tree! We can take back our  _ home _ !” Punio pleaded vehemently. The larger Puni only scoffed. 

“Big, bad Punio… Listen to yourself! Trying to sound all important-like! You’ve got no idea what we’ve been through while you were off  _ adventuring _ .” Puniper sneered. 

“What are you talking about???” Punio asked quizzically, glancing around him at the other Punies. “On the topic, why are there so few of you here? What happened to everyone?”

“They were captured by those goons. The elder, everyone else… your  _ sister _ .” Well, that certainly provoked a reaction. 

“ _ What?!? Petuni?!? _ ” Punio squalled, jolting like he’d been hit with an electric shock. “No, no, no!”

_ “Yes. _ They dragged her off with the rest of them, said it was because we wouldn’t tell them about some crystal thing.” Puniper continued, unsympathetic. 

“Well, that settles it then. We’ve got to find the other Punies ASAP.” Ani cut in. For one, baby sister captured by X-Nauts. Sound familiar? For two, she needed to get the Crystal Star, and had a feeling the Punies would be helpful with that (even if they really  _ didn’t _ know where the star was.) But Mr. Debbie Downer had to have his say, of course. 

“What are you saying? We can’t do anything to those giant goons, and  _ you’re _ only one person. Besides, the baddies got themselves in league with the Jabbi tribe. They wanna take over the tree once we’re gone – this is it for us! Game over! Adding one blonde dame to the mix isn’t gonna change anything!” 

“Actually, if you look a little closer…” Ani trailed off, tapping the ‘Partner pouch’. Koops and Goombella hopped out after a few seconds. “I count  _ four _ of us. So… Dude, chill out. We’ve got this, Mr. Pessimist.” She countered. Puniper was quiet for all of three seconds, before sighing. 

“Tell you what, Punio: You and Blondie here get the revolution started! If you free our friends that got locked up somewhere in here…  _ then _ I’ll join your nutty little crusade.” The way it was spoken didn’t inspire confidence – again, Mr. Pessimist/Debbie Downer.

“Pfft,  _ fine _ .” Punio rolled his eyes. “Let’s go, Ani! We’ve got Punies to save!”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

There were three rooms full of uneventful – save discovering another X-Naut troop called a Yux – before they found the Punies. That trail was surprisingly easy to follow, which gave Ani the impression that it was going to be a  _ lot _ harder soon. Seriously, they wouldn’t just hand the Punies over – logic dictated that that kind of thing just didn’t happen, probably  _ especially _ in video games. It wasn’t that simple. But right now, Ani was content to ride the wave, even if she was sure she was gonna slam into the rocks soon. 

“Elder!” Punio squeaked, scuttling over to the bright red cage holding only a single Puni. 

_ The gaps between those bars are awfully wide to hold something so small… _

“Punio…? Is that you? You’re looking well, my boy.” The old Puni rasped, not looking very interested in what was going on. 

“You’re awfully calm, Elder, for being locked up in here. But we’re here to rescue you now, so it’s okay!”

“Oh, a rescue? That sounds quite exciting. Thank you, I suppose.” Again, not sounding very interested in anything. This game seemed to have a thing for old, semi-senile leaders. Mayor Kroop, now this elder thing. “But, I think you ought to help the other Punies before you rescue me.” Well, her heart was in the right place. 

“I think that depends on which key we find first…” Ani muttered. She’d caught sight of the blue cell next to the one the elder was in, that was probably where the others were. But if they found the red key first, who was to blame? The X-Nauts. 

“…Big brother?!?” a smaller voice squealed, to their left. From the blue cell. Oh – here came a cute brother-sister reunion, didn’t it? “Is that my Punio???” Punio darted over to the other cell, where dozens of Punies were imprisoned, including a little spotted one with a pink puff antennae sticking out of her head. 

“Petuni! Thank heavens, you’re okay! You’re safe!” 

“I knew you’d come for me, big brother! I just  _ knew _ it!” the younger squealed happily, and Ani was going to try very hard not to see the parallels here between her and Josephine and these two. Of course, their reunion was probably going to be  _ very _ far down the line if this game continued on its course as it had. 

“Of course I would, Petuni! What kind of brother would I be if I didn’t! And I brought a powerful ally, she’s gonna help us out. We’re going to get you out of there right away, little sis. I promise. Just hold tight, okay?” Well, they had some keys to find now, didn’t they? If they didn’t, they were stuck.  _ If I were a blue or red key, where would I hide? Somewhere in the direction of the only door we haven’t been through yet? _

And what was through the door, besides a supply room? A knocked-out X-Naut, and a certain mouse thief that they’d last seen snooping around Hooktail’s Castle. Ms. Mowz.

“Oh, well isn’t this a treat~ we can’t keep meeting like this, dearie, don’t you agree?” the mouse sang when she caught sight of the teen. 

“I thought we discussed this – not my type. I’m all for human males.” Ani rolled her eyes. “I’m guessing you’ll be taking your leave, if you found what you were looking for?”

The mouse nodded. “I heard there were some valuable badges in here. Problem is, I’ve been running into more trouble than I expected to.” With a pointed look to the X-Naut on the floor, she continued. “But, you’re right. I have what I wanted to have, time to go. Lovely to see you again!”

The mouse hopped onto a nearby crate, jumping from there to a statue, and to an open hole in the tree. 

“Oh, and one more thing, darling – the precious Crystal Star you’re looking for is near the bottom of this tree. Good luck finding it before these scoundrels do~” Ms. Mowz sang, before jumping out the window. Flurrie huffed when the mouse was gone. 

“Well! What a shameless flirt.” She sniffed. Ani shrugged. 

“Trust me, a little flirting isn’t nearly as bad as that kind of thing can get.” She’d been about to elaborate, but maybe that was a bit… too much for Nintendo to stomach. “Whatever, let’s check this place out.” However, Ani forgot one semi-important detail – the X-Naut that Ms. Mowz had knocked out. He was waking up, grumbling about his aching head when he saw them.

“Hey! You! You’re the dirtbag that took me out from behind, aren’t you?”  _ Dude, phrasing.  _ “Yeah, real fair, you scum! You fight dirty, you  _ get  _ dirty!” Oh, great, a fight. 

“Oh no, whatever will we do against this oh-so-powerful lone X-Naut?” she gasped so dramatically, it even made Flurrie giggle. “You know, it’s not like we’ve fought off all three Shadow Sirens or anything like that –  _ no,  _ that would be just plain  _ silly _ .” Well, that was over quickly, and the bugger dropped a bright red key. See, this was what Ani was talking about – the blue key clearly wasn’t in here, so they’d just have to set the elder free first. 

“Elder! We’re back, we’re here to rescue you!” 

“…”

“…”

“… _ FOOLISH CHILD!!!” _


	12. Chapter 2 Episode III – Puni Puzzles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani has sad big-sister feelings, Piders are freaking annoying, Crump is kind of sneaky, and Ani has 12% of a plan.

“Punio! Sit down this instant and keep your mouth shut!” For how soft and old the Elder’s voice had been earlier, she sure could yell. Punio startled back a moment. 

“What? Wait, why? What did I do??? Uh… listen, Elder, I don’t know why you’re mad, but we came here to help you…” he mumbled. Punio seemed  _ very _ confused, with good reason.

“Quit that mumbling, you! And mind your elders!” the Puni Elder scolded. “How could you abandon your poor sister and run off like that… for shame!” This looked to be going south fairly quickly – why were all the old people in this world so crotchety?? It made no sense. Where were all the  _ nice _ old people?

“But – But Elder, I just went to find help, to rescue you guys-” 

“Stop with the whining! You never interrupt an elder mid-lecture!  _ Never _ ! You wonder why the other Punies call you a  _ doofus _ sometimes? That’s why. And your time to be a doofus is over, because you have to lead our Puni tribe one day! That day is not far off!” Wait… so was the Elder his mother? Grandmother? Well, he and Petuni  _ did _ look super different from the other Punies. 

“And  _ that _ is why you need to listen! Now, first of all…”

_ Several hours later _ _ … _

Ani might very well die of boredom before the Elder finishes. Oh, wait, maybe not.

“… _ or else _ ! You got that? From now on, you’ve got to get your act together, Punio!”

“…Yes, Elder. I understand.” He sounded totally okay, which kind of weirded Ani out – how often did the Elder go off on tangents like that, that he was just completely used to it? Speaking of the Elder, jumped on the spot, annoyed. 

“Only answer once!” she snipped. “…But, say… by the way, what are you doing here anyway?” … _ Are you freaking kidding me? _

“We came to rescue all of the Punies, Elder! We started with you, because we couldn’t find the key for the other Punies’ cell.” Oh God, they had a senile, forgetful Elder on their hands now. Yeesh. After hours and hours of lecturing, she’d forgotten the whole reason for the lecture. That was just friggin’ wonderful.

“Oh, is that so? Well, good!”  _ now _ the Elder sounded delighted, like some old lady getting a drawing from their grandkid or something. “In that case, get me out of here already! Criminy! This cell is  _ cold _ , which isn’t good for my old back, and there’s this damp  _ stench  _ everywhere!” the old Puni grumped as she toddled towards the pipe. Well, there went the Elder. Back to the Great Tree entry, where those other Punies were?

“Just you wait, Petuni! We’ll be back for you!”

“Okay, big brother! I'll be waiting for you!” 

Ani was doing an awful job of not thinking about her own sister, waiting for her in who-knows-where. 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

The elder had made it to the other Punies alright, but Mr. Pessimist was at it again. 

“ _ Well _ , if it isn’t Punio! Hmph!” Seriously, they’d just rescued the elder, arguably one of the most important people of a tribe, and he still wasn’t satisfied. “I didn’t think you’d manage to pull off a rescue for the elder…”

_ “ _ I  _ told you _ I could do it!” Punio glared, sounding frustrated. Ani didn’t blame him at all. 

“Don’t get a swelled head!”  _ Yeah, cause then he’d look like  _ **_you_ ** _ … _ “This doesn’t mean I’ll accept you as our leader…  _ Or  _ that I’ll trust Ms. Blondie here. For starters, you still haven’t rescued the other Punies yet. I’m not lifting an  _ antenna _ to help until you do.”  _ Wow, this Puni is a dick.  _

“You  _ stubborn mule!” _ The elder screeched, and Puniper startled. “Deplorable! How  _ dare _ you talk like that, knowing what we’re up against!? Now is the time to stand together, and help Kenny take back our tree!!  _ Don’t you understand that??? _ ” Ani wasn’t sure if the elder even had the lungs to be that loud. Apparently she did.  _ Wait… Kenny? Oh damn it, not again… _

“But… But… Elder…”

“Shut your trap, Puniper! And mind me, you hear? You’ll help Kenny here-“ 

At this point, Ani didn’t particularly care. It was annoying, but since she had a feeling it was going to be a recurring theme now, she just had to roll with it. Punio didn’t agree.

“It’s ‘ _ Ani _ ’. I mean… It  _ kinda _ sounds like Kenny, but sheesh!”

“Yes, yes, simmer down, you.” If the elder had hands, she probably would have been waving one around dismissively right then. “Everyone else, help Kenny clear out our tree!” See, that was the kind of tone you didn’t argue with. Stern elder do-what-I-say-or-you’ll-get-another-long-ass-lecture tone. 

“Aright, Elder… whatever you say…” Puniper mumbled. “I’m not heartless, and I’m worried about Petuni, too. Besides, you’re right. We’ve got no choice. We’ve got to take back what’s ours, right?” It was kind of freaky how the other Punies jumped in unison. Was that just their little action for everything? Hopping with anger, excitement, agreement? Seriously.

“There you go, my Punies! That’s the spirit!” And now there were ten Punies added to their little troupe. Before they could do anything, Flurrie brought up a very good point that Ani had forgotten. 

“Pardon me… may I ask a question? We’re looking for a lovely gem called a Crystal Star… Do you know of it?”  _ Good on you, Flurrie. See what the Elder knows  _ **_before_ ** _ we start. _

“The Crystal Star, hmm? Yes, perhaps… Yes, I remember now. Hidden down, down, down at the bottom of this tree is this funny-looking green stone. What were we supposed to do…? Oh, right: “Guard it from evil and give it to a pure heart.” That’s what generations of elder shave been taught. Might be the Crystal Star…” The elder mumbled. That was all they really needed, wasn’t it? 

“Kenny? I’m thinking you’d better get it before those baddies do. Don’t see how just yet, but I’d bet my antenna that it’s connected to us getting our tree back. You got all that? Crystal Star, bottom of the tree. Go get it.”

“Sure thing, we’ll-“

“Wait, wait! I forgot something – I think you’ll have to save all the captured Punies before you can get the star. That’s right, you’ll never get to that gem without the help of the Punies. Not a chance. So here, you’d better take this. It’s the Puni Orb.” It looked more like a big yellow Sun stone, at least to Ani. “Place this in the pedestals around the tree, and the Punies will gather. Just remember to take the orb out when you’re done with it. Because, well, if you don’t, everyone’ll just kind of hang around and stare at it.”  _ Wait… haven’t we seen a pillar like that before?  _

“Alright. We’re going now. Nothing you forgot?” Ani checked. Just as she thought maybe she would get out before the elder  _ remembered _ anything else –

“Oh, and one more thing!” Again, tiny person,  _ very _ loud voice. “So sorry, so sorry! I’ve been awfully forgetful lately! Anyways, if you lose any of the Punies, just come see me. What I’ll do is give a whistle to call ‘em back here. You got all that?”  **_Yes_ ** _ , can we go now, please? _

“Yup. I’ll remember that.” Not that the teen was planning on losing any of the Punies. She’d just have to keep a careful count along the way. And finally,  _ finally _ , they were leaving. 

Just as Ani had remembered, there was a pedestal for the orb just on the other end of the first warp pipe. It was kind of freaky how quickly those Punies darted over to the colourful panel in front of the pedestal, huddling together and  _ all staring at the orb _ . Okay, that was creepy. Twenty two little eyes looking in her general direction. However, whatever they had done made a warp pipe appear, so she’d just have to deal with the creepy stares. 

The new pipe brought them down a level, to the other side of the locked red door that the two first X-Nauts had locked when they first arrived. There was another level beneath that, which Ani sort of stumbled into, landing in some kind of gooey substance. After a few moments of not dissolving – because the teen was sure there was some paper-dissolving pit  _ somewhere _ in this game – Ani thought was scot-free. And then  _ holy hell she was floating in a giant bubble. _

“Oh, you found the bubble pool!” Punio squeaked excitedly. “It’s  _ so _ fun!”

With that, a Pedestal, and Flurrie’s wind abilities in her use, Ani had a good idea of how to get the Punies across the gap, given that they couldn’t jump very far, and she didn’t want to have to carry them across one or two at a time. That would just take too much time. 

The alternate solution? Puni orb gathers Punies, Flurrie blows Punies off the edge and into the bubble stuff. Bubble stuff floats the Punies back up, and Flurrie sends them entirely across the gap. Well, it  _ worked _ , even if they were a little soapy afterwards. 

After that, not much happened. Aside from a few enemy fights, and finding Punio’s Jabbi friend Jabble (also, Jabbies were  _ giant freaking mosquitos,  _ **_no thanks_ ** ), that is, until their first run-in with a Jabbi hive. 

“Everyone! It’s the Jabbies! A Ten-Jabbi squad! Uh… Let’s get them!”

It was only ten, what a coincidence, but  _ damn  _ if that siren wasn’t annoying. The twitching Jabbies were left to their own devices as their hive went boom. 

Oddly enough, there was something pretty weird behind the hive. The blue key wasn’t a surprise, but the odd pattern on the walkway that led to the stairs that took them here  _ was _ . Puni, Star, Moon, Sun?

“Yeah! We got the key, we can free the other Punies, and Petuni! Let’s go!”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“…and they’ll  _ never _ come back, and that’s that, and what’s gonna happen to us, and… Hey, Petuni… What’s that thing you’ve been holding onto so tightly?” the Puni cut off in his tirade long enough to point out the shrivelled up… thing… Petuni was holding. 

“It’s a mushroom… I’ve been saving it for my big brother.” She mumbled.

“Oh. Not to be, you know, rude, but… it looks a dry and wrinkly. And… kinda gross.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know… I picked it so I could give Punio something to eat. But since we’ve been in here, it dried out, so…”

“Great story. Anyways, don’t worry so much. All my complaining aside, I’m sure Punio will return, at least.” He wasn’t so sure about that Ani person, or what state Punio would be in when he returned, but he would. Eventually. 

Maybe. 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Big brother!!!” Oh, here came that happy reunion Ani had been thinking about earlier. It kind of made her heart hurt – she wanted her sister back. Punio kind of had it lucky, getting Petuni back so quickly. 

“Little Petuni! Are you alright? You’re not hurt, are you?” Huh, it must have been a sibling thing. 

“Nope! I’m fine! …Hey, big brother… I have something for you! I meant to give it to you sooner, but…” The Puni pulled out what must have been a mushroom in another life. “Mushrooms are your favourite, aren’t they big brother? But… well, this one kinda got dried out.” Petuni finished apologetically. With a little shrug, Punio started nibbling on the dried mushroom.  _ Man, that looks nasty _ . 

“Big brother… It was icky, wasn’t it? I’m sorry.” Petuni looked dejected, especially when a rather ill look crossed Punio’s face. 

“No, not … urk! … Not at all! Mmmm-mmm! Very… ugh… yummy!” Punio claimed, shaking his head vehemently. Ani couldn’t help but snicker. She was so glad her sister had grown out of the experimental cooking phase. Or rather, been barred from the kitchen until she could take a cooking class in school. She’d always used Ani as her taste tester and some of her concoctions were… well, disgusting. 

“Big brother, are you okay?” Petuni asked obliviously, frowning. Before she could think more on it, Punio practically jumped on her. 

“Gimme a hug, Petuni!”

“Big brotherrrrr!” the younger whined. “Quit it, Punio! C’mon, don’t get all mushy! Everyone’s watching!” she squirmed away. “C’mon, aren’t we supposed to be helping take the tree back?”

“She’s got a point, kid. You can be adorable and cuddly later.” Ani cut in. “Time to go, that other Jabbi hive won’t destroy itself.”

On the way back the way they’d come, Petuni opted to walk alongside Punio and Ani. The teen hadn’t been expecting any chatter directed at her. 

“Do you have any brothers or sisters?” she asked quietly. Thank god Ani had experience with younger kids, volunteering at summer camps and such. She wasn’t exactly a conversationalist, and it was just harder phrasing things in ways younger ones could understand. 

“Yeah, Josephine. She’s actually the whole reason I’m here. Well, besides helping you guys out. These guys that took over your tree, they locked her up too. So I need to find her, and to do that I need these Crystal Stars.  _  I think… _ ”

“Really? You’re doing all of this to get her back?” Petuni was awestruck. In her case, her brother had left their tree by himself to get help, but she’d heard stories from the Elder – there were a  _ lot _ of Crystal Stars for Ani to get, and they were  _ all over the place _ ! 

“Of course. Aside from my mom, she’s the only family I’ve got.”

“What about your dad, don’t you have one of those?” Oh. Well, that wasn’t something she was expecting to answer. 

“I… I lost him, a little while after Josephine was born. I don’t really remember him very well, it was a long time ago.” She shrugged, but that train of thought brought a few other things to mind – for example, the TV and GameCube thing. Did he know about this stuff? Where did he get it all, what happened to him when he used them? Did he have to do this kind of stuff too? So many questions, not nearly enough answers. If he were  _ here _ , maybe she could get some of those answers. But since that was definitely not the case, she’d just have to question her mother when she got home. 

I mean, the damn TV had been in their basement for as long as Ani could remember. Her mom had to know  _ something _ , right? She wasn’t going to dance around it – when they got home, that was the  _ first  _ thing she was asking Lana about.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Piders where the bane of Ani’s new paper existence. Sure, there were only a few dotted around the path that would take her and the Punies to a second Jabbi hive, but they scared the Punies practically to death, enough that they ran off the edges of the twisting path and onto the floor below. See, that was a problem because she was pretty sure that the second Jabbi hive was gonna have a hell of a lot more Jabbies, and also because that was a  _ long _ fall… 

After a few more Pider fights, the teen was able to reclaim the Punies from the floor below – they weren’t hurt at all, tough little guys – and take them all to the next Jabbi hive. This battle was going to be a lot more chaotic. Ani and Flurrie might even need to help out.

Actually, the latter’s wind abilities  _ really _ helped turn the tide of this little skirmish, and soon the second hive was destroyed. 

“Wonder what’s behind door number two, here…” the teen mumbled. At first glance, there was a sealed-up hole in the ground and a Puni-Pillar, but they couldn’t do anything with those right now. Another warp pipe took them down a level, a few Piranha plants later they were in a room with another pillar, but this one… didn’t look quite right. It had the spot for the orb and all, but the designs that were so intricate and smooth on the other ones looked like they’d been drawn on by a two year-old. 

_ If video game logic still stands – yes, this is a trap. But, somehow this trap is going to help you further the story. Do, or do not? _

With that, she stuck the Puni orb in its spot. The Punies gathered, as they were supposed to. Maybe it wasn’t a fake? Just as the thought occurred, a giant metal cage dropped, folding out around them. Well, there went that idea. Definitely a trap. On that same note, a secret cover that had hidden a warp pipe dropped away. So  _ that’s _ where they had been going before they fell into this trap. 

“Uh… Huh? What??? What just happened?”

And then there was a familiar, idiotic laugh coming from the ceiling. A moment later, Lord Crump and two of his minions dropped down in front of the cage.   _Oh you’ve got to be kidding._ ** _That_** _idiot was behind this?_ _Right, those are the two X-Nauts we kicked out when we got here, aren’t they?_

“Man, you guys are dense! Brilliant little trap, huh? And  _ boy _ did you bite on it! I saw you sticking that silly stone on the pedestals, so I made a fake one… I am  _ awesome _ .” Crump bragged, sounding so freaking smug that Ani wanted to kick him in his stupid smug face. “I mean, I  _ knew _ it was a great plan, but seeing you fall for it really gives me the warm and fuzzies.”

“Actually, I knew it was a trap. I’ve got a plan, and you don’t know what it is,” Ani sang. She didn’t have a plan, per se, but she did know how to get out of here. That was like… twelve percent of a plan right there. 

“Oh  _ yeah _ ? What can you do from the inside of a cell, dummy?”

“Hm… good point.” Ani pretended to agree. She wasn’t going to do that moronic thing that supervillains did, and tell the enemy her entire plan.

“Anyway, with you morons out of the picture, I can take my time hunting for that Crystal Star. Later, losers! Buh, buh huh huh huh!” And then he was gone, thank god. As soon as he was, the Punies were in a panic, all talking at once all over the place. 

“Cool it, guys. Like I said, I’ve got a plan.” Ani shushed the little creatures, using the paper sheet ability to slip between the bars of their cage.  _ Stupid Crump. If he’d actually been watching, he’d know that a grid would actually keep me in.  _ “I’ll be back as soon as I can, okay? I promise, I’ll get you guys out of here.” She whispered. “Just keep quiet, okay?”

“We’re counting on you, Ani!” Punio whispered as the teen and Flurrie climbed onto the newly-revealed warp pipe. With a little thumbs-up, Ani descended into a new area. Much like the room they’d found the blue key in, there was a pattern in the pillars against the wall – Sun, Moon, Puni, Star. Different from the last one. 

“Memorize this; Sun, Moon, Puni, Star…” she muttered to herself. There was a button against the other wall, and she had a feeling it was important. Nothing overly obvious happened, but it was Flurrie to point out what could be done. 

“These columns look familiar. Perhaps we should return to the room where we found the key to the Punies’ cell and investigate?” she suggested. Why hadn’t Ani thought of that herself???

“Good idea, let’s go.”


	13. Chapter 2 Episode IV – Tick Tock

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani meets Toadette, Crump is STILL an idiot, and time bombs are scary. Also, Puni songs of joy sound like what? Squeaky mouse songs?

Flurrie was right to suggest there was some correlation between the two sets of pillars. Four buttons that had definitely not been in this room last time had appeared in front of the four symbols. When the pattern was entered, the individual columns peeled away to reveal another doorway. 

“Careful. We don’t know what could be waiting in here.” Ani cautioned before they entered. There was a giant treasure chest, which set off alarm bells, but… this one wasn’t black and spiky. No curses from the Great Tree, she supposed. What she found when she opened the box, however, was… a pair of boots. They didn’t look entirely real, was the only qualm she had with them. What she  _ did _ have qualms with was the sudden pink-spotted background that replaced everything around her. Followed by an equally pink toad approaching her.

“Hi! I’m Toadette!” she greeted cheerfully. “You’re not who I was expecting to open my box, but that’s okay. It’s nice to meet you! Congratulations on getting the Super Boots! These cool kicks power up jumping attacks!” Why did this make Ani think of ads from the 90s? That may have been forty years ago now, but…. Eugh. 

“You’ll be able to use a new technique now, so let’s practice it, okay?”

“Well, it’s not like I have anything better to do. I’m Ani, by the way.” 

And so, Ani learned how to ground-pound. She knew that wasn’t what it was called, but it sounded appropriate. She basically turned a somersault in mid-air and stomped her feet really hard. Also, the thing with the boots that didn’t really look real was that they were basically like a badge, except they didn’t take up space, just kind of went on top of the boots. 

“You’re a natural! That was perfect!” Toadette squealed. “You think you got it down pat, or do you want to try again?”

“I think I’ve got it now. Uh… thanks for the help, I  _ really  _ needed these.” The teen pointed to the boots.

“Of course! Also, before I go…” Toadette trailed off raising her arm and pointing it to the side, where a familiar-looking boarded up panel dropped from the sky. “You can smash through spots like this with the Spin Jump, now. You can also use the spin jump in battle, okay?” She informed her. 

“Good to know.”

“Alright, that’s all I needed to tell you. It was nice to meet you! Thanks for stopping by, I hope I see you again!” With that, the toad was gone, along with the spotty pink background. Flurrie didn’t seem to have seen anything that transpired, so she was pretty curious. Ani opted to show instead of tell, with the blocked-off panel she’d seen outside in front of the buttons. It worked the same in the little tutorial as it did now, and Ani’s new boots smashed through the wooden cover like it was nothing, dropping her and Flurrie to the next floor below. 

“I say! How advantageous!” the wind spirit cheered. The new room they’d fallen into looked to be full of large pillars. She couldn’t see what the point was just yet, she was pretty sure that would come later. After a short climb, they were in the room where the Punies had fought the first Jabbi cluster. The bodies were gone, how morbid. It was just a simple matter of going back the way she’d come the first time. Before she knew it, she and Flurrie were back in the cage. 

Faulty though it may have been, the pedestal still worked with the Puni orb to attract the little creatures, which revealed the breakable panel within the cell’s floor, which was promptly smashed. This time she didn’t fall through the resulting hole in the floor.  

Working with the orb and Flurrie, the teen managed to get all one hundred and one Punies out of the cell and to the floor below. 

“You did it, Ani!” Petuni squealed, hopping on the spot in her excitement. 

“Told you guys I would. Come on, we’ve still got to find the Crystal Star before that idiot Crump does.” A few of the Punies tittered at that, and they were on their way. During their first trek down this way Ani had noticed the Puni-Pedestal they couldn’t use, and also the elevated platform that a warp pipe sat on directly below it. It wasn’t rocket science, she just couldn’t figure out what to do about the boarded up panel before. Well, now she did, and it still felt super badass whenever she ground-pounded. 

Now it was just the harrowing matter of getting the Punies down the hole. It wasn’t that  _ they _ were difficult, it was just that sometimes they didn’t go where they were supposed to when Flurrie blew them away. Finally, though, all one hundred and one were down the hole and going down the second warp pipe.  _ Please let there be a Crystal Star down here, I just want to get out of this tree… _ Nope. No Crystal Star yet. Just some X-Nauts, more Yux’s, and… a gigantic pool of water.  _ What? _ The answer came  _ two more warp pipes later _ , in the form of a button she had to not stand on, while also throwing Koops at another one that appeared. That drained the water from the first section to the second, and  _ hey _ , there were floating things down here!

The Punies had no jumping abilities whatsoever, so these tough lily pad leaves were kind of a godsend to progress further down the tree to another 101 Puni Panel Pedestal. Wow, talk about alliteration, it’s kind of a tongue twister. When all of the Punies were on the panel, the ground began to shake. Ani wondered if that had been not the brightest idea, maybe another of Crump’s traps?

“Um, oh no! What’s going on?” one of the Punies cried, and the panel began to lower like an elevator into a new area. “ _ Oh _ , so  _ that’s _ how you get down here to this room…” With how long they’d spent, this  _ had  _ to be where the Crystal Star was, right? Right? Okay, so not in this exact room, but it had to be on this level. 

Guess who was right? This whole new room the group entered practically screamed  _ Hey, this is where we keep our Crystal Star! _ There was also a Puni Pedestal in the middle of the room, and wasn’t that telling. The Elder  _ had _ said Ani couldn’t find the star without the help of the Punies, so that was that. Again with the ground shaking and flashy lights, that exact thing happened  _ again _ when all of the Punies were in the circle, and guess what happened after?

“Yes!” Ani whooped, fist-pumping as the bright green emerald star floated out of one of the Puni statues, coming to rest directly in front of it. “We got it, we’re finished…”  _ Well, except for Crump… _ a helpful part of the teen’s brain reminded her, and she sighed.  _ Any second now, I can practically guarantee it.  _

Oh, there he was. Less than two seconds after Koops exclaimed, “Ani, look! Look look look! It’s the Crystal Star!” Crump just  _ had _ to go and ruin the moment by darting out of absolutely freakin’ nowhere and snatching it. 

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?”

“Buh Buh huh huh huh! What’s it look like, Blondie? Oh man, am I lucky or what? ‘ _ Oh, you say you need a Crystal Star, Lord Crump?’  _ Boom! Falls right in my lap!” After a moment, the expression none of them could see soured. “Still, this is humiliating! You shouldn’t have been able to escape that cell. Oh, you brat! You  _ told _ me you had a plan, too! Ugh!” So Mr. Supervillain Reject was a pouter, was he? “So, for insulting my awesome trap, I’m gonna repay you with a little present.” That… didn’t sound good. Know what didn’t look good? The remote with a big red button that Crump pulled out a moment later. “Oh, just a little something I like to call  _ a remote time-bomb detonator _ ! I’m gonna use this to bury you and those squirmy Punies in rubble! Sound fun?”

_ Oh  _ **_crap_ ** _! _

“You’re insane! What, do you think that won’t, I dunno, damage the Crystal Star I took from Hooktail at all?”

Crump just laughed that moronic laugh again. “Enjoy your final minutes in this dank old tree! And with that… pow! I’m gone!” he pushed the button on the detonator, called down a warp pipe and disappeared. Ani leaped into action, beckoning the Punies towards the warp pipe Crump had idiotically not called back up with him. 

“Go, go, go! I don’t know how much time we’ve got, so we need to move quickly. Screw the monsters, we just need to go around them as quickly as we can!” she ordered as the Punies poured into the pipe. Only when all of them had gone up did Ani and Koops follow, though he was quickly swapped out for Flurrie when the teen remembered the ‘bubble pit’. 

Ani didn’t remember ever feeling this panicked in her life as she ran through the Great Tree. Any second now, she could explode, and die, and she would never see Josephine again. She’d wait and wait and wait, and Ani would never come. That was  _ not _ going to happen. 

_ Okay, okay, we’re at the bubble pit. Not much farther now, we can get out and stop Crump.  _

It was surprisingly easy to get the Punies across, not as much for herself. She tripped and landed in the soapy mess, but she barely gave it any thought before getting herself into the warp pipe to the other side. 

The door was locked again, but all it really took was smashing the button for the light to go green and let them through. Despite the panicking, Ani stumbled across what might have been the funniest scene she’d watched thus far. Big bad X-Naut Lord Crump was stopped at the front door… by the Puni Elder. 

“You won’t be going any farther this-a-way!” the old Puni stood her ground. 

“What?!? Are you nuts? Move it, you old geezer!”  _ Oh, that was the  _ **_wrong_ ** _ thing to say… _

“ _ What?!?” _ the Elder shrieked, almost literally growing with her rage. “Did you just call me an ‘old geezer’?! Where do you get off, talking to a respected elder like that? You have no respect, you  _ brat _ ! Don’t think my age has a thing to do with my might! Even if it kills me, I won’t let you through! I’m ready!  _ Elder Power Activate _ !”

_ Oh dear god, this is way too funny for this situation. Elder power activate??? _ Ani couldn’t help but snicker. 

“What is your  _ problem _ , grandma? You got an ear hair tickling your brain, or what?”

And of course,  _ right then _ would be the time that the Elder’s back went out. She couldn’t move now. Really? Well, at least it gave Ani and Flurrie – thinking on it, she should probably switch to Koops before the fight starts, he’s her heavy-hitter… – the time they needed to catch up and step in, right about when Crump was threatening to shine his stupid boots with the Elder.

“Uh, I don’t think so!” Ani hollered, startling Crump. “Did you  _ honestly _ think we’d let you escape? Deactivate the bomb, or you get buried with us. Oh, and maybe the Crystal Star while you’re at it.” Well, he  _ did _ stop the timer, but this moron was too cocky to just hand the star over just like that. Well, looked like Ani and Koops would be kicking his ass. Right after Goombella tattled for Ani.

Oh, wait, what was Crump doing? He hit some other button on his magic remote, and some red and transparent orb hovered down from the ceiling. When the X-Naut jumped into it, it began to unfold into something else. Something much…  _ bigger _ . 

“Awake, Magnus Von Grapple! Time for a technological thrashing!” Magnus von Grapple, huh? Well, it unfolded even more from looking like a giant Yux, two arms and legs popping out the sides and bottom. Well, this didn’t look good. 

“Well, what do you say? Open with the Earth Tremor, or something else?” Ani whispered when the curtain dropped them onto the stage. Koops shrugged. 

“You crying yet, yeah? Sorry, this thing isn’t armed with tissues!” Crump sneered. “Magnus von Grapple has that effect on people – total, weeping terror. And you ain’t seen nothing yet! Check out the power on this bad boy!”

“It’s gonna take more than some cardboard box to make me cry, Bozo. So what, you just gonna stand there and brag about your cool new toy, or are we gonna get this show on the road?” Ani threw her arms out to the sides tauntingly. 

“I’ve got the power of a Crystal Star on my side, brat! Just you wait!” 

_ Oh, I’ve got one of those too.  _ That settled it, then. They  _ had _ to open with Earth Tremor now. It went off without a hitch, and that  _ had _ to hurt. Koops followed out with power shell. Again,  _ ouch _ . 

“Here it comes, suckers!  _ Magnus von Puniiiiiiiish! _ ” And Ani got stomped on. That wasn’t fun, at all. But at least he only got to attack once to their twice. Wait… no. A few attacks later, that was now officially incorrect. He had to be almost down for the count by now, though.

“This ain’t over yet! This is awesome, check out what else this guy can do. You’re gonna love it!” Ani would probably love that whole machine if it wasn’t made of paper and also trying to kill her. “This might not work out too well for you.” Oh, the hands detached into little rocket fists. Well, that wasn’t good. This might be a good time to use that Ice Storm she’d gotten at the little secret item shop before. It was pretty cool, no pun intended, and bye-bye Magnus von Grapple Rocket Hands.

Except then the machine threw a temper tantrum that caused a mini earthquake, and the damn rocket hands were back one turn later. 

“No but actually – just  _ screw off _ .”

“Gurk- urgh! Not good… can’t last…”

Awesome, they were only one turn away from getting that pretty Crystal Star back. So Ani pulled out all the stops, and hit Magnus von Grapple with her hammer as hard as she possibly could. He was still standing, but maybe Koops could change that. 

That was the end of that, pretty damn quickly. 

“Bleeeeee-harrrgh…. This could be the end…” And…  _ Kaboom _ **_._ **

Being the teenager that she was, Ani couldn’t resist the urge to cheer and fist-pump again. Her little audience completely ate it up, before they were returned from the stage back into the tree. When Magnus von Grapple exploded, Crump was sent flying across the room and landed on his head. Upon impact, that pretty green emerald star flew out of his pocket, clinking to the ground delicately at Ani’s feet. 

“Buh! Bu-aaaaaargh! No! Magnus von Grapple! How could we lose?!?” struggling to his feet, Crump glared at Ani. “I’ll remember this, brat!”

“Then you’re smarter than you look! Now scram, before I kick your ass again!” No need for the motivation, he was already gone, along with a few leftover X-Nauts.

“We did it, Ani! You got the X-Nauts out of our tree!” Punio cheered.

“Alright there, Kenny. You can have the Emerald Star.  _ On the condition… _ that you come back and visit us before you return to where you’re supposed to be.” That was… awfully sentimental of the Elder. “I want to meet this sweet little sister of yours. She must be something special for you to put up with all this to get her back.”

_ Wait… had I talked about Josephine around the Elder before now? I can’t remember _ . 

“I’ll try. Thank you, Elder.”

With that, it was time to take the Crystal Star, gleaming in the odd light of the tree.  _ One step closer, Josephine. I’m coming for you, I promise. _

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

_ And so, after pummeling Lord Crump, Ani obtained the second Crystal Star. With the X-Nauts gone, peace once again prevailed throughout the Great Tree. The Boggly Woods echoed with Puni songs of joy. But… this may not be the last our heroine hears from the vile X-Nauts. They will surely continue to stand in Ani’s way and try to put a stop to her efforts to rescue her sister. _


	14. Chapter 2 Episode V – Interlude II: Secrets and Misunderstandings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josephine spills her guts to a computer, Bowser is the King of Guys Who Talk to Posters, and Ani is glad to leave the headache-inducing LSD wonderland that is the Boggly Woods.

_ “What?!? _ Say that again! You can’t get in touch with Lord Crump?” Grodus demanded. The Science-Division X-Naut, to his credit, didn’t cower at his leader’s rage. 

“Correct, sir. We are investigating now… We should hear anytime…” the scientist responded blandly as another X-Naut entered the room. 

“Sir Grodus! Please allow me to enter!” he called, with a salute and approaching when beckoned.

“Yes, what is it?” Grodus urged impatiently.

“I have a report, sir. The Crystal Star in the Boggly Woods has apparently been taken by the woman Ani!”

_ “What?!? _ You must be joking! What about Lord Crump and the Shadow Sirens??” While anger was still there, some of it was replaced with incredulity; this child had the audacity to steal from  _ him _ ? That, and the fact that she had succeeded against Lord Crump  _ and the Shadow Sirens _ ! 

“Hm… this is rather disturbing. This child, Ani… what kind of power must she have, to go up against my best and remain undefeated? She is no one to be trifled with, and therefore, we  _ must _ find the other Crystal Stars before she can. X-Naut, speak up! What is the status of the other Crystal Stars?”

“I apologize, sir!” the X-Naut began hesitantly. No one liked being the bearer of bad news, especially to  _ Grodus _ . “We are still searching for the other Crystal Stars, sir. Unfortunately, with no success.”

Grodus looked fairly close to throwing his staff at this X-Naut, but refrained. “We knew of three of them… Hooktail Castle, Boggly Woods, and the one we got in Rogueport. That means there are four Crystal Stars left out there, and we  _ cannot _ let ages upon ages of careful planning go to waste because of  _ one girl!!! _ Back to the search, X-Naut! I want those Crystal Stars found before the girl gets to them!”

“Yes sir, we’re on it!” Wasting no time, the X-Naut scrambled from the room. Grodus spoke up again when only the Scientist was left. 

“It is as I suspected. Our prisoner must have gotten the map to this Ani before our men nabbed her…” he muttered, before pointing to the scientist. “Listen up! You! I want you to keep an eye on the girl and what she does from now on. Report back to me immediately if anything changes!” he ordered, getting a salute before the scientist departed.

“ _ Ani _ … I  _ loathe  _ you…”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Josephine had read the books TEC had somehow procured for her, she’d read them all twice over. Gods, she hoped boredom wasn’t setting in again. She might have to resort to cracking the door mechanism and breaking into TEC’s room to mess with Grodus. Maybe rig it so that Nyan Cat blared over the speakers or something.

_ Ooh, that’s a good idea. _

“TEEEEEEC… I’m  _ bored _ .” She whined. She didn’t even know if he was watching, to be honest. Meh, she could talk to the ceiling while she waited. She went from talking about the books she’d read, to the nonsensical dreams she’d had in the last two weeks, to how she wished things with her mother could have been different. Ani had told her that their mom  _ used _ to be happy, until their dad died. 

And then the door opened. 

_ “Finally _ !” she sighed, rolling off the bed and onto the floor, getting to her feet and practically skipping down the hall to the computer room. “Hiii, TEC~” the little teen sang as she strolled into the room. Thinking on it, skipping down the hall and singing were really good ways to get in trouble. What if someone else had been there? She’d have to tone it down a little. 

**_[[_ ** _ Hello, Josephine Winters. I am glad you joined me. _ **_]]_ ** TEC greeted.

“Me too. Believe you me, books don’t last very long when you’ve got nothing to do all day. Also – did that email I sent to my sister make it to her okay?” the glee at being able to go somewhere outside of her room faded with the thought. 

**_[[_ ** _ Yes. I can confirm that Ani Winters received the mail. I received a notification upon her opening the file. _ **_]]_ **

“Oh, good…” Josephine leaned against the wall. Ani was still okay. 

**_[[_ ** _ Your sister also appears to be causing much trouble for my creator, Sir Grodus. _ **_]]_ ** TEC pointed out, and the little teen giggled. 

“Well, that would figure. I feel like I’d probably do the same if our positions were reversed. Probably after some kind of mental breakdown, but…” she shrugged. “So, what do you want to do today?” she asked, sitting down in front of the computer, hugging her knees to her chest.

**_[[_ ** _ I wish to know more about you. You spoke of a maternal figure in your life while you waited for me to summon you. _ **_]]_ **

“Yeah. We just call those our mothers, or moms, TEC. My mom’s name is Lana, she used to work in Architectural Engineering. Pretty sure that’s how she met my dad, actually. She was having some business meeting with the big-wigs of some company, and the computers completely fritzed because of some virus. My dad was the computer guy they sent up to fix it. She quit the job to marry my dad, then she had my big sister. I was born a little while after she turned five.” As the little teen spoke, she started rocking back and forth. Ani had told her the story enough times, she wasn’t sure if she wanted to continue it. 

**_[[_ ** _ When you spoke of your… mother, you wished that things could be better. Please elaborate. _ **_]]_ **

Oh no, he was gonna make her finish the sob story, wasn’t he?

“Well… A few weeks after my first birthday, my dad died. Under questionable circumstances, because he seemed to have just died from  _ nothing _ . My mom… totally locked up. Took down all the pictures, threw herself into her work. She cared enough to make sure we ate, and were dressed in good clothes, and got to school and into bed on time, but that was about it. Honestly, she might be my sister, but Ani’s probably more of a mother to me than our actual mom most days.”  _ Well crap, did I actually just spill my guts to a computer?  _

**_[[_** _I understand. My database informs me that people respond to grief in many different ways. That is not among the listed healthy ways to overcome grief._ ** _]]_** Josephine scoffed. 

“No kidding. Look, there’s not much else to say where she’s concerned. Was there… anything else you wanted to talk about?”

**_[[_ ** _ … _ **_]]_ **

**_[[_ ** _ …My security footage shows you talking to yourself, mentioning something called a ‘GameCube’. This is not listed in my database, or in any of my connections to the network. _ **_]]_ **

“That, my dear TEC, is on the list of things that we cannot talk about. I feel like it would cause a paradox or something. So… I can’t tell you, or else the universe might implode.”

**_[[_ ** _ The event of the universe collapsing due to explaining this ‘GameCube’ to me is highly unlikely. _ **_]]_ **

“It’s not even that important, it’s just some gaming system from thirty years ago. A broken one, at that.” She wasn’t going to tell TEC that that GameCube was the reason she was even there right now. Or was it the TV? The TV had been the thing to spark and explode, after all. But still, telling them would only result in more uncomfortable questions. Maybe even experiments, if Grodus was feeling nasty. What would he  _ do _ if he found out she and Ani were from a whole other world?

**_[[_ ** _ …I see. Thank you for visiting me, Josephine Winters. I will fulfill my promise to you. If you wish, you may send a message to your sister via my communicator. _ **_]]_ ** TEC had filled in the address again, all that was left was to type and send it. 

“Alright, um… I’m done. Send it please?”

**_[[_ ** _ The message has been sent. Please return to your room. It was… nice to talk to you. I wish to analyze this data immediately. _ **_]]_ **

The door slid open as Josephine approached it, but she paused. “I don’t suppose there’s any way you can have my sister be able to respond to my emails, without Grodus finding out?”

**_[[_ ** _ …I will see what I can do. Goodnight, Josephine Winters. _ **_]]_ **

“Goodnight, TEC.”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Meanwhile, the King of the Koopas stomped through the Petal Meadows. According to Kammy, there was a little village nearby called Petalburg. If Princess Peach had been in these meadows, she  _ had _ to have stopped there.

“We just got word that Princess Peach was spotted in the town up ahead, Lord Bowser.” Kammy Koopa reiterated, pointing forward with her little staff.

“Good, good! Bwa ha ha ha, these fools don’t know what’s coming to them!” Bowser grinned.

“My lord! You’re so super!” Kammy cackled. 

The journey to Petalburg was probably the easiest thing Bowser had ever done. What made it even better was the terrified reactions he got in the little town. 

“Oh, hey, welcome to Petalburg and…” the welcoming committee trailed off, eyes blowing wide. The koopa began to tremble in fear, before letting out a not-so-manly shriek. “ _Everybody hiiiiide!!!”_ he shouted, before turning tail and running.

“Hmph! What a wuss. Yes, hide, chickens! I have no need for any of you!” he scoffed. “What I  _ do _ need, though, is Princess Peach. Now, where is she? Tell me  _ this instant!” _

Kammy Koopa gasped, spying someone in one of the windows of a nearby house. “Lord Bowser! Over there!!!” she hacked, pointing towards the house. Princess peach appeared to be staring at Bowser affectionately from that window. What happened when he stormed over there, however, was a different story. 

“I’ve found you, my princess. I, Bowser, the mighty Koopa king, offer my greeting!” Surprisingly cordial for a usually-obnoxious Koopa, really. Too bad the Princess didn’t seem to care. She was still just staring. “Now, now! None of that silent treatment! You’re coming to my castle with me!” he ordered sternly. Still nothing.

“Clearly she’s been so overtaken with joy that she’s been left speechless!” Kammy tittered as she hovered over. “The mind of a maiden is, well, rather complicated.”

“I suppose I could live with a silent princess! It might even have its perks, you know?” Bowser chuckled. Whatever fantasies he was imagining with Princess Peach in his castle were quickly shattered by that same shrieking Koopa that had ‘greeted’ him earlier. 

“ _ Nooooo!!!” _ The shivering Koopa scrambled up to the house, between Bowser and the princess. “My… My life’s treasure! I’d rather die than give up my life-size Peach poster!” he wailed, rolling the poster off the window and running inside, leaving a gobsmacked pair of evildoers. 

“… _ Poster???” _

_ “Oh my goodness… I didn’t see that coming…”  _ Kammy muttered beside him. After another moment, Bowser sighed with a slouch.

“Great. Just great. Now I look like the huge, mighty king of  _ guys who talk to posters! _ ” If Bowser’s voice was anywhere near a whine, well, it wasn’t like anybody was going to tell  _ him  _ that. “Hey… why does this lowlife have a poster of princess peach?” he suddenly wondered. 

Approaching the door, Bowser bashed his way in. The koopa inside shrieked again, backed right against the wall. 

“N-No!  _ G-go away! _ ” he wailed. 

“I’m not here to steal your poster!” Bowser shouted. He wasn’t  _ that _ lonely. “I want to know  _ why _ you have it.”

The tremors stopped, just a little bit, and the koopa frowned distrustfully. 

“P-Princess Peach came here a little while ago in disguise. She stopped the d-dragon Hooktail from harassing us.” He muttered, backing further into the house. 

“Princess Peach defeated a  _ dragon _ ?” Kammy repeated skeptically. “Preposterous!”

“No it’s not! I put the poster against the window to check! She wasn’t wearing the dress, and her hair was a little bit lighter, but it  _ was _ Princess Peach!”

“Hm…” Having gotten the information they wanted, Bowser and Kammy left the koopa’s house. “This is getting weirder and weirder…” Bowser muttered. “Peach on a treasure hunt, defeating dragons? What’s gotten into her?”

“We’ll simply have to catch up with her and find out, milord. I’ll send out as many spies as we can spare, see if we can’t find out where she’s heading next.” Kammy hummed. 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

And so it was time for everyone at the Great Tree to say goodbye. Flurrie to her long-time friends, who helped her to find herself again, and Ani, Koops and Goombella to some new friends.

“Uh… thank you for everything you’ve done, Ani. I don’t know how long you’ll be around these parts for, but… you can always stay with us until you go back. It’s not like we don’t have room. And I promise, it’ll be a lot more peaceful next time.” Punio joked.

“I’ll do my best, but I can’t say for sure yet. This adventure still has a long ways to go.” Ani shrugged, kneeling down and patting the Puni on the head. 

“You know, girl, now that we get right down to it, I’m kind of sad to see you go.” The elder Puni admitted. “I do love pontificating, so come on by whenever you want to sit and chat awhile.”

“Thank you for the offer, elder. And like I said, I’ll try to bring my sister around sometime.” Temperamental she may be, but never let it be said that Ani couldn’t be polite when she wanted.

“Anyways, thanks for showing us how to work together, Ani. If we do that, we can stop this kind of thing from happening again. Good luck with the Crystal Stars, and… I hope you get your sister back. You helped me get  _ mine _ back, so… you understand.” Punio finished

“Bye, Miss Ani!” Petuni squeaked, echoed by a few of the others. Ani only smiled, waving to the little group as she and Koops headed back towards the warp pipe. 

“Those guys are sweet, but this forest kinda creeps me out, now. I can’t  _ wait _ to get out of here.” She sighed as they descended into the warp pipe. “I mean, it’s peaceful, but these colours give me a headache.” She continued, pointing at the ground and the many colours decorating the vines and ivy that covered it.

“I bet it takes some getting used to.” Koops agreed. Before more could be said, that same obnoxious ringtone from last time blared from her pocket. “Incoming mail!” he crowed. 

“It’s an email from my sister, it’s got to be!” Without further ado, Ani opened the file. 

_ ‘Hey, sis.  _

_ I’ve got it on good authority that you’re giving this Grodus guy a lot of trouble. Good job, keep it up! :D I’ve been able to keep myself mostly entertained, but I don’t know how long that’ll last. I may have to take drastic measures, re-enact my first day at ADSS. Anyways, look. Grodus is really riding these guys’ asses to find the Crystal Stars. Please be careful, I’ll try to learn what I can. If I find anything, I’ll let you know, okay?  _

_ …I miss you. I miss you working on that stupid robot JESA (you never  _ **_did_ ** _ tell me what you were making her for), and teaching me how to fix computers like dad did. Going for ice cream at that place on 4 _ _ th _ _ , that silly pizza party you threw for me when I got over my flu. Let’s have those kinds of days again, hey? I hope you can come get me soon. I know it’s not likely, but still. Love you, sis.  _

_ Oh, one last thing! It would be in the best interests of both of us if we don’t mention where we’re from, if you catch my meaning. One bad thing could lead to another, and the next thing you know we’re lab rats. So be careful, okay? _

_ ~Josephine   _

_ ADDENDUM: This private communications channel has been isolated from all networks connected with Sir Grodus, commander of the X-Nauts. This being the case, it would not put certain persons in danger of being found out by Sir Grodus or the X-Nauts if they were to send a response. At the request of one Josephine Winters, this communications channel has been secured. You may reply to Josephine’s email if you so wish with this password: 1-14-9.23 _

“That… is really friggin’ sketchy.” On one hand, Ani jumped at the chance to talk with her sister again. On the other, this could be some kind of trap. “What do you think, Koops?” The Koopa shrugged. 

“Well, it seems pretty suspicious, but… I mean, you’ve shown that you can take anything that comes our way. So if it  _ is _ a trap… we could probably handle it.” He replied. Well, he had a good point. So long as those epic paper abilities and Crystal Star powers stuck around, they’d be okay.

“…I’m gonna give it a little time, think it over.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani meets a new human being, talks to a snail, and bribes some thieves to stop pickpocketing her (how does that help? They're still taking her money?). Also, more characters with problems that somehow involve family definitely don't get under Ani's skin, what could possibly give you that idea?

Chapter 3 Prologue – Side Quests Kind of Suck

“Crystal Star time, my friend!” Flurrie cheered. Ani had explained the process of what happened on the way back to Rogueport, after swapping Koops out for her, but it was nothing compared to actually seeing it.

The blue lights cast an unnatural glow around the room, and the Emerald Star took its place on the floor as Ani held the map up to the door. Shiny bright lights, yadda yadda yadda, now it was time for Ani to see where they were going next.

Instead of anything that _made sense_ , some kind of glittery floating island bloomed itself into existence between the Boggly Woods and Petal Meadows. A Golden Crystal Star appeared before the odd floating island. Fitting that it would be gold, considering the sheer amount of glittery flashing lights that seemed to be decorating the island.

“Um… I’m not seeing things, right? That’s a floating island right there?” Ani pointed to the island, and Flurrie hummed.

“What does it mean? I wonder... I suppose we should take it to this Professor Frankly you mentioned. Perhaps he knows something.”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

“…That means that beneath this town, the thousand-year-old ruins remain intact. And that door’s been sealed shut for a thousand years by the Crystal Stars. In order to open that seal, we have to muster the power of all the Crystal Stars.” Frankly sure knew how to research, Ani could say that.

“What I don’t understand is why anyone would want to seal the treasure away at all.” Flurrie admitted. Ani just shrugged at her. “Did they fear thieves and brigands? If not, then what?” _And what does this all have to do with this floating island?_

“No… that’s not it…” Frankly murmured.

“That’s not what?”

“… _I don’t know!”_ Frankly exploded, startling both women.

“Frankly! Calm down!” Ani exclaimed. “No need to shout. If you can’t figure it out, that’s _fine_. Just… _chill_!”

“Sorry, sorry… I know the treasure was sealed away around the time the original town was destroyed, but I don’t know why. Several different texts have different answers. The only thing that stays the same is this: ‘Darkness stole the sky and the cataclysm rained down’. I must research this more. Assuming will just make an… Well, you know the saying.” Ani snorted. Of course he wouldn’t curse, he was technically scripted by Nintendo for a children’s game.

“That aside, what about this floating island on the map? What do we do about this?” Ani asked, pointing again to the glittery island. It was probably going to be something really simple, wasn’t it?

“That, Miss Ani, is fairly obvious. Well, for those of us that know the lay of the land. My apologies, I forgot you’re unfamiliar with the land here. This is the floating town of Glitzville. There’s something of a fighting arena there, where many warriors engage in furious battles for the title of Champion. Ostensibly, families go there on vacation to lounge and enjoy the fights, but… Behind the scenes, the richest people in the world wager on the bouts.”

“So… how are we supposed to get there, sprout wings and fly?” Ani raised an eyebrow. “Don’t get me wrong, this whole floating city thing sounds pretty sweet, but I’m more concerned about the way there.”

“There’s a special blimp, it goes back and forth between Rogueport and Glitzville several times a day. The problem is getting a seat. The only way to get a ticket is through certain… rather undesirable channels.”

“Ooh, that sounds exciting! A little on the seedy side. Show me the way!” Flurrie chirped excitedly.

“Hrm… I don’t know, it could be dangerous. But I guess we don’t have much choice. The word on the street is all tickets go through Don Pianta on the west side.” Well, if that didn’t sound like a Mafia name, Ani would eat one of those nasty dried mushrooms. “Just head west and you’ll get to that part of town. It’s all under the control of Don Pianta, the Pianta syndicate head. Apparently he makes pretty regular jaunts over to Glitzville.”

_Well, definitely some kind of Mafia thing. Oh joy, I can’t **wait** to meet him…_

“It may sound easy as pie, but he’s a syndicate boss. The rumors about him are scary.” Frankly warned. But after everything Ani had gone up against, this Don Pianta didn’t sound all that intimidating. “He’s also something of a recluse, so even getting to speak with him will be difficult. Do be careful, Ani. Oh, and… from the looks of things, you haven’t slept since you set out for Boggly Woods. I highly suggest you do that first.”

“Yeah, yeah. Kind of becoming routine, now. Don’t you think?” she snickered as she and Flurrie left the professor’s house.

When they were out of potential earshot, Ani spoke up.

“Well, we’ve got a Don to talk to.” She sighed.

“You’re not going to sleep?” Flurrie asked incredulously. “I dare say, if you’ve not slept since you started the adventure in the woods, you’ve got to be nearing collapse by now.”

“Not the first all-nighter I’ve pulled and managed to function like a normal human being the next – hey!” Ani’s explanation was cut off when a rather tall – and surprisingly _normal_ looking – person practically bashed her shoulder in, bumping into her. “If you’re trying to pickpocket me I swear on all that is holy you’ll regret it!” she threatened, but she can’t have been too convincing with her eyes drooping like they were. Flurrie was right, she should probably sleep before she went picking fights. Luck was on her side, though, because the normal-looking stranger just laughed.

“No worries there, kid. I don’t think I want to meet the business end of your hammer. Or those boots. _Ouch_. You must run with a tough crowd to need that kind of stuff, hey?” the stranger pointed out the Super Boots.

“Oh, yeah. Not entirely voluntarily. Uh… it’s a long story I don’t really have time for. I need sleep, and then I’ve got a blimp to catch.” Ani apologized, and the stranger shrugged.

“Sure thing. What’s your name?” he asked. Ani would like to think that her Stranger Danger alarm was fairly well-tuned, even with her current sleep deprivation. She wasn’t getting any bad vibes off this guy – which, in _Rogueport_ , was an anomaly in itself. Besides, she was probably never gonna see this guy again. What damage could it do?

“Ani Winters. And you?” If she wasn’t so tired, the teen might have seen the momentary frown that crossed the stranger’s face. Confusion and shock were most definitely there. _Flurrie_ noticed, and opted to bring it up with Ani later.

“Samuel Michaels.” He introduced himself after another moment. “You… look like you’re dead on your feet, so I’m gonna let you go now.” He said, before directing his gaze to Flurrie. “I’m guessing your friend here can help you out.”

“That’s probably a very _very_ good idea. I just kind of fought this giant robot dude. So… bye, Samuel. Nice to meet you.”

The stranger stopped them one more time before leaving. “One last thing – If you’re looking to get an audience with Don Pianta, talk with Ishnail first. He’s over on the east side, behind the Trouble Center.” The man whispered. _Whoa, what? How did he know about that?_ Before she could turn around to ask him what the hell he was playing at, he’d just disappeared.

“That was… really weird. Alright, well… Time to go to the inn and sleep. Think about Ishnail and Don Pianta, or whatever, later.”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

The kid’s name was Ani Winters. That couldn’t be a coincidence, could it? The one other human being he’d actually met in this world, and her name was _Ani Winters_. Pulling a walkie-talkie from his bag, Samuel spoke into it.

“Babe, could you read me out that list of names we got last week?”

“What’s going on?” a woman’s voice crackled through.

“Just checking something. Please?”

“... Yeah, just a moment. _“_ There was several seconds’ pause, before the woman on the other end spoke up again. “All the names?”

“Just look for anything that has Ani in it.”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

Finding Ishnail was not the easiest task, but the answer was pretty simple: there was a rather wide gap between two buildings, one just needed to slip between them – ignoring the gratuitous amounts of filth clinging to the walls – and walk right into Ishnail’s humble abode on the other side.

“You want somethin’? This is the fortress of the Robbo Thieves, pretty lady. You lost?” the snail dude, Ishnail, sneered. “What brings a little thing like you to a place like this? Say it ain’t vacation.”

Ani was colossally uncomfortable now, glaring at Ishnail acidly.

“I need to have a meeting with Don Pianta. Someone told me I should talk to you first.” Of course, since she couldn’t seem to find the odd stranger, Samuel Michaels, anywhere, she wasn’t sure how credible that source was. She hadn’t hallucinated due to sleep deprivation, though – Flurrie had seen him too.

“You wanna meet that lyin’, cheatin’, stealin’, no-good jerky-for-brains _Don Pianta_?” Ishnail demanded, incredulous. “‘Cause of him, real thieves like us end up poor as dirt, never catchin’ a break. Did you come here knowin’ all that?” Probably not, but Ani nodded. “And you know that scumbag demands protection money from us too, yeah?” Ani had even seen two Piantas beating the crap out of these Craw guys in her first day in Rogueport. So, another nod. “You know all that and you _still_ want us to tell you how to meet that crumb?” Ishnail demanded. If he wasn’t wearing sunglasses, Ani would have seen incredulous eyes. No longer leering at least, thank God.

“It’s important, and a personal matter.”

“Fine, Ms. Insensitive. But it’ll cost you 64 coins! No budgin’ on that price, either! Not _one_ coin! Inside info is pricey, pretty lady.” _Well, considering we’ve got, what, almost three hundred coins? That’s not so much. Besides, baddies drop those a lot. We could recover that in, like… less than a day._

“Alright, 64 coins.” Ani agreed, digging the money out of her pack – and thank God Goombella was a bit OCD, because the coins had been organized in little rolls of ten. “Six rolls from there and four from that is… sixty-four.” She held the rolls of coins out, and Ishnail looked startled.

“Y-you’re actually gonna pay it??”

“Yup. Honestly with what I do for work right now, I could recover that in a day or two.” She shrugged, dropping the money in his outstretched hand.

“ _Yess!_ I- I mean… good call. You’re a shrewd businesswoman. 64 coins, on the nose.” It was almost funny, but more depressing to watch this thief try to pass off those coins like it was nothing.

“Okay, listen closely, ‘cause I ain’t gonna repeat myself. There’s a parlor in the west part of town that’s run by that worm Don Pianta. Go to the little store next to the parlor – buy a Dried Shroom and a Dizzy Dial, and _make sure_ you buy ‘em in that order. Dried shroom, dizzy dial. Do that, and the shopkeeper’s gonna ask you what your favourite colour is – you say yellow. Got that? Not green, or blue. Yellow. That’s the password for getting’ into the scumbag’s cushy office.”

“Yeah, loud and clear.  Dried Shroom, Dizzy Dial, My favourite colour is actually red, but I say yellow.” She repeated with a nod.

“Good. Now get outta here. Oh, and hey. You seem like a good kid, so I’m gonna give you another piece of advice, free of charge; Finish up your business with Don Pianta, and then run like a bat outta the underworld, yeah? The dude’s poison. Seems like whatever you need ‘im for is pretty important, but after that – don’t stick around.” He warned.

“Sure thing, wasn’t planning on it.” Except that if this was anything like actual mafia, maybe she could appeal to the guy’s sense of family and get the blimp ticket free. Wasn’t that a thing?

“Hey, one last thing. Do you think you could get your guys to quit pickpocketing me? I’d really rather not have to keep kicking their asses. I’ll even pay.” The teen waved around two more rolls of coins, tossing them at him when he nodded.

“You got it. You two, put the word out, hey?” _Well, that was easy. Now let’s go see whatever a Pianta is._ Well, they actually didn’t see the Pianta first. They saw some sort of ghost chick with cat ears first. The Dried Shroom costed two coins, and the Dizzy Dial was twelve.

“Yeah, yeah… here we go. All righty, lady. What colour is your hair?” _I thought it was favourite colour! Damn it, Ishnail!_

“Yellow?” It wasn’t really a lie, her blonde was damn close to yellow.

“Oops! Oh dear, what’s wrong with me, that wasn’t the right question at all!” the ghost girl exclaimed. “Ahem! Okay, let’s try this again: What is your favourite colour?” _Ah, there we go._

“Yellow.” Ani repeated. The ghost nodded, satisfied.

“Well, you check out. You know the password. So, you must be an acquaintance of Don Pianta! Good for you!” she said cheerfully, floating over to their end of the room and whispering something into the door at the far wall. A moment later, the sound of a latch unlocking was heard. “You head right on up and see the big man.” The door opened into something of a back alley, with a staircase leading up to another door. Again, there was the conundrum of is-it-socially-acceptable-to-just-walk-in-or-do-I-knock. The former won over by the time she reached the top of the stairs, pulling the door in and poking her head inside.

“Hi. Um, I’m looking for Don Pianta? I’m… assuming that’s you,” she looked pointedly at the Pianta behind the desk, with an expensive-looking jacket and hat. “Look, um-“ she started as she stepped into the room, but was quickly interrupted.

“You’re brave, little girl. Walkin’ into Don Pianta’s office like you own da place.” One of the bodyguards sneered, and she rolled her eyes.

“I’m not here to cause trouble, I’m –“

“Den what’s wid you, kid?” Don Pianta spoke up. “I ain’t feelin’ too jolly today. If you got a beef, spit it out quick, or I’ll have to have my boys here show you the way out. The _fast_ way _._

“If you’d let me _talk_ , I’d tell you.” Ani snipped. “I need a ticket for the blimp that goes to Glitzville.”

“Ex _cuse_ me? You want a… you want me to give you a ticket for da blimp?” Looking to his bodyguards, Don Pianta snorted. “Da kid’s got brass, boys. Now, see, dat’s funny. You some kind of comedian or somethin’? No? You oughta be. You got some nerve, askin’ me for dat. I’m Don Pianta! I make cryin’ babies weep!”

“See – but _that’s_ not hard. The baby’s already crying. The real challenge is making a stone weep.” Ani scoffed, thinking back to the Stone Guardian in Shhwonk fortress. The two bodyguards stepped forward as she talked.

“You want us to _escort_ dis young lady out, boss?” one of them asked.

“Not so fast, boys. I like dis kid’s gumption. Little lady just came to talk, no? Dat ain’t a crime. So we talk. You boys can wait til we’re done before you rough ‘er up at all, you got dat?” _Well, that’s not entirely reassuring. I might have to play the Baby Sister card._

“So, I gotta assume you got a reason for wantin’ a ticket for da blimp. Why don’t you fill in your old pal Don Pianta on what da reason is, eh? Out wid it!” _Okay, definitely time to play the Baby Sister card._

“Well, I don’t have all of the details yet myself, but… my sister’s been kidnapped. The guys that took her are looking for some things called the Crystal Stars, and I’m trying to find the next one before they do, so I can get my sister back. Well, that’s the short version, and I’m guessing you’re not really in the mood to sit through some hour-long story?”

The Don snorted. “Got dat right, kid.”

“’Ey, Boss! Ain’t dose things in dat legend ‘bout da ancient treasure?” one of the bodyguards piped up. The other one started snickering, and Ani felt a little trickle of panic moving down her spine. She had proof, though.

“This knucklehead kid believes in fairytales!” the second one continued.

“Bite your tongue! Don’t listen to that lout, the treasure is as real as I am!” Flurrie cut in. _Yes, the talking cloud with boobs. **Very** convincing._

“Look, I’ve got two of them now. If you want proof this whole thing is real, I can show you.”

“Everybody, just – shut up! I don’t care if da treasure is real or not. Get me?” Don Pianta pointed from his guards to Ani and Flurrie. “But I gotta tell ya, I can’t help but like a gal goin’ on a big adventure to save her baby sister.” _Yes! Baby Sister Card wins again!_

“I’ve made my decision! You do me a little… _favour_ … an’ you get your blimp ticket. Sounds fair, right?” the Don looked back to the teen. That nervousness returned for a split second, wondering what the hell this syndicate boss wanted from her, before remembering this was friggin’ _Nintendo_.

“Yeah. Name it.”

“It’s easy, it’s nothin’. Less dan nothin’, actually. See, da thing is, my own daughter, she… eloped wit’ one of my young… associates.” Ani barely contained a snort. The guy sounded so embarrassed. “Dey vanished… but it wasn’t too long ago dat dey did. Dey oughta still be nearby. So; you find my daughter, Francesca, an’ dis… _Frankie_ … an’ bring dem both here. You can’t bring ‘em here, no probs – alls you gotta do is tell me where dey are.”

“Find your kid and her would-be fiancé, bring them back here or tell you where they are. Sounds easy enough.” Rogueport wasn’t exactly a large place, and as far as she could tell there were only two ways out of the city, sans warp pipe. If this Francesca had been raised in luxury, there was no way she’d be in the sewers. So that left the harbor and the train.

“Exactly. What happens after dat is up to me, alls you gotta do is get ‘em here. _Den_ you’ll get dat blimp ticket. Not a second sooner, ya hear?”

“Boss, wait up! We don’t know nothin’ about dis kid. You can’t rely on some goofball for dis job!”

“Yeah, Boss! Vinny’s right! Leave it to us to find Francesca!” both bodyguards stepped in, but apparently that wasn’t the right moment or the right thing to say.

“ _Quiet, you!_ It’s cause you lugs can’t find her dat I gotta swallow my pride an’ ask dis kid!!!” the Don snapped.

“Look, how about we check different areas?” Ani suggested. “Aside from the sewers, there’s only two places you can go to get out of the city – the train and the harbor. The blimp doesn’t really count if it only goes to Glitzville. Why don’t you send your boys to the train station, and my friends and I will check out the docks.” Ani suggested, trying to calm the Don down.  

“Hm… da kid’s got brains. Alright. You two knuckleheads get to da train. Da kid can go to da docks.” _Well, that could have escalated really badly. Good thing it didn’t_.

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

Given that Francesca and Frankie appeared to be the only two Piantas that didn’t look like part of the syndicate, Ani didn’t even need the description to find them at the harbour. She almost felt bad for getting the Don to send the other two Piantas to the train, but they could deal with it. It wasn’t like it was far from the office anyways.

“Hey, back off, you weirdo!” Francesca shrilled when the teen approached. “You want something, or you just like sidling up to people?” she demanded. _Huh, no accent._

“Uh… See, that’s a little bit complicated. Um… ugh, to hell with it – your father sent me to bring you and Frankie here back to him. Doesn’t seem like he’s too pleased with your plan to elope.” Screw putting it delicately, she kind of had a timetable to keep.

 _“What?!?_ Daddy asked you to find us?!” Turning to the blue pianta, Francesca seemed to panic. “Frankie, what should we do? If Daddy finds us now… Oh, I don’t know… and the boat’s coming any minute…” the girl began wringing her fingerless hands together.

“Dollface… Maybe we oughta head back and try to talk to da boss one more time.” Frankie suggested quietly. _Yes, that’s a good idea Frankie. Let’s go do that now. Right now._

“Frankie, don’t say that! Do you know what he’ll do to you if we do that???” Francesca squeaked.

“Francesca… Babe… If we can just talk calm-like wit’ da boss, he’ll understand.” Frankie tried again.

“Yes, you know what? That’s a lovely idea. We should go.” Ani commented, not that the lovey-dovey couple even heard her.

“Frankie, don’t you love me?” _Oh, that’s low._

“Of course I love you, sugar cookie. More dan anybody in da whole world!” the blue pianta said vehemently. “Dat’s why I think we should talk wit’ da boss. You love ‘im, babydoll. Dis can’t tear da two of you apart.”

“But he can’t chase us forever! Nothing and _nobody_ is putting out these flames of love, Frankie! _Nobody!”_ Then Francesca turned to face her, and _oh no, don’t put me in the middle of this_. “Don’t you see, kid? I’m begging you: pretend you never saw us! Can you do that?”

Ani mulled the idea over in her mind. Considering the Don’s veiled threat about her luck turning bad if she didn’t find Francesca, she wasn’t in favour of the idea. That, and she needed that damn ticket for the blimp. _Emotional manipulation is ago._

“Do you know that I’d give anything to see my dad again, or that I’d at least get the chance to say goodbye to him before he died? If you’re going to elope, at least say goodbye. I’m not going to lie, and say that I can pretend I didn’t see you. I can’t do that, because I’ve got someone I need to look out for, myself. I’m sorry.” With that, Ani turned to leave the dock. “You can stay here or come with me. Either way, you’re at least having one more meeting with your dad.”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

“Oh, look who’s come back. You here to brighten my mood, kid?” the Don asked as Ani entered.

“They’re at the harbour, waiting for a boat. I couldn’t get them to come with me – Frankie seemed all for it, but sir? You raised a stubborn kid. Pardon my… bluntness, there.” Ani shrugged. The Don snorted.

“Don’t I know it. Well done. I appreciate this favour you done for me. I’ll prepare your blimp tickets.” Don Pianta looked to his guards next. “’Ay! Nimrods! Dem runaways is at da harbour. So go _get ‘em!_ ”

“Daddy, wait!” Oh, hey, there were the two lovebirds.

“Francesca, Frankie!”

“Boss! Forgive me, Boss! I-I’m sorry! Truly, I am!” Frankie stammered.

“Well, well. If it ain’t Frankie. You come back here now, head hung low and tail between y’er legs?” the Don smirked, and if that didn’t promise trouble, well… Ani hoped she’d done the right thing here, even if it was looking less and less like it.

“Daddy, don’t hurt him! I’m the one that said we should elope! It was _me!_ Frankie wanted to come back, and get your blessing! Please!” Francesca pleaded. Oddly enough, this started an amusing Reverse-Blame-Game between the two of them.

“Boss! Listen, I don’t care what you do to me! I deserve it all for bein’ disloyal! But you gotta forgive her. Forgive your daughter, Boss! Dat’s all I ask!”

“No, Daddy! No! No! No! I’m the bad one, it’s my fault! If you’re going to punish anyone, punish me!”

“No, Boss! It’s all on me. It’s my responsibility. All da blame, right here.”

“Daddy!”

“Boss!”

“ _YAAAAAAARGH!_ Enough! _Quiet!_ Shut up, da both of youse!” the Don shouted, and again Ani barely held back a giggle. This whole little side quest was kind of ridiculous, but it made for good morning entertainment.

“Francesca! My headstrong daughter, apple of my eye… you used up your last favour long ago! An’ you, Frankie! You were like a son to me! Dis is how you repay your debt to Don Pianta? I am so disappointed in you two, it’s like a Poison Shroom in my gut.” _Uh-oh, disappointed parent alert, that’s always depressing. I can’t count how many times mom pulled that card when my shenanigans went wrong…_ The Don turned to look away from his daughter.

“I don’t ever wanna see your mugs again! You hear me? Get outta my sight! Both of you! I don’t care where, just go!” he snapped, before his anger just kinda drained away completely. Acting, or just didn’t care anymore? “…That’s what you expected me to say, huh? Well I’m sayin’ it! Go, do what you want! …Even if it means… gettin’ married…” he trailed off. _Well, I wasn’t expecting that at all._  

“Daddy~” Francesca cooed, looking delighted.

“Dad! … No! Wait, I mean… Boss!” _Not your dad yet, is he?_

“Thank you so much, Daddy! Thanks for your blessing!” the girl sang, holding Frankie’s hand tightly.

“Boss! I’ll make your daughter a happy woman! I promise you! She’ll want for nothin’!” he vowed. Still not turning, the older Pianta waved his hands away at the two.

“Enough already! Just go! _Go_!” Given how close Ani was standing, she just barely caught the Don’s sniffle. Was he crying? Sure sounded like it. Even the bodyguards had their well-wishes for the happy couple. Though, the way the second one worded his response, it sounded like he’d been in cahoots. Then the two were gone, hopefully in time for their boat.

“Uh… sir?” Forget that, it was time to go to Glitzville.

“Wha? You still here?” the Don turned back to his desk. If there was a suspicious tear leaking from behind his glasses, Ani wasn’t going to be the one to mention it.

“Um. I think so, yes. I still need that blimp ticket you promised me.” She reminded him.

“Hmph. Well, you found my kid. Dat was da deal. So…” opening one of the drawers of his desk, the Don passed Ani a couple of blue cards. “Dere’s your tickets for da blimp. Now get outta here, save dat sister of yours.” _Finally_. Well, if that wasn’t an interesting morning…

“Time to go to Glitzville!” she exclaimed as they hopped down the stairs. Wherever the star was up there… she had a suspicious feeling it would have something to do with that fighting arena the professor had mentioned. _Oh joy_.


	16. Chapter 3 Episode I – Not So Glamourous

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani makes a new friend who weirds her out, is tired of being called 'kid', and is totally a crowd-pleaser.

It wasn’t too long of a wait for the blimp to arrive, and for the… strange… fish security to check the ticket. What Ani wasn’t expecting in this excursion was a familiar face. Well, semi-familiar. 

“Oh, I do believe that’s that Samuel fellow we ran into yesterday.” Flurrie pointed out as she hopped into the Partner Pouch. Sure enough, Samuel was running up to the gate, flashing his own blimp ticket at the fish guard, before stepping into the warp pipe and popping up next to Ani. 

“Hello again. You look a little more rested than you did yesterday.” The man pointed out as he approached the blimp, sitting down on the opposite side from Ani.

“That’s what happens when you actually sleep for the first time in two days.” She shrugged. “Also, you didn’t give me any forewarning that Ishnail’s information came at a cost. I mean, sure I could afford it, but still.” She shook her head. “Not very nice, Sammy.”

The man threw his head back with his laugh. “You seem like a smart kid, I thought you knew that almost everything comes at a cost here. Well – except for those random helpful things you tend to find in the bushes.”

“You know,  _ everyone’s _ been calling me ‘kid’ lately. I’m turning nineteen soon.” Ani pointed out. This time, seeing as she was fully awake, she was able to see the stir of emotions on the stranger’s face. “Sam? You okay? You kinda… got a funny look on your face for a second, there.”

“Yeah, yeah. I’m fine. You just reminded me of someone back home. It’s nothing. So, what brings you to Glitzville?”  _ Wow, such a smooth break there, Sam.  _

“Looking into something important. You?”

“Coming to enjoy the fights. Kinda hoping someone takes down the Champ this series. Chicken Man, or whatever the hell his name is. He’s got an ego bigger than this blimp, he could do with being taken down a peg.” Ani smirked at that. If this all went the way she thought it was going to, she was probably going to be the one to knock him down those pegs. 

“Who knows? Maybe somebody’ll get lucky this season. Or someone better will join up. Either or.”

Ani had even noticed the blimp moving, until she peeked out the window and  _ oh dear God – _ slid back to the floor with wide eyes. “I didn’t realize we were already moving.” She muttered weakly.

“My wife’s got the same problem with heights. I’d give you the whole don’t-look-down speal, but I know from experience I’d only get a shoe tossed at me.” Samuel snorted. How was he so relaxed? They were already hundreds of feet in the air, probably! What if one of the cables snapped, or the blimp exploded? They’d be completely screwed. 

“I wouldn’t risk the shoe breaking a window, I’d probably just kick you with it.”

“Hey, you don’t need to worry about falling to our dooms. You seem to have forgotten that  _ everything is paper _ , including us. Paper doesn’t fall that fast.” Samuel pointed out, squishing his fingertip flat to emphasize. Ani had a thought –  _ I can turn into a paper airplane!  _ The absurdity of being afraid of falling to her doom hit her with that thought, and she began to laugh.

“I forgot, I can turn into a friggin’ paper airplane!” she giggled, and the man was laughing along. Once she managed to compose herself, there was a comfortable silence as the blimp continued its smooth journey. 

“You got any family or friends, besides the ones in your backpack?” Sam asked some time later. Ani had nearly fallen asleep, but snapped awake at the inquiry. 

“Uh… yeah. My mom, and my sister Josephine.” She answered absently. “What about you? Actually – wait, I’ve got a better question; how are you  _ human _ ? Seriously, the only other humans I’ve seen are the Mario Bros., and… I mean, they don’t really count because they’re  _ from _ here.”

“Let’s just say you’re not the only one that came over from somewhere else.” Sam was from Earth too? Well, it made sense – leather jackets didn’t really seem to be the style here in the Mario world. That was so… weird. Did that mean there was some other Magic TV, or GameCube somewhere? How did that even work? So many questions, so few answers. 

“Looks like we’re here, kid. This your first trip to Glitzville?” At Ani’s nod, he grinned. “You’ll love it, trust me.” There wasn’t much to the initial first level – mostly just little shops, and then the giant fighting arena. But the flashy lights and billboards everywhere kind of reminded Ani of her home before her family had moved to Alberni. 

“Wow. This actually looks pretty awesome.” Ani admitted, turning to look at – “Hey, where’d Sam go?” she wondered aloud as her partners hopped out of her bag to take their own look. 

“Ummm… Yeah, definitely Glitzville, but… How do they make it float?” Koops muttered aloud. 

“Some kind of propulsion system underneath the whole place, keeps it all afloat. Pretty advanced for its time, I gotta say. I got a quick glance before we actually landed. Ugh, wouldn’t want to live up here during any kind of stormy season, though.” Ani grimaced at the thought.  She had enough problems with storms on the ground, thank you very much. 

“Time to hunt down that Crystal Star, huh? I’m ready when you are.” At the moment, Ani was more concerned about how that guy Sam just kind of disappeared. He didn’t run off the edge or something, did he?  _ Oh god… _ She hoped not. Maybe he’d just ran into the arena before she saw him.

“Agreed. Let’s just… uh, scope out the place first. Arena? Or these little shops?”

“Arena. The Crystal Star is more likely to be in there.”

As the two entered, unbeknownst to them, they were being watched. Their observer watched them enter the arena, before darting to the payphone. 

“Operative K-23, reporting from Glitzville, I’ve just spotted Princess Peach!” he hissed into the phone.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“…Okay, so Champ Chicken Man has the Crystal Star. What do we do now?” Ani muttered as they left the arena. “Hmm… we could steal it, but a guy with this much publicity,” she gestured to the fifteen-hundred posters of Rawk Hawk dotting the walls. “Won’t let his pretty belt go that easily. There’s probably a security team around the thing when he’s not wearing it..”

“So…. What? Fight our way to the top?” Koops suggested. 

“…I think we could do that. It’s funny, that Sam guy was saying earlier that Rawk Hawk should be taken down a few pegs. Let’s do it.” Ani agreed. Beyond the fact that she was pretty sure this was the only way Nintendo would let her get near the Crystal Star. They didn’t exactly have an abundance of options.

“There’s gotta be a novice sign-up thing  _ somewhere _ in here…”

“I’m going to try not to take offense at you calling us novices. Dude, seriously. Hooktail, Magnus, I feel like we can do this.” It was just a simple matter of finding the fight manager and getting them a place on the roster.

“What’s that, kid, you want to become a fighter?” And  _ again _ with the whole ‘kid’ thing. This time from some weird secret-service looking guy. “…Hm… Well, if you’re serious, you’d better go meet with Mr. Grubba, the promoter. His office is just down that hallway, can’t miss it. Head on through.” With that, the security stepped out of the way, letting them into the  _ dreariest _ metal-and-tile hallway Ani had ever seen. 

“This looks more depressing than my old school’s hallways.” She sighed as they walked down the corridor. Another security guard had to let them into Grubba’s office, and when they stepped inside Ani saw the weirdest person or thing in this entire world thus far. It was a sentient balloon man! No, but he was all polished and… _ shiny _ . He looked kind of out of place, in the plain office with a cute little plant, and dull brick-red couches and cabinets. He looked like a clown, or… multiple colourful balloons.

“Who in tarnation are you, little lady? And who let you in?!? This is Grubba’s office!” Well, it was a step up from ‘Kid’. Not sure how she felt about it in that weird-ass drawl, though.

“You’re him, I’m guessing?”  _ Just the guy I was looking for. Three cheers, and all that crap. _

“Yep, that’s me, Grubba! And who might you be, little lady? Besides  _ awfully rude _ , comin’ in here without knockin’!”

“I  _ told you, _ ” the teen whispered in the general direction of Koops and her backpack. Goombella had given her a false impression of what was appropriate here. “Uh, anyways, I’m Ani Winters. It’s… nice to meet you. I was actually hoping I could ask you about becoming a fighter in your roster. I’ve got, well, a lot of experience with fighting.”

“You wanna be a fighter, kid?” the promoter looked surprised. “That do change a thing or two, little lady. I always got time for an up-an’-comer! Yep, this place is packed to the gills with young fighters, all primed and a-rarin’ to go! Gotta say, though; we don’t see too many gals fixin’ for a fight coming through these parts, but I’m willin’ to give you a shot.”

Okay, this was looking to be pretty easy. Ani was sure she’d be eating those words soon, but step one was at least looking easy.

“I don’t think you’ll be disappointed. My, uh, team and I have done a lot of fighting.” The teen remarked. Honestly, Koops had done most of it. She should probably give him a break this time around, take out Goombella or let Flurrie have her time in the spotlight.

“I see, I see. Now, tell it to me straight, kid; you wanna live the glamorous life of a champ, don’tcha?” How to answer this? She felt like it wouldn’t be the best idea to mention the Crystal Stars, or her sister. Then, there  _ was _ her conversation with Sam in the blimp…

“Dude, yes. And honestly, Rawk Hawk needs to be taken down a few pegs. The guy’s ego couldn’t fit through the door. So, someone’s gotta take that pretty belt from him.” She decided, and damn if that didn’t startle Grubba even more than a girl wanting to be a fighter. A few seconds of silence passed, and Ani wondered if she hadn’t said the wrong thing, when Grubba threw his head back, laughing raucously.

“Yeh-hee-hee, yer darned brave, girl! Hoo, boy! I needed a laugh this mornin’!” Ani frowned, crossing her arms. He thought that was funny, huh? 

“Guess we’ll see who’s laughing when I’ve got the champ’s belt.” She suggested. Grubba giggled a second time, adjusting his glasses.

“All right, all right, kid. If yer serious about this, we’d better darn well get you started! C’mon, let’s have us a little walk ‘n’ talk.” Grubba waddled to the office door, leading Ani and Koops out and down the hall right up to the champ’s room. It looked kind of obnoxious, like some rich bachelor’s bedroom. Wrapped gifts sat pilled messily in the corner, next to a set of weights and a box of junk. The bed was surrounded by the fluffiest rug Ani had possibly ever seen (discounting the one they were standing on, because holy crap her feet had practically disappeared), and it was a pretty big bed. She, her mom, and Josephine could all lie comfortably on that thing without touching each other at all.

She wasn’t sure how she felt about sleeping in the bed that the obnoxious chicken man had occupied beforehand, though.

“Now how do you like  _ this _ , little lady? Just feast yer eyes, go on! This… is the champion’s room.” Grubba gestured around them. “Ain’t it a sight? Dee-luxe! You make your way to the top, become the champ, and this can be  _ all yours _ . And all that’s on  _ top _ of the good money and screamin’ fans. No doubt about it, kiddo! Apply yourself an’ a life of wealth an’ comfort awaits.” She also wasn’t sure how she felt about screaming fans, but the money sounded good. Given the whole adventuring thing, she’d probably need all she could get.

“Great, when do we start?” 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

The tour of the locker rooms was incredibly uncomfortable. Literally no women at all that she had seen, and she was getting weird leers from all kinds of people. Not that Grubba’s office was much better, he still kinda creeped her out, but…

“Now, I’m sure you know this already, but there ain’t but one Glitz Pit Champ. Clawin’ your way to the top is gonna be hard – my guys ain’t gonna take it easy on you ‘cause you’re a lady, you hear?” Grubba warned another time. It wasn’t the first dig he’d made suggesting he didn’t think she could do it, and now it was just annoying. 

“That’s the point, isn’t it? It wouldn’t be fair, or worth it, without a challenge.” Ani countered, crossing her arms. 

“I wasn’t insinuatin’ nothin’, kid. You got a fire in you, the eye of the tiger or somethin’ like that. I think you can be the champ. Thinkin’ on it… I don’t think I never been so sure about a fighter. I was just sayin’ it won’t be easy.”

“Nothing worth having in life comes easy.” The teen pointed out. Of course, she didn’t give a damn about being the champ – she was more concerned with what was on that belt. Soon as she had that star, she was  _ gone _ . She had to sign a contract to be a fighter, and once she did it was time for her to get a fighter name, cause, “Ani lacks a little punch as a fighter’s name, get me?” He had a point, but still. If he called her princess peach… _ ugh _ . Not that that was any better where fighter names were concerned.

“Bam! Hooooo- _ weeee! _ I got it!!!” Grubba suddenly whooped, and Ani jumped at the shout. Well, she more fell off the couch, but still. “From now on, kiddo, yer gonna be – Knock Out!” It… wasn’t  _ bad _ , and she vaguely remembered a character from some old kid’s show, this character named Knock Out. He’d been kind of cool. 

“Knock Out, I like it. KO for short?” the teen mused.

“Hoo, boy, if that ain’t a stroke of genius! A name that good comes ‘round once a lifetime!” Well, Grubba was still patting himself on the back for coming up with the name, so… no answer on the whole KO thing yet. It would probably catch on. “The audience’ll love ya, kiddo! Make me proud!”

Meeting Jolene after all of  _ that  _ was a godsend. She was a lot softer, calmer than her boss. She was a little cold, but Ani knew how to work with that. She didn’t quite know how to cope with Grubba’s enthusiasm. And again, the weird-ass drawl. 

“As you may already know, you are a contracted fighter now. As such, there are a few rules you need to follow.” Jolene monotoned as she escorted Ani through the dreary halls. “First and foremost, what Mr. Grubba says, goes. Period. You must do what he says.”  _ Well, that sounds peachy, and potentially something that could be used for coercion. I’ll have to be careful. _

“Also, as per your contract, you cannot quit until Mr. Grubba releases you.” The toadette continued, and Ani rolled her eyes at the back of the woman’s head.  _ Screw that. Once I get the Crystal Star, I’m blowing this Popsicle stand. _

“There are many other small guidelines that I will explain as they become relevant. For the moment, this is your locker room.” Pushing open the door, Jolene guided her into the grungiest locker room she’d ever seen. Peeling paint, cracked tiles, ripped benches. Heck, one of the lockers was bowed beyond use.  _ Ew _ .  _ Again, this is more depressing than the hall leading to the gym. _

There were only four other fighters in the locker room at the moment – the others were all….  _ Somewhere _ , waiting for their fights or mingling in Glitzville.

“You’re starting in the minor league, of course, as you’ve just now started your career. If you don’t like this dingy room, I suggest you work your way up through the ranks quickly.” Oh, Jolene must have seen the distaste on her face, and the teen nodded. 

“Got it. And when I’m ready to reserve a match…?”

Jolene pointed towards the terminal in the wall to the left of the door. “Just log into this computer terminal here.”  _ This computer terminal that looks suspiciously like a dinosaur-age gaming console. _ “Mr. Grubba will then match you up with an opponent – you will have no say in this. Try it out, no better time to start than now.”

Ani’s first match was against ‘The Goomba Bros.’ Well, this looked like it was gonna be pretty friggin’ easy. She would scarcely have to move, she could take them out with one swing of her hammer. Well, if she used the Quake Hammer. The only instruction she was given was to be a little bit of a crowd-pleaser. Appeal to the crowd at least once. With that, Grubba wished her luck, and the terminal went dark.

“Okay, your fight is reserved. At this point, all you need to do now is wait for Security to retrieve you – there is a fight currently going on, so it may take a minute or two.” Jolene advised. “Fighting is fairly basic: the team that knocks their opponents out first wins.” Jolene finished by explaining the ranking system, emphasizing the importance of Grubba’s fight condition, and saying that Rank Eleven was when she could have a shot at the Major Leagues. Shortly after the tutorial was finished, a security guard showed up. Time to kick some Goombas’ butts then!

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Squarin’ off next, folks, are the Hoppin’ Hardheads… the  _ Goomba Bros _ .!” Grubba’s voice muffled through the door – Security had instructed she not enter the arena until she was signalled. 

“Aaaaaaand… a newcomer with a hankerin’ for hammerin’,  _ Knoooock Out!  _ The Goomba Bros. have been waitin’ an’ getting’ all heated up for the fight. Let’s check in! How do, Goomba Bros.! How’re y’all feelin’ today? You ready fer this fight?”

“Ha! Are you kidding, man? We’re  _ always _ ready to bonk a fool or two!”

_ Nintendo does not seem to understand the concept of  _ **_phrasing_ ** _. Or maybe I just have a really dirty mind… _ Ani thought, peeking through the crack in the door. That was a lot of Goombas. Pfft, this would be easy.

“Who is this Knock Out rookie? A cocky idiot, that’s who! Waiting just makes us mad! We’ll teach this tardy punk how to respect fighters with seniority! Maybe you oughta call an ambulance for him now, just so save time later.”  _ Oh crap, am I late??? They told me not to go in yet! …Also, geeze, they don’t even know I’m a girl.  _

Grubba laughed heartily, just as Ani pushed the doors open, strolling through the crowd and up to the stage with a forced casualness. There were a  _ lot _ of eyes on her right now.

“Hot-diggety- _ dang _ , fight fans! There’s KO right now, stridin’ on up!” Grubba exclaimed, and Ani winced with the added volume of the microphone. The stage was pretty much where  _ all  _ the speakers were. Ow.  “I tell ya, this rookie’s got some brass, strollin’ up late like she owns the place! Hoo-wee!”

“Sorry, I got lost.” Ani joked – it was impossible to get lost when Security practically dragged you by the ear to the door. “I’m here now, let’s get this show on the road!” 

Before anyone could say anything else, one of the Goombas was charging at her. “Have a bonk, punk!”

This time, the curtain didn’t drop. That was weird. Was it because they were already  _ on _ a stage? The Goomba headbutted her forehead, and the teen stumbled back dazedly. 

“Whoa, cheap shot much!” Koops shouted, glaring at them. “C’mon, we’re not gonna let a bunch of cheaters beat us. Let’s take ‘em down!” 

“Quit crying, will ya? That was just a little welcome gift for the pretty girl!” one of the goombas sneered. Ani shook her head to clear it, before pulling her hammer from the bag. The Quake badge was still stuck on there, good. It wasn’t that simple, unfortunately. There was still the fight requirement. But hey, if this wasn’t a  _ stage _ fight, with her own personal audience, she didn’t need to worry about one action per turn – who was to tell her she couldn’t taunt  _ and _ attack? 

With that in mind, the teen winked and waved at the crowd, twirling her hammer. The crowd loved it, and now she was gonna attack. Wait… no, she just remembered something. 

“Hey, Grubba, this stage is good and secure, right?” she called to the showrunner on the ground beside the ring, not looking away from the goombas. 

“Yes indeedy, KO, why do you ask?”

“’Cause I’m about to do this,” and Ani swung the hammer down onto the stage. The rumble shook the ring, and probably the whole arena, and all five goombas were flipped on their heads. That was a  _ really quick fight _ . When it didn’t look like they’d be moving to counter attack, a bell  _ dinged _ .

“Whoa, nelly! Knock Out wins by a landslide, folks!” Grubba hollered, and the crowd loved it. “Tell me, kiddo! What was this first taste of victory like?” he asked, holding the mic out to Ani. 

“Oh, that’s definitely not my first taste of victory. But are we calling that a ‘fight’? What a joke.” Ani scoffed with a grin, and the crowd ate it up. If their beloved champ was any indication, this audience had a thing for the cocky ones.

“I’ll tell you what I just saw, folks; a whuppin’! This kid’s got skills, ladies and gents! We got ourselves a new hero! Let’s hear it for her, folks!  _ Knock Out!! _ ” The stands were half-empty, but hearing the cheers was still immensely satisfying. 


	17. Chapter 3 Episode II – Runny Eggs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's another pun in this chapter title. Ani gets her ass handed to her by talking rocks with anger issues, and experiences what 'low-health' feels like. After that, she chases a Mexican Jumping Bean around Glitzville for ten minutes.

“Yo, Rook! How was your first fight, babe?” one of the fighters called – it was a yellow koopa. “I’m King K. Just a bush-league scrub like you. Welcome to our humble abode. You totally killed it out there!”

“Knock Out, I guess. Or Ani. Doesn’t really matter to me.”

“Alright, KO. Good meetin’ you, babe. You seem like a stand-up chick. We could hang.” King K. shrugged. “’Ay, how about I introduce you to the gang, huh?” The koopa pointed to the nearby Bob-omb, Bandit, and Bald Cleft. “This here’s Master Crash, Bandy Andy, and Cleftor. You’ll be in here awhile, so I’ll let you get acquainted on your own time. Anyway, that’s the core minor-league crew, babe. You need something, ask us.”

“Sure thing. I imagine we’ll have to go up against each other at some point, so… good luck, I guess?”

“Same to you, babe.” Ani strolled back over to the computer terminal to book another match – this was gonna take a while, may as well get enough fights done within a day as she could.

 _But of course_ the KP Koopas would be who she went up against next, just after she mentioned to King K that they would probably face off soon. Also, no Crystal Star powers for Knock Out. She wasn’t gonna use them anyways, King K seemed pretty cool. Then again, she hadn’t tried out Clock Out, the ability from the Emerald Star. Whatever, she wasn’t gonna use it.

“Fer our next battle, we got the Merciless Executioner, _Knock Out_ , and… The Shell Machines of Doom… Yep, a fight to the finish with the KP Koopas!” Grubba certainly knew how to rile up a crowd. This was probably one of the most minor of the minor league fights, and they seemed pretty excited.

“Meet my peeps, KO! It’s _on!_ ” King K called from the other end of the stage. “Good luck out here, babe!”

“You’ll need it more than I do!” Ani shouted back.

“Get yerselves ready to… _Baaaaattle!”_ The fight was one, three on two at the moment. Hey, there had been worse odds with stronger enemies. This would be a piece of cake. Or two.

“We ain’t gonna take it easy on you, babe. Let’s do this!”

The thing was, unarmored koopas weren’t all that strong. Not as strong as Ani’s defence, at least. Two of them had gotten some lucky shots, but it wasn’t too serious. It didn’t end quite as quickly as the fight with the Goombas, but it was still over pretty quick with a few hammer swings and jumps on the head.

“That’s it, folks! We got ourselves a winner! Knock Out!” The KP Koopas were left reeling and dizzy, the audience was cheering, and Ani had barely broken a sweat. The fight earned Ani four coins, and her ranking was eighteen now. King K spoke up once Jolene left the locker room.

“Way to hand out a beatdown out there, babe. You beat me, straight up. It could swing the other way next time, though, you know what I’m sayin’?” _I hear you, but I highly doubt it. I’ve still got some tricks up my sleeve._

“Loud and clear, bud. Koops, you wanna take a break? I can go a few rounds with Flurrie if you want to rest up.” The wind spirit took Koops’ place a few seconds later. “Let’s go win a few more fights, hey?”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

The Pokey Triplets had to be Ani’s least favourite by far. But then, one of those fights had been with a new friend, the other had been with pathetic goombas, so that wasn’t saying much. But pokeys _hurt_ , and it was the wrong time to switch to Flurrie, ‘cause she couldn’t do much against spiky enemies. But she stood by, giving Koops his well-needed break time.

The Dead Bones were just plain boring, especially since the fight requirement was essentially ‘back to the basics’. No fancy quake hammer, power smash or super jump. No Gale Force from Flurrie, either. The Quake Hammer would have completely destroyed them in _one turn, but nope._ Though, after the Dead Bones fight, someone else got kind of destroyed. Ani and Flurrie could hear them screaming from the other side of the locker room wall. The teen couldn’t help but worry – who’d he go up against? What would happen if she went up against them?

The fight after that, incidentally the last fight of the day, was against _more_ spiky enemies. Sorry, Koops. Spike Storm wasn’t fun, more for the fact that Grubba’s fight condition was that she had to take damage at least three times. At least the Spinies weren’t as bad as Bristles, or Clefts. That would have been worse, probably.

“In this bout, we’ve got the Merciless Executioner, Knock Out, versus the Midnight Spike-Bombers… Yep, a fight to the finish with Spike Storm!” Grubba announced, and more cheers and screams rang out from the audience.

“We’re gonna spike-bomb you into submission, punks!” One of the Spinies taunted.

“Bring it, tiny!” Unfortunately for _everyone_ involved, one of the Spinies had a Thunder Rage. Ani had one of those too, and she didn’t know how much damage it actually caused, but she _really_ didn’t want to find out. _And of course she did one turn later. **Ouch.**_ Well, that was one hit down. Just needed to get hit two more times, and she could smoke these guys. She was able to take out one of the Spinies, but the Lakitu in his stupid little cloud tossed out another one for them to fight, and also tossed one at Ani’s face.

Now, given that this was not only a very spiky ball, but a very heavy one, Ani was knocked flat on her back when it hit her. Okay, one more damage, and she could pull out her trump card – Earth Tremor.

And the damage came in the form of a little rolling spike ball that actually got Koops. Also, turned out his shell attacks were less helpful against Spinies than Ani had thought.

“Okay, this ends now, Earth Tremor time.” Ani muttered, pulling the Crystal Star from her bag. There were several gasps from the audience at the glittering diamond, which turned into screams and whoops as the two Spinies and the Lakitu were finished off by the artificial earthquake.

Grubba was probably lucky he hadn’t been on the stage. Ani hadn’t thought about that.

“We got our winter, folks!! Knock Out takes the match _again_!” the promoter hollered, drawing more screaming and cheering. Yeah, she did take another match, but now it was time to sleep, regenerate herself a bit. Seriously, those spiked balls _hurt_. And, you know, the thunder rage. The fight was worth five coins, and Ani was about ready to sleep for a week by the time Jolene left, after informing her that her rank was now fifteen.

“Hey babe, check this: I heard the Hot Dog Stand Outside’s gettin’ a new menu item. If you’re gonna drop off, get somethin’ to eat first.” King K called from the other end of the locker room. Ani had the weirdest feeling that this was going to end up being something more than just a hot dog and a new menu item. “Sounds like it’s some crazy Hot Dog made with some kind of egg from a southern island. Some fool was even sayin’ the Hot Dog’ll help you win fights!” _Sounds fake, like those miracle weight loss pills._

“Let’s check it out.” Ani agreed, looking to Koops. He seemed okay enough to stay awake a little longer, so they headed out of the locker, down the hall and into the lobby. Only thing was that there seemed to be a lot of screaming little girls in the lobby, crowding around – _oh God, it’s the chicken man._ Rawk Hawk was wandering around the lobby, and it had turned into a flash mob. _Ew_. Somehow, they managed to maneuver their way outside, where it was thankfully empty, and mostly quiet. Except for a lot of shouting coming from the Hot Dog Stand.

“ _No! Bad! So very bad!_ Behave yourself, egg!” Ignoring the irony of a pig running a hot dog stand, Ani watched as a peculiarly-coloured egg hopped out of the stand, jumping around the stand while the owner tried to catch it.

“No! Bad! Come back! Help! My imported egg escaped! Somebody, catch it!” the owner shouted, most people were just watching the spectacle. “So bad! It does not even have arms and legs, and still I cannot catch it! The menu was going to have the Southern Fried Egg Dog of Tastiness, but now… BAD! I ordered this naughty egg from an island in the south, I had to pay shipping too!”

Ani decided to get in on the action, running after the elusive little egg. After an inordinate amount of time, in which she tripped several times, the egg hopped onto the roof of the hot dog stand. _How are we supposed to get up there?_

“Most _awfully bad_!” the stand owner whined. “Come down from there, bad egg! How am I supposed to get it now? _Fly_ there?!?” the pig threw his arms up in frustration. _There’s gotta be a way to get up there… secret stairs, or something? Maybe a building nearby… Oh, hah, pigs and flying. Nice one, Nintendo._

Another ten minutes later, Ani found a secret staircase to the roof, just like she’d thought. Only, it was on the other side of the plaza from the hot dog stand, so… how did that help? Wait, there was a spring on the roof that the stairs led to, which tossed them up to a poster of Rawk Hawk. Three guesses what was on top of the poster? A paper airplane panel.

Everything kind of went a little wonky when the teen actually _reached_ the little egg.

“Ani, is it just me, or do you think that egg… wants our help?” Koops wondered as it woke up, hopping closer to them. “Your call, what do you want to do?”

It really seemed like the stand’s owner didn’t know what he was getting himself into with that Southern egg. Or maybe the person who shipped the egg took too long, and let whatever was inside develop into… well, this. And Koops was right, it seemed like it was asking them for help. She wasn’t about to turn the little guy down.

“Let’s help the little guy. I don’t think it really counts as just an egg anymore.” Ani decided, kneeling down next to it.

“Yeah, we can’t ignore it… Good call. Let’s set the little guy free. And maybe get off the roof of this stand, because that was a very suspicious creaking noise. Provided, um, that that’s okay with you…?” Koops looked over at the owner, who was quietly grumbling.

“…Fine. Most people don’t want to eat food that jumps all over the place, anyway.” The pig conceded after a moment of thought.

“Looks like you’re free and clear, little guy. Bye, I guess?” Or not. When Ani and Koops tried to go back into the arena, the little egg followed after them, stopping when they turned back, like they wouldn’t notice he’d moved closer. “…Alright, you can come with us. But don’t blame me if someone eats you. And if you jump on me in my sleep, I won’t be so cute with you when you hatch.” Ani could have _sworn_ that little egg giggled as it hopped up to join them.

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

Day two in the Glitz Pit, things were looking a little more difficult today. Not by much, but enough.

Her first fight of the day was against the Hand-It-Overs, which included Bandy Andy. They’d _kinda_ gotten to know each other between fights, mostly just Andy telling KO about the ‘Wonders of the Glitz Pit’. She didn’t feel as bad about kicking his ass as she had with King K, mainly because he stole her Dizzy Dial.

Next were the Mind Bogglers, and the fight condition was that she wasn’t allowed to use her hammer. And _crap_. There was a Pale Piranha. Koops would have to deal with him, since the hammer was off limits. _Or_ she could use that Thunder Rage, and avoid these guys all together.

Something told her to save that Thunder Rage, but the battle went off without a hitch without it, mostly. After the fight, King K confessed that he was retiring soon. The way it was worded sounded like he feared for his life if he stuck around, even if he tried to pass it off casually. He’d be gone before her next fight was over, he said.

The second-last fight before the Major League match was with Cleftor and his guys – the Punk Rocks. And no Hammer attacks again. That would make this a little more challenging. Ani was pretty sure jumping didn’t do anything against Clefts.

A few minutes later, Ani didn’t feel the slightest bit guilty about using her Crystal Star again. She’d actually taken a bit of damage from these guys, and jumping didn’t work. Koops _kinda_ worked, but this would work better. They didn’t even need to use it to its full potential. When the quake started, it was probably only at half strength. Still did the job.

Yeesh, Ani was being damn _lazy_ getting this Crystal Star.

“Well, King K is gone. He seemed like a cool guy.” Ani mused. “You gotta wonder, though; what made him worried for his life? These fights are kinda… kiddie, so far. He had to have seen _something_ …”

She’d have to think about that some other time – right now she was facing off with Master Crash and the Bob-omb Squad, and then it was time for her shot at the major league. The only condition was that she stick with the partner she had out when the fight started – easy enough, Koops seemed okay with helping out, even though Ani had promised him a break.

And at the end of the fight, Ani _really_ wished she’d given him that break, maybe left him with the egg or something. He managed to power shell through all four bob-ombs, but then they were sparking at the fuse, and furious. The first one exploded and sent Ani flying almost off the stage when she hit it with the hammer, the other three _all charged for Koops._

He looked damn near close to collapsing, but thank God the fight was over.

“Okay, we’re getting some sleep. The next fight is the Major League, I’m pretty sure. Neither of us is ready for that just yet. C’mon.”

While Ani laid down, she heard Cleftor and Master Crash muttering about how it was lonely without King K around. Well, Cleftor didn’t agree, but he was kind of rough around the edges. Of course he wouldn’t admit he missed him. Of course, his denial was blown out the window when Crash mentioned the cleft weeping in a locker.

Ani snickered just as the door opened, and Jolene was escorting a… a bat? Into the locker room, essentially giving the same orientation she’d given to Ani.

What was vastly different was the first fight condition Grubba gave the little bat, “Sir Swoop”.  Where Knock Out had had to appeal to the audience, Sir Swoop had to… do a triple flip and meow. _What? The hell?_

_Whatever, we’ve got a Major League match tomorrow._

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

**_[[_ ** _Welcome to the automated match-reservation system. What is your command? **]]**_

**_[[Reserve a Match]]_ **

“Well, dog my cats! If it ain’t Knock Out! Fixin’ for a fight, huh? Hyuk hyuk hyuk! Hoo-wee! Yer gonna love this! Yer next opponent is…” _Why the dramatic pause, just tell me!_

“Ranked _ten_ in the Glitz Pit… The Armored Harriers!” Oh, that sounded fun. Not. “That’s right! Yer finally makin’ a go at the major league, little lady!” Well, _that_ part sounded fun. “The audience is expecting great things from you, so don’t you go a-lettin’ us down, now! Now listen: in this battle, I want you to avoid usin’ any items. Empty them pockets!” _Oh. Well, there goes my Thunder Rage idea._

“Now get in there and knock some heads the old fashioned way, will ya?” _And now we wait._

The odd little egg that had been waiting so patiently during the previous day’s fights nudged Ani’s leg.

“What’s up, little guy? You ready to hatch yet?” No hopping in the affirmative, so she took that as a No. “You nervous for me?” And _there_ was a little bounce. “Well, there’s no need to be, hey? If these last fights have been any indication, we’ve got this in the bag.” She patted the top of the egg as Security arrived.

“Knock out! Match time! Follow me, kid.”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

“And now, today’s main event! The major league awaits the 11th-ranked Knock Out! But _only_ , ladies an’ gents, if she can defeat the 10th-ranked powerhouses, the _Iron Adonis Twins,_ The Armored Harriers! But first let’s get the Merciless Executioner in here, folks! Give it up for… _Knooooock Ouuuuuut!_ ” And that was Ani’s cue, pushing the doors open. There were a lot more people in the audience this time around – it was a pretty big thing, really. And they were cheering, applauding, screaming, for her. Grubba waddled up to her when she reached the stage, microphone ready in his hand.

“Hooo- _Weee!_ How’re you feelin’, KO?” the promoter asked, holding out the mic.

“I’m feeling pretty good about this. First fight of the day, nothing to drag me down today!”

“Yeah, but d’you think you can win?” he pressed.

“I’ve never seen the Armored Harriers in action, so I couldn’t tell ya.” The teen shrugged.

“How ‘bout we fix that, hey KO? What do you guys think, should we bring in our favourite Iron Adonis Twins?” Grubba hollered to the audience, and the thundering reactions were slightly deafening. The doors on the other end of the arena opened, and – oh **_crap_**.

Okay, yes Ani had faced off against a dragon, and Magnus von Grapple, and the Shadow Sirens, but the Armored Harriers were kind of terrifying. For one, they were absolutely _huge_ , to the point that she could fit inside one of them twice, with extra room in between. For two, their entire top of their heads were covered in giant spikes – no jumping on these guys, then – and had kind of a wild look in their eyes that suggested danger.

Seeing herself flinch on the big screen, Ani tried to keep it together – It wouldn’t exactly help her to keep her fanbase if she were to freeze up at the _sight_ of them. Grubba put the mic away when he approached the Harriers, which wasn’t really cause for suspicion, but why would he interview her and not them? She couldn’t hear what was said over the roaring crowd, but outrage entered those wild eyes, directed _right at her_. _What the hell did Grubba say to them?!?_

“We’re gonna blend you up into a smoothie, little girl! And then we’re gonna drink ya!” the one in the front, with pink-red shoes, roared. Ani instinctively stepped back.

“You’re gonna regret opening your yap, little girl!” the green-shoed one continued from behind.

“I didn’t say anything though!” she protested, but Grubba didn’t seem to care

“Let’s get ready to… _Baaaaattle!”_ _Well. I’m screwed._

Indeed, they were very much screwed. The Iron Harriers were solid, literally. Nothing worked against them at all.  That would be because nothing was as tough as an Iron Cleft, so no weapon could penetrate its defenses. That certainly explained why characters like King K and Cleftor had been stuck in the minor league – you had to beat these jerks to get to the major league!

Of course, that knowledge didn’t stop Ani from swinging her hammer at the Iron Cleft with everything she had. Instead of doing anything productive, the vibrations from the impact traveled back through the hammer and into Ani, hurting _her_ instead.  Koops nearly cracked his shell trying to hit them.

And between each of their attacks, the Iron Clefts managed to counterattack. Double the damage. This was _bad_ , and Ani may have just woken up a few hours ago, but she felt exhausted and ready to pass out again. _Is this ‘low health’ in the game? I’ve never actually felt this crappy before. Good thing I’m this weird paper person. If I wasn’t, I’d probably be dead by now._ Mr. Red-Shoes was charging again. If he hit her, she was gonna pass out.

“Wait! Wait!” she shouted, holding out both hands in front of her. “We... we forfeit. We’re forfeiting the match!” Ani could barely keep her feet under her at this point. She didn’t want to get beat up anymore today.

“We got ourselves a winner! The Armored Harriers!!” Grubba announced, and the teen sank to her knees, exhausted and defeated.

“We tried to tell you, little girl. But did you listen? Noooo.” Red-shoes crowed as Security hauled Ani to her feet, ‘escorting’ her out of the arena. She was tossed gracelessly into the locker room. She barely made it to the bench in the middle of the room before she was sagging again, completely burnt out. When she stopped to think about it… _wasn’t the egg here before?_

It wasn’t on the bench anymore.

“Huh. Guess the little egg is gone. Bummer. But that fight, _man…_ That was such _bullcrap_. There should be some kind of regulation against indestructible fighters on the roster.” Ani muttered, glaring at the door. Stupid Glitz Pit and the stupid Armored Harriers...

“No use worrying about it now… Where do you think the little egg went?” Koops wondered, sitting next to Ani. She’d been wondering the same thing.

“Yo!”

That… was a very squeaky voice. Coming from their right. When they looked, they saw him; a few feet from the bed, there was a little red… thing. It had a large face, a green little Mohawk, black shorts, and a little red tail sticking out the back of the shorts. And it was _adorable_.


	18. Chapter 3 Episode III – Speedy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Speedy is a reference to Arrow's Roy Harper, and Paper Physics continue to baffle Ani. Also, the champ get a black eye because Ani has unresolved daddy issues.

_ Then… _

_ “Yo!” _

_ That… was a very squeaky voice. Coming from their right. When they looked, they saw him; a few feet from the bed, there was a little red… thing. It had a large face, a green little Mohawk, black shorts, and a little red tail sticking out the back of the shorts. And it was  _ **_adorable_ ** _.  _

_ Now… _

He tottered up to the two on the bench, looking ecstatic. 

“Knock Out!” he squeaked. “Check me out! Thanks to you, I hatched safe and sound!” to prove this point, the little guy spun in a circle for examination. “Thanks, KO!”  _ Oh no, he’s adorable, I’m gonna squeal, oh my god.  _

“Wait… you were in that egg! That was a Yoshi egg!” Koops exclaimed. Ani didn’t know what a Yoshi was, so she’d have to take his word for it. 

“Yeah, but who cares? You guys wanna be champs, right? You want the Crystal Star?”  _ Wait a second, how does he know about that? _ Ignoring the ache in her, well, everywhere, Ani lifted the little guy up from under his arms, holding him out in front of her suspiciously. 

“How did you know about that? Or my fighter name, for that matter?” she asked with a frown. He may have been his cute little hatchling thing, but still.

“Well, the egg shell wasn’t really soundproof, you know. The hot dog guy  _ really _ thought I was a bad egg.” he snickered. “I heard about all of that stuff before I hatched!” The Yoshi squirmed out of her hold, climbing down her arm to stand on the bench beside her. “Anyway, I gotta repay you for saving me from old Hoggle out there, so I’ll fight for you! That thing with the Harriers was a doozy. Also, did you know those computers double as things to watch the fights on? ‘Cuz is does, and that was  _ not _ cool!”  _ Yeesh, he talks about as fast as Josephine does… _

“Whoa, whoa, hold your horses, kid! We’ve got to work a few things out before you’re getting in that arena. Besides, we got our butts kicked. I’m in  _ no _ condition to fight today.”

“You don’t need to worry about me fighting, I can hold my own! I’ll swallow any opponent whole, honest! Just leave it to me!” the Yoshi pleaded, and – oh no, he was doing that friggin’ puppy eyes thing.  _ Damn it. _

“…Fine. But we’re talking more about this after we wake up. We’re going to cover all our bases before we get back in there.” Ani compromised. The Yoshi shrugged, but seemed to find it agreeable. 

“Okay. Let’s go to sleep.” Hopping off the bench, the Yoshi began to tug her pantleg at the knee. Definitely reminded her of Josephine. Just smaller.

“If you don’t have a name, I promise I’ll think one up tomorrow, ‘kay?” the teen vowed as she stood up on shaky legs, following him to the bed. When she laid down, the Yoshi hopped up beside her, curling up just beside her elbow. Meanwhile Koops delegated himself to the Partner Pouch with a tired wave. He deserved the break. Once they got this Crystal Star, Ani was going to rest up a few days in Rogueport. Frankly reminded her more than enough times that she was no good to her sister if she passed out or died in a fight, so…

But that was for another day. Right now they were waiting on tomorrow to take on the Iron Harriers again to get into the damn Major League. This time she’d use those stupid health and energy restoring items. No random rest breaks, unless they  _ really _ needed it. 

Of course, there were still only so many hours in a day… 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“My  _ name _ ? Hmm… I just came outta that egg yesterday, so I guess I don’t have a name yet.” The Yoshi hummed. This was one of the bases they were covering, among others like the Yoshi’s attacks, before they went and took on the Harriers again.

“Well, that won’t do at all. We can’t just keep calling you ‘The Yoshi’.” Ani decided. 

“You seem pretty fired up about it, so why don’t you give me one? Make it cool, ‘kay?”  _ No pressure, or anything… _

There were a lot of potential names for this little red Yoshi. Red… red… that reminded her of something. Some TV show she’d watched when she was  _ really _ young. 

“Flash” was too, well, flashy. It didn’t seem to fit the little guy. “Rocket” didn’t work because he was red, and there were some bad connotations there. Hmm. What else? Most of the names she was coming up with were either really stupid, or just didn’t fit. She felt like she’d been on the right track with Flash, just not quite there yet… _ almost… _

“... _ Speedy! _ ” she exclaimed abruptly. “That’s what I was trying to think of, it was from a TV show I watched as a kid. One of the characters, his nickname was Speedy. He wore red all the time. What do you think of that?” she asked the Yoshi.  _ Technically, it was the girlfriend of the character that was nicknamed Speedy.  _ **_Then_ ** _ he got the nickname. And then he  _ **_left_ ** _... _

“Hm… Speedy, huh? Not bad, KO. Not bad at all. Yeah… I like it.” He decided, before laughing. “We’re gonna be Knock Out and Speedy!” he exclaimed. 

“Well, if the shoe fits, right? Anyways, we went over your moves already, so that’s about it. I’m still not so sure this is a good idea, but… I’ll trust your judgment for now. Ready to take on the Harriers?” She should  _ not _ be feeling any sort of protective maternal instinct over this Yoshi, no she shouldn’t. Not at all. Because when she went back home with Josephine, she couldn’t take him with her.  _ No protective mom feelings. Stop it.  _ Of course, it wasn’t like her brain listened to her. 

“You bet I am! They messed you guys up yesterday, it’s payback time!”  _ Don’t squeal. This is definitely not adorable.  _ **_Stop it_ ** _.  _

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Today we’ve got a special treat for y’all in the audience who weren’t too happy with yesterday’s fight! Back in the arena for another battle are – the Merciless Executioner, Knock Out! And… the Iron Adonis Twins, the Armored Harriers!” And the crowd went wild. 

“You think you can take me and KO?  _ Hah! _ ” Speedy scoffed, blowing a raspberry at the Harriers.

“These ultrahard bods just can’t lose!” Red-shoes exclaimed. . _ Just you wait, buddy-boy. We’re not having a repeat of yesterday. _

“Get yerselves ready to…   _ Baaaaaaattle _ !!”

Ani and Speedy had figured out their plan of attack before they reserved the match – Speedy would do his Gulp thing and get back as quickly as he could, and Ani would stay in the front and take the brunt of the Harriers’ attacks when their turn came. 

“Lemme at ‘em, Knock Out! We’re gonna take these punks this time!” 

Red-shoes laughed obnoxiously. “The little girl’s challenging us again. She never learns!” 

“Looks like she brought some new, shrimp partner along. As if that’s gonna help her!” Ani was going to do the right thing and ignore that long enough for Speedy to kick their asses.

“Do your thing, Speedy!” she crowed, appealing to the crowd as he did his thing. It was tempting to try an Earth Tremor, but she didn’t want to waste the star power in case it didn’t work. She didn’t even need to. The kid wasn’t lying when he said he could swallow  _ any _ opponent whole. Red-shoes was easily four times the size of the Yoshi, but he was spat back at his twin like he was nothing. That had to hurt. 

“ _ Yeeeowch!  _ You spiked me right in the…  _ That really hurt!” _ Red-shoes roared at Green-shoes. “Ack! Our iron bodies and pointy nastiness are being used against us! No fair!”

“No, what’s not fair is having indestructible competitors as the bridge between minor and major leagues.” Ani retorted with a quick pointed look at Grubba, just as red-shoes began to charge at her. Which she was entirely unable to block, and it seriously freaking hurt. The second did the same. Ani was just glad they had slept beforehand. She totally would have died just then if they hadn’t.

“Let’s finish these Bozos, KO!” This was it, this was it and then they’d be in the major leagues! One step closer to that damn Crystal Star. Another gulp and two girlish yelps later, the Harriers were down for the count. 

“Yes! You did it, Speedy!” Ani cheered, fist-pumping as the two Iron Clefts wobbled, their feet slipping out from under them. 

“Ooooooooorg….” Red-shoes groaned.

“Do we have to go back to the minor league now, bro?” Green-shoes whined dizzily.

“Sucks to be you, boys!” Ani grinned widely, waving to the audience as the cheered for her and Speedy.

“Coooooongratulations!! Knock Out! With this victory, you made the major league!  _ That _ is what I call a _ wiiiild _ an’ woolly fight! A dang  _ doozy!  _ Keep it up, kid! You’re goin’ places, I can tell! _ ” _ Grubba turned, spinning around to look at their audience. “C’mon now, folks! Give it up! We got ourselves a new major-leaguer!  _ Let’s hear it for Knock Out!!! _ ”

A steady chant of  _ Knock Out! Knock Out! Knock Out! _ Rang through the arena as the teen and her partner waved for the crowds, and the Harriers stumbled their way off the stage. 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Ms. Knock Out, Mr. Grubba wished to see you in his office. Follow me.” Jolene stated, after Ani received her fight money.  _ What could he want to see us about, besides something to do with the major league stuff? _ Whatever it was, it apparently had nothing to do with whatever was in Grubba’s desk drawer, because he slammed it shut noisily when Jolene led them inside, looking startled. Was that panic on his puffy face?  _ Hm… so he’s got some secrets, does he… _

“Mr. Grubba, I’ve brought Ms. Knock Out, as you requested.” The toad greeted her boss. She wasn’t oblivious to his suspicious reaction to their unexpected entrance – Ani could see it there, she knew something was going on. 

“Muh-M-Ms. Jolene! You mind yer manners, now! We  _ knock _ ‘round here, missy!” Grubba scolded nervously. 

“I apologize, Mr. Grubba.” She certainly didn’t  _ look _ like she was very sorry. Ani didn’t really care, she still felt like something was off about Grubba. Maybe Jolene did too, or she was just a robot.

“Don’t you worry yer pretty li’l head about it none, jus’ don’t do it again.” The promoter shook his head. “Now, what’d I want again? Somethin’ ‘bout KO…. Oh, yeah!” Thumping his way around the desk, Grubba walked right up to Ani and Speedy.

“This isn’t about Speedy, is it? I don’t have to, like… register him as one of my official partners, do I?” That was something she didn’t really want to have to spend the time on. Given the size of the regular fighter contract, who knew how big Speedy’s would be. 

“That’s up ta you, little lady. I wanted you down here to congratulate you, kiddo. Major league already, huh? Yer really climbin’ the ranks! I had a feelin’ you were goin’ places, and  _ dang _ , I love it when I’m right! You just keep fillin’ up those seats in the arena, yeah? I’m countin’ on you, kiddo.” Even with so many people having been cheering for her when she won against the Armored Harriers, she still doubted that so many people would show up to watch her fight.

“I’ll do my best.”

“Darn right. Anyway, I got a special li’l somethin’-somethin’ for you. Go on, take it!” it was a large-ish bag, jingling with coins. When the teen counted them out, that was  _ thirty  _ coins. Adding up her earnings from the minor league fights, she’d nearly gained back the money she’d given Ishnail for the info on Don Pianta. She’d surely double that by the time she made her way through the major leagues.

“Oh geeze, thank you.”

“So… yeah, somethin’ else that’s been on my mind… Yer costume ain’t cool. It’s better than it  _ could _ be, but… No big deal, but hey. Someday, when you become champ, I’ll get you a new one. Somethin’ hot pink, maybe with some frills or somethin’. You’ll look a sight, kiddo!”  _ Oh hell no.  _ Pink was Ani’s worst enemy, especially since she already looked like Princess friggin’ Peach without all the pink and frills. Besides, she was gonna be long gone once she got the Crystal Star off the champ’s belt. 

But… then something occurred to her;  _ why _ would a Crystal Star be paraded around in the open like that? It was too easy – the Diamond Star required Hooktail’s defeat, the Emerald Star was way down in the bottom of the Great Tree hidden with a Puni Puzzle. It couldn’t be that simple. 

“Anyway, that’s somethin’ fer another day. Take a powder, okay? Ya earned it.” Assuming he meant for her to take another day off,  _ no thanks _ . She’d hardly even been hit by the Armored Harriers this time around. A mushroom, a hot dog, or something from that juice bar and she’d be fine.

“Ms. Knock Out, and... Speedy, please follow me if you would.”

Jolene brought them just down the hall, and into their new locker room. The crowd here looked a little tougher – the teen wondered if there were any okay people in here, like King K. The new locker room looked a lot better than the minor league one. Red-checked tiles on the floor, the walls, benches and lockers looked almost brand new. The bed in the corner had a little divider, separating whoever was resting from everyone else. 

“This is the major league locker room. You will use this room from this moment on. Any belongings you left in the minor league locker room will be brought to you. The match system is the same as the minor league, but the bouts are harder. Try not to get completely destroyed out there, okay, Ms. Knock Out?” Unlike last time, there seemed to be some genuine concern there, or at least genuine warning. She didn’t sound like she was reading something off a card.

“You can call me Ani if you want. Knock Out still sounds a little… odd, for me.” Jolene was quiet for a few seconds, and the teen wondered if she might just leave and ignore her. 

“All right, Ms. Ani. If you’ll excuse me, I must be going now.” With the cursory adjustment of her glasses, the smaller toad had left the room. And damn if this new locker room wasn’t awkward as all hell.  _ All of the other Glitz Pit major leaguers are staring at me _ . 

“Is this because I’m the only girl here besides Jolene? Seriously, stop. This is seven kinds of creepy.” No response, of any kind. 

“Would it kill these guys to show a little friendliness? Yeesh!” Speedy grumbled as Ani sat down against the wall. Someone else was using the bed, and those benches looked too stiff to be comfortable. “Hey, KO. You made kind of a weird face when that Grubba guy mentioned becoming the champ. What’s up?”

“It’s… I’m not so sure the star on the champ’s belt is the genuine article.” Ani said, explaining her reasoning and the previous two ordeals, and the Yoshi nodded. 

“Makes sense.” He agreed, plopping himself down on her knees. It was pretty cool how comfortable the little guy was with her – she had a feeling it wouldn’t be quite the same if it were Mario (where he was supposed to be) rather than her.  _ No, no, bad motherly feelings. No.  _ Before any more could be said, the door to the locker room burst open and –  _ oh god.  _ Of course it would be the chicken man, rather than  _ anyone else _ it could be. Rawk Hawk.

“Studly guy, coming through! Listen up, losers! I’ve been hearing about some rising star tearing up the league rankings, I wanna know who this Knock Out guy is!” he ordered. Ani snorted. 

“So you’ve heard all this stuff about me, but they didn’t bother to tell you I was a girl, huh?” she piped up from behind him, still leaned against the wall. Rawk Hawk whirled to face her, eyes bugging out of his head. After staring for several seconds more than was necessary or appropriate, chicken man threw his head back, roaring with laughter. 

“You’ve got a funny sense of humor, gorgeous. But seriously, where is Knock Out?” Literally everyone in the locker room pointed back to her with the question. Rawk Hawk blinked, eyes still bugging out. 

“…Are you  _ kidding _ me? Those minor league babies got their butts whupped by a little  _ girl?  _ Man, I came all the way down here expecting some blonde pretty-boy! Looks like my feathers got all ruffled up for nothing!” He went back to laughing his ass off, and Ani rolled her eyes.

“You’d be surprised how much this ‘little girl’ puts up a fight.” She countered. “I guess you’ll see in the ring, when I take that pretty belt of yours.” Hey, that reminded Speedy of something – the champ’s belt around Rawk Hawk’s waist. Ani had  _ just _ said she wasn’t sure if that big star on it was real. Hopping off Ani’s knees, he walked right on up to the chicken man to look at it closer. He’d gotten a better look at KO’s Crystal Stars earlier, he hoped he could tell if this one was real or not. 

“What in the…  _ hey _ ! You! Back away from the belt, shortie! You might regret it!” Rawk Hawk threatened when he noticed the little guy. Speedy ignored him, looking at the belt a little longer. 

“I think you’re right, KO. I’m not completely sure, but it definitely looks different from yours. I think it’s a fake.” He reported, stepping back until he was practically sitting on her again. Clearly there was a misunderstanding, because the chicken man looked furious. 

“Hey! You think you can just smack-talk the Rawk Hawk?!  _ I don’t think so _ !” he snapped, glaring at the Yoshi. “You got some guts, calling my belt a fake, shrimp. Didn’t your momma teach you any manners?!?” He growled. 

“Oi! Back off.” Ani stood up, nudging him behind her as she did. “It’s not the belt he was talking about, nimrod. It’s the star  _ on _ the belt.” She pointed to the gaudy thing with a glare. “Speedy didn’t mean to rip on your belt,  _ chicken man _ . Now, this isn’t your locker room, I think you should get back to that cushy champ’s room of yours and  _ leave us alone _ .” _ Please just leave, I need to figure out what to do now if this star on that stupid belt isn’t the real deal. _

“Stop making fun of me! You and your brat only alive ‘cause we ain’t in the ring right now, otherwise the two of you would be in a  _ world  _ of hurt!” Rawk Hawk bellowed. “We’ll settle this in the ring, if you can make it past these babies without running home and crying to your daddy!” 

Ani would defend til her dying day that Rawk Hawk instigated that whole event, and _ totally  _ earned the shiner on his eye for it. 


	19. Chapter 3 Episode IV – Grounded

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is full of references to things, cookies to the clever people that find them. Ani gets grounded, meets up with the mysterious Samuel again, and sort of (understandably) mopes about the fact that her sister got kidnapped.

In the moment, Ani had felt somewhat satisfied with herself for her right hook. Security hadn’t agreed, and it kind of made a mess. So, when they got involved, of course the whole matter ended up with  _ both _ of them back in Grubba’s office like a pair of kids getting in a schoolyard scuffle and being sent to the principal’s office. Grubba got Rawk hawk’s half of the story first – wildly inaccurate, to be sure – before coming to Ani. Jolene looked more inclined to believe her rather than the Champ.

“KO, what do you have to say for yerself?”

“All due respect, Mr. Grubba, Rawk Hawk instigated the matter by barging into the major league locker room, insulting myself and Speedy, and threatening Speedy when he got too close to his precious Champ’s belt to get a better look. He also said, and I quote; ‘You and your brat are only alive because we ain’t in the ring right now.’ I don’t know about you, but it certainly sounds threatening.”

“They called the belt a fake, and called me  _ chicken man _ !” Rawk Hawk interrupted, very nearly whining. 

“Mr. Champion, this is Ms. Ani’s time to talk. You had your say already.” Jolene cut him off icily. “At what point did you decide it was a good idea to physically assault the champion, Ms. Ani?” Oh. This was gonna be embarrassing unless she worded it right. Think, Ani… Was there a good way to say that he’d pissed her off, and she couldn’t help hitting him?

“Aside from threatening my newly-hatched friend and myself, he remarked on something that is… more than a bit of a sensitive topic for me. I’m sure it was nothing more than a cocky jab, but…” Neither Grubba nor Jolene said anything, so the teen took that as her cue to continue. “…Before I’m guessing he planned to leave, Rawk Hawk made an insinuation about my ability to fight, suggesting I’d run home and cry to my father before I could climb my way up the ranks to face him. This is going to sound  _ really _ stupid, but… I lost my father when I was young, and the comment hit a nerve. I’m sorry, Mr. Grubba. I didn’t think about what I was doing until I’d already done it.”  _ Yes, good idea. Come clean with it, and maybe you’ll get in less trouble. Good plan, great plan. _

Grubba and Jolene stepped over to the other side of the room by his desk to discuss it. 

“We really pushed the yellow dude’s buttons, huh?” Speedy whispered. Ani snickered, fluffing up the little green Mohawk in response ‘til he batted her hands away. She wondered if there would have been the same fuss if this wasn’t the champion she’d attacked. Maybe, maybe not? She wasn’t about to go attacking any of the guys in the locker room to test it out. She was in enough crap as it was.

“I hope this doesn’t set us back too much. We need to finish this up, and fast. Not that I’m not liking the newfound fame, but I can’t  _ wait _ to get out of here.” She muttered.  _ Who knows what the X-Nauts have planned for Josephine. Whatever it was, they need the Crystal Stars. They could be off finding the other three while I’m stuck here…  _ Jolene cleared her throat a moment later, drawing her attention back. 

“Mr. Grubba and I have come to a decision. Mr. Champion – because you instigated the altercation with Ms. Ani, you are banned from the major league locker room, save for under the circumstance of losing your title as the champion, and are to be given a two-day suspension from the ring.” 

“ _ What?!?” _

Ignoring the indignant champ, Jolene looked to Ani next. “Ms. Ani, due to your physically assaulting the Glitz Pit champion, you will receive the same two-day suspension, and your ranking will not rise after a victory for your first fight after this suspension.”

“Oh, come on…” Ani muttered. It could have been worse, she supposed. She could have been expelled, or suspended for longer – and hey, she could always try to hack into the Glitz Pit ranking database and move her rank up herself. But then they might catch on, and that could be just as bad.  _ Maybe just grin and bear it, hope I don’t go nuts in the meantime? _

“Both of you return to your designated rooms.”

“Actually, Miss Jolene, I need’a have a little chat with the champ. KO can head on back to the major league locker room, ‘nd I’ll send Rawk Hawk out when he’s done.” As Jolene escorted her back to the lockers, Ani noticed something on her little clipboard. A tablet. That was pretty advanced, for 2001 technology. Especially if you considered the Mailbox SP was considered high-tech, and  _ that _ was prehistoric. 

“What are you doing?” she asked. 

“Barring you from accessing the fight registry for the duration of your suspension.” Jolene monotoned. A series of blips and beeps followed her words. “A word of advice, Ms. Ani – save the violence for the ring. You’re very lucky you at least appear to regret what you did, elsewise the penalty would have been worse.”  _ I don’t regret hitting him, I regret the fact that it got me in trouble. _

“Yeah, yeah.” she muttered as they reached the locker room. The other fighters were all inside, gossiping like teenagers. She heard her own name and ‘the champ’ mentioned several times, it wasn’t rocket science to figure out what they were talking about. She groaned to herself – this wasn’t what her stupid career needed. At least she wasn’t demoted back into the minor league, or kicked out completely.  _ Just keep reminding yourself of that. _

“Gossip happens. Just be grateful you aren’t as high-profile as the champ yet, or else the tabloids would be all over it. People latch onto that kind of thing like a piece of meat, but it’ll go away pretty quickly.” Jolene added before closing the door.

“Ugh, forget the gossip, forget friggin’ chicken man. We’ve got a problem.” She said to Speedy, sitting down in the far corner of the room with him. “My map pointed to Glitzville, but if that star on the champ’s belt is fake…”

“Then where the heck’s the real one at?” Speedy finished. 

“Exactly.” Another moment later, an irritating ringtone sounded off from her bag – the Mailbox SP was going off, but it wasn’t the ringtone that went off when Josephine contacted her, or when she got random stuff from Frankly, or someone else. 

_ Who’d I get an email from, then? How many people even know my email address? Wait… what if it’s some fan or something? _

“’ _ iF yOu WaNt ThE cRyStAl StAr, HeEd My InStRuCtIoNs. FrOm X’  _ Wow, creepy. Who’s this ‘X’? More importantly, how did they even manage to contact me?”  _ Doesn’t look like your typical fanmail… _

“And why would someone be helping us out, or even know we’re looking for a Crystal Star? This whole deal seems kinda wack…” Speedy muttered. “Anyways, we have two days to kill now. What do you want to do?”

“We could explore Glitzville a little, hang out at the juice bar, maybe.”  _ Or you could send a message to Josie. _ A little voice whispered, reminding her of the addition to Josephine’s last letter.  _ It could be a trap. I shouldn’t… _ Pulling out the mailbox SP again, Ani’s fingers hovered over the keypad for a few seconds, before muttering, “to hell with it,” and entering in the password. The little blinking cursor invited her to start typing, so she did. 

[[Hey. Whoever wrote the password? Is Josephine there?]] _ Send _ .

**_[[_ ** _ Josephine Winters is currently sleeping. I will notify her that you have sent a message when she awakes. _ **_]]_ **

[[… Okay. I’m free for the next two days, so whenever she wakes up…]]  _ Send. _

**_[[_ ** _ Understood. I will find a way for her to reply to you without running the risk of being found outside of her room. _ **_]]_ **

“You’re lucky you weren’t kicked out for attacking the champ.” Some Koopa in wizard robes pointed out as Ani put the device away. “Grubba must see a  _ lot _ of potential in you if he let you go off practically scot-free.”

“I’m not some special snowflake for mostly getting away with it, I just played my cards right and it worked.” She dissuaded, shaking her head. “Anyone that knows me back home could tell you – I’m manipulative as hell.”  _ It just hasn’t kicked in as much over here. It worked better when I was little and people didn’t  _ **_know_ ** _ they were being manipulated. _

The wizard koopa just shrugged and walked away. “Rawk Hawk won’t forget that, careful in the ring if you make it to him.” He tossed over his shoulder. Ani snorted. She could handle an overgrown chicken. Again, she just needed to play her cards right after this stupid suspension.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Hey, KO, where did you come from?” Speedy asked the next day, seemingly out of the blue as they wandered Glitzville, finishing the day’s exploration at the juice bar. It wasn’t like they could do much else, there hadn’t been any emails from their mysterious messenger and she was banned for one more day, so why not sightsee?

“Hm?”

“Yesterday, you mentioned ‘back home’ when you were talking to the Magikoopa. Where  _ is _ your home?” Ani almost tensed at the question – how was she supposed to answer that? Josephine’s email cropped up in the back of her mind again; _ “It would be in the best interests of both of us if we don’t mention where we’re from, if you catch my meaning _ .” But this was  _ Speedy _ she was thinking about here! He was her friend, and practically devoted to her since he was hatched. Who would he tell, anyways?

_ …Okay, I won’t tell him  _ **_everything_ ** _. _

“Home is a  _ long _ ways away from here. I used to live in a big city called Vancouver. That’s where I was born. Then a little while after Josephine was born, we moved to an island off the coast, and ended up in a little town called Port Alberni. That’s where I was before all this stuff with the Crystal Stars happened.”

“You live on an island?  _ Cool _ ! I’m from an island too! I don’t remember it, but still.”

“I heard – King K. told me about it, some exotic egg from an island in the south.” Ani recounted, leaping on the chance to change the subject. “And then I spent ten minutes running after a hopping egg, until it decided to have a nap on the hot dog stand roof.” She teased, poking Speedy’s side as he squirmed away. 

“Hey!” he whined. “Would _you_ want to be made into a hot dog?” he retorted, nudging her wiggling hand away. He did _not_ want to be a hot dog. _Or_ _tickled_!

“…Okay, point taken. Hot dogs are gross. Do you know what goes  _ into _ those things? It’s got like – you know what, never mind. You don’t want to know. I watched a thing on TV about it… friggin’ nasty.” The teen shuddered dramatically.  _ Henry thought it was funny. Then again, he’s not the picture of normal. Or sane, for that matter. _

“Really? I always thought How It’s Made was pretty educational. Don’t you want to know what goes into the stuff you eat?” An unexpected voice piped up to her right, perched on a stool at the bar.  _ Samuel _ . Aside from being unable to shake the feeling that she  _ knew this person _ , Ani was relieved to see another human being. Even if she didn’t know him, it was a little piece of normal that she needed when she was surrounded by ghosts and anthropomorphic mushrooms and wind spirits. 

“Dude! Where the hell have you been?” Ani asked, a surprised smile coming to her face. “We got off the blimp, and you were gone.”

“I had to make a call.” The man shrugged apologetically. “I just got off one now, in fact. The Mrs. of the house wanted to hear about the Glitz Pit’s rising star.” He grinned, and Ani rolled her eyes. “Hey, did you manage to look into that important something you mentioned on the blimp?”  _ Right. I mentioned that to him, didn’t I… _

“Um… inconclusive at the moment. The lead I had might not be as legitimate as I thought.” She carefully phrased her answer. Said phrasing didn’t pass Samuel unnoticed, but he only raised an eyebrow. “Anyways, I made a new friend while we were up here! Sam, meet Speedy.” She introduced, tactlessly changing the subject. 

“I noticed your friend there during round two with the Armored Harriers.” He responded, giving the Yoshi a little wave that he returned. “Speaking of them… Watch your back over the next few days. I heard talk around from some of the minor leaguers that the Harriers aren’t too happy with you, and you saw how volatile they are.”

“Meh. We kicked their asses once, we could do it again. It’s all a means to an end anyways, the number of people I piss off along the way won’t matter when I get there.” The teen shrugged melancholically, glancing at the Mailbox SP. Still nothing from Josie, but that really shouldn’t have surprised her.  _ It was probably a trap, I shouldn’t have sent that message. Could they trace it back to here, back to me? Did I put this whole floating town in danger? Am I gonna end up right where my sister is, or will they just kill me and take the map? God, what happens if I  _ **_die_ ** _ here? _

“…I don’t mean to pry into your personal business, but… is everything okay?” Sam spoke up, concerned. Oh, awesome. She’d gone all dark and gloomy and someone actually noticed. 

“It’s… something of a family matter, I guess you could say. My little sister’s in trouble, I’m trying to get her out of it.” She shrugged, propping her head up on one elbow as she sat on a stool next to the man, Speedy coming up on her other side.

“Something to do with Don Pianta?” he asked, and she snorted. Like  _ he _ could actually cause her any problems.

“Try space aliens with a supervillain complex. No, all of this is a stepping stone. I just needed to get here.” Ani shook her head. “Soon as I’ve got what I need, I’m out of here.” And if it went the way she was expecting, Rawk Hawk wouldn’t be knocked off his pedestal for very long. It was kind of unfortunate – the shiner she’d given him probably brought his ego down a  _ little _ bit, but losing his precious belt would really knock it home. It was almost unfortunate that she couldn’t stick around longer, rub it in his beak a little. 

Not that it would even matter when she got home.

“So, I hear the Glitz Pit’s favourite major leaguer got grounded. For attacking the champ.” Oh no, there was The Disappointed Parent, picking up their kid from the Principal’s office. “Then again, the story’s so twisted up in knots by now – I’m pretty sure I don’t believe the version where you hospitalized him by throwing him into the lockers – I figured I’d get the story from the source, give you the benefit of the doubt.”  _ Is that how bad the gossip’s gotten?  _ Ani groaned, and her head fell from her hand to smack onto the bar, while Speedy piped up with the  _ real  _ story. And the  _ only _ thing Samuel seemed to glean from that was the reason for hitting Rawk Hawk. 

“Your father died?” there was honest confusion in his voice.  _ Guess I don’t look like the kind of kid with a tragic backstory, huh? _ Beneath that, though, there seemed to be something else that Ani couldn’t figure out for the life of her. She couldn’t come out and ask what his deal was, so she’d just have to let it eat at her ‘til she figured it out, or until he came out with it himself. Though, she imagined that wasn’t likely.

“Yup. I won’t give you the whole sob story, just that he died after my little sister was born.” She shrugged. Samuel hummed, before standing up from the stool. 

“Well, not that this wasn’t a lovely angst-filled conversation, but I do have a few things I need to do, so I guess I’ll see you around.” As if on cue, some sort of buzzer went off in his pocket, and he pulled out a walkie talkie.  _ Who even uses those anymore???  _ He was already out of the bar by the time he started talking, so she didn’t hear anything he said. She also had a feeling that he pulled one of his magic disappearing acts, so following after him would be utterly pointless. 

Now that her conversation partner was gone, and she didn’t particularly feel like regaling any of her companions with more stories of her shenanigans on Earth, boredom set in.  _ One more day, then we can go fight again. Just stay sane for one more day. _

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Boredom was Ani’s worst enemy, and in the last day of her grounding, her boredom became the entire Major League locker room’s worst enemy. With nothing to tinker with, and nowhere new to really go after spending all of yesterday exploring, the only entertainment Ani could find was in annoying the other Major Leaguers. Her mysterious friend ‘X’ hadn’t sent anything new, and Josephine hadn’t replied to her email yet. 

“There’s nothing to  _ do _ ,” Ani whined, head thumping back into the lockers. “If I had an actual computer, I could at least program some low-res version of  _ Geometry Wars _ into it, or something, but all the Mailbox SP has is  _ Anaconda _ , or whatever it’s called.”  _ Hell, I’d take one of Ian’s stupid parties if it meant something to do. I’d at least have Savana and Kelly to talk to, if that was the case. They don’t understand my ‘technobabble’, but they at least try… _

“Aaand, there’s homesickness. Always a fun thing to add to the mix.” She muttered, rolling her eyes. Another minute passed before she got tired of the empty, quiet locker room.  _ Why not have a little fun while we’re here? _ With that came the not-so-ingenious plan to tinker with the fight registry console. Not to do anything particularly foolish or incriminating, she just… messed with the names a little bit. Well… messed with  _ two _ names. Hopefully they wouldn’t be found out until either fighter went back into the ring, it’d make it all the funnier if Grubba used them in front of an audience.

_ Beep Beeep! Beep Beeep! _

“Hm? What’s that, KO?” Speedy piped up as the ringtone blared from her backpack. Ani, on the other hand, practically dove for the green bag when she recognized the tone.  _ Speak of the devil, and whatnot.  _ “An email?”

“Yup, from my sister it looks like.”

**_[[_ ** _ Do you know how risky it was to try and text me? TEC said it’d work it out, but it’s not infallible! _ **_]]_ **

[[Says the girl who admitted to thoughts of tampering with the Supervillain Reject’s supercomputer because she was  _ BORED _ .]] _ Send. _

[[… Are you alright?]]  _ Send. _

**_[[_ ** _ Besides bored out of my skull? Yes. I was given books to keep me quiet, but I’ve read them over ten times each by now, and TEC locked me out of everything but the mail system when I tried tampering with it. But yeah, Grodus said something about not hurting me or he’d have their heads, so they haven’t like… attacked me or anything. It doesn’t inspire confidence in their plans for me, but I prefer not being hurt. _ **_]]_ **

Josephine had a point – while the fact that her sister was okay was a relief, the other half remained, and raised questions; namely,  _ why _ was it so important that she not be harmed? Were they planning to use her as some kind of bargaining chip, maybe for the Crystal Stars? Or… something worse? The thought made Ani’s blood boil. 

[[I’m coming to get you as quickly as I can, Josie. Those bastards will regret even looking at you. I promise.]]  _ Send. _

**_[[_ ** _ I know, sis. Don’t worry about me so much right now though, okay? What you need to worry about is getting these Crystal Stars before the X-Nauts do. I’ll see what I can find out, and get it to you if I can. All depends on this stupid biased supercomputer… -_- _ **_]]_ **

[[…? You’re telling me all about that later, or I’m not telling you what I plan to use JESA for.]]  _ Send _ .

**_[[_ ** _ Come on, that’s not fair. If you don’t tell me about JESA, I’m telling everyone at ADSS about your crush on Kent Wallace when we get back. _ **_]]_ **

[[…I’ll tell you if you guess what JESA stands for, and then that threat never sees the light of day again. Deal?]]  _ Send. _

**_[[_ ** _ Deal. Before you hid all your notes from me, I remember seeing J-Series. It’s the ESA I’m having trouble with, and you always give your projects freaking complicated names. _ **_]]_ **

[[We’ve got all the time in the world, sis. I’m grounded for the rest of today, but tomorrow I’m back in the game – figuratively – so I won’t be able to talk as much, but I’ll keep you updated.]]  _ Send. _

**_[[_ ** _ Be careful what you write. I’m not sure I can trust this computer. Grodus created it, and it argues with me if I say anything bad about him. For all I know, it’ll repeat everything we say back to Grodus. _ **_]]_ **

[[Understood. Try not to die of boredom before I get there.]]  _ Send. _

“Is that  _ really _ how conversations between you and your sister tend to go?” Goombella asked.  _ When did Goombella come out of my bag? _ Ani snickered, but nodded. She’d heard it all before; she and her sister were weird, that was usually where they started. Maybe not in so many words, but… their conversations could go from what kind of food they were having for lunch, and somehow evolve into how they’d survive in  post-apocalyptic mutant world, and then end on some mishap in ‘the lab’, also known as the attic. All in time to finish their food and get to their next class, while anyone privy to their conversation was left confused. Other times they’d carry two conversations on at the same time, with similar results.

“It gets weirder sometimes.” She voiced aloud, going along with her train of thought. And then Goombella just  _ had _ to go and ask.

“Soooo…. Who’s  _ Kent _ , hm?” That, along with the hinting poke to her side, made Ani want to crawl into her hoodie and hide – she was  _ not _ going to spill her guts about her nonexistent love life to a  _ talking mushroom _ . 

“The only guy in my autoshop class that isn’t a sexist moron?” Ani suggested – hey, it wasn’t necessarily a lie – and only got an expectant raised eyebrow in return. “He’s just a guy from school, I helped him fix up his motorcycle, and he helped me pass English with a B.” That wasn’t to say he didn’t give her a ride to school the days that she missed the bus, or that they didn’t study together in the library on days Josephine was hanging out with her own friends at lunch hour. 

Goombella still wasn’t saying anything, and Ani groaned. “Okay, so I’ve liked him for the last year, and he’s the most oblivious man I’ve ever known.” She gave in, hiding in her knees as the goomba squealed. 

“And here I thought you just didn’t like people!” she exclaimed, and Ani rolled her eyes even in her embarrassment. “What? You certainly glare enough for it.”

“It’s not that I dislike  _ people _ , I dislike ignorance, idiocy, and people who don’t take me seriously. Putting a personality like that in a High School Environment makes for a very unhappy Ani, with the rare exceptions – a few of my teachers, my sister, and people like Kent and Susan, his little sister. And the  _ glaring _ is reserved for when I’m frustrated. Given my situation, I think I’m in the right to be frustrated.” 

“I guess you’ve got a point there…” Goombella continued going off in her muttering, but Ani paid it little attention – that nasty homesickness was poking in her brain again, she’d have to deal with that. Of course, it would be easier to put out of her mind if she wasn’t  _ grounded _ , but that was her own fault, wasn’t it?

“One more day…” she sighed, resting her forehead against her knees and closing her eyes.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

_ “ _ **_What_ ** _ is going on? The TV’s being all weird, and it keeps showing me some  _ **_girl_ ** _!” _

“I’m working on it, Babe. I’ll let you know when I figure it out. Right now… I don’t even know what this thing’s trying to pull, and I’m not sure if you’d believe me if I told you what I think is going on. Just sit tight. ”

_ “All right. Be careful, and hurry back. We don’t need a repeat of last time, and you promised me dinner at that Thai place across town tonight.” _


	20. Chapter 3 Episode V – James Bond Crap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani feels like a sneaky super spy, and Grubba and Jolene are being suspicious. Bowser is also an idiot, but we already knew that?

“I never thought I’d be so happy to be  _fighting_ again.” Ani admitted as she and Speedy approached the console to reserve their first match. Grubba appeared on the screen after a few seconds.

“Howdy there, KO, and welcome back! Itchin’ to be back in the ring, huh? Lemme see here, your next opponent will be… ranked 9 in the Glitz Pit, the Tiny Spinies! Now, listen – in this fight, I want you to avoid switchin’ out yer partners. Gotta go with who brung you! A fight to the end, side by side. Now _that’s_ drama! Now git in there, and enjoy your first fight!” _Oh, I will. No worries about that, Balloon Boy…_

What Ani _didn’t_ enjoy was the stupid puns the characters in this game insisted on using. One of the Spike-Top Spinies on the stage _actually said_ , ‘It’s gonna be fun poking fun at you!’ Besides Ani’s general need to progress through the Glitz Pit’s ranks, that stupid pun was almost grounds for being squished on its own, it was so damn _corny_!

Speedy was his usual helpful self, it scarcely took two minutes before the spike-tops were down for the count. _Like they actually stood a chance in the first place._

The fight got Ani 11 coins, though she was reminded by Jolene that as part of her punishment for attacking the champ, her rank wouldn’t rise with this victory – essentially meaning she just needed to fight the Tiny Spinies again to go further. The poor things still looked a little dizzy from last time when they came up onto the stage again. Her rank was brought up to 9, and that was the end of that little debacle.

The next opponents she was pitted against were the Shellshockers, ranked 8 in the Glitz Pit. The only fight requirement she needed to meet was that she not take too much damage before she won. That would _definitely_ not be a problem, considering for all their bluster, the Shellshockers were still just Koopas.

“Knock Out! Don’t think I’m gonna take it easy on you, little girl!” _He’ll be singing a different song when I’m done with him…_

Things took a less-hopeful turn when Goombella filled her in on one important little detail about Shady Koopas – even if she knocked them on their backs, they could still attack. What was worse, it would do _more_ damage to her than if they weren’t flipped over.

Given that she wasn’t required to prolong the fight, Ani felt perfectly sound in using an Earth Tremor to kick things off, followed up by that Thunder Rage she’d been saving. She could buy another one, she reasoned to herself – it wasn’t like she couldn’t afford it.

The Mysterious X that had maintained total silence since their first email finally established contact again, once Jolene had given KO her fight money. The ringtone sounded off as Ani dug out the Mailbox SP from her bag. The message read: _“gO tO tHe WaTeRiNg HoLe OuTsIdE ThE gLiTz PiT. FrOm X.”_

“From that ‘X’ dude again? Go to some watering hole, huh? What’s that supposed to mean?” Speedy wondered, peeking over Ani’s shoulder.

“Could mean the juice bar.” The teen mused. “It’s worth a shot. Think this X person will be there?” she asked. Her Yoshi shrugged.

“Dunno. They’re going out of their way to be sneaky, I don’t think so. I’d give anything to know who this guy is, though.”

 _What’s the point, then? Why ask us there if they won’t be there?_ Ani thought, and the creeping suspicion that she could be walking into a trap grew in the back of her mind. Thankfully for her, it didn’t seem that way when she entered. X wasn’t there, but neither were a bunch of X Nauts or someone else that could have been out for her head. Nope, it was just the usual employees, and Mr. Disco Frenchman again. He seemed to have the good sense not to try and hit on her this time around, at least.

“Ah, you’re Knock Out!” the bartender exclaimed when she approached. “Just the blonde I was expecting! …Actually, you’re pretty late. Somebody left a package and a note at the door a little while ago, addressed to you. It’s right here, and may I just say, you’ve got some rich fans, lass. This is a _Super Hammer_ , the newest model. Er, the Hammawhack 2005, I think…”

As if the bartender’s words were the cue, a familiar polka-dotted pocket world unfurled around her, and out came – hey, it was Toadette again!

“Hey, it’s me again! Toadette! It’s so nice to see you again, Ani!” the pink toad squealed. “Congratulations on getting that Super Hammer! It’s way more powerful! Your fans must really love you!”

“It was anonymous, but I’ll take whatever help I can get.” Ani shrugged. There was a niggling sense that this was more than a gift from a fan. X didn’t seem to be fangirling/fanboying over her in their emails. She’d wager this was related to getting the Crystal Star, rather than just a random gift.

“Alright! Now, with the Super Hammer you can learn a wicked cool new technique! Ready to get started? It’s a little hard, but I’m sure you’ll get it in no time!”

Turned out, _‘a little hard’_ meant full-body contortionism turned super hammer attack. She literally had to twist her body almost a full 180 degrees at her middle. _Friggin’ weird paper physics..._

Toadette also informed her that with this new ability, she could smash through the giant yellow bricks she’d seen scattered in various places in this world – the first coming to mind being in the room that led to the Thousand Year Door, the second being… In the Minor-League Locker Room.

“Don’t forget you can use your Super Hammer in fights too! See you later, Ani! Good luck on your quest!” With that, Toadette and her pink background pocket world were gone again. The Bartender was still muttering about something or other when the Mailbox SP went off _again_!

_“SmAsH tHe BlOcKaDe In ThE mInOr-LeAgUe LoCkEr RoOm. From X.”_

“That’s our cue to leave. Think securty’ll let us in if we say we left something in there?”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

Cleftor, Sir Swoop, Master Crash and the Armored Harriers were the only people in the locker room – and as it turned out, someone had apparently dropped a line to the Security Guard outside the locker room’s door that Ani wanted to move back to the Minor League. _Screw that!_

Though, it did give a hint as to who X was; it had to be someone in the Pit, who could get behind the scenes without being stopped by the guys outside. Someone the guards would actually listen to, and believe if they said Ani was being moved back to the Minor League. A higher-up, then? Grubba, Jolene? Ani had her doubts. No time to think on that, right now she had to smash the yellow block in the corner before someone realized the mix-up and caught her.

The block crumbled, and a secret room behind it was opened up; some kind of storage room that hadn’t seen the light of day in years, if the layer of dust was anything to go by. There was an old bookshelf, and some kind of paper was peeking over the top – just out of Ani’s reach. Now, any normal person would consider grabbing a ladder, or maybe boosting their much-smaller partner up to the top of the shelf. What this game clearly wanted _Ani_ to do, though, was climb on top of the computer in one corner, and use Speedy’s flutter-jump… _thing_ , to cross from the top of the computer desk to the top of the bookshelf.

Ani was _not_ game for that idea.

“You literally hatched like… two days ago. I’m not about to climb on your back and let you _fly me_ to the top of this stupid bookshelf.” She denied. Speedy was half her size, she’d crush him!

“ _Knock Out,_ ” Speedy whined. “I can _do_ this! I’m strong enough, and you’re not that heavy.” he insisted, tugging her pantleg in the general direction of the computer table.

 _I guess he’s got a point, with the way these stupid paper physics behave..._ Ani thought, before groaning into her hands – why was she even _considering_ this? “Alright, alright – let’s just do this before I come to my senses. And if I crush you, don’t say I didn’t warn you.” There was ample space between the top of the computer desk and the ceiling, it made it easier for Ani to hesitate when Speedy hopped up beside her. _You’re not his mother, Ani, quit mother-henning._

Of course, there was nothing to worry about – Speedy held her weight just like he said he could, took a running jump and fluttered from the desk to the top of the shelf. Easy peasy, and now Ani felt silly for making such a huge deal out of it. She didn’t mention it, she was more focused on the odd papers sitting on top of the shelf. On top of the stack, there was a photo of the Gold Star clipped to the rest of the papers.

“Huh, that’s a pretty big red flag.” Skimming the documents, Ani’s eyes widened. “These papers are talking about harnessing and using the power of the Crystal Star, in some kind of machine. But… for _what?_ ” she wondered aloud. But before she could read on, she got a rather rude reminder of where she was.

“You again… Ms. An– Knock Out, what are you doing in here?” It was Jolene, standing at the doorway, and she did _not_ look impressed. _Crap, caught red-handed._

“I’m guessing saying ‘exploring’ wouldn’t cut it.” Ani sighed.

“Indeed. I don’t imagine I have to remind you that this is the _minor-_ league locker room, or that major-leaguers are forbidden, do I?” _God, it’s like being caught by the principal._ “Even if they weren’t, it’s hardly appropriate to go bashing down our walls, hmm?” Heels clacking loudly on the grubby tiles, Jolene snatched the papers right from Ani’s hands. “I’ll be confiscating _these_ , thank you very much.” Just like that, there went their lead on what the hell was going on with the Crystal Star.

“Dang, what’s with _her?_ We busted our humps getting that information!” Speedy whined once the door closed behind the pink-headed toad. “Some people just gotta rain on parades… Well, at least we know the real Crystal Star’s here somewhere…”

“There _is_ that…” Ani agreed absently. “You know, it’s awfully convenient, her showing up just now. She didn’t look that surprised to see us, either. Then again, that _could_ just be because of this new ‘troublemaker’ reputation I’ve got going on.” _Speaking of that, I wonder if they picked up on that little name change I did in their system, yet…_

“I dunno, KO. I mean, _Jolene?_ Ms. Uptight?” Speedy asked skeptically.

“You’ve got a point. I still think she’s hiding _something_. Her and Grubba both…” the teen grumbled. “Well, come on. We may as well get a few more fights under our belt while we wait for this X person to make their next move. Back to the Major Leagues, I guess.”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

“Wait, I’m confused – you don’t want me to attack _at all_?”

“That’s right, little lady! The crowd loves that partner of yours, give his fans what they want, huh? Share the spotlight, and all that!” Grubba chortled, and the screen went dark.

“…Well…that’s new.”

For all their higher rank in the fight roster, the Poker Faces weren’t all that worrisome, especially since Speedy was her partner of choice. Given the whole debacle with the Armored Harriers, a pair of Bristles wouldn’t be so hard to work with. This fight was in the bag… right?

 _Wrong_. Absolutely wrong.

One thing Ani forgot to account for was that the spikes on the _sides_ of the Bristles could extend, and stab approaching attackers. Ani tried to pass it off like nothing when she was acting like a complete mother-hen over the little Yoshi.

“KO I’m _fine_.” Speedy grumbled.

“I’m sure you are, and that was all on me – I forgot that Bristles do that. Just hang back for a moment, I think I have a POW Block in here somewhere…” Ani muttered, rooting through her backpack. Meanwhile, Spikey McSharkface was gearing up to attack, and in _true_ enemy fashion went _right for Speedy._ All she could be grateful for was that their attack power was next to nothing, so he didn’t get too badly hurt. He wasn’t all that resilient, though, which was the part that concerned her.

The fight ended with a bang – or a POW, if you want to get technical – and that was that.

Or not.

“ _Knock Out!”_ Out of _nowhere_ , the Armored Harriers were barrelling through the shocked audience and stomping onto the stage. _Didn’t that Samuel guy warn me about this back when I was grounded?_

“Whoa, nelly! I don’t believe my eyes, folks! The Iron Adonis Twins are all in a rage!” Grubba shouted, as said twins shoved the Poker Faces off the stage.

“You made us look like chumps the other day, little girl! Now you’re gonna pay for it!” Red-shoes roared, glaring ferociously at the teen.

“What, you’re too proud to admit you lost to a girl? Get over it.” Ani scoffed, less worried than the last time she’d gone up against them – Speedy had certainly put them in their place last time, there was nothing to say he couldn’t do that again.

“Grah! _You’re_ gonna be the one losing this time, brat!” Green-shoes charged without any further thought, and so the ambush-battle began. Much the same as last time, Ani was able to draw their attacks while Speedy showed them what he was made of – _again_. When all was said and done, the Armored Harriers were down for the count for a second time.

“Hoo-wee! That’s our Knock Out, friends and neighbours!” Grubba whooped, as the crowds went wild. “This little lady didn’t even _blink_ when them Iron Adonis Twins barged in lookin’ for revenge! Woo! She’s just too tough, folks! This one’s bound for greater things, ain’t nothin’ but the truth! Give it up for ‘er, folks!”

It was getting really difficult for Ani not to let the steady chant of _Knock Out, Knock Out, Knock out_ go to her head. But hey, that didn’t mean she couldn’t wave and bow for the crowds, did it?

The fight – at least, the _registered one_ – got her twelve coins and a rank of seven.

After that eventful day, Ani was about ready to turn in, or at least relax for the rest of the day, when she got another mysterious email. This time, it wasn’t from X.

 _“’Keep sticking your nose in where it doesn’t belong and you are D-E-A-D M-E-A-T.’_ Well, that’s awfully friendly. But hey, we know we’re onto something. If we weren’t, we wouldn’t be getting death threats.”

“That’s a _good_ thing?”

“Remind me to explain this James Bond-type crap later, alright? But yes, right now that’s a good thing. They’re worried, which means we’re getting closer.”

The next day was just as eventful as the last. Starting everything off, Ani went up against The Fuzz, which further prompted the teen to _wonder how in the hell a bunch of **Fuzzies** were so high in the roster_. One thing changed, though, back in the locker room. On the odd, unobtrusive little stand in front of the door, there was a little slice of cake.

“…Hey. You. Knock Out.” A particularly spiky and heavily-armored Koopa was the one to bring Ani’s attention to it. “Jolene brought you a piece of cake. From a fan, I guess.” It was a very good piece of cake, with some kind of cheesecake-flavoured icing, and a strawberry on top. Speedy was _especially_ enthusiastic about their little treat. In fact, the sugar rush seemed to give him an energy boost, just in time for their next fight against The Magikoopa Masters. Right about then, that was when everything went south.

The fight itself wasn’t that bad, it was what happened _after_ the fight.

“Princess Peach!” _Okay, that’s new. What the hell?_

Of all the people to show up at the Glitz Pit, in this _entire damn Mario world_ , it was freaking Bowser. Stomping up to the stage much like the Armored Harriers the day before, getting right in her face. _God, his breath stinks. Wait, why does that matter? What the hell is **Bowser** doing here???_

“Whoa! KO, that’s _Bowser_!” Speedy squeaked from behind the teen.

“Our risin’ star’s sure got a lot of foes, folks! Some who don’t know her dang name!” Grubba whooped, though he was long gone from the stage – Ani didn’t blame him, either. This looked ugly.

“Word on the street was that you were in Glitzville, and whaddya know? Talk about perfect timing! This little game’s up now, Princess. You’re comin’ with me!” Bowser ordered, and Ani rolled her eyes.

“ _Seriously_? Wow, if you actually think I’m the princess, or that I’m going anywhere with you, you’re dumber than you look.” She scoffed, and the giant koopa’s eyes blew comically wide and the crowd began to laugh.

“Wh- _Whaat?!?_ You can’t be serious!” the koopa king shouted indignantly. “This isn’t funny, Princess.” _That’s probably supposed to be a warning, but what the hell._

“You’re right. Let’s make this a little more interesting, huh?” Turning to the audience, Ani raised her voice – “What do you guys think? We battle, and if he wins, I leave with him. If I win, he leaves by himself!” A cacophony of catcalls and cheers rose up, but it wasn’t nearly enough. “I can’t hear you!” she taunted, and soon a ringing chant became apparent. _Let her fight! Let her fight! Let her fight!_

Bowser had long-since narrowed his eyes at the teen. “Hmph. I guess I’ll just have to put you in your place, Princess. Bring it on!”

In reality, the fight was pretty pathetic. One Clock Out froze the Koopa King for a few short minutes, but Ani made those minutes count. Koops took the spotlight when it became apparent that Speedy wasn’t doing any damage against the immobilized king, and Bowser was on his way to looking well and truly scared when he unfroze.

“When did _you_ learn to fight like _that_?!” he demanded. Ani didn’t answer, just let the fight continue. She got a little scorched, but it was a huge advantage that he didn’t seem to want to actually hurt her. _Wow, he actually thinks I’m Peach. That’s kind of pathetic – do I look **that** much like her???_ It was frustrating that he was comparing her to the original Damsel in Distress herself, and that made itself apparent in the strength behind her attacks, which Bowser didn’t seem to appreciate after the first four or five hits.

“Quit playing around and let me kidnap you already!” he roared, stomping his foot like a child. It was only with a few short shell slams and boots to the face later that Bowser was down for the count, and Ani was annoyed.

“Let’s get something clear here – I’m _not_ Princess Peach, you spiky-shelled _numbskull_. Get out of here.” she muttered .

“Hoo-wee! That’s our Knock Out! Doesn’t bat one pretty little eyelash when some nut barges in and ambushes her! Two days in a row, that is!” Grubba whooped, and the crowd went wild with that same cheer, as the Koopa King was oh-so-kindly escorted from the Glitz Pit by his horns – _Let her fight! Let her fight! Let her fight!_

“…Umm… was that King Bowser? What was he _doing_ here? That… kinda freaks me out.” Koops wondered, back in the locker room. _Right, he wasn’t there for the first part of the fight…_

“He mistook me for Princess Peach. I had to teach him a lesson about taking things at face value, literally ‘face’ value.” Ani snorted. “I’ve gotta change my face, or something – that’s not an experience I’d like to repeat.”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

The surprise attack from Bowser was the most entertaining thing that whole day, to be honest. Sure, there was some more secret spy stuff, but that was all about being sneaky. Ani wasn’t so good at sneaky.

Craw Daddy thought he was some kind of evil netherworld guard, or something along those lines, and he was a total pain in the ass to fight, because Ani wasn’t allowed to jump. Another email from X came in between fights – _“gO tO tHe TeLePhOnE bOoTh OuT oN tHe PaViLiOn.  FrOm X”_ On the way out the door, Rawk Hawk gave them some warning about what would happen if she kept stealing his spotlight – all he got was a rude hand gesture.

The little stroll to the phone booth got them a key to the storage room next to Grubba’s office. Of course, it couldn’t be that simple. Jolene and a security guard were right outside the locked door, and the little toad didn’t look happy.

“So you’re telling me you have _no_ idea who got inside? What are we paying you for???” she demanded, incredulous. The stoic security guard looked embarrassed.

“I’m awful sorry, Ms. Jolene. I know I heard something in there, but I couldn’t find nothing.” _Wow, very articulate._

“Hmph. Fine, leave the rest of this matter to me. Go back to your post. Oh, and listen – tell nobody about this, _ever,_ or I’ll have your job.” She threatened, before spying the teen over the guard’s shoulder. “You! Miss Ani, this is highly inappropriate! What business do you have here?” she asked, sounding almost shrill. _What are you afraid of, what do you have to hide?_ “I must _strongly recommend_ that you stay out of places where you have no business being.” She blustered, before she was gone like a little whirlwind.

“Touchy, touchy. What do you have to hide, hm?” Ani muttered under her breath, casually leaning against the wall until Jolene was out of sight. Before she could come back, the teen ran to the door, twisting the key and opening the door in a split second, nearly slamming it behind her in her haste. Several seconds of tense silence passed as she waited and listened, making sure nobody had followed behind her.

Shortly thereafter there was a quick meeting with a flirty little mouse who _couldn’t take a hint_ , but also carried a warning about ‘those poor souls upstairs’. _Well, that’s not worrying at all_. X was the next on the list, instructing them to find a switch for the stairs that led to the attic – a switch that Ani would later remark made _no sense at all_ , because what are physics?

Somehow, the teen found herself in a crawlspace in the ceiling, after doing as X said, listening in through a little hole in the ceiling above Grubba’s office.

“…So you didn’t find hide nor hair of nobody in the storage room, is that what yer sayin’?”

“Yes, Mr. Grubba. It appeared to be secure.” It was Grubba and Jolene! Maybe Ani could _finally_ figure out what they were hiding! “Don’t worry, sir. I’ve taken the necessary precautions. It was most likely just a rat, or something.” It took all of Ani’s willpower not to snort at that – there _was_ a rat in the storage room, technically, if they were counting Ms. Mowz.

“Well, it ain’t no big deal either way. Ain’t nothin’ in there we’d miss too badly. Thanks fer stayin’ on top of this, Miss Jolene. Hey, an’ by the way… any word on King K?” the manager asked, and Ani frowned – what did King K have to do with anything? He’d retired last week… hadn’t he?

“I’m afraid we still don’t know the whereabouts of King K, Mr. Grubba.” Jolene reported, and the teen’s frown deepened. He was _missing_? “And so… I deleted his spot on our roster, as per regulations. The Glitz Pit no longer has any official connection to KP Pete, aka King K.”

_That doesn’t have to mean anything sinister, Ani. Maybe he just didn’t tell them when he retired. Considering how scared he was for his life, it’s not **that** unbelievable…right?_

“I have, of course, taken the same steps with all the other fighters who have gone missing.”

_Well, there’s that theory out the window. Good job._

“Hoo, boy… Fighters’ve been goin’ missin’ left an’ right these days! That’s the fifth one this year!” Grubba huffed. “I even heard some security idjit sayin’ the Pit’s cursed!”

“I doubt that, sir, but I certainly don’t understand the disappearances.”

“Well, fer the time bein’, jus’ tell the others that King K went home for a spell. If word gets out about missing fighters, business’ll plummet. Nasty rumors have a way of sendin’ people runnin’ for the hills, know what I mean?” Well, that was industry for you – caring more about their business than the fact that people were going missing.

“I understand completely, sir. I’ll take care of everything.”

“Y’know, Miss Jolene... you’re a dang fine manager, but sometimes you just plumb disappear! Where’d’you get off to?”

 _That_ put Jolene on the defensive immediately. So far, all Ani really had was a conspiracy about missing fighters, and more tells that things were being hidden. She still had no idea what any of it _was_ , though!

“With respect, sir, I know you’re my boss, but I don’t really think that’s any of your business.” Ooh, that was cold, even for Jolene.

“Easy, now! I didn’t mean to pry! How ‘bout this, then… ever heard of the Crystal Star?” _Aha! There it is!_

“N-No, sir, I don’t think I’ve ever heard of such a thing…”

“I see. Well, thank you fer yer time, Miss Jolene.” Ani heard Jolene’s clacking heels right out the door, followed by it closing. “Well, if this ain’t a fine how-do-you-do. Seems like good fighters are a dyin’ breed. That wild child KO is about the only draw I still got ‘round here.” the fight manager muttered to himself. Ani might have appreciated the comment more if she wasn’t annoyed at coming away from that eavesdropping with nothing to show for it except for the missing fighters.

And then _Speedy_ had to practically announce their presence in the crawlspace for all the world to hear.

“Whoa, Knock Out! Did you hear that?!? Fighters are going _missing_! That ain’t cool!” he squeaked, with little regard for how the crawlspace carried his voice. “Was he talking about King K, the minor leaguer? I thought you said he retired!”

“What’n the _hey?!?_ ” Grubba exclaimed, just as Ani managed to cover Speedy’s mouth, putting a finger over her lips. _Shh!_ “Dang ceilin’s spookin’ me! _Hey_! Somebody up there?” he hollered, and Ani’s eyes blew wide. _Crap! What do I do???_

“Meow!” _Wait, did I **actually** just do that??? Did I just freaking **meow?**_

“…Hoo-wee! Just a little kitty cat! Here I am, thinkin’ someone’s up there a-peepin’! Dang, I gotta relax, take some yoga classes or somethin’…” _Wait… that **worked?** Also, ha, yeah, good luck doing yoga, Balloon Boy. _ Ani waited a full two minutes after Grubba left his office to remove her hand from Speedy’s mouth, sagging with relief at not being caught out.

“That was _way_ too close, Speedy. If we’re doing all this James Bond/Mission Impossible stuff, you’ve got to be more careful, alright? C’mon, let’s get out of here before someone _actually_ hears us.”


	21. Chapter 3 Episode VI – Superstar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani gets hate mail, becomes the champion and Grubba 'roids up. Also, Paper Mario really likes to rub it in Ani's face that her sister isn't there with her. More big-sister sadness feels.

" _This is your last warning! Stop snooping around the Crystal Stars! If you don’t, you’ll suffer the same fate as the others who’ve gone missing…”_

“I’d like to see you try…” Ani muttered, deleting the second death threat of the day. “I hate those people who wave their information around in front of your face like a carrot on a stick. If we find this guy, I’ll _beat_ the answers out of him if I have to…” The teen’s violent mutterings were interrupted when Jolene re-entered the room, carrying a small package.

“Forgive the interruption, Miss Ani, but another gift arrived from one of your admirers. I’ll leave it here for you to take at your leisure.” The tiny toad left another slice of cake on the small gift stand, and left the room as quietly as she’d entered. Now, Ani wasn’t really one to turn down gifts, unless they were something _really_ stupid, but after getting two death threats in the same day, plus all this stuff with the Crystal Star? She was a little hesitant to touch this second piece of cake.

“I don’t trust this at all.” She said plainly as soon as the door closed. “I don’t think I trust Jolene, either, after what we heard… What do you think, Speedy?”

“I… think you’re right. But it looks _really good…_ ” Speedy whined mournfully, practically drooling over the cake. _Oh no, not the puppy eyes, please don’t make those eyes at me._

“Well… maybe _one_ bite won’t hurt…”

And _boy_ , did Ani eat those words. Not five minutes before their next fight, Speedy keeled over, knocked out and dead to the world. Nothing she did would wake him but, but he wasn’t _dead_. She didn’t have any time, so all she could do was lay him down on the bench and go up against Chomp Country by herself.

Any crowd-pleasing mannerisms she’d picked up since joining the Glitz Pit were absent as she joined her foe in the ring – she was _pissed off_. Someone had tried to take her out, and hurt Speedy, and now she was up here alone while he drooled into a bench cushion. And what better way to vent that anger than in the ring? Grubba cut right to the chase, except for expressing shock because _‘where in tarnation is KO’s partner???’_ and the fight was on.

All she had to do was not get hurt too badly, so that gave her even more incentive to hit the two Red Chain Chomps with everything she had. She bought a Thunder Rage to replace the one she’d used earlier, and that may have been her saving grace – it was a last resort, but fighting solo really screwed her over. She managed to dent the chomps to all hell with her hammer, just to vent, but when she felt at least _satisfied_ , it was time to wrap things up and get back to Speedy.

It took another hour for the little Yoshi to get back on his feet, incredibly embarrassed that he’d been knocked out and upset that because he didn’t listen, Ani had had to fight the match by herself and _almost_ lost. After a quick snooze, both of them were in relatively good condition, and ready to go up against the last contender – Ranked 1 in the Glitz Pit, the Koopinator. He seemed to have recovered nicely since the first day Ani was in Glitzville, when she saw him get smashed by Rawk Hawk.

Unlike literally every other contender in this fighting arena, Mr. Koopa McSpikeyshell wasn’t pathetic, and was actually hard to defeat. Speedy was so close to collapsing, you could throw a _pebble_ at him and he’d topple over. Ani wasn’t far behind him, for that matter. They didn’t even have an Earth Tremor as a last resort. At least the Koopinator didn’t join Team Stompy-Hate-Revenge with the Armored Harriers because he lost. Unlike them, if he ambushed them after a fight, he could actually win.

The day was far from over, and with it came another set of emails from X – the first order of business was to remove all of the posters of Knock Out from the Glitz Pit lobby. Ani was more than happy to oblige; seeing her face all over the walls like that kind of freaked her out. One of the two posters at the top of the lobby stairs produced a key when Flurrie blew it away. A key that led to the locked door in the storage room that they couldn’t access earlier.

“Score! Let’s check it out!” Ani almost cheered. X sent another email, telling her to go where she already knew she had to: the storage room’s second floor.

The newly unlocked room was a maze of boxes, and at the end there was a giant yellow block that was practically _begging_ Ani to smash it. _Is this the part where we finally get some answers, or what?_

Well, she wasn’t exactly wrong – she got _some_ answers, but also ended up with a lot more questions for her effort.

“Whoa! You’ve gotta be kidding me! KO, it’s Bandy Andy! And King K!” Speedy shouted, investigating the downed fighters closer. Bandy Andy seemed at least coherent, so Ani tried questioning him first.

“K…KO… Knock Out… don’t… don’t go near the… the ring… when no one’s… around…” the bandit groaned, and Ani frowned – this was supposed to get her _answers_ , not more questions!

“Whoa, buddy! What are you talking about? Stay with me – what do you mean stay away from the ring?” she demanded, but it seemed like he was done talking. With a frustrated noise, Ani left the room with a promise to send help for the two downed fighters. However, before she reached the door, she saw a familiar figure peeking through, _spying_ on her. “Jolene!” she shouted, and when the pink-headed toad startled and slammed the door, Ani gave chase. By the time she got down the stairs, though, she was gone.

“Damn it! What the hell was Jolene doing here?”

“I dunno, KO, but this is super fishy! What are we gonna do about Bandy Andy and King K? We can’t just _leave_ them up there!” Speedy reminded her, shuddering.

“I know, but I don’t think there’s much we _can_ do for them. I’ll leave one of the security guys a message to check it out so he’ll find them, but they’re not top priority. That probably sounds awful, but we’ve got bigger fish to fry right now.” _Or chickens, as it were. The championship bout is coming up, and if we’re not there it’ll look suspicious._

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

Booking the match wasn’t the problem, neither was cooking up some fake story to the guard about how she was hearing noise in the upstairs storage area. No, the trouble came up when the guard came to get her for the match. There were a few catcalls from the other Major-Leaguers as she left, cheering her on. That was pretty nice, but it became apparent something was up when the guard walked her right past the door she was supposed to go through to enter the ring.

“Um, dude, what are you doing? The fight’s back that way.” She pointed out.

“Uh, yeah, you’ve gotta go this way this time, ‘cause it’s a special match.” The guard answered unconvincingly. The teen crossed her arms, raised an incredulous eyebrow.

“You and I both know that’s absolute crap. What are you doing?” she asked again. However, it didn’t seem like she had much choice in the matter, seized bodily by her arm and literally dragged to what looked like a replica of the minor-league locker room, except worse.

“You two wait here.” the guard entirely ignored Ani as he left the room, locking the door behind him.

“What the _hell!_ ” Ani shouted indignantly, kicking the door. If she listened carefully, she could already hear Grubba riling the audience up for the fight and calling Rawk Hawk into the ring. The cocky bastard was being a total peacock as Grubba interviewed him, Ani could tell without even hearing the words. Now everybody was waiting on her to show up, and she was locked in this damn room! Kicking at the door again, the teen nearly screamed to the heavens.

“What’re we gonna do, KO? We’re missing our match!”

“I don’t _know_! If I did, we’d already be in the ring and kicking that stupid chicken man’s ass!” Ani snapped, before she heard the sound of approaching footsteps – they didn’t sound like the security guards, or Jolene. Who, then?

The sound of a lock turning was the most inviting thing she could have possibly heard right then. Just afterwards, she was met with a welcome face as she opened the door.

“Sam! How did you get in here?”

“I swiped the key from a guard – I’ll explain later, you’re running out of time. Go fight your championship match.” The man insisted, nudging her down the hall. _Well, that’s the only encouragement I need._ With that, Ani took off at a run towards her gate. Shouts of security guards and pursuing footfalls followed her, but she blew past them right towards the doors, throwing them open before the guards could stop her.

“It’s the moment you’ve all been waitin’ for, folks! The Merciless Executioner, Knock Out as just entered the arena!” Grubba bellowed, and cheers rang out through the crowd as Ani strode up to the ring. It _was_ pretty funny, though, when six different people were shouting ‘ _You’re late!’_ rather than anything else. “Just listen to this crowd hoot ‘n holler for our challenger, Knock Out! Will her punishin’ hammer be enough to Rock the Hawk’s socks?” _Oh god, that was awful._

“You wimps should’ve stayed locked up, safe and sound… Hmph!” Rawk Hawk muttered, and the realization clicked in Ani’s head – _he tried to sabotage us!_

“You’re just scared ‘cause you know we could kick your ass. But _God_ , trying to sabotage us just so you don’t have to fight? Lazy, man.” Ani scolded, doing a pretty good job of keeping her head. She wasn’t going to lie, that made her pretty mad, though. The champ just made it worse for himself when he confessed that he’d sent them the poisoned cake. Now he was _screwed_ , and he didn’t even know it. Well, Ani was pretty sure the chicken man knew she was mad right about when she introduced her boots to his face.

“See, here was your first mistake; you threatened Speedy right in front of me. Thing with that is I’ve gotten pretty attached to him in the last few days. He kinda makes me think of my little sister, whose the whole reason I’m even _doing_ any of this. And you _hurt him_ with that poisoned cake. Do you see what I’m getting at here?” Considering the route she usually took when she was mad, Ani was impressed she was talking to the guy at all. Even if it was just to rub it in his face that he’d screwed up big time.

“Pbbbth! You’re no momma bear, brat. You’re better than I thought, though. This might actually be fun!” the champ scoffed. “Don’t get a swelled head though – you’ve still got a ways to go! Watch this!”

_…What? Watch you pathetically miss with that overdramatic attack?_

“Are you kidding me? The Koopinator was harder to fight than you!” Ani taunted, and that just made Rawk Hawk mad, like she was hoping.

“Man, you’re annoying! How dare you turn the rawk back on the hawk?!? I should’ve just taken care of you before the battle. I’m getting lazy, I guess. Well, since it’s come down to this, I guess I’ve got no choice but to…” the champ trailed off, stomping down on the ring twice – the stage lights lowered, and he jumped into the air to grab hold of them. He began to shake the beams, dropping stage lights left and right. They took a few hits, but it didn’t have the impact the chicken man was hoping for.

“Is he allowed to do that?!” Speedy demanded.

“I don’t know, but he did it anyways. Let’s bring him back down to our level, what do you say?” And here we have another instance where Ani was eternally grateful for her Quake Hammer. Rawk Hawk little stunt with the stage lights didn’t last long, and neither did the rest of the match. It was almost sad, because Ani was right – the Koopinator _had_ been harder to beat.

“Noooooooo! I… Rawk Hawk… the champ… the undefeated master… I lost to such losers…”

“Tough luck, bozo.”

“We’ve got ourselves a miracle, folks! I can’t believe my eyes! Technique versus technique! Raw power versus raw power! A clash of superhumans! And the victor in this fight fer the ages was… _Knock Out!!!_ Congratulations, KO! Yer the champ, little lady! Give her a hand, folks! The new Glitz Pit champion, Knock Out!”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

“Well, you finally did it, little lady! Today’s yer first day as the new champ! Here’s yer belt!” It wasn’t as good as having the genuine Crystal Star, but the satisfaction that came with having the belt was a whole other ball game. “Let’s git you set up in the champ’s room straight away, whaddya say? Miss Jolene, be a peach and show KO here the champion’s room, okay?” That, Ani was less enthusiastic about.

“Absolutely, sir. Ms. Champion, if you would please follow me.”

Ani didn’t trust Jolene _at all_ , but she couldn’t make a fuss about it without revealing her own cloak and dagger stuff. Neither of them said anything until they were in the champ’s room, in all its overly-fluffy golden glory.

“Congratulations again, Ms. Champion. This is the champion’s room, you’ll stay in here from now on. It’s your room now, so make yourself at home. The terminal works the same as always. Will there be anything else?”

“…No. I think we’ll be fine.”

“Of course. Have a good evening, Ms. Champion.” Before she could exit the room, however, Jolene paused. “Another thing, actually – it was brought to my attention by our security detail that it was thanks to you that we discovered two missing minor-league fighters. Grubba wanted to personally express his gratitude, but… well, the fight manager never really runs out of work to do.” _She’s lying, I bet Grubba doesn’t even know they were found…_

Once the strange manager was gone, Ani flopped down onto the gigantic bed, allowing herself a minute to celebrate. She’d _won_ , she was the champion of the Glitz Pit. It was a little bittersweet, though; she still had no leads on the Crystal Star. But she’d won! And Rawk Hawk was suitably knocked down a few pegs, like she’d wanted.

A knock on the door broke her out of her riverie, and Speedy was at the door before she could even sit up.

“Yo, Sam!” _Him again? This is getting really weird…_ “KO, it’s that Sam guy!”

“Well, what are you waiting for? Come on in!” she called. “Seriously, I owe you big time for getting me out of that locker room. You officially have all of the privileges.” She greeted as the tall man entered. He grinned back, simply taking a seat on the plush carpet.

“How’s it feel to be the champ?” he asked, high-fiving Speedy. “You were pretty awesome out there today. My wife’ll love to hear about it when I get back.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t _that_ exciting. Not as much as something like UFC. My parents were really into that stuff when I was little. They’d have these big get-togethers with their friends on fight nights. Lots of snacks, lots of drinking, and I just thought it was awesome because I got to stay up late with them.” Ani shrugged.

“Well, if you think about it, the Glitz Pit is like this world’s…” Samuel trailed off, and Ani sat up to look at him when he didn’t resume in the next ten seconds.

“Sam? What’s wrong?” she asked, concerned.

“Can you hear that? It sounds like... someone’s talking. Where’s it coming from?” he said, looking around the room. Ani was able to pinpoint it in another few seconds, once she listened for it.

“The air vent.” She pointed towards it. “Sam, can you give me a boost?” she asked.

“I’m a little concerned about what you’re planning to do once you get up there.” He admitted, but obliged. His concerns were probably proven valid when Ani used her super hammer to smash the vent cover and peer inside.

“It looks like this leads to Grubba’s office, if I’m remembering the layout of this place properly. Speedy, grab on. Sam… are you coming or staying?” glancing back at the man, Ani wondered if it would be a good idea to get him involved. Not that she didn’t trust him, she trusted him about as well as she could manage for him being an almost complete stranger, but it could be dangerous. He had a wife, and what would happen to her if he died or something? Ani didn’t know how dying worked with this whole magical TV business, and didn’t really want to risk finding out.

“You can’t go around doing sneaky spy stuff and expect me to not get involved.” The man said plainly, and Ani helped him climb in after her. Crawling through air ducts wasn’t exactly her idea of a good time, but at least the duct was tall enough that she didn’t have to crawl, just crouch a bit. Samuel seemed to get the short end of the stick, there. The guy was a veritable giant.

Further into the vent, Ani could make out Grubba muttering and chortling to himself about something or other, and then talking about how he had to be careful – something about Knock Out and Jolene being onto him. _Wait, Jolene’s a good guy in this? She’s on my team?_ It got more than a little concerning when Grubba remarked that he’d just ‘Disappear ‘em!’ like he did with Prince Mush, the first champ.

“Heck, even Rawk Hawk couldn’t stand up to Knock Out. I better make her disappear purty soon, fer my own sake…” Grubba left his office shortly thereafter, and Ani waited to rant until she was sure they wouldn’t be heard.

“So Grubba’s behind the missing fighters, _he_ did that to King K and Bandy Andy!” she hissed. “He’s up to something, I’ve got to find out what.” Double-checking that Grubba was gone from his office, Ani busted the vent cover out of its place, hopping down to the floor. Remembering just a few short days ago when she entered the Major Leagues, remembering walking in on Grubba slamming his desk drawer shut when Ani and Jolene entered, the teen made a beeline for his desk.

The first thing in the drawer was the file that Ani had found before, in the secret room. It was a bunch of schematics and notes on a machine, a machine that used the Crystal Star as a power source.

“This is way too advanced for 2001. Sam, this thing uses the Crystal Star to _drain energy from the fighters_! That’s why when I found the missing fighters, they were so… dead-looking!” she exclaimed, waving the blueprints around. Her little rant was a little louder than she’d meant, and so none of the room’s inhabitants heard the door to Grubba’s office unlock, nobody knew he was coming until he opened the door.

“Great gallopin’ gulpits!! How in tarnation did you get in here, little lady?!” Grubba shouted, startled. Ani froze, hand poised in the air from waving the paper around, and right in Grubba’s view. “Well, slap me an’ call me Sassafrass! Yer lookin’ at my secret papers, too!”

“Shut up! You slimy little… you’re the reason all those fighters have gone missing!”

“Ack! This ain’t good!” With that, Grubba took off running out the door.

“After him, KO!” Speedy squeaked, already darting through the door and down the hall. Ani followed suit, only taking the time to look back once, and… _Samuel pulled his disappearing act again, **now** , of all times?! That doesn’t matter right now, we’ve got to catch Grubba!_

“I gotta say, y’all are a coupla slack-jawed idiots, sniffin’ ‘round my business… Now you know my secret, I’m afraid yer gonna have to take a li’l ol’ dirt nap.” The ground began to shake beneath the ring, and the center pieces of the floor collapsed to reveal a gargantuan sinister-looking machine, with the Crystal Star perched on top. “Hyuk hyuk hyuk! How do you like my machine? Pretty dang nice, right? Yup, I’ve been suckin’ power from fighters with this ol’ baby! Ya know why? ‘cause it keeps this bod forever young, little lady!”

“You’re sick!” Ani spat. “You’re gonna pay for using the Crystal Star like that!”

“Shut that pretty little mouth of yours! I’ll use _my_ Crystal Star however I darn well feel like it! Check _this_ out!”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

“Nooo… How’d this happen? How could a perfect bod like mine lose to such a chub? Oh… Knock Out… Great fight, little lady… Great… fight…” Grubba groaned, collapsed under his magical doom machine. The fight had been tough, and Koops had to sub in when Speedy got knocked out, but they’d _finally_ done it! The Crystal Star was theirs for the taking, now!

“Ms. Champion! No… I mean, Ani.” Jolene called from behind them, just beside the ring. “Allow me to offer my earnest thanks for defeating Grubba. I… really have to apologize… I’m sorry I had to get you involved. You must understand – I had to learn the truth about this arena, by any means necessary.” The toadette apologized, and told her everything – about her little brother Mush, how he became a fighter here to support their family, and then went missing one day. How Jolene worked her way into the system to find out what was going on, and saw Grubba transform into Macho Grubba. How she almost lost hope, until Ani showed up.

The real kicker was when _Jolene_ revealed herself to be the mysterious X.

“Once I saw you fight, I knew you were the only one who could challenge Grubba and win.” Striding past Ani and Koops, Jolene directly approached the downed Grubba. “Now, sir… No! Not ‘sir’! Grubba! I want answers, right now! What did you do to my precious little brother? You know exactly who I’m talking about! The first champion: _Prince Mush!_ ” Jolene shouted, more emotion in her words than in the past… what, two weeks, as a whole.

“Urrrrgh… Prince Mush… he discovered my secret power-suckin’ machine… I had him… ugh… disappear… Any which way you look at it… he ain’t ‘round these parts no more…” the manager grumbled. Jolene mourned for her brother, before Koops called the room’s attention to something odd happening with the Crystal Star; it was spinning, and glittering, and a moment later the machine spat out a pink-spotted toad, with a little fringe of blond hair over his face – Jolene’s little brother Mush. Ani turned away from the heartfelt reunion, not allowing herself to feel bitter. _Everyone else has met up with their brothers and sisters and significant others, I just want my little sister back!_

Jolene let Ani take the Crystal Star as it floated down from the dying machine, saying “It’s better you have it, so nothing like this happens again.”

Ani was one step closer to getting her sister back, but she just couldn’t wait for this to be over.

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

_Glitzville’s seamy underside was a dark, dangerous place seething with conspiracy… With the help of the lovely Ms. Jolene, Ani revealed Grubba’s true identity and acquired the third Crystal Star by defeating the monstrous Macho Grubba. Grubba had used the Crystal Star to run his power-draining machine… what other powers might these strange and mystical items possess?_


	22. Chapter 3 Episode VII – Interlude III: Mission Impossible

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Grodus is whining because Ani is too awesome for him to beat, Josephine becomes a master of disguise, and Bowser is STILL an idiot.

“Beldam… tell me, what good are you? It’s been weeks, and you  _ still  _ haven’t taken care of that  _ Ani _ character?” Grodus was  _ not _ happy with the development – or lack thereof – in the case against their captive’s older sibling.

“Well, yes, sorry, but… Only because she’s much stronger than we thought at first.” Beldam explained apologetically, shrugging.

“You do realize the importance of the X-Nauts opening the door first, do you not?” Grodus inquired unhappily. “If Ani unlocks it before we get to her…” Beldam cackled. 

“Rest assured, we’ll nail her next time. We have a weapon that will bring the girl to a swift and certain end.” The hag promised, an evil little smirk on her shadowy mouth.

“…I trust your words, but I rapidly lose my patience. Get it done, and  _ fast. _ ”

“Just leave it to us, sire… Let’s away, my lovelies! Marilyn! Vivian!” As quickly as they’d arrived, the Shadow Sirens disappeared.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“TEC, I’m going to start climbing the walls soon.” Josephine informed the ceiling, pacing the cold metal floors of her ‘room’.  _ Cell, more like.  _ “I’m out of books to read, Ani’s too busy trying to rescue me to talk to me, and your boss hasn’t been down to question me about the map any more. I need human interaction, for crying out loud! I don’t remember the last time I spoke to a person face-to-face!” Before she could begin ranting to the ceiling about the importance of social interaction, the door mechanically slid open – her cue to go visit that damn computer again.

**_[[_ ** _ Hello, Josephine Winters. _ **_]]_ **

“Hi. You know, not that I’m not glad to be able to talk to something besides the walls, but you only call me down here when you want something. What is it this time?”

**_[[_ ** _ I apologize. I would like you to go to where Sir Grodus is and ask him a question. _ **_]]_ ** That brought Josephine up short.  _ Biased supercomputer say  _ **_what?_ **

“You realize that I’m a prisoner, right? Despite these regular jaunts down to visit you, I’m not exactly allowed to go wandering around – heaven forbid I find out where I am and tell my sister, right?”

**_[[_ ** _ Precisely. That is beside the point. I recently obtained specific information that… brought an issue to my attention. _ **_]]_ **

“You  _ are  _ the main computer here. How is there anything you don’t know? Can’t you just… hack in, or something? Run through the database until you find your answers?”  _ It would certainly be that simple back home.  _

**_[[_ ** _ I am unable to know things that are not entered in my CPU or otherwise recorded. That is why I want to know what Sir Grodus is thinking about this issue. _ **_]]_ **

“Then why not ask him yourself? How did it occur to you to get your  _ prisoner _ to just waltz up and ask him? I’m curious as to why you think this is a good idea.” Josephine argued, unwilling to admit that whatever plan this stupid computer cooked up was stressing her out. “Plus, how do you expect me to get to him? I’ll get caught and sent back here before I could blink!”

**_[[_ ** _ That is true. One floor up, you will find a soldier’s room. Should you change into a soldier’s uniform, you can go on undetected to see Sir Grodus. _ **_]]_ **

Josephine sighed, thinking it over. There were a lot of ways this could go wrong. She could get lost, or say something to out herself by accident, or find out that Ani was dead, or something like that.

“You’re not gonna take no for an answer, are you?” she groaned, letting her head fall into her hands.

**_[[_ ** _ Correct. _ **_]]_ **

TEC guided the young girl to the room she was supposed to go to, and sure enough she found an X-Naut uniform. It was a tight squeeze – and for once in her life, Josephine thanked the heavens she wasn’t as…  _ developed _ as her sister had been at her age. That would’ve been game over right then. She could still barely breathe, though, and hoped that this stupid errand for TEC wouldn’t take too long. She might pass out, otherwise.

Another thing Josephine thanked the heavens for? Acting classes. That was one of the first classes she signed up for when she got to high school, and it definitely paid off. She got herself into character, at least enough to change her voice and the way she walked, and entered Grodus’ chambers.

“Excuse me… Sir Grodus?” Josephine’s voice sounded strange to her own ears, but definitely not recognizable.  _ Thank you, Mrs. Parker!  _

“Yes? What is it? Speak!” Grodus snapped impatiently.

“S-Sorry, sir! Erm… well, it’s about the prisoner… What do you plan to do with her going forward?”

“I have no interest in what the girl has to say. Just keep her locked in that room.  __ But don’t ever,  _ ever  _ treat her roughly. You understand? Tell the others as well.”  _ Well, that wasn’t a very comprehensive answer. That’s just repeating what you told them not to do earlier! _

“But... um… why in the world are we keeping her here, then?” Josephine piped up, just as Grodus turned to walk away. He whirled around so quickly that his stupid robes whipped in the air.

“ _ That _ is above your pay grade, you impudent worm!” Grodus snapped, and the girl flinched back. “Concentrate on getting the legendary treasure! That’s all I require from you! We need that treasure to conquer the world, and don’t forget it!”

“Y-Yes sir! Sorry, sir! Please excuse me…”

_ I have to get out of these disgusting clothes and get back to TEC… _

“TEC, what the hell? The whole X-Naut endgame is to conquer the world?” Josephine demanded when she returned to the computer room.

**_[[_ ** _ That is the purpose for which I was built. Let me ask you a question, Josephine Winters: Do you like the world you live in? There are many problems in the world, many sorrows. Do you enjoy living in such a world? _ **_]]_ **

“That’s an unfair question. Yeah, there’s a lot of bad in the world, but the bad doesn’t discount the good that’s there!” Josephine argued vehemently.  _ Never mind that it’s not even my world you’d be conquering. _ “Whatever. Talking to you is like a broken record sometimes. Now keep your promise, and give me back that tablet thing. I’m telling my sister about this, and you can’t stop me.”

Josephine’s fingers flew across the keys as quickly as they could. She had to move quickly, in case TEC decided to go back on his word. Once the message was sent, she kept the tablet in her hands.  _ You had them confiscate it last time because of some stupid change of heart, but now I’m not giving it back. Take  _ **_that_ ** _. _

**_[[_ ** _ You have had a busy day, Josephine Winters. Return to your room and sleep. _ **_]]_ **

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. Goodnight.” She half-heartedly waved as she left the room, in no mood to argue any more with the computer.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Holy… Th-That thing’s  _ humongous! _ Everybody! Hide! Now! Save yourselves!” a shrill, squeaking Puni voice rang out through the Great Boggly Tree as Bowser the Koopa King stomped inside.

“Remind me why we’re retracing Princess Peach’s steps? Wait – right, because something’s wrong with her, and we need to find out what she’s been doing…” Bowser grumbled.

“Did you say something, Your Rudeness?” Kammy Koopa rasped from behind. 

“No, nothing at all, as far as you know! …Hey, did you see those little bite-sized shrimps? What were those things?” the koopa king asked, turning back to the crusty hag. 

“They’re called Punies. There’s an awful lot of them, one of them ought to know something about the Crystal Stars, or this drastic change the princess seems to have undergone.” Kammy shrugged. “They’re afraid of you, so they’re hiding. We should find them and get the information we need.”

And so the few weeks of peace the Puni tribe had been enjoying since Ani’s departure was rudely interrupted, as Bowser stomped through the tree, frightening the Punies from their hiding places in the bushes. The very tree seemed to shake with his footfalls, until…

“ _ Begone!!! _ ” The Great Tree seemed to shake with the Puni Elder’s shout, and Bowser and Kammy stumbled back and away as the little creature stomped forward, at least as much as such a small thing  _ can _ stomp. “You’re one of  _ them _ , aren’t you? One of the evildoers! You want our Crystal Star!” the Elder puni accused shrilly. Kammy all but leapt on her. 

“Ha! I knew it! This ugly thing knows where the Crystal Star is! Tell us!” Whatever the deal with the Crystal Stars was, it involved the princess – therefore, they were important and had to be found. Though, it wasn’t as if Bowser and Kammy Koopa could think beforehand about what they were getting into, and so didn’t realize their grave mistake.

“How  _ RUDE! _ ‘Ugly Thing’?! How dare you, you wretched crone? I am the Great Puni Elder!” she shrilled, Kammy jumping back and away as the little thing wheezed and screeched.

“Don’t  _ startle _ me like that, you old bat! I’m too old for this stuff!” Kammy snapped, trying to regain some of her dignity by fixing her hat from its precarious place on the side of her head.

_ You’re  _ **_both_ ** _ too old! Ha! _ Bowser thought to himself with a snigger.

“Ahem,  _ yes _ , Lord Bowser? You look as if you’re just dying to say something.”

“Uh… Nope! Nothin!”  _ Nice save…  _ “Back to business! You! Elder Hag-thing! Where’s the Crystal Star? And don’t try pulling rank again: your answer, not your age, will determine your fate!” the Koopa King ordered.  _ Besides, doesn’t King outstrip Elder? _

The Elder scoffed. “Hmph! ‘Hag-thing’? Honestly! In any case, you’re too late! The Crystal Star is gone!” she shouted triumphantly. Cackling at the utter shock on the gargantuan Koopa’s face, the Elder continued: “That’s right, you rude brute! We gave it to this nice young lady named Kenny! She said she was collecting the legendary treasures to save her sister, or some such thing…” At another Puni’s muttering of ‘ _ it’s  _ **_Ani_ ** _ , Elder…’ _ the old Puni turned back to shout “This is no time to argue semantics!”

Kammy was baffled. “So now we not only have to find out what’s wrong with Princess Peach, but we  _ also _ have to look out for this  _ Ani _ person?” She didn’t seem to understand their mistake. Bowser, on the other hand…

“No, you idiot! That means that look-alike in Glitzville wasn’t Princess Peach at all!” he roared.

“Bu-But Your Thunderousness! How could it  _ not _ be? You saw for yourself, the two look exactly alike! I would certainly  _ hope  _ you’d recognize the princess by  _ now… _ ” the hag argued. “Perhaps… perhaps she’s gone out in disguise, using the name Ani! It wouldn’t be unheard of, for royalty to sneak out and take up the guise of a commoner!” she reasoned. 

_ Hmm… she does have a point… _

“Fine, but still! If this  _ is _ Princess Peach, she’s got no business going on adventures like this! I’d expect that idiot plumber to do this, but now  _ her? _ Whatever, the point is that the Princess and the Stars are connected, so we have to try and find them before she does! Now let’s go!” 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Ani only got to enjoy the cushy champion’s bed for one night, before deciding it was time to at least return to Rogueport. They would rest up for a few days down there, but she wanted to get at least a vague idea of where they were headed next. She’d gone through the list of ‘Cliché video game locations’ in her head, but she didn’t know for sure. This whole Paper Mario thing had actually defied that cliché so far.

At least half of the fighters on the Glitz Pit roster were gathered in the lobby as Ani and her friends said their farewells.

“So you’re leaving, then?” Jolene asked, once everyone was gathered. 

“Not that being the champ wasn’t awesome, I’ve got important business to take care of with my own younger sibling.” Ani nodded. She’d shared her story with Jolene the night before.

“I understand. If you must, you must. We won’t delay you. I hope you succeed in finding the rest of the Crystal Stars, and your sister. Good luck!” Jolene  _ actually smiled _ at the teen.

“Thanks. From the looks of it, I’m gonna need all the luck I can get.” Ani was prepared to leave, when Rawk Hawk – someone she was  _ not _ expecting to be at this little farewell party – spoke up. 

“Uh, Knock Out. I wanna tell you… Rawk Hawk ain’t gonna fight dirty anymore. I’m gonna hit the weights, take some vitamins, and win the title fair and square!” he announced. “I’m never  _ ever _ gonna lose again. Remember: when life rocks you, you  _ rawk _ it back!”

“…Alright, then. I’ll keep that in mind, thanks.”  _ How am I supposed to respond to that?  _

King K was next, significantly recovered since the destruction of Grubba’s power-draining machine. “Listen, KO… Thanks for everything, babe. You saved my life. You’re the coolest gal I’ve ever me, and if you ever need it, I got your back. For now, I think I’ll chill here, get my strength back, that kind of thing. King K’s back in business, baby! And it’s all thanks to you – you’re the man, Ani.”

“I’ll keep your spot open, if you ever decide to come back. You’ve got tons of fans, and they’d love to see you make a comeback. Think it over, and travel safe.” Jolene finished. 

“I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks, Jolene. Maybe next time I come down, I’ll have my sister with me. I’m sure the fans would just  _ love _ her.” Ani didn’t know what came next, with all the curveballs this game was throwing at her. That, and now she had two places visit that she wasn’t sure she’d be able to. How long would they be in the Paper Mario world once the game’s story was over? It couldn’t be that long, if Samuel was able to make casual mentions of going home.

_ Speaking of him, where in the  _ **_hell_ ** _ did he go yesterday?  _ The teen had asked around, but nobody in the entire Glitz Pit had seen him.  _ Whatever. He likes to make convenient appearances, I’m sure he’ll show up sometime in the future. If he does, I’m gonna need to have a chat with him about these little disappearing acts he pulls, if only to find out how he gets  _ **_back_ ** _ … _

“Well, that makes three Crystal Stars. We’d better get back to Rogueport, figure out where we’re going next, and then… sleep for a week, or something.”

The blimp was as uneventful as the first time, and it wasn’t until her feet were back on solid ground again that her Mailbox SP began to shriek out that same annoying ringtone that signified one person – Josephine. After complete radio silence the last almost-week since their conversation while she was grounded, that was the most welcome sound she could have heard.

“ _ Finally _ !” she whispered to herself. “ _ ’Ani, I found something. This deal with the Crystal Stars is a  _ **_lot_ ** _ bigger than I thought. You’re not gonna like this at all. The X-Nauts have some world domination scheme in the works, and the Crystal Stars are a part of it. Somehow I am, too, but I haven’t been able to get any solid answers on that yet. Make with the rescuing ASAP, yeah? This is getting really freaky. (‘Getting?’ Who am I kidding here?) I’ll see if I can find anything else out, and hope to god this biased computer doesn’t decide to take away my email machine… thing. Love you, sis.  _

_ Josephine.’ _

She’s not the only one freaking out, Speedy. I do  _ not _ like this at all. A bid for world domination is way bigger than me. This is like  _ Justice League- _ level stuff!” At her Yoshi’s confused look, Ani waved away the reference. “Nevermind. Josie’s got a point, we need to get those Crystal Stars, pronto.” Well, after she typed up a response to her sister at least. 

_ ‘Don’t do anything crazy, Josie. I’ll probably be doing enough crazy crap for the both of us. But these X Nauts… They might have orders not to hurt you, but that doesn’t mean they couldn’t make life harder (What  _ **_life_ ** _? What do you even  _ **_do_ ** _ all day?) for you if you give them trouble. If you get  _ **_that_ ** _ bored, ask that supercomputer for more books or something. Just sit tight. I’m coming to get you as fast as I can, I promise.  _

_ Ani.  _

  1. _Here’s a hint for JESA: J-Series E – S – Apparatus. There, now you just have to figure what the E and S are for.’_



**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“So…  _ that’s _ why you think the TV keeps showing us this kid?  _ Ani _ ?”

“Exactly. I know, I know – it doesn’t make any sense, it’s probably impossible, but…”

“…No, I don’t think ‘impossible’ is a word that really applies to us anymore. So, what next? Narnia, or New York?”


	23. Chapter 4 Prologue – Property Of:

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani's worried, and skips out on her Rogueport vacation plans in favor of going to Halloween Town.

Speedy was surprisingly enthusiastic about getting to the Thousand Year Door. There were new baddies for him to fight, places to explore – even if the smell wasn’t the nicest – and when they actually got to the door itself?

“This is bigger than any door I’ve ever  _ seen _ ! What do you think was in there, to need a door  _ this _ big?” he asked Ani as she approached the Star Pedestal. 

“Who knows? Honestly, I’m hoping we don’t have to find out.” She responded, holding the map up to the door. The familiar bright blue lights began appearing around the pedestal, outlining an intricate pattern.  The Gold Star took its place directly to Ani’s right, in the third circle of the pattern – the previous two were now lined with a blue star in the pattern. The map glittered and flashed, lighting up the room for split seconds at a time, before gently returning to her hands as the process reversed, returning the room to its dormant state.

“Where’re we headed to next, KO?” Speedy asked, peeking over her arm as Ani held the map out in front of her, waiting to see where the glittering would focus and bloom a new spot on the map into existence.

“…Halloween Town, from the looks of it.” Ani observed as a small village popped up in the west side of the map, followed by an eerie-looking structure surrounded by dead trees. That just  _ screamed _ eerie. A beautiful Ruby Star appeared in front of the creepy place. “Let’s see what Professor Frankly can make of this, shall we?”  _ That, and see if he’s got any news for me about those X-guys… _

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“ _ What?!  _ The group that took your sister is bent on total world conquest?!”

_ Well, he took that well. Ow, my ears. _

“ _ Yes _ , that’s why they’re looking for the Crystal Stars, and that’s why I’m  _ asking _ if you’ve found anything out about them yet, or figured out why they could possibly need my sister.” Ani answered irritably, rubbing her ear.

Frankly hummed, seemingly oblivious to her irritation. “Hrm… This doesn’t bode well. The situation has gotten far more serious than I thought! Let me bring you up to speed on what I’ve found since you left. I’ve been researching this legendary treasure the old tales speak of, and just what it could be. One book I found spoke of what I thought was a preposterous theory… This book claimed that the legendary treasure was, in fact, the great cataclysm that destroyed the old town beneath Rogueport, a thousand years ago.”

“Well, if that’s the case, it makes more sense now why the Thousand Year Door is sealed. That would also explain why Grodus is so hell-bent on getting the Crystal Stars – with the power of that cataclysm at his fingertips, this whole world domination bid could be a real thing.” Ani frowned. This whole story was getting more dangerous by the minute, and Ani didn’t like that one bit. Somehow her sister was right in the middle of it, too, and that made it all the worse. 

“We can’t say for sure, but the possibility  _ is _ there… Unfortunately, I was unable to find any reasons as to why they would have taken your sister.”  _ Damn, that was what I was going to ask next… _ “I understand your frustration, but you must put it out of your mind – the focus right now is ensuring that the X-Nauts do not get any more Crystal Stars. If their plan is to unleash the great calamity, we mustn’t let them get anywhere near the legendary treasure.”

“Fine, I know. Let’s get to it, then. Where’s this map pointing us next?”

“Ah, yes. If I’m not mistaken… Yes, according to the map, the next Crystal Star is somewhere in Twilight Town.” The old goomba reported. The first thing Ani thought of made her snort – practically a fossil in the ADSS Library, Twilight was about sparkly vampires and an emotionally stunted human being with no survival instincts.  _ I hope there’s none of those in Twilight Town. Besides, Paper Mario came first, didn’t it? _ “Is something funny, Miss Winters?” 

“Nope. Just, uh… an inside joke I used to have with my sister.”

“…Anyways. Moving on, I don’t actually know very much about the place myself, only rumours. I have heard, however, that it’s perpetually dim and eerie there, as the name Twilight Town suggests… give me a moment…” Frankly toddled over to his bookshelves and began rummaging around. “Aha! I knew I had it in here somewhere. Now, Ani, it seems there’s a pipe beneath Rogueport that will bring you directly to Twilight Town, much like Petal Meadows and Boggly Woods.”

_ Of course there’s a pipe, when isn’t there a pipe? _

“I don’t suppose your book told you where to find it?” Ani asked, daring to hope she wouldn’t have to go on some wild goose chase to find the pipe. 

“I only have the vaguest of descriptions, my apologies. I do believe it’s beneath the west side of town, somewhere.”

“It’s better than nothing! C’mon, KO! We’ve got a pipe to find!” Speedy shouted, headed right for the door. 

“Thank you, Professor. Let me know if you find anything else about the X-Nauts.” Ani said, following the excited Yoshi out the door. 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

It took no large amount of wandering around the west side of town (and getting a few odd looks while they were at it) before Ani realized how they were supposed to get underground – the sewer grate, with the paper sheet ability.  _ Of course! _ It was so simple that she’d completely overlooked it. The pipe was just a short flutter-jump and a door away from the platform they landed on, but  _ that _ was where the first problem presented itself: the pipe rejected them. 

_ The pipe  _ **_rejected them_ ** _. _

Frankly was just as shocked, though far less personally offended, than Ani had been when they trekked back to report this to him. “How odd…” he muttered, looking deep in thought. “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I haven’t the foggiest idea of what to do.” He said apologetically. Ani groaned, thumping her head back into the bookshelf.

“Well, what do we do now, then?”

“Wait! Wait a moment, I remember now! I’ve heard that a fellow from Twilight Town recently took up residence in Rogueport. If anybody knows how to get through the pipe, it’ll be him. His name is… ah, darn, what was it?... Ah! The lover of dark things, his name is Darkly. I doubt you’ll have much trouble finding him. There’s very few places to hide out in this town, and from what I understand you’ve seen quite a bit of it already, chasing down pickpockets.”

_ So sue me, I don’t like when people take my stuff. _

Darkly did ring a bell, however – one of her first days in Rogueport, one of the bandits tried hiding out behind the fake wall beside Merlon’s place, and a Rogueport resident hidden in the shadows just happened to stick his foot out and trip the bandit. That guy had certainly  _ looked  _ like a ‘Darkly’,

Sure enough, the same guy was lurking around in the shadows. 

“Hi there! The name’s Darkly. Do you guys need something?”  _ For such a shady character – literally – this guy’s awfully friendly. _

“Yeah, actually. I need your help with the pipe leading to Twilight Town.” Ani stated up-front. No point in dancing around it, she had a job to do. Sure, she’d said she was going to rest up in Rogueport for a day or two, but the last email from Josephine just made the whole situation a lot more urgent. She’d shared the big comfy Champ’s Bed with her partners before they left Glitzville, though (and like she’d thought, they all fit comfortably), so they were all rested up and ready to go.

“Oh, that’s easy! You just need to have something that has your name written on it.” Darkly replied, and Ani stared at him for a moment. It was  _ that _ easy? 

_ But… don’t I have my initials on the tag of my hoodie? Wait… no, I cut the tag off when I was thirteen. Damn.  _

“Alright. Can you help a girl out, here? My name’s Ani, A-N-I. And that’s Speedy.” Speedy got his shoe signed, and Ani got her name written on the inside flap of her backpack. That wasn’t so bad, and now the pipe wouldn’t reject them again. They could move forward. But… forward into  _ what _ ?


	24. Chapter 4 Episode I - Creepy Halloween Town

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not-so-saved by the bell villagers need Ani's help because of a spooky scary ghost tormenting them. Perpetual sunsets annoy Ani, along with lessons in backtracking and whiny cursed boxes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> well, it's been awhile since I updated. Not that anyone reads this story anyways (what was i expecting, publishing a paper mario fanfiction???) but still. To the like... two people who do read it, sorry about that.

“This place has Nightmare on Elm Street written all over it.” The perpetually eerie purple lighting in the sky, the dead-looking Halloween-trees and the little cottages that looked like they were pulled straight from that cabin-in-the-woods-is-haunted horror movie that your parents never let you watch. “I’m guessing this is Twilight Town. God, this is freaky.”

“No doubt. How do you think we’ll find the Crystal Star here?” Speedy wondered. Before Ani could answer, one of the locals noticed them.

“Whoa…. Hey. It’s been awhile since anyone came from… outside. You’ve come from far away?” the being inquired, getting two nods in return. “Yeah, I figured. And… those clothes… are you guys adventurers?”

“…something like that.”

The guy almost looked sad. “This is a bad time to be arriving here… but wait! If you’re adventurers… maybe you can help us!” sadness was replaced with cautious hope, almost excitement.

“Whoa, what’s the problem? What do you mean ‘a bad time?’” Ani cut in curiously. _It’s always something… And if this game has its way, I’ve got to solve everyone else’s problems before I can solve mine, so I’d better get used to it._

“Oh, gee, I dunno… it’s a pretty scary tale to hear… pretty scary to tell, too…” _Don’t freeze up on me now, Twi-Guy. You want me to help, or not?_ Ani didn’t say it, but she almost did. What was the point of asking for help if you weren’t going to explain the problem because it was too scary?

“C’mon, just spit it out. I’m here to help, and I’m not scared of anything.” _Not true, but he doesn’t need to know that. That, and I don’t think you’ll find murderous AIs or Terminators here anyways._ Before the guy could respond, a bell rang in the distance, echoing over the forest and into the little village.

“Oh no! The bell rang again!” the villager cried. “Oh… oh no… who will it be this time?” Ani didn’t even get the chance to ask what he was crying about before a puff of bright purple smoke enveloped the villager. When it cleared, a _pig_ was in his place!

“Whoa, what?! KO, you saw that, right? He just turned into a pig!” Speedy squeaked, startling back.

“Yeah, that… that’s a new one. I guess it’s the opposite of ‘saved by the bell’…” Ani said distractedly, searching the area for that bell – it clearly wasn’t in the village, but if she could just find a higher vantage point to see over the trees… she might be able to find it.

“Oh, badness… now poor Freddy got turned into a pig… Not good.” An old, raspy voice mourned. When Ani looked back, she saw an aged resident slouching over – significantly older than anyone else she’d seen.

“And you are…?” Ani asked, ignoring the fact that the shade-dweller’s name was _Freddy_. Quite the difference from Darkly.

“Oh, I’m the mayor of this poor town. Some people call me Dour.” The old man introduced himself. “Now, I’m not exactly the sharpest old fellow, but I do believe you’re adventurers, right?” _That’s an awfully specific assumption, now from two people._

“I guess so.”

“This isn’t the place for telling tales, sadly. Come. Come, to my home.” The old mayor beckoned them to come with him, as he began walking further into the dark little village, and into the second house they came across. The mayor already beat them to the only chair in the tiny cottage by the time they stepped inside. _I wasn’t planning on sitting, anyways._ “My traveling friends… Welcome to Twilight Town. At least, I’d _like_ to welcome you, but ‘welcoming’ is usually a good thing, and it’s nothing but bad here.” he admitted gravely.

“I got that part. I’m just a little curious about the part where _a guy just got turned into a pig in front of me._ ”

“Well, as you may have guessed… our poor little town has been cursed. You see… Beyond the town is a forest, and in the heart of that forest is an ancient building – the Creepy Steeple.” _That’s… a little on the nose, even for a kid’s game._ ”The dark creature who lives there, its curse ordains that when the steeple bell rings, one of the Twilighters living here in the village becomes a pig.” The man explained mournfully. “Will my loved ones become swine? Will I, too, become a curly-tailed oinker? I’m so worried, I can’t sleep at night. But then, night and day are pretty much the same here…”

“That’s an oddly specific curse to rain on a village. Any idea why?” Ani asked skeptically – not skeptical of the fact that people were turning into pigs, just… everything else about this situation. That, and the perpetual sunset, which she was pretty sure was impossible. _You’re questioning Nintendo logic again, Ani…_

“None at all, I’m afraid. Any attempts to communicate with the being that cursed us… well, none who ventured to the Creepy Steeple ever returned intact. But that matters not! What’s important is that you leave this place! Leave now, before you too become… piggified!”

“Uh… nice wording, there. Seriously, though, I can’t leave. I’m looking for something called a Crystal Star, and I’m willing to bet the thing that cursed you has it. Two birds with one stone, I help you and myself. So, how do I find this Creepy Steeple?” Ani crossed her arms, leaning back against the wall. She wasn’t about to let some silly ghost story stop her from getting her sister back.

“You’re not _really_ thinking of going there, are you?!” the mayor demanded, and if Ani could see his eyes through his ridiculous eyebrows, she could see that they’d blown wide open at that.

“I’ve got a job to do, Gramps. I’m not letting some Boogeyman get in my way. So, I’ll ask again – how do I get to the Creepy Steeple?”

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

After crossing the village, only to have to cross back to ask the mayor’s permission to enter the forest, during which time the bell tolled again. Thinking the worst, Ani ran the rest of the way, but it was too late; by the time they re-entered the old man’s house, he was a pig. By the time they got back to the village gate, to tell the gatekeeper what happened? _He_ was a pig too. Moving on little regard for the squealing pig, Ani pushed the gate open and continued forward into the forest.

They passed some kind of rickety shack upon their exit, and a quick investigation revealed a poorly-hidden black key. It looked awfully familiar to the keys that the cursed black chests used in the Rogueport Sewers, and Hooktail’s castle. _Oh goody, another curse from some bored demonic… thing. Probably, anyways._

Their first fight was with some sort of odd green Goomba trio, and it actually threw Ani off to have the red curtain drop her back onto her personal stage. After her entire time in the Glitz Pit having not experienced it, it was startling. It was a sad excuse for a fight, but Ani could feel herself getting back into the swing of things. Until their path was blocked by a fallen tree, behind which a red key sat innocently. Koops was able to recover it without trouble, but then they had to go back to the village. The first of many painful lessons in backtracking _._ Of course, Ani didn’t know that yet.

All she knew was that she was about to be met with another convenient curse, once she reached the village and started searching for where the black chest could possibly be. It ended up being in the back room of the local item shop, which was where the red key led to. Before the weird box demon thing could even say a word of its little coercion to get her to let it out of the chest, she spoke up.

“No screwing around. I’m kind of on a clock here. Go ahead and put your stinking curse on me, already.” sticking the key into the lock and twisting, Ani threw the lid of the chest back and waited. The black spotted background came, as usual, but the cackling, pointy mouth and sneering yellow eyes didn’t. Instead, she got a _whiner_.

“Oh _come on_! Are you kidding me? You totally took the wind out of my sails! I get locked up in that stupid box for hundreds of years and wait for someone to let me out, and you just do... _that?_ Come on, kid! That’s not cool! Just for _that_ , I’m giving you this curse!” The lights flashed like lightning, with an accompanying odd tingle that signified the curse had hit its mark. Turned out… she could turn into a paper tube now. First, she had to become a paper sheet, and then she could roll herself into this little tube that could roll around on the ground and fit in small places that she couldn’t. It wasn’t comfortable, but it would help her move forward at least.

“…Thanks, I guess.” _Something tells me that not everything is the way it appears with these cursed chests… they’re **helping** , and trying to make it seem like they’re hitting me with this nasty curse, like I’m now crippled or something. _

With that out of the way, they could pass under that fallen tree without a problem, and so… it was time to go back to the forest.

A concealed warp pipe took them further into the forest, where they met weird singing flowers, green clefts, and more green goombas. There were several strange puzzles along the way, Ani had to try not to think about those too hard or else her brain started to hurt. They just didn’t make _sense_! Once they reached the Creepy Steeple, there was no time to puzzle over puzzles that didn’t make sense.

“This place is unbelievably eerie.” Ani pointed out plainly, craning her neck to stare up at the tall building. The bell tower was there, of course, and the building itself was the very definition of creepy – tall, sloping roofs and windows illuminated with odd glowing lights behind them, and the dark stone the entire place was built from. Not to mention, oh hey, _even more dead Halloween trees_! “Better find the Boogeyman that cursed the town, and hope to god he’s in a good mood.” _Then again, what are the odds of that_?

**_ -=-=-=-=-=-=-=- _ **

See, Ani _told_ herself she wasn’t afraid of ghosts, but when push came to shove, a ghastly white figure appearing out of nowhere in front of her would be incentive enough to scream a _little_ bit like a little girl. Speedy did too, so it wasn’t like he could judge her for it. Either way, she wasn’t going through door number one anytime soon. She ended up having to push a statue away from a secret hole in the floor, which she fell into rather unceremoniously. Hey, it was progress.

What really got to her, though, was the strange little purple box in the middle of the hallway. Her instincts were screaming at her ‘ _do not open it!’_ but video game logic demanded that she did to further the plot of the story. To do, or not do to.

“I… I don’t want to.” Ani whined to herself, stalking up to the offensive little box and pulling the lid open before she could change her mind. That _may_ have been a mistake, depending on your viewpoint. On one hand, this probably helped the story progress in some way. On the other, _hundreds of creepy fang-ghosts_ were flying out of the box! Ani would ashamedly admit that that time, she _did_ scream like a little girl, and stumbled back and fell on her ass as the ghosts cackled and flew away.

Well, all but one.

“Alright! Quiz time, interloper!” it hissed, hovering right over to her as she stood up. “Just now, when the box opened… How many of us Boos came out? Total!” it asked. _What in the everloving… how am I supposed to know?!_

“Um… Let’s say two hundred.” she blurted out. The Boo seemed to think about that, before humming approvingly.

“Good… very good. Take this… math nerd.” With that, the translucent figure dropped some kind of mushroom, before flying off with the rest who’d disappeared. Ani was frozen in her place for a good few seconds, just waiting for her brain to process everything that just happened.

“…a ghost just called me a nerd.” That was the best she could come up with as she tossed the mushroom into her backpack. “I’m just going to try very hard not to think about the fact that there’s now two hundred ghosts running amok in the Creepy Steeple, now.”

That seemed to be the only purpose of that hallway, just then, because the door at the other end of the hall was locked from the inside. When Ani and Speedy returned to the main hall of the creepy steeple, they discovered where all the Boos had gone and congregated. After promising the one Boo from earlier that they wouldn’t be mean to him, the rest appeared scattered throughout the room, but they were gathering. More specifically, they were getting closer and closer to Ani, and they were spinning around the room in giant circles while they did. When the fog – ghost fog? – settled, they had all become some kind of… mega-Boo, which apparently warranted a stage fight.

Aside from a few literally-immobilizing jumpscares, though, the giant Boo wasn’t too hard to deal with. It wasn’t something that Ani would have nightmares about later, at least. Now that the door was open, they could see what was on the other side – a creepy outdoor corridor, with a bright red switch on the end. As it turned out, that was part of a mini switch puzzle involving three upstairs doors and a single staircase. Another physical impossibility, but Ani was beginning to write off things that happened as Magic at this point, unless they involved technology.

The door furthest from them led to a white key, which – surprise, surprise – unlocked the door on the northwest end of the hall. The door opened to reveal a spiralling staircase that led right up the bell tower, which was hopefully where their mysterious curse-caster was hiding out, also hopefully with the Crystal Star.

_No way it’s that easy. There’s **no** way it’s that easy whatsoever. There’s some kind of catch, I know it._

 Well, she wasn’t wrong. After all, when does the game ever cut the hero any slack?


	25. Chapter 4 Episode II - Missing

“Whoa, hey! Hang on there, slick!” some kind of empty, garbled voice greeted Ani when she entered the room at the top of the spiral staircase – no identifiable gender, or vocal pattern. It was _creepy_ , it sounded like nobody at all. “What do you think you’re doing, interrupting my _me_ time?” the voice demanded, and when Ani turned she saw perhaps the _dumbest_ looking enemy she’d ever seen – it looked like a ghost, or at least a person with a sheet pulled over their head, wearing a red and blue party hat and a bowtie. Not even remotely intimidating.

“ _This_ is that monster the mayor was so scared of?” Speedy muttered to Ani, and she snorted.

“Guess so.”

“Who’re _you_ calling a monster??” the creature demanded indignantly. “What’s your problem? Why do you need to pick a fight? I’m _busy_ here, thinking up new pranks and stuff! It’s not easy, either! Now get lost!” it ordered, pointing a covered hand back towards the hole in the floor. Ani only raised an eyebrow, and didn’t make any move to leave. “…Of course, you guys _won’t_. No way you ninnies go quietly, am I right?”

“Give the… person, a medal, they got it in one.” Ani rolled her eyes – seriously, what _was_ this thing?

“Hmph. Well, alright then, Slick. Fine. Yes, I turned the villagers into pigs. Big deal.” The creature sniffed, rolling its eyes right back at her.

“Alright, I can see where you’re coming from, being a bit of a prankster myself, but _big deal_? Really? That’s kind of heartless.”

“Well, they’re all so _depressing_ , and boring, and dimwitted all the time! So instead of wallowing in their gloom, I figured they might as well wallow in the mud! Hah!” the ghost thing giggled at her, looking like it wanted to applaud itself for its cleverness. “Now they’re pigs, get it? Isn’t that just _perfect_? It’s like irony, or… something.” It shrugged. “So… what? Got a problem with that? I guess you do. So let’s play, slick!” it cackled, before the curtain dropped and the fight began.

At first, it wasn’t so bad. The thing didn’t do a whole lot of damage, and Ani figured the two-on-one odds in her favour helped her case a bit, but she couldn’t shake the feeling something was going to go very wrong soon. And when she had those kind of thoughts, Ani _hated_ being proven right, because it typically meant bad things for her.

“Hm… time to regroup, here…” the creature hummed. “So, you think you’re a couple of heavies, huh? Well then, my dear friends, if you thought turning the village folks into pigs was impressive, then you’re gonna _love_ this! I’ve got something very special for you here…” The odd ghost’s red eyes flashed with magic, before it disappeared in a puff of purple smoke. A strange blue light flashed in Ani’s eyes for a split second, and when she blinked again the ghost had appeared, only… it looked like _her shadow_.

“How do you like them apples? Now _that’s_ magic, folks!” the ghost applauded itself. “Now you’re fighting yourself! Ha! I’m a darn genius!”

“Okay, this has gotta end, because this thing is _freaking me out_ …” Ani muttered, rubbing her eyes as some kind of odd tingling sensation started up. Whatever this thing had done to her, she didn’t want to wait around and find out what it was.

As the fight continued, the tingling only got worse, and her vision was starting to blank out randomly. Everything went to hell when Speedy struck the final blow, and pain exploded through Ani’s head. As she fell to the ground, all the teen knew was darkness.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

The creature fell to the ground, the Ruby Star freeing itself from… somewhere, coming to a stop directly in front of a very out-of-breath Ani.

“That was… difficult.” She blinked at the crystal star as her Yoshi partner taunted her shadow-self on the ground. Unsurely, Ani reached out to grab the Crystal Star – was it a trap? – and sighed in relief when it wasn’t. With that, Ani had already gotten another Crystal Star!

“” _Ani defeated the scourge of the Creepy Steeple and found the fourth Crystal Star. The people of Twilight Town have surely recovered from their awful curse by now. At this rate, Ani’s quest to collect all seven Crystal Stars will be finished in no time! With her back to the Creepy Steeple, Ani sets out toward her bright future.””_

“Are you _kidding me_? That’s all you got? Man, this guy was a wimp! That wasn’t even fair!” Speedy exclaimed. “Well, who cares, right? We got the Crystal Star, so let’s get out of here! You look pretty beat, actually. Do you wanna stop at the inn in Twilight Town first? We can check and see if the…” the yoshi’s voice trailed off as he and Ani hopped down the hole in the floor and descended the spiral staircase. Meanwhile, everything was not what it seemed with the downed shadow that remained in the room.

 _What… where…? God, my_ **_head_ ** _…_ Sitting up, the shadow shook her head to regain her bearings, trying to remember the last thing that happened before she blacked out. _I was… fighting something. Some kind of ghost? It… it copied me, fought me, and then… what, body-swapped us? I think so. So that makes me… Ani?_ **_I’m_ ** _Ani?_ Fuzzy recollections returned to the shadow, but they felt… wrong. It was her, and she logically knew that, but the memories felt weird and different. Like watching someone else’s memories. There were blanks, too, holes where she knew something was supposed to be that wasn’t. _The ghost must still have those…_

All of a sudden, anger overtook the shadow. That _thing_ had taken her body! _Hers_ ! It was parading around in her skin, with _her_ friends who were none the wiser, while _she_ was stuck looking like the bad guy!

“I’ve got to get out of here.” she muttered, forcing herself to stand and fight the dizzy wave that the body-swapping magic had apparently caused.

 _I’m getting my damn body back, and kicking that ghost’s ass_ **_again_ ** _for doing this to me._

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Meanwhile in Twilight Town, an annoying shadow hag was cackling. “Yes… this time we’ll _get_ that Ani girl, and take the map for ourselves!” Beldam practically cheered. “With this superbombomb, there’s no way we can fail! No, not likely… Vivian! Hand me that glorious superbombomb!”

The youngest shadow siren startled at the demand. “H-Huh?” Beldam was silent for a moment.

“Vivian… don’t you _dare_ … Does that ‘huh?’ mean what I _think_ it means?” the elder shadow hissed.

“I-I never had it! You were holding it just two seconds ago! You said it was too important to trust me with!” Vivian cried – she knew what came next, Beldam never listened to her anyways, but she had to _try_ , right?

“Oh, you terrible _liar!_ ” Beldam shrieked. “Stop making up stories to cover for yourself! If I don’t have it, then _obviously_ you must have it! And _obviously_ _you_ lost it!” she accused, before becoming contemplative. “Or… are you trying to suggest that I lost it, you little lollygagging worm?” she asked, tone threatening what would happen if Vivian said ‘yes’. The pink-haired shadow was cornered, stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“I…” _Defend, or don’t?_ “No, of course not, Beldam…” she sighed.

“Well, we can’t do much without it, now can we?!? Oh, you are _such_ an idiot…” Beldam growled. “Very well… I’m sure you must have dropped it somewhere around here… So why don’t _you_ go look for it, while Marilyn and I go take a well-earned siesta. And if you _don’t_ find it, well… I’m sure you know what’ll happen, don’t you?”

“I… I get punished…” Vivian nodded sullenly.

“That’s right, you little twit, so get cracking! Come, Marilyn! Let’s leave this useless little fool to her chore.” The two disappeared into the shadows, leaving Vivian to let out a tearful sigh. There was so much to search, and what if Beldam had it the whole time, just like with the sketch of Ani?

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Hey, what’s up, Slick?! Been waiting for you!”

 _It’s that identity-thieving ghost again!_ she thought to herself as ‘Ani’ appeared on the roof of the shed she and Speedy had found the black key in earlier. Jumping down to her level, she could see that the copycat still looked rather worse for wear, but that didn’t seem to impede her any.

“You’re Ani, right? That’s what that little red thing called me earlier, anyways. What a great name!” ‘Ani’ rambled, and she rolled her eyes.

“Thanks, I got it from my parents.” She deadpanned.

“And I really dig this body, too! _Man_ , can I jump!” the thing continued. _You better not be feeling me up, hotshot._ “And hey! You’re so popular around here! I get mobbed! I just love being you! It’s so cool, I don’t think I ever wanna stop!” It was weird for Ani, hearing her own voice – did she _really_ sound like that, or was that the ghost? – outside her body, and because of the strange, magically manufactured identity crisis she was having.

“Oh _hell_ no, you’re gonna give me back my goddamned body, or I’m gonna kick your ass again!” she threatened with a voice that wasn’t hers. ‘Ani’ continued monologuing, completely ignoring her. Honestly, Ani zoned out for at least half of it.

“…which means you turn into a shadow, and can’t use your own name! Tough break, Slick! That’s not enough, either... I aim to erase you for good!” That was _not_ good news for her. “Hm… I guess it’d be unsporting to ruin you without a challenge… so I’ll give you one chance. If you guess my real name, then I give you back your name and body! What do you say, Slick? This’ll be fun, right?”

Surely it wasn’t as simple as that. The little bastard knew it too, didn’t she? _She’s_ **_playing_ ** _with me._ “Now, guess! Come on, hit me with your best shot!”

_Well, it could be anything from freaking Bonnie to Ghor, the way this world works!_

Guessing Bonnie – just because she knew she’d have to do a little detective work to find out the thing’s real name – she let herself be chased away and right into Twilight Town, which was exactly where she wanted to be. _Maybe I can find Ani’s partners, convince them that the ghost stole my identity._

In any case, it was nice to see that the thing had at least taken the Pig Curse off the poor Twilighters. What _wasn’t_ , was a very familiar face – she couldn’t put a name to the other shadow’s face, but she remembered her having two sisters, one that didn’t talk and another that was a total hag. She was alone, though, and… crying, wandering around in the tall grass. It seemed like she was looking for something.

“What’ll I do, what’ll I do?” she heard the crying shadow whisper to herself. Thinking it over, she cautiously approached her.

“Are… are you okay?” she asked, suddenly grateful for her strange new voice – at least the shadow wouldn’t recognize her. That could be bad.

“I’m… I’m looking for something very important.” She sniffled. “If I don’t find it, my sister will punish me again... but it’s just not here…” With that sad phrase, a little memory niggled at the back of her mind. ‘ _I’m sorry, where do you get off treating your sister that way?’_ ‘ _Vivian! Look what you’ve done now!’_

_Right, her name’s Vivian._

With another sniffle, Vivian returned to searching the bushes. Another thought occurred to her – one she immediately tried to squash down. _No, no, no. There’s a good chance that whatever she’s looking for, it was meant to hurt Ani. What other reason could she have for being in Twilight Town with her sisters except to hunt me?_ On the other hand, maybe if she helped Vivian, she could get Vivian to help her get her identity back.

With that last thought, she joined Vivian in the search for the ‘something’. As it turned out, her initial thinking had been right – what she found in the bushes was some kind of bomb.

“Is this what you were looking for?” she called out to the shadow. The pink-hatted shadow looked up, saw what was in her hand, and gasped.

“What?!? You found it? Oh… oh, thank you so much….” She sagged with relief. “At least I won’t get punished now…” Vivian murmured, holding the bomb carefully. However, just a few seconds later… “Oh… _Oh no!_ It’s- It’s broken! It must have broken when my sister dropped it…” she cried. “What’ll I do, what’ll I do? I guess I was just meant to be punished for life…”

Maybe it was the utter hopelessness in Vivian’s voice, or something else pulling at her heartstrings, but something made her do it.

“You don’t deserve that. You seem too nice for that.” If her memories were anything to go by, Vivian had wanted to fight her the least of the three shadows. Vivian seemed to blush.

“Thank you… you’re very sweet. That actually makes me feel a little better. But what’ll I do now? My sisters will be back any minute now…” Just like that, whatever spirits she’d managed to raise sank back down. Something seemed to occur to her, because she stood up a little straighter, looking her straight in the eye. “What’s your name, anyhow? Won’t you tell me?”

“I’m… I’m Ani.” She said with a wince, but Vivian didn’t react.

“What was that? I’m sorry, I couldn’t hear you.” That was _genuine_ , even apologetic, like she was supposed to hear her. She hadn’t heard her say Ani!

“Um… my identity was stolen.” She said awkwardly. _How does one casually explain that kind of thing?_

“I see… I guess that happens from time to time…” Vivian paused for a moment. “Wait, no it doesn’t! Your _identity_ was stolen?” she repeated incredulously. “That’s absolutely crazy!”

“That’s why you didn’t hear me say my name – it’s some kind of curse.” She nodded. “See, me and my friends were going up to the Creepy Steeple, because the creepy monster thing up there was cursing the townspeople into pigs. When we got up there and fought it, it switched our bodies and left with my friends, and they were none the wiser. The only way I can win and get my body back is if I guess the thing’s real name.”

“Wow, you have _way_ worse problems than I do!” Vivian exclaimed. “And… and you were so quick to help _me_ out. That’s so… kind…”

“That’s what the good guys are supposed to do, isn’t it? Help people who need it? I’m a little new to all this.” She shrugged.

“…Alright, that’s _it!_ ” Vivian suddenly shouted.  She startled away from the Shadow Siren. “I’m going to help you get back your name! And your body! And your friends! And if Beldam doesn’t like it, she… she… she can just deal with it!”

_That’s right, stand up for yourself. Rather anticlimactic ending, though._

“You’re really gonna help me?” she asked, surprised. She hadn’t even been sure if she _should_ ask for Vivian’s help – after all, who knew what would happen when she got herself back?

“Of course! You helped me look for that stupid bomb, when you had way bigger problems of your own to deal with, and you’re actually _nice_ to me. So, I’m gonna help you out. Plus, it’s the right thing to do.” Vivian insisted, before leaning over and – _she just kissed me on the cheek. Alrighty then._

Vivian explained that because she was a shadow, she could, well, hide in the shadows. That could confuse attacking enemies, and help with more sneaky spy stuff if the need ever came up. They could even listen to the _friggin’ birds_ chatting in the Halloween trees above them if they did it.

The pair of birds closest to the town gate had the only really useful information, which directed them back to – wouldn’t you know it – the Creepy Steeple. According to those birds, the only being that knew the body-snatching monster’s name was locked up underneath the Creepy Steeple. _‘Because if no one knows your name, you can use unstoppable magic._

“She must’ve known that, _that’s_ why she challenged me to guess her name…” she mused, once she and Vivian came up from the shadows. “Back to the Creepy Steeple, I guess.” Oh dear _god_ , she was starting to hate backtracking.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“I don’t remember seeing any secret pathways into the basement, except for the one that was locked from the inside. I bet, if we find another way into that locked room, that’s where we’ll find what we’re looking for. Or Who, I guess.” She shrugged. “Hm… where else…?”

 _Wells go pretty deep underground,_ she reminded herself when she caught sight of the eerie well outside the Steeple’s gate.

“Vivian, over here!” she waved the wandering shadow over as she approached the well, hopping over the side so her legs were dangling over the edge. “Think this leads anywhere useful?” she asked.

“I guess there’s only one way to find out, right?”

With a nod, she let herself fall with the shadow following close behind. An odd, bright yellow spring broke her fall, and then they were safely at the bottom of the well. Well, safe was relative. The number of buzzy beetle things with spikes on top of their shells was a little overwhelming, so they just had to dodge around them until they came to some kind of sliding wall. They pushed it up, and Vivian pulled her into the shadows so they could get by it without issue. Though, that did raise the question of how they were supposed to leave if this didn’t pan out, but it most likely would… right?

The sliding door led to a room that, well, led to nothing. That is, if you didn’t have the Paper Tube ability like she did. There was a little secret tunnel – was the secret-ception really necessary? And even after _that_ , there was a boarded up panel in the floor that she needed to ground-pound to open up. After falling through the hole – for an inordinate amount of time, she might add – they ended up directly beside the hallway where she accidentally released all the Boos, with the door locked from inside.

This time, though, they could get into the locked room. The locked room that held some kind of parrot, along with four treasure chests. There was a badge, an item, the key to the locked door, and… the letter p. Not P, but p.

_Um… what?_

The last thing to do was see what the parrot had to say, by hiding in the shadows.

“Skrawk? Huh? What happened to those weirdos that were here a second ago? Aw, whatever… It was almost nice to have some company… I mean, no matter how important it is that no one knows his real name, locking me up in here just because I know it, and making me guard the missing letter… no way to treat a parrot!” it squawked indignantly. “…I really want a cracker. Doopliss, you’re a big meanie. When’s feeding time, huh?”

_Doopliss!_

The parrot screeched when she and Vivian came up from the shadows, before squawking “Pretty bird! Pretty bird!” over and over again. She didn’t care – she had that thing’s name, it was time to get _her_ name back. She nearly ripped the door off in her eagerness to get _out_ , except…

“Oh goody, we have to go _all the way_ back to Twilight Town. Again.”

She resolutely ignored Vivian’s giggling at her complaints.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Hey, Slick! Time to cancel your magazine subscriptions, ‘cause you’re getting erased!” Doopliss cheered when it appeared on the shack roof again. “But first, please, amuse me with one more guess. It really gives me joy to watch your futile efforts as you try to guess my name. So, hit me with one more guess!”

“Doopliss!” she shouted, a little victorious smirk on her face. ‘Ani’s face looked stricken.

“Wha… _What did you just say?!?_ _It can’t be…”_

“…”

“… _No! No! No! No! No! Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? How? How? How? How? How? I’m… feeling… faint…!”_ Doopliss took off again, sprinting in the other direction and towards the Creepy Steeple.

“I _hate_ backtracking! I never want to come back to this place!” she whined, before running after her copycat. Thankfully, whatever monsters were in the forest knew better than to get in her way, _for freaking once_ , and she got back to the Steeple in record time, but couldn’t help that feel that this entire chapter was a colossal waste of time, where stuff _occasionally_ happened thus far. Whatever, she was back in the Creepy Steeple, she just had to get past the baddies inside and get back to Doopliss’ room at the top of the tower.

Of course, once they got back to Doopliss, it wasn’t quite that simple. Not that she’d expected her to just roll over and give her back the Crystal Star, or anything, but still, couldn’t it just be _over_ now?

“You again, eh, Slick? You’re pretty stubborn, to follow me all the way back here. Fine. Fine. I see. I get it. Let’s just put an end to this, shall we?” Turning away from her, Doopliss shouted, “Alright, kids! Put on your fighting gloves!”

 _Oh… oh no…_ Doopliss was going to use her own partners against her.

“Sure thing, Ani! We’re right here with you!” Goombella cheered – she almost felt bad, it had been awhile since she’d taken Goombella into a fight.

“This creep couldn’t take us on his own, so he teamed up with a Shadow Siren!” Koops scoffed, and wow, she’d never heard him sound so _scornful_ before.

“Well, we certainly won’t let him be doing anything to our little Ani, I can promise that! You’ve got a sister to save!” Flurrie interjected. Her stomach did a flip as another gap in her memory was filled – _Josephine!_ That was whys she was doing all this, she had to save her sister!

“Uh… right, that’s right! I have a sister to save.” _Doopliss… you kind of suck at being me. How have none of these guys picked up on that yet? I’m almost hurt, actually._

And of course, the last one to put in their two cents was Speedy. “You’re gonna taste the pain Knock Out-style, shadow guy!” _It’s sweet to know they’d all have my back in this sort of situation, but it would be a lot nicer if it was_ **_actually me_ ** _they were sticking up for._

“Very good, my loyal friends. How dare this nameless nobody challenge _Ani_?!”

She snorted. “Wow, that’s an awful impression. Did you ever consider that you might need to study up on what a person acts like _before_ you take their identity, Doopliss?” she sneered, and ‘Ani’ flinched. What she couldn’t see was Vivian mimicking the action behind her.

“Enough of that! It’s go time!”

“A-Ani?!? If Doopliss looks like Ani… and they stole _your_ identity… You’ve been _Ani_ this whole time?!” Vivian demanded, sounding betrayed.

“Hey, it wasn’t like I could tell you! You remember what happened earlier – I said my name, and you couldn’t hear it!” she defended herself. “Look, if you don’t want to fight, then don’t. Get out of here, and go back to your hag of a sister. I’ve at least got to try to get my identity back.”

“What’s going on here, huh? Fight with your girlfriend? Well, don’t expect any sympathy from us, Ghoulies!” With that, Vivian disappeared, and the curtain dropped. _Guess I’m in another fight for my life, in more ways than one. I wasn’t_ **_alone_ ** _any of those times, though…_

One turn into the fight, Ani wasn’t alone any longer.

“I’m... I’m sorry, sis… Ani’s the only person who’s ever been kind to me…” Vivian whispered, before appearing behind her again. “I’ve got your back, Ani! I’ve made my choice, and I’m not turning back this time!”

With Vivian’s help, and both of their reluctance to attack Ani’s partners – thereby making it easier to focus on just Doopliss – the fight was a breeze. Ani still felt like she might need to sleep for a week, but it was _done_.

“ _No!!! Why?!? How???”_ Doopliss wobbled on Ani’s legs, toppling face-first to the ground. Ani’s vision flashed and blanked out, and the next time she opened her eyes she was sitting on the ground, Doopliss the collapsed sheet-ghost and the Ruby Star in front of her.

“Rats! You _killjoys!_ ” Doopliss shrieked, darting away and jumping out the window.

“Knock Out!” Speedy was the first to point Ani out, running up to her and hugging her leg.

“Oh, good, you recognize me now. Hell, _I_ recognize me.” the teen grinned. Ah, it was good to have her voice back. Well, and everything else, of course. Speedy paused for a moment, releasing her.

“But… isn’t that one of the Shadow Sirens you guys told me about? What’re you doing teaming up with her?” he asked, honestly curious. Vivian shied away, looking like she wanted to disappear. After halfway stammering an attempted explanation, Ani stepped in for her.

“She’s cool. She helped me figure out Doopliss’ name, and get my body back. I… think she’s sticking with us, now?” Looking back to Vivian, Ani’s voice made the statement a question. The shadow nodded, pink-striped hat wobbling on her head as she did so.

“Yeah. I’m done working for my sister. Thanks for… sticking up for me…”

“No problem. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t have gotten this far.” Ani grinned. She could have sworn the shadow _blushed_ , but that wasn’t her business. “I may not have survived that fight, either…” _But if I didn’t have Vivian, I wouldn’t have found the parrot either, so…?_ “God, I don’t know about you guys, but I need some _sleep_. What do you say? Take the Crystal Star and head to the inn? For real, this time?”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

_Ani defeated the rogue who had stolen her name, appearance, and even some memories. Now Ani has four Crystal Stars, leaving merely three to find! The end – and her sister Josephine – are drawing near, as the quest to gather the Crystal Stars is more than half over! Now Ani heads off for her next adventure with her new friend, Vivian… But what about Beldam and Marilyn? And what became of the doppelganger, Doopliss?_

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Vivian is so _very_ late! Where has that scatterbrain been all this time?” Beldam grumbled, only to be interrupted when a duplighost ran past, nearly sending her reeling.


	26. Chapter 4 Episode III - Interlude IV: Nightmare Quizzes and Wet & Soggy Kings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josephine now fears for her life, and Bowser goes for a swim while a deluded old hag vacations in Glitzville.

“…Are you sure about this? Speak up, X-Naut!” Grodus ordered. It wasn’t  _ his _ fault his soldiers spoke too quietly for him to hear!

“Yes sir, quite sure.  I pored over all our research on the Thousand Year Door, and it appears the sealing power has definitely been weakening, as Beldam said.” The X-Naut reported.

“Hmm… Finally, the treasure of legend… the ancient power of darkness shall soon be ours!” Once that door was open, the prisoner’s pesky sister would no longer be an issue. “Listen, and listen well! Keep giving the Crystal Star search top priority! That  _ includes  _ the elimination of that meddling brat, Ani!”

“Got it, sir!” With a salute, the science division X-Naut left Grodus’ chamber.

“…Soon, I will have the power that slept for a millennium… very soon… And when that glorious day dawns, I’ll throw the world into the depths of terror!” Grodus cackled to himself.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“What do you want today, TEC?” Josephine asked as the door slid open for her. “More cloak and dagger? That was scary, but still pretty fun. Grodus didn’t even recognize me!”

**_[[_ ** _ I… I am conflicted. _ **_]]_ **

“That’s a new one. What’s got you like that?” the young teen wondered, popping herself onto the floor in front of TEC’s camera.

**_[[_ ** _ Which is more important? Carrying out an order, or protecting a critical person? I exist for the purpose of one person, and I wish to exist for the purpose of another. I do not know what to do. _ **_]]_ **

“This doesn’t sound like a very hypothetical question.” Josephine said, confused. “I think… protecting a person is more important than obeying your orders, even if it gets you in trouble later. Call me crazy, but I value human life.” She shrugged. “Why do you ask?”

**_[[_ ** _ No. No, never mind. Please forget my musings. In any case… let’s have a quiz. _ **_]]_ **

“…That is  _ also _ a new one. Alright, what are we quizzing on?” she asked suspiciously.  _ Curiosity killed the cat, didn’t it? _

**_[[_ ** _ You will see in a moment. Please answer the questions I’m about to ask you. If you can answer five questions, I will unlock the seal I placed on your Mailbox SP. _ **_]]_ **

“I already unlocked it. You’re a jerk for doing that, by the way. Fine, fine, give me the questions.” Josephine waved at the camera. 

**_[[_ ** _ Now, the first question: What will happen if you collect seven Crystal Stars? _ **_]]_ ** Three options appeared on TEC’s screen; ‘Your wish is granted,’ ‘Thousand-Year Door opens,’ and ‘a thousand coins appear’.  _ Well, if the whole purpose is to open the door… _ Josephine picked ‘Thousand-Year Door opens’. 

**_[[_ ** _ Correct. Now, the second question: What is the goal of Grodus, leader of the X-Nauts? _ **_]]_ ** The previous options were replaced on the screen; ‘To conquer the world,’ ‘To get rich,’ or ‘To become a superhero.’ That one, Josephine figured it was pretty obvious. If he could afford a high-tech whatever this base was supposed to be, he didn’t need money, and what  _ evil guy _ wanted to be a superhero? That, and she already knew he wanted to conquer the world, so…

**_[[_ ** _ Correct once again. The third question: What is the legendary treasure that awaits behind the Thousand-Year Door? _ **_]]_ ** Now, Josephine may have been a bit slow for taking so long to see what TEC was doing, but when she realized it? She practically hugged the computer. He knew she was in contact with her sister, and told her everything she found out, so he was  _ helping  _ her!

Josephine’s options were; ‘100 000 000 coins,’ ‘an extremely rare badge,’ and ‘A 1000 year old demon’s soul.’

The clear answer chilled the young teen to her core. Grodus was going through all this trouble to open the door to free a demon that was behind it. 

TEC continued like he hadn’t just completely flipped Josephine’s world on its head, asking his next question.

**_[[_ ** _ What does Grodus wish to do with this ancient demon’s soul? _ **_]]_ ** ‘Cherish it always,’  _ what?  _ ‘Bring the demon back to life,’ or ‘hang out with it.’ Josephine knew that the wrong answers were made deliberately obvious to be incorrect, but  _ really _ ? At least, the part of her that wasn’t  _ freaking out _ noticed that.

“I’m… guessing he wants to bring it back to life…” Josephine whispered, and another realization hit – one she did  _ not _ want to consider until she got back to her room and could warn her sister.

**_[[_ ** _ Correct. Now, the fifth question: what is required to seal the demon away again? _ **_]]_ ** ‘A legendary sword,’ ‘a magic spell,’ or ‘Crystal Stars.’

“Crystal Stars… TEC, I answered your questions. Can I… can I go back to my room? I need to tell Ani… about all of that.” Josephine barely spoke, voice cracking. “Thank you… thank you for telling me all that. I know you probably weren’t supposed to… but I need to be alone right now, to think…”

**_[[_ ** _ I understand. I apologize if this frightened you. That was not my intention. You may return to your room. _ **_]]_ ** The door slid open, and Josephine left without another word.  **_[[_ ** _ Goodnight, Josephine Winters. _ **_]]_ **

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Meanwhile, in Rogueport West Side…

“My lord Bowser! I’ve received reports of a great secret in the floating town of Glitzville!” Kammy Koopa rasped from her flying broom. “I know you’ve already been once, but come now! Let’s take the Cheep Blimp!” Turning to the Cheep Cheep conductor, she shouted – “You there! Two tickets! One great and evil king, and one sweet young thing!”  _ Who does she think she’s kidding with that? _

The Cheep Cheep yelped, and began to tremble. “G-good gravy! B-Bowser! The evil king! And a deluded old hag! I… uh…  _ life’s too short!!”  _ he shouted, jumping the fence and fleeing. Meanwhile, Kammy was more focused on the grievous insult she was just given. 

_ “What _ did he just say?! Hey! Come back here, you! Impudent little cheepskate!” When Kammy turned her broom around to complain to Bowser… “Hey! I’m talking to myself! Where’d Lord Bowser go?” A moment later, she got her answer. 

“Gra ha ha! Who needs that wimpy blimp? I’ll be riding  _ this _ , baby!” the Koopa King shouted, pointing down to the Koopa Clown Car he was floating around in. “I snuck into Glitzville once before, so I know the way! No problem-o! You go easy on your old limbs and take the slow ride on the blimp, gramma!” With that he flew away, leaving Kammy in the dust with a damaged broomstick.

“Lord Bowser, please! Wait! …Aww… Now my Special Dirigible Deluxe Brown Bag Kammy Lunch will go to waste…” she whined.

Meanwhile in the air, Bowser seemed to be having a bit of trouble.

“Huh? Uh oh, that doesn’t sound good… What’s that warning light? Oh, don’t tell me…” The Koopa Clown Car began to sputter and smoke, the propeller ceasing to spin. Moments later, it began to fall, depositing Bowser none-too gently in the sea. 

Hours later, he washed up in the Rogueport harbour, the Wet and Soggy King. Choking and hacking like his life depended on it, Bowser slumped on the dock. 

“That was terrible… I gotta get into shape…” he sneezed, utterly ignoring the screaming bystanders fleeing for their lives. It was quite the sight for Kammy, though, decked out with balloons and a Rawk Hawk headband. Evidently, he’d become the champ again after Princess Peach left in search of the next Crystal Star. 

“Oh,  _ there _ you are, Lord Bowser! What are you doing here? I’ve been looking all over! If I may ask, where have you been Your Sogginess?” she asked, floating over to Bowser on her repaired broomstick.

“…Swimming.” He answered, unimpressed.

“Really? Neat! As for me, Glitzville was  _ fantastic _ ! The fights were  _ so cool _ !” Kammy enthused. “And... the hot dogs! Oh my gracious! You have fun, too? Hm?” she asked oblivious to the ever-growing grumpy look on her king’s face. In answer, Bowser did nothing but roar, and breathe fire at Kammy. The balloons popped, the broomstick broke  _ again _ , and the Rawk hawk headband was incinerated, leaving a singed-robed hag behind.

“Lord Bowser… Is that a ‘no’?” she hacked, a cloud of soot poofing into the air with the action.

“It was  _ terrible _ ! You hear me? I swallowed a  _ blooper _ ! I just wanted to have  _ fun _ ! But forget it! It’s over! Go get me some solid info on Princess Peach and the Crystal Stars!  _ Now _ !” he roared.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Back in Twilight Town, Ani was receiving proper thanks for ridding the tiny town of Doopliss and his nasty pranks and curses, and a profuse apology for the trouble she’d had to go through to free them of it, namely the brief loss of her identity. Her head still felt a little foggy, but not enough to get her off track. 

“All that time, it was a fake Ani. We were all fooled… Please forgive us, child. After all you did…”

“It’s fine. Doopliss wasn’t the most convincing, but it’s not like you guys knew that.” Ani shrugged it off, literally and figuratively. “I’m just glad I got what I came for, and that I could help you out.”  _ And I hope I never have to come back here ever again. _

“Of course. You’ve brought a ray of light to our dim little town! Twilight Town thanks you!” the mayor wheezed.

“I guess it’s about time to head to Rogueport, huh Ani?” Vivian piped up, getting a nod. Ani couldn’t have been happier to go through the pipe if she tried, even if she was greeted by claustrophobic-feeling sewers on the other side. It got better, when the ringtone signalling a message from her sister sounded off. And then it got worse when she read it. 

“It’s from your sister? You can contact her?” Vivian had asked incredulously, getting an absent nod from Ani when she read the first line of text. 

_ ‘Code Blue, or Red, or whatever the hell the code is for ‘We have a serious problem!’ Ani, you need to get those Crystal Stars and  _ **_FAST_ ** _. TEC seems to have had a change of heart, because he’s actually giving me information now.  _

_ I learned what the legendary treasure is, and you’re not gonna like it; it’s a demon. The legendary treasure is a thousand year-old demon, and Grodus wants to bring it back to life as part of his bid for total world domination. The only way to re-seal the demon is to use the Crystal Stars, and I tapped into the security feeds for a second before TEC locked me out – apparently, the 1000 year old seal is weakening. That was all I got from that.  _

_ I have one theory, and I  _ **_know_ ** _ you’re not gonna like this one. It’s about why they may have kidnapped me in the first place, and I don’t think it has anything to do with that treasure map. _

_ You and I have both seen enough horror movies to know where this is headed: someone wants to resurrect a demon, but the demon can’t take physical form. Typically, the demon needs to possess someone, right? Either that, or they demand some kind of sacrifice. I think you can see where I’m headed with this, and neither outcome is good.  _

_ Ani, please come get me soon… I’m scared… _

_ Josephine’ _

“Oh my god…” Ani whispered, the Mailbox SP almost falling from her hands.  _ That is  _ **_dark_ ** _ for Nintendo…  _ “…We’ve got to get those Crystal Stars. No more wasting time. Let’s get to the Thousand-Year Door.” She said, more to herself than Vivian.


	27. Chapter 5 Prologue: Here be Pirates?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani decides that videogame characters have no regard for the fourth wall, and also has no patience for braggarts, so she interrupts them.

Ani didn’t have the patience to appreciate the glowing blue lights and the Crystal Star working its magic on the Magical Map of Destiny, or whatever crap. She just wanted to know where they were headed next – from the looks of the island blooming into existence in the far south, somewhere tropical, with the Sapphire Star in front of it. That was almost an enjoyable thought, except that things were never that easy, and videogames weren’t that nice to the protagonist.

“We’ll have to clear this with Professor Frankly and find out what exactly we’re supposed to be doing here.” she muttered, still at a complete loss – if only she’d played more video games as a kid, instead of obsessing over computers, old pop stars and superheroes! Well… no, that was still a pretty cool childhood. How many other kids could say they’d grown up watching Arrow? No, that was besides the point. The point was to get back to the Professor’s place.

And  _ boy _ , did he have a reaction to Ani telling him what Josephine’s email said, including her theories about her kidnapping.

“Whuh- _ What?? That _ was written in Josephine’s email? The legendary treasure is the spirit of an ancient demon… and your sister believes she is either meant to be the vessel or sacrifice to this demon, should the X-Nauts resurrect it with the Crystal Stars?” the old professor’s voice wobbled fearfully at the implications of such a thing. “…sadly, it does seem consistent with what I’ve uncovered.” He admitted after a long pause.

“Got it in one, Professor. What’ve you got for me?” Ani asked, trying very hard to be patient, even though she felt like she was going to crawl out of her skin if she didn’t get moving soon, with this new information in the back of her mind.

“Hmmm… this is rather long, so you’d best listen well.” Oh, how Ani wanted to cry with those words. She didn’t have  _ time _ for long! But, she didn’t really have a choice… “Are all of you ready? And you there! In front of the TV! You listen up too!” 

“…If this game had anything resembling a fourth wall, you just violently smashed through it with a sledgehammer.” Ani sighed, facepalming as she muttered to herself. “If there’s anyone sitting in front of my TV – which there isn’t, because mom’s on a business trip for another three days back home, and Josie’s been  _ kidnapped _ – I’m sure they’re paying attention. Would you just get on with it?”

“Don’t worry about such trivial details, just listen!” Frankly grumped. “The great cataclysm I read about in that book may very well refer to this demon. It says a monster destroyed the town that lies under the one on which we stand. It  _ also _ says the seven Crystal Stars were created by this monster to begin with.  _ And _ that this thing tried to use the power of the Crystal Stars to control the world.”

“According to the book, the demon was defeated originally by four heroes. But only the beast’s physical form was destroyed. Its spirit could not be eradicated. So the four heroes used the Crystal Stars they’d stolen from the demon, and they cast the evil beast into the depths of a vast maze, and sealed the exit.” 

“From this, I gather that the Crystal Stars cannot distinguish good from evil. So, if they’re all united, they could either seal away or resurrect the demon. It seems whoever wields the Crystal Stars determines if they’re used for evil or good.” The professor finished, taking a deep breath when he did. 

“So… shouldn’t we  _ not _ gather the Crystal Stars? Hide them away somewhere at the bottom of the ocean, or toss them into a volcano or something?” Ani asked. “Even if we do get them all, someone could steal them and use them to revive the demon anyways.”

“That was my first thought too, but further research suggests we can’t do that either.” Frankly shook his head, and Ani groaned. This adventure was really grating on her last nerve, constantly throwing curveballs at her face. “If what your sister gleaned from the X-Naut security cameras is true, the seal surrounding the Thousand-Year Door is weakening. The Crystal Stars hold the power to seal the doors for a thousand years. But once that time runs out, the seal will fail and the doors open of their own accord. And if the Crystal Stars were in a  _ volcano… _ ” he trailed off pointedly. Ani shrugged at him. “Then they could not be used to seal the demon again. And unfortunately for us, this may very well be the thousandth year. It truly was convenient timing, you showing up when you did.”

“If I hadn’t, this would have been Mario’s job. Anyways, with that out of the way and clarified, we need to haul ass and get the last Crystal Stars. So, where’s this map pointing us next?” Ani changed the subject – though, she almost wondered how Mario and Luigi’s quest to save Princess Éclair was going, while she was on the subject. Wait, no she didn’t. The princess of the Pancake Empire or whatever the hell wasn’t her problem.

“From the looks of it, the Sapphire Star is somewhere on Keelhaul Key.” Frankly reported, gesturing to the map on his desk. “I’m none too familiar with the place, save for its ridiculous name, but I’ve heard countless unsavoury rumours.”  _ Huh, Déjà vu. Isn’t that what you said about Twilight Town, too?  _ “You know, the usual stuff. Vengeful spirits full of hatred, evil curses, things like that. I’m sure the sea salts down by the harbour know more. You should head there first.”

“Got it. See you around, Frankly. Thanks for your help.” With a nod, Ani folded the map back up and headed for the harbour. She immediately saw something that wasn’t there before, when she reached the Gallows – there was a ship docked.

“Whoa, fancy.” Ani whistled. A little more questioning of the locals gave her a few more answers; the ship belonged to some merchant trader named Flavio. The man himself could, apparently, be found regularly at the little bar where Ani’s adventure first started, with the letter from her sister. Beyond that, Ani learned that the local sailors believed Keelhaul Key was cursed. One wouldn’t even answer her question, saying he “didn’t need no curse from the pirate king.” However, she managed to pry a little more information out of another, who mentioned that the main island was where the treasure hoard of the pirate king Cortez was hidden.

“I think that’s all we’re getting out of these superstitious wet blankets. Let’s go find this Flavio guy.” Ani grumbled, taking the stairs two at a time out of the harbour. The man in question wasn’t difficult to find in Podley’s, singing some song in the corner by himself, and fawning over a creepy-looking red jewel shaped like a skull. He was also the most pretentious-looking person Ani had seen throughout this ridiculous adventure, with his red floofy-feathered hat and bright purple hair (wig?), and the cheesy grin on his face.

“And what do you want, ah?” _Oh god, that pseudo-Italian voice seals the deal. Why are there no_ ** _normal_** _plot-relevant characters? Oh wait, because it’s_ ** _Nintendo_** _. God knows ‘normal’ isn’t in their vocabulary…_

“Are you Flavio?” Ani asked, sitting in the chair across from the flamboyant sailor without invitation.

“Ah, indeed! I am called Flavio! I am, how you say? A trader. The richest man in Rogueport. Perhaps  _ that _ is why a delightful young thing like you seeks me out, yes? Monetary wealth gives freedom, yes, and freedom gives wealth of spirit!” the sailor blustered, and Ani sighed heavily, tuning his inane babbling out. 

“My fist is going to seek out your face, soon…” she muttered under her breath. “No, I’m not asking for money. I’m looking for someone to take me to Keelhaul Key.” She interrupted. That stopped the trader right in his tracks, freezing on the spot with his finger pointed dramatically at the ceiling. 

“Er… what?”

“I’m looking for something very important, but I can’t get there on my own. I saw your ship down at the harbour. Think you could help a girl out?”  _ Incentive, you’re missing  _ **_incentive_ ** ! “Oh – I also heard rumors about some pirate king’s treasure being hidden somewhere on the isles. If you find it, it’s certainly worth your while. You look like a guy who wouldn’t get tired of getting money.” She added, and it seemed to be the deciding factor for Flavio.

“Yes! This is the answer for me! Oh, such happiness, a purpose! A hunt for pirate treasure!!!” the man nearly squealed, vaulting off his chair. “Why, that just shrieks of  _ romance _ , and thrills, and money!” All at once, his posture changed, excited energy draining away. “But… people whisper that the ghost of Cortez, the pirate king, attacks all who seek his treasure... eek! ‘Tis because of those very rumors that people no longer go to Keelhaul Key… But that will not stop Flavio! That treasure is there, yes, and I’m going to prove it!” he proclaimed. 

“Great story, but we kind of need to go. If you’re in, you need to get your crew ready to set sail as soon as possible.” Ani cut him off. Flavio started to giggle, nearly throwing his hat from his head. 

“You unfortunate, silly girl! Do you not know who I am? I will have a ship ready in no time! And it will be massive! And glorious!” he sang. “I must begin preparations immediately! I will volunteer myself as our intrepid leader! And you will be our captain! Yes, captain… er… what did you say your name was?”  _ That was a little anticlimactic. _

“Ani Winters.”

“Ah, yes! Captain Winters! Come with me to the harbour immediately! The crew awaits!” 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Ani had nothing to do but sit around on a wooden crate while Flavio’s crew bustled about wildly, getting the ship voyage-ready. She’d tried to help, but Flavio insisted that she didn’t, “lest the captain injure herself before the voyage began”. It annoyed her to no end, but the man was as stubborn as she was. It was nice to sit down, though, even if she felt like she probably  _ should  _ be helping. 

Hours later, Flavio approached her, looking put out. 

“Ah, it seems a slight problem has popped up.” He reported with a grimace, before returning to his cheesy grin. “But feast your eyes on this outrageously fantastic ship! She is a fine vessel, no? She is the S.S Flavion! The queen of the countless ships in my personal fleet!” he bragged, going off on a tangent about how perfect his ship was. 

“Back to the bad news. What’s this ‘slight problem’?” Ani asked impatiently.  _ I wonder how long he would go off if I didn’t keep interrupting him. _

“Yes, yes, yes, of course. The problem that has sprung up.” Flavio remembered. “…I had completely forgotten about it. The S. S Flavion, she bewitches me… Yes, well… here is the issue. We… have no navigator. He ran off, the dog. The way I hear it, he took off on the Poshley Express. The navigator, of course, is the highest-ranked helmsman. They steer ships, you know.”

“And keep us from sailing off the edge of the world?” Ani mocked.

“Exactly! Now, here is the real problem. The waters around Keelhaul Key are deathly dangerous. We need an absurdly skilled helmsman for our navigator. It is a, how you say? A pickle.” Flavio shrugged, a considerable feat in his ridiculous jacket.

“One of those nasty sweet ones, I bet…” she muttered.

“Oy! Flavio!” a large purple bob-omb with an eyepatch and a spinning wheel in his back piped up from somewhere behind Ani. “Heard you talkin’ there, sir! If you don’t mind me sayin’… I might ‘ave a solution…”

“Don’t leave us in suspense, Pa-Patch! Spit it out!” Flavio exclaimed.

“Well, sir, I’ve ‘eard talk of a famed… no! A  _ legendary _ sailor livin’ in Rogueport! Yeah, I think he’s called Admiral Bobbery… A salty old sea dog, by all accounts… But he’s said to ‘ave the Helmsman’s Touch, sir: he can make any ship bow to ‘is will.”

“Where is this Admiral Bobbery, then?” Ani asked, turning to face the larger bob-omb. He seemed to slouch at the question.

“Thing is, Cap’n Winters, we don’t know. There ain’t a soul wot’s seen ‘im on the seas of late…” he shrugged.

“That’s… helpful. So, basically someone has to go off on a wild goose chase to find this Bobbery guy – assuming he’s still in Rogueport.”  _ Why do I get the funny feeling that  _ **_I’m_ ** _ the one who’s gonna be stuck on this wild goose chase? _

“As is customary, the captain must handle all negotiations. That… would be you, Captain Winters.”  _ Called it _ . “That  _ does _ sound fair to everyone, does it not?”  _ Absolutely not. Why was  _ **_I_ ** _ assigned captain??? _ No one else voiced any doubts or disagreements, though, so Ani kept quiet. 

“Guess that’s the way the cookie crumbles. I’ll be back when I find Bobbery.”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Ack! What’re you doing in my house?! How’d you get in here???” was Ani’s welcome when she tumbled down the chimney of the locked (and seemingly empty beforehand) house. 

She’d expected the place to be empty – there’d been no noise from inside when she knocked on the door, and surely if anyone had been inside they would have heard her tromping around on the roof and said something, right? Evidently not.

As it was, a stout brown bob-omb with a bushy white mustache, an old and patched sailor’s cap and a whip’s wheel sticking out of his back was staring at her.

“Sorry – kind of – to intrude. I thought the place was empty. I’m looking for Admiral Bobbery, I was pointed in this direction. You know where I can find him?” Ani apologized as she got to her feet, brushing off the dust from her little misadventure down the chimney.

“You’re looking for an Admiral Bobbery?” the old bob-omb parroted. After a loaded pause, he continued. “…Never heard of the gent. Take your search elsewhere.”  _ Well, that was awfully cold.  _ The bob-omb unlocked his door, gesturing towards it. “Now, away with you!”

“…Sorry to bother you, then.” The teen grumbled as the door slammed behind her – after all the trouble it took her to get onto the roof! “Well, that was a bust. Let’s see if we can’t get Professor Frankly’s help on this one, Speedy.” 

Turned out, the old goomba had some  _ very _ interesting things to say to Ani and the Yoshi.

“Bobbery? That old sea dog lives in the eastside house right next door. They say he was a great sailor long ago…”

“Hah, busted!” Speedy snickered, following behind Ani as she returned to Bobbery’s house. Funnily enough, the old bomb wasn’t too surprised to see them again. He didn’t even ask them to leave.

“The jig’s up, Admiral. We know you’re Bobbery.” Ani spoke up before he could say anything.

“Humph! What poppycock… Tell me, what would you want with me if I were this chap?”  _ He’s gonna be a tough nut to crack… to play the baby sister card, or not to play the baby sister card? … Let’s just see if we can convince him without putting that one on the table. _

“My ship needs a navigator, and I heard rumors of a famed sailor living here in Rogueport. I was hoping he’d be up for the job.” She answered casually, even though her brain was reminding her of every minute spent that she wasn’t on her way to the next Crystal Star.

“…So sorry, but you’ll have to look elsewhere. I shall set sail upon the sea nevermore!” 

“But… that’s just not cool!” Speedy exclaimed. “You’re not even gonna tell us why?”

“Please, you  _ have _ to come along! I need to get to Keelhaul Key in one piece, it’s literally life or death!” Ani tried not to beg – she certainly hoped she wouldn’t have to stoop that low, but if it got her a navigator… hopefully it wouldn’t come to that.

“Awfully sorry, young lady, but when I say ‘no,’ what I mean is  _ no _ !” With that, they were oh-so-kindly escorted out of the house once again. 

“Damn, I should have played the baby sister card…” Ani grumbled. 

“What’s our next move, chief? This salty dude is going nowhere fast.” Speedy piped up, nudging her leg when it didn’t seem like  _ she _ was going anywhere, either. “…I can’t figure this guy out! What’s his beef with the ocean, anyway?”

“I think… we should try to find someone who knows what’s up with him. Where to start, though?”

“Hm… I dunno. Where do sailors usually hang out?”

_ Idea. A bit of a stereotype, but still an idea. _

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

Ani’s hunch led her back to Podley’s bar beneath the inn, and to the bartender that had proven helpful before, when she was looking for Josephine. 

_ Was that really only… what, a week ago? Two? I’m losing my concept of time… _

“Can you tell me anything about Admiral Bobbery?” she tried when the bartender asked what her business was.

“What’ya want to know, lass?” 

“I want to know why he won’t sail anymore.” Ani cut to the chase, leaning her elbow onto the bar. 

“Bobbery won’t go to sea, eh? Well, I can’t say I’m surprised. The real question is, are you  _ really _ sure you want Bobbery back on the water, little lady?”

“I  _ need _ him to get me to Keelhaul Key.” She repeated her earlier words with conviction.

“Oh, is that it? Now I see… you want to mount an expedition to Keelhaul Key… Rough seas, those. Most sailors would meet their ends. Not old Bobbery, though… This have anything to do with that sister you were searching for before?”

“It does. She’s in a lot of danger, and one of the clues to finding her is in Keelhaul Key.”  _ In a manner of speaking…  _ “I just need to know what got him out of the ocean, and what it would take to convince him to get back in.”

The bartender spun quite the tale, though he warned her that it was pretty sad. Bobbery once had a beautiful wife named Scarlette, and their love was something out of a fairy tale. However, Bobbery was away often, and for long voyages. During a particularly icy winter, however, everything went wrong. 

Scarlette fell ill while Bobbery was away on a lengthy voyage, and had passed away by the time he returned. Bobbery blamed himself for not being there to save her, or even just to say goodbye. Since then, he’d never returned to the sea. 

“That’s… a whole other level of sad. I guess it’s a pretty good reason to hate the ocean…” Speedy mumbled.

“So now that you know his tale… do you still want him to return to the sea?” the bartender repeated, the question now loaded with meaning. 

“…I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t need to. I have to save my sister.” Ani sighed, rubbing at her face. “There’s no choice here.”

“Very well, I understand. If you’re that determined, then I’ll give you this… It’s a letter, from his Scarlette before she passed. I meant to give it to him sooner, it was her last request, but he was so grief stricken, and then… well, it’s been quite a while, and I’ve regretted it ever since. Please… take this letter, and do what I was too cowardly to do…”

_ Let’s hope this helps… _

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“For Poseidon’s sake, what is it now, girl???” Bobbery groaned when Ani walked in the door uninvited again. 

“…Huh, Greek God reference. Didn’t know that existed here.” Ani said aloud to herself, shrugging. “Anyways, I’ve got something here for you. Podley asked me to bring it to you.”

“Fine, fine, what is it then?” the old bob-omb grumbled as Ani pulled the letter from her pack. 

“It’s a letter. It should have gotten to you much sooner than it has. It’s from–”

“ –Scarlette!” Bobbery gasped “This is Scarlette’s handwriting!” 

The old bob-omb walked to the other side of the room, his back to Ani as he read the letter. She could only just hear him mumbling aloud to himself, presumably whatever the contents of the letter were.

“ _ ’…time, like love, is a tide. You are one with the sea… as you were one with me…’  _ A… a thousand pardons… but may I have a moment alone, if you please?” Without another word, the old bomb left them where they were in the front room.

A few minutes passed in silence, though Ani could hear Bobbery mumbling to himself once again. Another minute passed, and he strode out of the back room with a new spring to his step. 

“Now then! You were looking for a navigator, I believe? Bound for Keelhaul Key?” Ani could only nod, startled – if  _ relieved _ – at the sudden change of heart.  _ Whatever was in that letter…  _ **_thank you, Scarlette._ **

“Humph! If you think an old sea bomb like me is what you need, then let’s shove off! Your ship’s in the harbour, yes? I must inspect her before we leave. I shall meet you there.” With a nod to Ani and Speedy, he started off towards the harbour – much faster than Ani would have expected.

“You did it, Ani! We’ve got our navigator!” Speedy cheered, holding out one tiny hand for a high five.

“That’s right,” Ani grinned. “Now what do you say we go find ourselves a Crystal Star?”


	28. Nasty Ghostie Goo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ani learns about the world's bizarre timekeeping system, and keeps a journal to stay sane.

Ani perched on a crate on the deck, scribbling in the little notebook on her lap. It was messy business, and it took a bit of practice not to sweep her pencil across the page when the ship rocked, but she got the hang of it soon enough, and within a few hours she was working on her “Captain’s Log,” as Flavio had referred it. 

_ Day 1: (Or Month  _ _ ☆ _ _ , Day XO) _

_ We set sail today, and we’ve been in the open water for a few hours now. Bobbery and Flavio said that I should keep some kind of Captain’s log of the voyage, even if I won’t be “Captain” for very long, Bobbery said something about keeping me sane. It should take us about five days to get to Keelhaul Key, if the wind stays on our side. Some of the crew are getting nervous about our final destination – I’m sharing temporary quarters with a bunch of superstitious old women. At least I’ve got my own crew. Vivian seems uncomfortable, though, and Flurrie complains about the salty air, so they usually just hang out in my backpack. Koops, Speedy, and Goombella are making friends and helping out where they can, though. Speedy is especially liked, the little crowd pleaser. I may as well get back to helping out, I don’t know what else to write. _

_ Day 2: (Month  _ _ ☆ _ _ , Day XX) _

_ The wind is on our side again today, and the weather is promising good things. Speedy’s getting a little seasick, though. Besides that, I’m getting a better feel for the crew members as well. A few of them seem intimidated by me – again, because of a superstition, something about it being bad luck for a woman to be out at sea? I don’t know, but it’s annoying. Another thing… I don’t trust this one guy that the crew’s been referring to as ‘Four Eyes’ since yesterday. He looks awfully familiar. Gee, I wonder why? I’d write my suspicions, but you never know who’ll read this. I’ll just have to write sarcastically. Goombella believes me, at least. I don’t trust this at all, so I basically have to sleep with one eye open. I’ve come too far to lose the Crystal Stars because I got careless. And if my suspicions are correct, I  _ **_will_ ** _ lose them if I get careless. _

_ Day 3: (Month  _ _ ☆ _ _ , Day X _ _ ♪ _ _ ) _

_ Everything may still be paper, but I’ll admit going out to sea like this was one of my biggest dreams when I was a kid. The wind tastes a bit like salt, and the quarters are a little cramped, but the water never seems to end. It almost makes Flavio’s inane singing and the six stories he loves to re-tell every day tolerable. Almost. What is  _ **_in_ ** _ tolerable with no argument is that I’ve got a new nickname, now; Little Captain. Because some way or another, the crew found out that I’m still a kid, by their measure, and the youngest person on the ship besides Speedy. So despite me being taller than  _ **_everyone_ ** _ on the ship, they’ve started calling me that when they want to be annoying. ‘Four Eyes’, Pa-Patch, and Bobbery in particular. I need to find some way to get back at them. Something harmless that won’t affect the S.S Flavion’s voyage. _

_ Day 4: (Month  _ _ ☆ _ _ , Day X _ _ ✿ _ _ ) _

_ I will never understand this peculiar calendar system they have here, but that’s not the point. Our voyage is slated to end at some point tomorrow morning, and I couldn’t be more glad. Space is cramped below deck, but topside is just getting plain uncomfortable. Yesterday the endless ocean gave way to the beginnings of an island, and the whole atmosphere aboard the S.S Flavion has changed. Seeing the creepy islands now, I understand why the crew members were so uneasy. Well, everyone but Flavio and Bobbery. Flavio just keeps singing his stupid song, and telling the same six stories over and over again. Bobbery seems unshakable. Really, though, even I can’t help but wonder – _

“Yes, now we are talking! Flavio told you, did he not? Nothing to fear, no! The island is right before our eyes! Do you not see it? It is a mountain of treasure!” Flavio’s shouting disrupted Ani’s focus. The singing, she could at least tune that out. But now he’d gone and changed things up.

“All I see is your bloomin’ feathery hat…” one of the bob-ombs grumbled, and Ani snickered as Flavio started running his mouth again.

“Oh great. He’s started again.  A ‘tale of bravery,’ right? I heard this one yesterday…” another groaned. 

“There’s nowhere to escape to, unless you’d like a cozy spot below deck – oh wait, there’s no room. We just have to wait til he’s finished…” Pa-Patch added. “If you interrupt him mid story, he absolutely loses it, too.”

Right about when Ani was contemplating that very thing, she noticed something. “…why is the ship stopping? Guys?” Tucking her journal back into her pack, Ani got to her feet. “Flavio! You’ve told this story twenty eight times, shut up for a second while we figure out what’s going on!”

“It is the job of the crew to keep the ship moving, is it not?” Flavio snipped irately.

“Yes, but we can’t figure out  _ why  _ we stopped.” Ani frowned. “Pa-Patch, can you check it out? See if we’ve run into an island, or something? I can’t see a thing down here.”

“You got it, Cap’n Winters!” the giant bob-omb nodded, climbing up to the crow’s nest. A minute passed before Ani heard him talking again, too quietly for him to be talking to her. “Yeah, yeah, I’m workin’ on it! Jus’ wait a Goomba-stompin’ moment, ya scallywags… Oy! Quit shovin’, eh?!? I’m workin’ over ‘ere! I said  _ quit shovin’! _ ”

“…There’s no one else up there, KO…” Speedy reminded Ani.  _ Oh, that can’t be good… _

“Pa-Patch! Get down from there!” The shout came too little too late. The bob-omb screamed, appearing from the crow’s nest and nearly topping to the deck in his haste. Meanwhile, Ani noticed that the stars had been blotted out by inky black clouds. “That  _ really _ can’t be good…”

“ _ Th-Th-They’re ‘ere! _ ”

“ _ Who _ is here? Will someone please tell me what the  _ hell _ is going on?” Ani demanded, trying her best to keep her head as an eerie fog rolled in, obscuring her view of the surrounding water. She could scarcely see a few feet in front of her, for that matter.

“ _ They’re upon us… the p-p-pirate…ghosts!” _

It seemed like  _ ghost _ was the magic word, sending the entire crew into a panic. Ani just pressed her back to the mast, trying not to get crushed by the wild crew as strange little blue fireballs appeared around the ship.

_ “All o’ them rumours were true! Whuh-what do we do? We gotta get outta here!” _

Meanwhile, Flavio was trying and failing to placate the crew. “D-D-Do not panic yourselves! This is just a dream… that we are all having… awake!” the man shrilled, face pale with fear, feathered hat wobbling as he trembled with fear. “N-Now… q-quickly…  _ move the boat _ !” he squeaked.

As more ghosts appeared surrounding the ship, blocking whatever small view of the water Ani had had, a disembodied wailing echoed around the ship, seeming to reverberate in Ani’s bones.

“Eep! Oh… ghostly oohing thing! Are you… really… the savage pirate king?” Flavio trembled, turning utterly blue in the face. He nearly matched the ghost hovering in front of his nose. 

“We must get out of here! Abandon ship! Everybody, save yourselves!”

Ani had no choice but to sling her pack over her shoulders and jump ship, as the nasty fire ghosts began sinking the boat. The last thing she remembered was plunging into the icy water, being pulled away by the current, and her world went dark. 

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

_ Day…6? (Month  _ _ ☆  _ _ Day X _ _ ❤ _ _ ) _

_ According to Flavio, I was out for about a day after we washed up on the beach. The Crystal Stars and the map are safe, thank god. My crew are all safe as well, I can’t say the same for the S.S Flavion’s. Bobbery and two other crew members were lost, missing or dead. I find it ironic, though, that we washed up on the central island of Keelhaul Key – where we intended to go the whole time. The crew got a basic camp set up, so we have a fire, and provisions wash up on the beach all the time, so there’s no shortage of food… for now. _

_ Day 7 (Month  _ _ ☆ _ _ , Day OO) _

_ I had a disturbing thought today; even if I were to find the Sapphire Star  _ **_right now_ ** _ … then what? I have no means of getting back to the Thousand Year Door, unless there’s some hidden warp pipe on the island that brings me back into the sewers. I highly doubt it, but you never know, I guess. This  _ **_is_ ** _ Nintendo we’re talking about. On a separate note, the crew finally has a decent shelter set up – the S. S Flavion’s sail washed up this morning amongst splintered pieces of the hull, so we’ve got shelter now, for however long we’re stuck here.  _

_ Day 8 (Month  _ _ ☆,  _ _ Day OX) _

_ There’s been no sign of the strange blue ghosts that attacked our ship, but the island has monsters enough on its own. We’ve already had to fend off a few poison piranha plants, and weird green fuzzies. On top of all that, my Mailbox SP won’t get a signal, so there’s no way of contacting Professor Frankly for help, or even telling Josie what’s going on. I suppose I should consider myself lucky it wasn’t lost or destroyed. Anyways… What if we’re stuck here, and the Thousand Year Door unseals? What’ll happen then? I’ve got to find a way to get off this rock... _

“Oy! Captain Winters!” Pa-Patch hollered, drawing Ani from her train of thought. 

“What’s up?”

“It ain’t much, but we finished a wee hut for you to rest in! Come ‘ave a look!”  _ Anything’s better than sleeping on the ground…  _

“Sure thing, I’ll be with you in a minute.” Ani nodded to the gruff bob-omb, and he left back towards their camp while Ani finished her journal entry. 

_ ‘Best not to think about it for right now. First thing’s first, search the island for our missing crew members and the Crystal Star.’  _ With a sigh, Ani tucked the journal back in her bag, shoving off the ground and to her feet.

“Captain! Please, help us! Flavio and Pa-Patch are in a huge fight!” one of the toads shouted within five seconds of Ani setting foot in the camp. Sure enough, not twenty feet away, Flavio was glaring down his yellow nose at the purple bob-omb. The effect was lost with his droopy hat feather, frizzy purple hair, and tattered jacket. All in all, not a very intimidating image.

“And what about you, Squinty? You turned to jelly when you saw all those ghosts!” Flavio sneered prissily.

“What are you talkin’ ‘bout?!?  _ You _ were the one quakin’ in ‘is boots, fancy pants!” Pa-Patch snapped, affronted. Ani rolled her eyes, stepping between the two before it could escalate. 

“Ladies, please. I’m sure we can agree ghosts are pretty scary, especially when they appear out of nowhere and light your ship on fire. There’s no need to point fingers at whoever was more scared. So let’s all shut up and get on with our lives, agreed?”

“…wait  _ just  _ a moment. Did you just call the great Flavio ‘Fancy pants’?”  _ Apparently  _ **_not_ ** _ agreed _ .

If Ani could see Pa-Patch’s facial expression, she would have no doubt it would look absolutely childish. “That’s right, fancy pants! Fancy pants! Fancy pants! Fancy pants! Fancy–“

“ _ Shut up! _ ” Ani shouted, not in the mood for  _ another _ stupid argument. “For crying out loud, we’re stranded on a freaking pirate island, with no way to get off! If we’re stuck here for the rest of our days, I’m not going to put up with the two of you bickering like children every other hour! Work out your shit, or leave each other alone!”

Ani turned to walk away into the jungle, maybe let off some steam, when she stopped short not three feet away. There, at the entrance to their little shanty village, they were there.  Ghosts. 

The teen pulled her hammer from her pack, getting ready for a fight. “They’re here! Everyone get back!” 

“Eep! A-Ani! F-Front and center!” Flavio yelped, ducking behind the teen. “This is an o-order! Take care of those ghosts!” the man sniveled. 

“We are so lucky I didn’t lose my ice smash badge…” Ani muttered to herself before the curtain dropped. Koops was the one to jump into the fight with her, and his shell attacks proved very useful against the stupid fire ghosts, coupled with the ice smash to immobilize them.

The fight wasn’t too long, but it was a pain, literally. Being scorched wasn’t fun by any means, and it left a few lasting marks on her sweater and her pants.

“Yes! Yer a bloomin’  _ beast _ , Captain Winters!” Pa-Patch cheered when the curtains were drawn, and the ghosts no more.

“Perhaps a little early to celebrate, no? Surely this means there are more to be found on the island, that could attack at any time… someone must investigate the rest of the island. Yes, that is what must be.” Flavio mused. “As leader of this expedition, I, of course, should stay here. On this, I brook no argument.”

_ That doesn’t make any sense at all, but have it your way, Ruffles. _

“I volunteer. Maybe I can find our missing crew members, or more cargo from the S.S Flavion.” She wasn’t about to mention the Crystal Stars, not where any unwelcome ears could listen in, but that was her main objective.

“That’s the way to do it! I knew you would go forth with boldness! We count upon you, Captain!” Flavio cheered, while the rest of the crew in the camp looked relieved they wouldn’t be volunteered to do it themselves.

“Into the jungle we go, wonderful…”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

It seemed like the three or four monsters that had attacked previously were simply testing the camp’s line of defense, since the jungle was nearly overrun with the buggers, fuzzies and poison – sorry,  _ Putrid  _ – piranhas both. Those guys were nasty, and Ani wished she would never have to fight one again after the first battle. 

She knew she wouldn’t be that lucky, but that wasn’t the point. The problem was that they poisoned her, and whatever venom coated their teeth made her all woozy and unfocused. Not fun, and not really conducive to surviving the fight.

One thing Ani  _ could _ use to her advantage, though, was her height. There were a series of ledges she had to jump to, and she was  _ not _ into that whatsoever. The endgame was a ledge that she could jump to, with the little running start she was able to get.  Wouldn’t you know it, that shortcut probably saved a life not a minute later, when Ani came to a wooden bridge.

“These cursed ghosts… blast it all!” a familiar voice shouted.

“Ani! That sounds like Admiral Bobbery!” 

Sure enough, Bobbery, Four Eyes, and a toad Ani didn’t know where penned in by more blue fire ghosts, trapped on the bridge.

_ Four Eyes’ bandanna isn’t really doing its job. I can see his horns! That’s just sloppy, Crump.  _ Ani thought to herself.

“By Blubberly’s blotches! Is that Ani over there? You’re alive, little captain!” Bobbery exclaimed. Ani couldn’t even be mad about the stupid nickname. “Right! You came just in the nick of time! Get these two out of here – I’ll keep the ghosts distracted!”

“Huh? But what about you, Admiral? You’ve gotta get away too!” the toad argued.

“Just leave it to me, you need to get out of here! That’s an order, now let me do what I must do! Away with you!” With a strength Bobbery probably didn’t even have, he literally  _ threw  _ the toad and Four Eyes over the fire ghost, toppling Ani over in the process. Which, really, wouldn’t have been nearly as bad if Ani hadn’t cracked her head on the bridge.

Given she was still recovering from the weird piranha venom, the knock on the head didn’t help her situation. It just made her too dazed to protest being carried off by  _ Crump _ , of all people, for a good minute or two.

When that fully registered, along with the fact that they had just left Bobbery for dead, she started struggling. 

“Put me down!” she snapped, squirming away from ‘Four Eyes’ and toppling into the grass when her feet touched the ground. He held out a hand to help her up, and she smacked it away. “ _ Don’t _ touch me. You two get back to the camp, I’m going to go help Bobbery before those things kill him.” The young captain ordered, breaking into a run before either of them could say anything.

_ Bobbery put his trust in me, I’ll be damned if I let him be killed in return.  _ Ani thought, stopping when she reached the bridge. The ghosts, and Bobbery, were gone. 

“Where the hell did they go? It’s not like they–“  __ Ani stopped questioning thin air when she thought to look a little further. On the other side of the bridge, she could see the two fire ghosts furiously circling the base of a palm tree, along with another friend they apparently invited to the party.

Atop the tree, she could just barely make out the shape of Bobbery’s hat among the leaves. He was trapped, but looked to be alive. If Ani didn’t hurry, he may not be that way for much longer. Surely, the ghosts would wise up at some point and realize they could burn the tree, right? 

Maybe not, if they hadn’t already.

“So… this is how a legend of the sea meets his end, eh?”

_ Not on my watch… _

“Hey, ugly!” Ani shouted as she reached the tree, charging at the nearest of the three ghosts. She got the first hit of the fight, but she didn’t have the patience to deal with the flaming annoyances right then. Or ever, really, but especially not when there was a wounded crew member to worry about on top of herself and her own crew.

“What do you say we try out the new power the Ruby star gave us?” 

Fittingly named ‘Art Attack’, Ani essentially had to draw circles in the air around her enemies, like a painter on an invisible canvas. Sure, she felt a little ridiculous, but that was a small price to pay for results. And results she certainly got – successfully executing the attack took out the ghosts in a snap.

Just in time for Bobbery to lose his grip on whatever part of the tree he was holding, and come tumbling to the ground a few feet in front of Ani. He looked pretty worse for wear; Ani worried that she may have shown up too late.

Unsure of what to do, Ani rolled him over – mindful of the ship’s wheel in his back – so he was propped up against the tree he’d fallen from. “Easy, there. Give it a minute. That was a pretty bad fall.”

_ Not to mention the part where those ghost things mobbed him earlier.  _

The old bob-omb let out a raspy groan. “Ani… Captain… I guess those blokes got me a bit better than I thought…”

It was true, he’d really taken a beating. All scorched and battered, it was pitiable. Then again, so was most of the crew. At this point, Ani almost felt bad for  _ Flavio _ .

Ani didn’t focus long on the obnoxious explorer before Bobbery derailed that train of thought. “Ani… Please hear my last request… I must thank you for taking me out to sea one last time…”

The teen held a hand up to silence him, refusing to process the words. “That’s enough of that. No way, we’re not doing tearful farewells right now. We’ve just got to get you back to the camp, and you’ll be fine.”

Bobbery ignored her denials, continuing with his final request. “There is one more thing I need, before I go to my rest… Chuckola Cola.”  _ You’re probably dying, and you want a bottle of pop? _ “I was saving that one bottle, my last memory of Scarlette, to celebrate reaching here... I saw it among the flotsam drifting toward the island, so it must be somewhere…”

Ani hesitated, biting her lip.  _ I could still get him back to camp in no time, we could save him... No, it seems like this is what he wants.  _ “Alright. I’ll try to find it.”

“Please hurry, little captain…” Bobbery hacked.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

It took no small amount of wandering around looking for the Cola for Flavio to notice that Ani had returned to camp at all.

“Ah, captain! You are still alive! Well, we have some fortune left! Such relief for Flavio! However…. I do not see Bobbery, or any new cargo. Not so fortunate, then?” he hinted. Ani rolled her eyes. 

“Bobbery’s still around, for now. He’s… Well, he’s pretty sure he’s dying. I came back here to fulfill his last request – he wants something called Chuckola Cola? It was his, so I don’t see any problem with giving it to him.”

Flavio looked nervous. “Chuckola Cola? Well… Why would I have that?” he fidgeted. 

Ani crossed her arms, raising an eyebrow challengingly. “Because you’re a bad liar. Where is it?”

“Now, now, there is no need for the eyebrow raising and the intimidating arms, Captain Winters. I yield. I found it on the beach, it’s right here.” the explorer squeaked, pulling it from his jacket. “Though I must insist that if we are to be taking from the supplies, we should… trade, rather than take, yes?”

_ Fair enough. _ “I found a coconut earlier, will this work?” Ani asked, pulling it from her pack.

“Ah, of course, this is perfect! I believe we have ourselves a deal! Well… here you go! Take the Chuckola Cola… and give my regards to the admiral.” Flavio handed her the brown bottle in return for the coconut. 

Ani didn’t see what was so special about it, besides general sentimental value, but headed off to bring it to Bobbery nonetheless. Who was she to question his last request? It certainly made  _ him _ happy.

After a heartfelt thanks and farewell, proclaiming he would at last be reunited with Scarlette, Bobbery closed his eyes and prepared to meet his end. Only… he didn’t. He fell asleep.  _ How anticlimactic. _

Ani poked his hat cautiously. “Um… Bobbery? You still in there?” she asked, rapping her knuckles on the top of his head and startling him awake.

“ _ Hwargh _ ! Wot wot?!? Yobbity yobbity…  _ Pirates! _ Where are those pirates?!?” the old bomb hollered, looking about frantically with a new energy about him.

“…Not quite with it yet, huh?” Speedy piped up, the deadpan tone making Ani snort. 

“Took the words right out of my mouth, little guy.” She ruffled his mohawk. 

“…What, now? Oh, Ani, little captain, it’s you! You have adventures in the afterlife as well? Capital!” Bobbery cheered.  _ He’s not getting it. _

“You’re not dead. If you were, I think you’d be somewhere else besides the crappy island you died on. Maybe that’s just me. Wouldn’t it be kind of morbid to just stick around the place where you died?”

“Ah. Really? This isn’t a tropical paradise for fallen sailors? Oh, right… And what do  _ you _ have against this island? I think it’s quite nice, once you get past the ghosts and whatnot!” Bobbery retorted grumpily.

“I’m not exactly going to look back on this place as a fond memory, and I don’t do tropical. I grew up in  _ British Columbia _ .” Ani shot back. “Now if you’re done  _ not _ -dying, I’ve got work to do.”

“Hold up there a moment, little captain!” Bobbery stopped her in her tracks. “While I don’t doubt your capability, or that of your entourage, it would be deplorable if I were to leave you on your own and head back to camp, knowing I could help you on whatever mad quest you’ve set your heart on completing here.”

_ Gotta get used to that, people actually  _ **_want_ ** _ to help me.  _ Not that everyone back home was a self centered prick, but still.

“Alright, then. Show me what you’ve got.”

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

After even more backtracking and dramatics from Flavio – Ani was sorely tempted to toss him back in the ocean when he began to whine about how oh-so-hard it was to sit in safety and worry, and then he and Bobbery started bickering when the old bob-omb told him he talked too much – it was back to business. 

Bobbery was the one to point out an odd-looking rock with a skull carved into it that may yield clues, though it was  _ all the way back  _ where Ani had found him.  _ Hooray for backtracking! _

Pa-patch suggested it would lead to the treasure, and everything started rolling downhill again. 

“Well,  _ anyone _ could figure that out, you mutinous joker. I mean,  _ how _ obvious!” Flavio sniffed. “I was already saying in my head that the treasure is certainly behind that rock!” 

“Zip it, Ruffles. I don’t care who came up with the idea first. It’s the only lead we’ve got, so we should get to it before more ghosts show up.” Ani interrupted, though Pa-patch and Flavio were already arguing over who said it first.

“Flavio, you cash-grubbing scoundrel! If you want treasure, why don’t you go get it yourself?” Bobbery demanded. Flavio paled, argument with Pa-patch forgotten. Before he could stammer out a response, Ani pounced. 

“Yeah, Flavio! You’re the leader of the expedition, wouldn’t it make sense for you to, you know,  _ lead the expedition _ ?”  _ It’s not like it’d even be that hard for him anyways, I’ve probably killed at least half the island’s hostile wildlife by now with all of this freaking backtracking _ . 

“…Well, yes, you have a point. Let us decide fair and square, shall we? Listen to me, everyone,” Flavio waved around at the crew milling about in the camp. “Who thinks I should go along to investigate the skull rock?”

The cacophony of shouts that rose up with the question was absolutely hilarious. 

“Oh  _ heck yes _ !”

“Take him, please!” 

“Have fun out there, jerk!”

“Off with you!”

Ani snickered, making no move to conceal her amusement even when Flavio pouted at her.  _ He really doesn’t command loyalty, does he? _ “There you have it. Looks like you’re braving the jungle with us, hm?”

“…”

“…”

“…Um, no fair. Flavio hates you all.” The man sniffed, stomping off in the general direction of where they were headed. Cheers of thanks sounded off behind Ani as she followed the whiny explorer. Well…  _ followed _ wasn’t quite the word for what happened after that. 

The man was worse than a toddler, walking mindlessly right into the creepy crawlies that just  _ appeared out of freaking nowhere _ and then screaming like a little girl for Ani to save him. It was like the worst kind of escort mission.  _ If this man doesn’t start  _ **_listening_ ** _ , I’m throwing him to the next Putrid Piranha I see. _

_ Or worse, I’ll introduce him to Josie when I rescue her…  _

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

“Ah! Now what is  _ this  _ nonsensory? A dead end, taunting Flavio with its dead end-ness…” Flavio grumbled, sloshing through the shallow pool to investigate the skull-shaped rock closer. 

Of course, he completely disregarded the strange rocks with blue and red mustaches, which Ani had a feeling were going to be significant somehow.

“One – nonsensory isn’t a word. Two – clearly there’s something here. How else would we forward the plot of the story? The writers wouldn’t just leave us here with nothing.” Ani argued, no longer giving a crap about whatever semblance of a fourth wall this game held up in defense.  _ Huh, I’m like a less murder-y Deadpool. _

“As I was  _ saying _ ,” Flavio sniffed, giving her a bemused look before continuing. “It positively reeks of mysteries and secrets, yes? Let us plunge into this wonderful mystery!”

And then he sat there and did nothing for twenty minutes, singing that  _ same stupid song _ he’d been singing for the last six days.  _ Probably longer, depending on how long he was in that bar. _

“ _ Please _ let me hit him…” Ani begged no one in particular.

“Ani, check this out!” Goombella called over her shoulder – shoulder? Do goombas have shoulders? – to the teen as she investigated the skull rock closer. “It looks like something fits in here, but it’s got a weird shape to it.” she puzzled, head tilted to one side abstractly.

“Hm… You’re right. I wonder… What about that rock Flavio has? It wouldn’t hurt to try, it’s not like we have anything better to go on.” With that, the teen approached Flavio to interrupt his inane singing.

_ “The ‘Stache brothers, best of friends! 3 times Red ‘Stache lands on his end! Blue Stache’s belly 4 times is whacked, so let’s hear those fireworks go  _ **_boom_ ** _!” _

_ Wait a second… _ Ani did a double-take, looking at the two statues in the little pool, and back to Flavio with his silly song.

“Flavio, repeat that last line of the song – with the mustache whatevers.” Ani interrupted, and now Flavio was looking at her like she’d grown a second head. 

_ “ _ The captain  _ wants _ me to sing??” he demanded incredulously.

“ _ No _ . Just repeat that line.” Ani firmly corrected. “And while you’re at it, I need your skull gem… thing.”

“…You really, really need it? This is the heirloom of the House of Flavio, you know…” he said, with some trepidation as he dug it out of his jacket – amazing, that the stupid thing hadn’t been washed away with mostly everything else.

“I might, if we want to get off this rock and find the treasure.” The teen retorted.

“I… suppose it is alright… because I am Flavio! He of such ludicrous wealth!” he proclaimed a moment later, handing Ani the red gem with little regard. Ani just rolled her eyes and waded back to the skull rock. “Erm, I’m just  _ lending _ it, though! Do not dare run off with it, or break it! Do not make me dock pay!”

_ If you were going to dock anyone’s pay, it’d likely be Pa-patch at this point. _

“Yeah yeah, I’ll be careful with your family jewels.” Ani snickered, waving him off with her free hand as she tested the fit of the gem in the hole. Behind her, she heard a strange shimmering sound. Looking back to the mustache rocks, their eyes had now lit up, with colours matching their mustaches. 

“Alright, now what was that line again?”

_ Three times Red ‘Stache lands on his end, Blue Stache’s belly four times is whacked, so let’s hear those fireworks go boom… _

If she wasn’t  _ right here  _ with ‘Red Stache’ and ‘Blue Stache’, the song would sound like gibberish. But here they were, after she’d just recruited a new team member who could explode on command. That matched the fireworks part fairly well.

“So… How does this work, then?” she wondered aloud, walking up to the red-stached statue.  _ Lands on his end… _ “Ground-pound, maybe? …Worth a shot, I guess.”

It made her dizzy as hell, because three consecutive somersaults wasn’t exactly pleasant, but it seemed to work – every time she’d landed, the eyes had flashed brighter. Smacking the larger blue statue with her hammer yielded similar results.

When the weird little ritual was complete, the skull-rock – and the whole mountain, for that matter – seemed to shake, before a trapdoor opened in the rock, just above the skull.

_ Oh look, a distinct symbol of a  _ **_bomb_ ** _ directly above the trapdoor _ .

“This should be interesting. Ready to have some fun, Bobbery?”

Well, even if Bobbery didn’t enjoy it as much as Ani did, it was  _ incredibly  _ satisfying when the explosion cleared a path into the mountain – though at first glance it had also destroyed Flavio’s prized gem. 

His horrified shriek was worth it, if nothing else.

**_-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-_ **

_ “You can’t find her, at all?” _

“No, but I’m pretty sure she’s on the island. I’d have seen her kicking around Rogueport by now if she wasn’t, and the ship isn’t at the docks any more. She should be back soon though… I hope.”

_ “Can’t you just run there?” _

“That’ll be too obvious, and too hard to explain without lying. I need her to trust me, or this’ll never work.”

_ “You realize how creepy that sounds without context, right?” _

“Shush, you.”


End file.
